A Reason For Glasses

Ketti: See, JuJu? I finally wrote something! All for you. Because you got me to watch that sillly movie.


"Alucard…" Arthur Hellsing warned as the red clad figure appeared at the mouth of the hallway, trademark grin in place.

"Yes, my Master?" The raven haired man's tone was bland, but held a hint of amusement to the words.

"I told you a thousand times, stop antagonizing my ward."

The other male affected a look of shock, crimson eyes crinkling as he swept the floppy hat from his head and held it to his chest, "Antagonizing, Master? You misunderstand. He started it."

"Liar!" The sharp voice of a young teen rebuffed the elder male's words as he appeared at the other end of the room, violet eyes filled with a cold fire, "Pretending to be stretching your legs when I walk by, and claiming my 'accidental' stumbling over them as the first move is ridiculous, even for you, vampire!"

Alucard flashed his oh-so-pointy teeth at the young human male, and straightened to his full and intimidating height, "I can't help it that you're a clumsy mortal, boy."

"Clumsy, why-"

"That's enough!" Arthur Hellsing barked, and both men froze in their tracks, they had begun to approach and circle each other, and by default, himself. "I grow weary of your petty squabbles, get over yourselves, the both of you."

"Of course, my Master." Alucard simpered sarcastically, placing the fedora back atop his head as he resumes his place at the far end of the room. "Did you require my services this fine night?"

Arthur Hellsing, feeling older than his years, lifted a hand to cover his eyes for a moment, "No, Alucard. You may return to your basement."

"Of course." With a mocking bow, the crimson fuc-… menace retreated back to the sub levels.


The next night, Alucard was lounging in the main foyer, hat tipped low over his face as he lay in wait for the wire wielding mortal. His nose twitched slightly as the familiar smell of gunpowder and silver approached, the would-be Angel of Death was quite the gun smith, even he had to admit his appreciation for the skill. That did not, however, prevent his tormenting the feisty boy.

There was a moment as the air froze in anticipation of the upcoming confrontation before the younger male sighed, near inaudibly, and continued his wary steps across the floor.

It was perhaps unfortunate for the young Walter that he did not watch the floor more carefully, or he would have avoided stepping across Alucard's shadow. The shade lifted up at the precise moment his foot passed over it, and Walter went flying face first to the floor.

Alucard burst out laughing maniacally as Walter picked himself up, holding his nose with one hand and cursing. "Clumsy human," he teased, tone vicious, "tripping over your own feet like that."

"I'll show you tripping, vampire!" Walter snarled, flicking his wrist and sending his razor wire at the seated figure. The strands wrapped tight around the vampire's limbs and squeezed as Walter yanked backwards, trying to decapitate him. It didn't work.

Instead, Alucard bared his teeth in a sneering growl as he stood and approached the suddenly retreating teen, crimson eyes burning with vicious humor. "Attacking me, now? Do you think that wise, boy?"

Quick as a flash, Alucard had the mortal by the collar of his shirt, hoisted a good three feet off the floor, chuckling blackly as one hand gripped his wrist to keep from asphyxiating as the material threatened to close off his airway.

"You can't kill me." Despite his situation, Walter appeared all too calm as he dangled above the hardwood flooring, violet eyes self assured.

"You'd be surprised what you can live through." Alucard cooed, fangs gleaming in the light of the empty room.

In response, Walter's other hand reached out and poked the vampire in the eyes. Out of sheer surprise he dropped his prey, and just stared at him, nearly slack jawed in amazement at his gall.

"Alucard!" Arthur Hellsing snarled as he stormed into the room, "That's enough! Get to your rooms this instant."

The vampire snarled at the mortals and melted into the floor with an expression of disgust on his face.

Walter, who had landed on his feet, looked a little shocked himself, and his shoulders slumped as his boss approached him. "Are you alright, boy?"

"Yes, sir."

"Good." Silence fell between them for a moment before the Hellsing Head chuckled wryly, "You may have just earned an ally with that act, boy, or an enemy. That monster is hard to predict. Watch yourself until he decides." Clapping a hand on the younger male's shoulder, he graced the lad with a smile before looking out the window to the dark sky. Dawn was approaching.

"Now get to bed, boy, you have a busy day tomorrow."

Walter saluted, "Of course sir."

"That's a good lad." Squeezing Walter's shoulder, he nodded and decided now would be the perfect time to take a pre-dawn stroll to clear his head.


Arthur inhaled deeply of the crisp air, scented heavily with the perfume of flowers and freshly cut grass. This was his favorite time of the day, in the twilight between night and a new day, when no one was around to hound him over paperwork or the upcoming threat of war.

He stood there, facing the east and watching the sky, feeling completely relaxed for the first time since waking the previous day, when his sharp ears caught a strange sound coming from the rose garden. Curious, and a bit wary, his hand fell to his waist where his gun hung on his hip, he approached the hedges.

"-have to admit you're better than the rest, the only one with the stamina to go through my test, and in the end I'll love you, Kitten, the best."

A gangly man in an ill fitting brown suit with a grass stained apron, thick rimmed glasses, and of all things, a flower pot atop his head was trimming the branches of the bushes as he sang to himself. Arthur could not help but to stare at him.

As if sensing his presence, the odd man – a gardener he did not remember seeing before – turned to face the Hellsing Head with a cheery smile, "Hallo then, out for a morning stroll?"

Arthur opened his mouth to say something, before shaking his head and sighing, "Yes. I don't believe I've heard that song before, Mr…"

The strange man gave him a knowing grin, and chuckled, "Milo. Bit of an inside joke. I hope you enjoy the rest of your morning, Sir Hellsing." Raising two fingers to his flowerpot in a salute, Arthur could swear in that split second that the sunlight flickered above the horizon, that he saw a cheerfully grinning blonde girl at the man's side, her eyes were wide and delighted, but he could swear they were cherry red. Before he could blink, the image was gone, but left a strong impression in his head as a ghostly whisper floated in the air, a sweet soprano voice; You're the fabulous, marvelous, ludicrous.

Milo's voice carried the words along seamlessly, "spacious, extra-lavish, malevolent as cabbage."

The excellent Mr. R. M. Renfield.

"Much obliged."

Arthur Hellsing stared at the mad man and felt a little concerned for his own sanity for a moment. Clearing his throat, he waved his hand towards the remaining bushes, "Carry on then." He had to restrain himself from referring to the man as Renfield, and felt a chill creep up his spine.

Turning away from the man tending his garden at sunrise, Arthur retreated back to the house, a white knuckle grip on his pistol until he collapsed into bed and forgot the whole incident ever happened.


The next evening, Alucard meandered into his Mater's study with a new pair of amber tinted sunglasses. The men exchanged a companionable stare down before the Hellsing shook his head and muttered a single word under his breath; vampires.