A/N Welcome! This is my first story ever, and I'm more than a little nervous.

Warnings: This is super, duper AU multi-chap fic. No magic, Hogwarts, war, etc. I'm just playing with some wonderful characters. I love reading rl/sb AU. So I thought, write what you love! I hope someone out there loves it too. This has a Pretty Woman feel to it but is not strictly based on that. Nor do I own Pretty Woman in case anyone was wondering.

This is also SLASH. Meaning male/male lovin'.

There will also be adult themes and explicit sex. (Though I'll put up another warning when things are about to get real hot n' heavy)

Disclaimer: Recognize something? Then it's not mine.


Chapter 1: A Plot Called Revenge

If you have love in your life it can make up for a great many things you lack. If you don't have it, no matter what else there is, it's not enough. –Ann Landers

****************

In the card game of life Sirius Black was dealt a pretty good hand. He is brilliant. Really. He had gotten into a very prestigious university and could have excelled in anything he chose; medicine, law, business, politics. To the horror of his disapproving parents Sirius chose to major in philosophy with a minor in theatre "As a fall back, career wise." Explained Sirius to the prime minister with a serious face.

And he could get away with it because Sirius is rich and his family powerful.

Really, awfully and obscenely so. As a child Sirius could often be seen running about illustrious social gatherings pulling on the Admiral's beard and pinching Lady Beuregarde's extensive bum as his troop of exhausted personal servants trailed after muttering apologies for the young master.

Sirius is a bit spoiled. Although, he didn't grow into the snob his parents had groomed him to be, it must be admitted that Sirius knew little of the world beyond his own gilded oyster. Sirius's parents died suddenly in car accident just before he graduated university and despite their numerous fights and opposing beliefs, left everything to their only son who never had to work a day in his life.

Sirius is beautiful, really truly beautiful Sculpted features that make a painter's hands twitch, silky black hair that never fell out of place and piercing grays eyes that revealed just how clever he really was behind the laughing, joking, kooky behavior.

Sirius Black is insane. Or, eccentric rather, (remember his wealth). He says what he thinks and does what he wants. Unfortunately for polite society what Sirius want to do is shock the stuffy and what he thinks to say usually succeeds in doing so. James Potter, his best friend since nappies and a registered rich man himself, speculates that this eccentricity developed due to the fact that no one will chastise him because he's rich and powerful. No one except James that is. But Sirius doesn't really listen much to him anyway.

"This is insane" complains James Potter for the ninth time in 5 minutes. Sirius wonders if he's going for some kind of record.

"Really truly bonkers, even for you."

"Ta," says Sirius cheerfully without looking up at his best friend.

James sighs and plops himself ungracefully on Sirius's tasteful and expensive sofa.

Lily, the love of his life, wife, and mother of his child, often complains that James is the clumsiest most awkward person she's ever met and his sheer lack of awareness to his surroundings makes her want to scream. Which James takes to mean "Darling your unappreciated grace makes me swoon with overwhelming love"

James hit his growth spurt too early shooting up above and beyond all the other children in his year and never seemed to get over that "charming" but dangerous gawkiness.

James untangles his own long legs and watches his oldest and craziest friend look around the airy and tasteful loft for his car keys.

"Do you know why it's insane?" continues James propping his feet up on the table and consequently knocking over a vase of flowers, stack of books, and empty coffee mug.

"Nope, but I bet you're gonna tell me." Says Sirius while looking in the sugar bowl for his missing keys.

"A. No one's ever going to believe it" said James holding up a finger. "B. You'll never find anyone to agree to it. And C. Neither of us know the first thing about picking up a hooker."

Sirius rolls his eyes and begins systematically searching the back of the fridge.

"And D. What the bloody hell is the point of all this anyway?"

"A." retorts Sirius slamming the fridge shut and starts checking the cereal boxes. "If we play this right, everyone will believe it. Don't forget I am a professional actor."

Sirius ignored what sounded suspiciously like a snort from James and continued.

"B. People will do anything for money and a prostitute is by definition not the exception. C. That part can't be hard at all if channel eight news is any indicator and D."

Sirius says tossing the last keyless cereal box into the cupboard and turning to face James for the first time with a fierce look on his face.

