Shinobu and Zekk's Excellent Adventure

Ok, this is my first fanfic. As you can clearly see, I don't like SI fics at all. So in this story Shinobu is OOC and kills SI characters along with an incompetent SI author.

DISCLAMIER: If I owned Love Hina, why would I write a fanfic? I don't plan to make any money of this and any references to people alive, dead, or stupid in this fic is purely accidental...right...

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In the hot-spring town of Hinata, everything was perfect. The sun was out, bathing people in the warm light. The birds chirped a happy tune as the gentle breeze cooled the earth. All in all it was a perfect day. Too bad that's gonna change.

Shinobu Maehara, the blue-haired iron chef of the Hina House was walking along the cobbled road to the grocery to buy ingredients for the feast she was planning to make, a little rice with grilled fish and tempura. The thought of that makes my mouth water...ooops...I'm not supposed to be in the story. Don't look at me. But Shinobu was very concerned. As she passed the town elders and the random shop owners, she felt a disturbance in the strange weather.

"Hmm... Its perfect... too perfect..."she mused," This can mean only one thing..." Lost in her thoughts, Shinobu bumped into a handsome stranger. 'I was right' she thought as she examined the stranger she walked into. He was 5'8'' with jet-black hair. He wore a black leather jacket, black jeans and a dark blue shirt. He walked with his hands in his pockets and radiated with an aura of power and confidence.

"Excuse me miss. I didn't mean to walk into you. I am so sorry" He bowed slightly. Shinobu decided to play the innocent girl as she thought, "Lets see. Cool black clothing, very polite, good-looking...what's missing..." Suddenly, a group of yakuza men came from behind Shinobu and started to abduct her. "Don't move girl and we won't hurt you" the gangs boss said with a smirk on his face, "at least, not much." The smirk became a full-blown grin.

Shinobu glanced at the strange man she was observing and saw that he was coming to help her. " I knew it!" she thought victoriously, "He's a self-insert author! He wrote about these yakuza attacking me so he can show me how good he is a martial arts." On the inside, Shinobu was furious about this man's lack of concern for her. How dare he play God with her life? But she knew that the only way to get rid of him was to play along with his façade. She portrayed the image of the innocent schoolgirl well as she screamed for help. The self-insert ran up to the man holding her and performed a spin-kick...perfectly of course. The kick hit the man holding her right in the jaw and he grunted as he fell to the floor. The other thugs circled the self-insert as the he cracked his knuckles. Shinobu knew the drill and as she fell to the floor, she stayed there, feigning a fainting spell. 'Here it comes' she muttered to himself.

"Cowards. You attack an unarmed girl? I will show you no mercy..." The SI's aura turned evil and he attacked them all with chi attacks that no normal human could do.

While chaos reigned a few feet away, Shinobu had an air of professional calm around her. As the thugs moaned in pain and cried for mommy, she pulled out a list and checked it off. "Nice clothes? Check. Hot? Check. Kind? Check. Overly calm and confident? Check. Cheesy battle cry? Check." She crossed off the list. Why do these nerds decide to make themselves perfect in the Love Hina universe? It doesn't matter that she broke the fourth wall in this story, but that she was done crossing the list off. "Hmmm...A Godly powerful martial art master?" She looked at the carnage and the pile of bodies. Forget the fact that the pile had twenty bodies when the original group had at the most six members. "Check. Overly perfect? Check." She put away the list in her book bag. No doubt about it this time. "This is an SI alright." She glanced over to the SI fighting a huge enemy. This giant looked like one of the Nephlim. The SI was losing for a second, but came out victorious when he pulled off an ungodly powerful super move. He told the big goon something, 'Probably a lame ass end of battle suggestion or threat' she murmured. Right on cue, she pretended to wake up and asked groggily "Owww...did you help me sir?" She put on her 'I'm sooo grateful that I may fall in love with you" face. It did the trick as the SI responded," Yes, I don't like seeing a defenseless woman being attacked. Are you ok?"

'No dumb shit cause you're the one who caused it.' She thought sarcastically. "I'm ok, thank you," she said aloud in a soft, quiet voice, "What's your name?"

The SI kept a calm face while on the inside he was dancing for joy. He made Shinobu; his favorite character in Love Hina; fall in love with him. 'Ok, keep your cool and you will have her eating out of the palm of your hand.'" My name is," he thought for a moment. ' What would be the coolest name?'

"Sephiroth Skywalker" He said. Now Shinobu was pissed. First of all, he followed the most overused introduction in SI history (That being SI saves the girl who falls in love with him). Then, instead of using an original name, he chooses characters from popular video games and movies. 'Can this loser stoop any lower?' Sephiroth pulled out a black rose and gave it to her. 'Yup, he's now hitting on me.'

"For you, milady" he bowed deeply waxing theatrical. 'He he she will be putty in my hands.' He thought lecherously. Shinobu was now passed pissed on the anger scale. She was Hell's Fury now! 'This bastard thinks I'm so naïve that I will fall for this? He is so going to pay.' Keeping her anger barely in check, she took up her school bag and grocery list, wiped the dust off her skirt and shoulders, and put on her adorable face again. "I'm so scared" she waxed emotional," will you please stay with me. I need to go down this empty alley and I don't want to get hurt." She was repulsed by the way she was acting, but once in the alley, she could drop the act.

Sephiroth was thrilled. ' Maybe I can write up some more yakuza to attack her. Then she will be so grateful that she will take me to the Hina House. That way I can seduce all the girls.' He thought of having a three-way with Motoko and Shinobu and he almost died of a nosebleed. "Of course, I would be honored to." Shinobu noticed his blood dripping from his nostril and knew precisely what he was thinking about. ' THE FREAK! He's probably thinking of having the girls back home as his private harem. Well, we're near the alley' "Ok...it's this way." She pretended to blush as she walked towards an old alley complete with rusting trashcans and molding boxes. He followed her, as he was lost in his thoughts of various positions and toys to use. He went in front of her to "protect her" although he was doing this so she wouldn't notice the geysers of blood that were his nostrils. They walked up to a dead end, the gray brick looked old and weathered. 'It's showtime' thought the SI as he typed furiously at his keyboard, but was stopped when Shinobu asked him a question. "...ou do something?"

"Eh?" he asked intelligently. He was unprepared for this. Shinobu turned her back on him and asked again. " Can you do something for me?" she asked coyly. With her back turned, she was pulling out two Uzis and was reloading them. "What do you want me to do?" Sephiroth asked, putting all of his so-called charm into it. 'If I'm lucky, she will want to have sex right now. Kinky little girl'

Shinobu continued, "I never done this with Sempai. But I want to do it with you. Do you want to do it?" she tugged seductively yet coyly at her bra strap. She clicked the safety off both guns. Sephiroth was pass the point of conscious thought and said quickly "Yes, lets do it right now baby!" She grinned as she whirled towards him with her two Uzis and said in a near demonic voice that would have made Naru proud, "ALRIGHT THEN! DANCE FOR ME BITCH!" She leveled the sights directly towards the unwitting SI. Before he could move she unloads both guns into his body. Now, normal bullets could kill a SI, but not stop the author from making a new one. Shinobu had special bullets made by Su to kill the SI and the author. The bullets flew towards their target and riddled his body with hot lead. Looking at the once handsome face of the SI now frozen in death with a look of shock, Shinobu clicked on the safety and spat on his face before walking away. "Now, lets see, should I buy zucchini or carrots for the tempura?"

How do you like it? Bad or good? Want me to burn in hell for the atrocities I committed by having a character break the fourth wall? THEN REVIEW!