After Edward left Bella (in the beginning of New Moon). Bella never tried to jump off the cliff and Edward hasn't come back. After months of mourning his departure, Bella finally establishes a relationship with Jacob. But decides though she loves him, she realizes that if she can't have Edward, she'd rather be alone. To get away, she decides to give college a try. All the while hoping to run into Edward.
(Stephenie Meyer is the sole owner of these characters. We just love them so much we had to borrow them)
Chapter 1(revised)
Being with Jacob
Bella's POV
When Edward first left me, I wasn't even able to move. My life was a shambles and there was nothing I could do about it. I had lost the only thing that mattered. It took months to recover from that pain; although I'm not quite sure 'recover' is the right term, maybe 'survived' is a better way to say it. I began spending more time with Jacob. He was my best friend and the one who helped me see world again. Our friendship was dear to me, but Jacob wanted more. I wasn't sure if that was the right thing to do, but his constant presence was a security blanket for me. I couldn't help but allow him to take me in.
We finally turned a corner and began to "date" and it was nice for a while. Soon the pressure of our relationship started to get to me. I began to feel anxious about the direction we were taking. A more physical relationship with Jacob seemed natural but I felt a pull from another direction that could not ignore.
I eventually knew getting more involved with Jake would be a mistake. He just couldn't get it through his thick head that even though I was with him, I wasn't with him. There was no doubt of my physical attraction to him nor how much I cared for him. He was there when I was empty; lost; A shell of a girl. I owed it to him to try a little harder.
It has been 3 months and for the most part it's been nice being with Jacob. He's strong and funny, and has a heart of gold. He makes me laugh like no one else can. But I can't help but feel there is still that something missing. That thing, a connection of sorts, I can't describe it. Edward and I have it. Well, I should say we had it. We were connected through our souls somehow. God, it still hurts to say his name. It is like a deep wound that just won't heal.
It is becoming clear that Jacob was really meant to be more like a brother to me than a boyfriend. His feelings for me are definitely stronger than mine are for him. After last night, I think maybe we should spend some time apart. Things are moving too quickly for me. Maybe if we take a break he will imprint on someone else? Should I be hoping for something like that? I can't help but keep replaying what happened the other day at his house.
Normally Billy or even Charlie wouldn't approve of us alone in Jacob's room, but Billy thought it was no big deal since the door was open and we were just watching TV. Things changed when Billy decided to go out.
That's when things went in a direction I guess I wasn't ready for. We were on his bed. The TV had some garage show on. His arm was around me and both of us were lying down. Of course, Jake had grown much this spring that his legs practically hung off the edge at the knee.
"So… we're all alone in the house with nothing to do…any ideas?" He gave me a devilish grin.
"Jake we're watching your favorite…Monster Garage, don't you want to watch?"
"Yeah, but I can watch the re-run later. I'd rather take advantage of the moment." With that, he leaned in began to kiss me.
I always enjoyed kissing Jake. He was very good at it for someone younger, but then again I had never really kissed anyone before Edward, so I had little to judge by. I then began to sense his urgency as he moved closer to me. He leaned in and pressed his body against mine. I felt my body betray me as I allowed the proximity. The pressure in his kisses started to deepen and to tell the truth, I wanted him to go further. He was a passionate kisser and his very warm hands had a way of moving over my small frame almost like taking it all at once. It was very enticing. He began to kiss my shoulder and my neck, while his hands began to move up my shirt. In a moment of clarity, I stopped him, but then I let him continue.
He stopped suddenly and looked into my eyes and said, "Bella, you must know I love you. I know we were meant to be together." Slowly he kissed my neck again, and mumbled, "I want you Bella. I want every part of you".
I never really thought through the consequences that came with sharing this moment with him. I always thought it would be Edward who I would share it with. I was already lost in my own thoughts as I considered what to do. Then he did it; the move that changed everything.