"No one, no one breaks up with Sirius Black and gets away with it."

James raises an eyebrow and sighs in defeat before clumsily reaching into his jeans pocket and pulling out Sirius's car keys.

"I still say it's insane." He says and tries to ignore the sobbing voice of reason in his head that goes into hysterics every time James agrees to one of Sirius's fool proof plans.

Sirius was pissed. He had been dumped. He had been dumped one week before the minister's annual ball for anyone who was someone. What's worse he had been dumped by Lucius Malfoy, who, the more Sirius thought about it, was a right prat and a waste of Sirius's time in the first place.

But what was worst of all, and the real catalyst for this possibly bonkers plan was Sirius Black had been dumped by Lucius Malfoy for his own crazy bitch of a cousin Narcissa Black. Sirius was more than pissed. Sirius had popped a nut.

But Sirius hadn't wallowed (much). He hadn't trashed Lucius's car (what, that beat up old thing?) Or settled down for a weep and an entire pint of ice cream (that pint had been half finished anyway…) No, Sirius had cracked a plan. A brilliant plan, of mastermind proportions. Centered around, as most revenge plans do, jealousy.

Sirius was going to show up at the minister's ball for anyone who was someone, where Lucius was sure to be smirking and preening, the pompous git, with that albino shrew hanging on his elbow. Here he was going to make a spectacular entrance and he wouldn't be alone. Sirius was going to be with his brand, spanking (if he was lucky) new, made to order boyfriend.

His man would be handsome, no, gorgeous, brilliant funny and, most importantly, head over heels in love with Sirius.

Lucius would see just how quickly Sirius had replaced him and with someone loads better to boot. Sirius and his boyfriend would be so obviously in love and Lucius would be forced to scream with regret, curse the heavens, wonder why he'd ever been foolish enough to give up such a good thing and beg Sirius to take him back. How sweet it is. Plus Sirius would not have to go stag to the social event of the year. It was brilliant, by far one of his finest schemes. The only fault, a minor inconvenience really, was he didn't know anyone gorgeous, brilliant, funny and in love with him right off the bat. Nor could he ask a friend or one of his numerous silly admirers to play the part. Lucius and Sirius ran in the same circle of the obscenely rich and so Lucius would recognize any of Sirius's friends or fans and spot the relationship for what it was, a shameless ploy for revenge.

So. In a word, Sirius was outsourcing. Reaching beyond the golden bubble for some bloke willing, for an excellent price to pose as his one true love and soul mate. Which is why James found himself at three in the morning, muttering curses in the back seat of Sirius's Aston martin fidgeting nervously with his high collar coat and large dark sunglasses. Sirius was sitting in the drivers seat peering through his high tech binoculars across the road at the handful of young men lounging against a building.

"What are we doing?" whispered James and tugged his skullcap further over his ears.

"Studying." Said Sirius shortly as he watched yet another car pull up to the curb across the street and a young man lean his head in the passenger window.

"Well it's making me nervous." Continued James, "The longer we wait here the more likely it is we're gonna get caught in a bust. And let me tell you right now Sirius Black, best friends we may be, but I am not going down with you for this. I have a wife, son career, and image to think about. Can you imagine the scandal? James H. Potter prestigious politician picked up in gay prostitute raid. Oh god, that awful Rita reporter woman will have a field day."

"Oh James," chuckled Sirius as he watched the young man get in the car which quickly drove away. "I promise you, you're not prestigious."

James cursed and fiddled with his sunglasses. "Look, I think we should work on our names and code."

"Well my names Sirius like the attitude and yours is James, rhymes with Lames."

"Sirius be serious. We can't use our real names. This can't get out, for either of us. Your money won't protect you from this scandal. Here's what I was thinking. You call me Ronaldo and I'll call you Gerald."

Sirius turned around to look at James for the first time since telling him to sit in the back if he was going to 'dress like a moron'.

"Gerald?" Sirius repeated incredulously. "Oh come of it James. I'm not having anyone call me Gerald and you certainly can't pull off Ronaldo my friend."

"Fine, be that way, but I'm warning you Sirius Orion Black if you use my real name once during this outrageous event then, then, I'm telling Lily exactly who taught Harry how to flip a bird,"

Sirius paled at the thought of James's formidable wife's wrath.

