Ashfur

"What's wrong with me?"

I mumbled to myself as I curled up under the shade of a willow and watched the rest of my Clan hurry around trying to replenish the fresh-kill pile. Not one noticed me, which on a normal basis I would be worried whether I could disappear and no one would notice, but today I was grateful. I needed time to think.

Actually, I needed time to plan. I had no idea where my life was going. I mean, no duh, I was going to live and refill the fresh kill pile and mentor apprentices until I entered the elder's den (That's not anytime soon...I hope.). But what about family? I didn't have a mate, StarClan forbid kits. It was kind of insulting. For all you lovely lady-cats out there, you might not understand. But not to have kits or a mate when the majority of your peers do, it's mortifying to a tom. It's a male concept.

I had Squirrelflight, but then...that's another story.

I watched Lionpaw, my apprentice, talk to his younger brother Jaypaw, who was in training to be a medicine cat, (Much to his disappointment-it's another tom thing.) Although I held a slow shrinking grudge to Brambleclaw and Squirrelflight (It is shrinking-I promise!), their kits didn't look halfway bad. Lionpaw had a good heart and had good potential to be a warrior. I should know it best; I was, after all, his mentor.

Looking at them, I began to fantasize what it would be like to have a son of my own. I could imagine what he'd look like, gray fur and darker flecks, and blue eyes...

Wait, double check. I studied Brambleclaw and Squirrelflight's offspring a bit harder, particulary Jaypaw. Gray fur, dotted with darker flecks. Jaypaw's pelt looked like mine!

I began to get more confident in my answer when BrambleClaw ans Squirrelflight went up to talk to them. The ginger furred she-cat sat next to her kits and stroked Jaypaw with her tail. She has ginger fur, not gray. Brambleclaw swapped Lionpaw over the ears playfully with his forepaw, and I was reminded he had brown fur, not gray. I inspected my own coat, hoping it to be another color. But it was gray with darker flecks as always. I glanced back over at Jaypaw. Gray fur.

Oh StarClan...

I slinked out of my spot under the willow. No one had probably noticed. I mean, who has the time to compare cats and kits and guess who's the father of whom? Seriously. My tail twitched, now comfortably. I padded out into the clearing coolly, feeling the wind dance through my pelt. A few she-cats glanced up and stared; even Squirrelflight. Maybe it wasn't so bad being a bachelor after all.

My whole act was called off when our deputy, Brambleclaw, shot me a menacing, hard look. My limbs froze and pretty much ever part of me iced over in fear. Had he noticed that Jaypaw looked like me? Or that I was eating up his mate's attention? The wind stopped dancing and held still in the air. Brambleclaw marched up to me. I unsheathed my claws just in case he was going to attack.

"Ashfur."

"Yessir?"

"I told you to take Lionpaw out hunting an hour ago, and you still haven't gotten arond to it." He scolded.

"Sorry Brambleclaw; I'll do that right now."

"Get on to it."

Squirrelflight looked down at her paws, not meeting my gaze as I padded over to Lionpaw, signaling with my tail it was time to go.

"OK, Ashfur! But look what I caught not too far from camp. Caught it on the first try!"

He dropped a fresh killed mouse at my feet. I smiled approvingly.

"Your a great hunter Lionpaw." I applauded, nudging the dead vermin with my forepaw.

"Jaypaw caught something too, but don't tell Leafpool! She doesn't like it when he goes hunting instead of doing medicine cat work." Lionpaw hurried in one breath. It took all three of us; Squirrelflight, Brambleclaw, and I a whole minute to fully comprehend what he said.

Jaypaw dropped a sparrow at my paws. A sparrow! He was blind, but he had caught a rather large sparrow. I was amazed. Jaypaw sat down next to his brother modestly, his gray tail sweeping the dust.

"Jaypaw, your a great hunter. I can see some of myself in you." I approved, then wished I could take those words back as an awkward glance from Squirrelflight and an irritated huff from Brambleclaw came my direction. I bit on my toungue to stop myself to say anything more stupid.

Jaypaw smiled a bit, "Thanks Ashfur."

I nodded, and caught the oppurtunity to get myself out of hot water, "You must have got it from your father. He's a great hunter too."

A satisfied breath came from Brambleclaw and the awkwardness left the air. I motioned for Lionpaw to follow and we padded out of thecamp. Just before we vanished through the brambles, I looked over my shoulder. Jaypaw was walking back to the medicine cat den with Leafpool, probably wishing if he wasn't blind he could fufill his life dream of being a warrior. I felt bad for him. He was very eager to become a warrior when he was a kit, but eventually he realized he had a one way street to become a medicine cat.

"StarClan" I whispered so softly not even Lionpaw, who was skipping ahead anyway, could hear, "Please tell me Jaypaw's blindness isn't a punishment...because of me!"