Save My Life

Morgana knelt on the cold stone floor of her chambers, her hands over her face as tears poured ceaselessly from her eyes. All that she felt was pain, all that she had learned since going with Morgause was more ways to cause pain to those she had always loved. She was tired of that life, she didn't want to hurt anyone, herself or Gwen, Arthur, Merlin, not even Uther. Revenge was bitter, she now realized, not sweet as Morgause had promised. She felt as though she were drowning in her tears.

She jumped when there was a quiet, almost timid knock on her door, certainly it couldn't be Gwen, she would have just walked in. Morgana ignored the insistent knocking, hoping that whoever was there would just go away if she ignored them long enough. She didn't want anyone to see her this way, not even Gwen.

She heard the door close and was startled to feel a gentle hand resting suddenly on her back.

"Morgana?" an all too familiar voice asked in concern. "Morgana, what is it?"

Morgana looked up into the kind, caring blue eyes of Merlin, her brother's manservant.

"Why do you care?" she demanded, bitterness making itself known in her voice, despite the tears. "All I've done of late is cause you and everyone else I care about endless pain! I've tried to kill Uther, Arthur, Gwen, and even you. Why do you care if I hurt? If I cry?"

Merlin looked taken aback by her angry words. "Because, Morgana, I caused this…" he gestured to her. "I caused you to go to Morgause, I lied to you about your magic, about my magic. I could have helped you, but I didn't. I was afraid of being discovered and executed. And Gaius and Kilgarrah…"

"Who is Kilgarrah?" she demanded.

"The great dragon," he replied quickly. "He told me of a prophesy proclaiming that you would become an evil sorceress intent on destroying Camelot."

"Did it never occur to any of you that perhaps the reason for that was being so afraid of what would happen, of what I was? I was raised by Uther to fear and hate magic, the very thing that I am. Merlin, do you have any idea how frightening that is?" she demanded.

"I've never been in that position, but I do know how terrifying it is to have no one to help you, no one to turn to."

"Then why would you leave me in that position?" Morgana looked up at him fear shining in her tear filled eyes. "Merlin… I'm scared it's too late to save me…" she whispered.

Merlin shook his head. "No, Morgana, don't think that way. I will save you."

"My soul feels empty, Merlin… How can you save that? My heart aches for what I have done, yet I know that I will burn forever for all that I have done…"

"Your heart aches, that's a good thing," he said, trying to be optimistic. Morgana had to admit, it was a sweet and admirable trait.

Morgana suddenly looked even more frightened. "Merlin, don't tell anyone of this… Let these, my tears, be our secret. Please. Merlin, save me…." Her voice broke on the last two words. She wanted to be saved. She wanted him to help her. "It's all or nothing, Merlin. Save my soul, my life, or just let me die. Better yet, finish the job you started with the hemlock."

Merlin visibly cringed when she mentioned the poisoning. He had poisoned the water with Hemlock and given it to her in a desperate bid to save Camelot from Morgause merely a year earlier. "Morgana…"

"Don't, Merlin," she said quickly. "We, you and I, we once were so close. Whatever happened to that?"

"I poisoned you..." he whispered sadly. "Morgause used you as a vessel and the only way to wake Camelot, break the spell, was to destroy the vessel."

"Merlin, I would have taken that poison gladly, had I but known. I would have done anything for you, Arthur, Gwen, Camelot. I would have given my life to save Camelot. How could you doubt me?"

Merlin closed his eyes for a moment because he could no longer bear to see the betrayal written so clearly in her jade green eyes. His eyes flew open when he felt a hand touch his cheek. "Merlin…" she whispered softly. "Please, Merlin, save me…"

Merlin looked at her, the desperation and longing for a second chance clear in her eyes, and decided then and there that he would help her, no matter what anyone else said.

"Anything is better than this silent lie that's gone on for so long between us, Merlin. Please, tell me this is no lie?" she begged.

"Morgana, I wouldn't lie to you on this. I swear that I will help you. I will save you or die trying."

"Merlin, I need you to save me… Nobody else can do it. Many have tried, but it is only the goodness and love that radiate from you, from your heart and soul, which have ever helped me to be better than what I had become. You could've told me, Merlin. I would have helped… I never wanted to be evil…" she whispered.

Merlin pulled her into a gentle embrace without thinking, hugging her and hoping he could somehow bring her back to the kind-hearted, compassionate Morgana he had once known. The Morgana he had fallen in love with.

Morgana leaned closer and kissed his lips so lightly that her lips barely touched his. "I believe you, Merlin," she murmured. "I put myself, my heart, my soul, into your hands."

Merlin smiled, he knew now that he would be able to save her. She was determined to be saved, and the Morgana he knew always got what she wanted.