"Fine. " he huffed and turned back to watching the rent boys tussling on the walk.

"Now as for code, if you find someone you think is good say "I wouldn't be surprised if it's raining in Scotland." But if you don't think…"

Sirius groaned and got out of the car.

"Siri… Gerald!" Hissed James, "What the bloody hell do you think you're doing? We're not supposed to get out of the car!"

"Come on Ronaldo my friend. Our adventure begins." Sirius shut the door on James's protests and headed lazily cross the road.

"Top of the morning to you lads. How's tricks?"

Five curious young men, no, boys, stared at Sirius. One of the bolder, older looking boys stepped forward.

"Something I can do you for Mr.?" the boy said seductively.

"Perhaps, perhaps," replied Sirius winking, " Just getting a close look at the moment."

The boy nodded stepped back and took a drag on his cigarette. The other boys seemed to follow his lead and relax, not paying much attention to the strange grinning man leaving him opportunity to study them.

Sirius was being picky, he knew, but none of these boys were quite right. They were all skinny and pale in a sickly sort of way, though some were petite while others brawny, some ugly and brutish looking while other were undeniably pretty. But nothing was clicking.

Sirius could practically hear James roll his eyes at this. He wasn't' looking for true love after all, just an actor for his plan. But still, Sirius reasoned, it was important that there be some chemistry. They had to believable at least.

A squeal of rubber interrupted his thoughts and Sirius turned to catch the tail end of a car peeling away from the curb and down the street. Leaving behind a cloud of exhaust fumes and a sense of shame. Walking towards him and away from the retreating car was a tall, lean but well built boy straightening his tight navy blue t-shirt and zipping his fly. The boy meandered with casual confidence, smiling and nodding at his co-workers. As he drew closer Sirius's breath caught in his throat. A Golden angel missing only wings was just within arms reach.

"Perfect" breathed Sirius.

***************

The hand of cards Remus Lupin had been dealt totally blew. I mean really. There were no pocket aces here folks. Just a sad collection of mismatched piss stained number cards, and Remus knew it. He'd been born in a slum to an absent father and a mother who needed him but never loved him. Remus's pretty face got Rhea, his junkie mother, away with a lot. He quickly learned how to distract doting store clerks and kind strangers whilst his mum pocketed enough to pay for her next fix.

Remus feared his mother. Her violent mood swings and manipulative nature left constant cramps in his legs from tip toeing around her all the time. She could whisper threats and mockery at him in a way that hurt even more than when she yelled (though there was plenty of that as well.) and often left bruises across his body when there weren't enough drugs to placate her.

Remus loved his mother. Some mornings he would awaken and she would be uncharacteristically awake and dressed putting together a make shift breakfast and singing under her breath in that beautiful irish lilt. On days like these Rhea would smile, kiss Remus on the cheek and ruffle his dark golden hair. Sometimes she would give him a present. Just something cheap she'd found in the dumpsters outside their building or bartered away from the neighbors, but Remus would treasure the cheap trinket and it gave him something to think about when only hours later Rhea's sunny spirits would pass and she would grab his arm so tightly finger shaped bruises decorated his wrist like a cuff for weeks.

When Remus was 11 years old Rhea woke him gently smiling. Remus eyed her nervously. The past few days had been bad ones. His mum had been out of luck with her dealer and they hadn't been able to pull together much money. His body ached from her anger, but when Rhea reached out her touch was soft, cool and gentle against his cheek.

"Get dressed and eat your cereal, mummy's got you a present and then we're going out today."

Remus leaned into her touch and smiled. It was moments like these he really loved his mother and knew that although life wasn't perfect, they would take care of each other forever.

After breakfast Rhea gave him a pocket sized, and very worn dictionary.

"You're such a quiet boy, now you'll have all the words you need right here in your pocket."

"Thanks mum, this is great. I'll keep it close always." Remus said, thrilled.

And he did. Which is how a street rat like Remus could use lots of big words and confidently say things like "Happiness is ephemeral."

He would later wonder how a hardened kid like himself could be so ingenuous as his own junkie mum hurried him through back alleys and filthy streets to an even shittier part of the city he didn't recognize, into a building Remus would come to identify as both inauspicious and, more importantly, home.

Here he was handed over to Mr. Grey Back and lost his mother forever.

Here he learned that disobedience would result in beating and pain that made him long for his mothers nails and slaps.

Here he learned that a beautiful face and (eventually) built and toned body made ugly, nervous men roam the streets at night looking for him and his "brothers" (Mr. Gray's other whores)

Here he learned how to please men and women sexually, how to steal, cheat, and lie to survive.

Now at nineteen he had outlived most of the kids he'd started out with, Whores don't have a long shelf life in this neighborhood. He was bitter and lonely but kept it all behind a mask to survive. Remus could pretty confidently say that if forced to choose a word to sum up his life so far he would have to go with "Shit. Absolute Shit."

*************

"Looking for something, Sir?"

The golden boy had stopped in front of Sirius just out of arms reach but close enough for Sirius to admire the details of his face. Dark honey colored hair flopped over his forehead and curled behind his ears. Smooth skin practically glowed.

His beautiful face's only imperfections were a light scar running through one eyebrow, across the orbit and down a perfect cheekbone and a slightly crooked nose from one too many breaks. Thick Dark lashes lined eyes that were a startling molten gold. Despite the intensity of the color however Sirius couldn't help but notice there was an emptiness in those eyes, a kind of 'disconnect'. Those perfect soft pink lips were moving however and Sirius forced himself to focus.

"Sir? Is there something you need assistance with?"

Sirius cleared his throat, and assumed what he hoped was a professional and impressive tone.

"Why yes actually, I'd like to make you a business proposal if you find it convenient. Is there somewhere we can discus details?"

The boy quirked one eyebrow up but the rest of his face remained only politely impassive. "Intriguing, well I would invite you into my office," he said gesturing to a dumpster by the building, "but I've just had the floors cleaned. Any suggestions?"

Sirius chuckled under his breath. Beautiful and sharp, this night was shaping up. "My car's just across the street. It isn't as roomy as your place but I can promise heated seats."

The boy's lips twitched so slightly Sirius wondered if it wasn't just a trick of the lights. Together they headed across the road. Sirius opened the passenger side door and held it for the golden young man. Before getting in the car Remus faced Sirius and gave a price run down.

"Fifteen for oral. Thirty if I fuck you. Fifty if you fuck me. I haven't seen you round here before so I should let you know. No haggling, yes rubber, and you pay up front and extra for kink." Remus held out his hand, bored. Granted the strange man was very handsome, if Remus bothered to notice these sorts of things anymore. And he seemed a great deal more clever than the usual horny douche bag clientele. But Remus had a quota to meet if he wanted to avoid a beating tonight.

"Please" Sirius said and gestured that he should get into the car.

Remus eyed him suspiciously before sliding into the car with a sigh. The strange dark haired man really did have pretty eyes.

Sirius took a moment to admire the boy's perfect arse before he closed the door after him, jogged around the car and climbed into the drivers seat.

"Let's talk business." Sirius said, "But first, your name please."

"Remus," The golden boy, Remus, said, his face still impassive.

"Remus," Sirius repeated trying the name out. It was nice, odd but sensual. Like the man himself.

"How's the Scottish weather looking?" came a voice from the back of the car. Remus jumped a little in his seat and cursed himself for not making sure the strange man was alone. A man around the same age as his client was leaning forward from the back seat, examining him nervously. He wore a black skull cap pulled very low, a black trench coat with the color popped up around his neck, large dark sunglasses although the sun had set hours ago and a black mustache hung off his lip at an angle, a smear of what appeared to be glue apparent under his left nostril.

Remus didn't blink, he had seen stranger.

"Extra five for him to watch, fifteen if he's joining."

The man choked loudly and his moustache slipped even lower.

"Ahem… That won't be necessary. Ever. Er… Gerald can explain what exactly he'd like done."

"Right, Okay. Pleased to meet you Remus, My name's Sirius Black, infamous heir and socialite"

"Sirius!"

"And this here is…"

James glared at his best friend in a way that even behind large sunglasses said "Use my real name and I will kill you."

"… is my associate and friend Monsieur Ronaldo Buttercup G. Willikers, a visiting farmer from France."

James's moustache fell into his lap.

"Bon Jour." Said Remus.