"Oh, c'mon!" I whined, promptly throwing my head into the desk below.

"No ifs, ands or buts about it, Alfred," Arthur hissed at me, watching me harm myself with little to no concern for my health. I lifted my now bruised head to look at him, annoyed.

"You're nothing but a butt! Jesus Christ, Arthur, can't you cut me some slack! I have a lot of video games I wanna plaaay! And- and- I finally got Dante's Inferno with my paycheck! I've been seriously itching to play that!"

"So you'd rather rot in front of a TV screen with some stupid game based off an ingenious poem instead of reading the poem itself?" Arthur sighed. "Can you be any more stupid?"

Aggghhh.

Dude. Arthur could be such a dick!

I stared at him with my jaw dropped. How could he not understand something like that! The guy probably never played video games in his life!
Man, what a pain in the ass.

Abruptly, an idea slammed into my skull harder than I had thrown a baseball into Matthew's jingle berries.

"Why don't you come and play 'em with me!"

Arthur started with a look of annoyance, then a look of confusion, then a look of straight up asshole-ness.

"Pfft, no fucking way," he said, much too bluntly for my liking. I head-desked again. "Quit being a fucking asshole, Arthur! Any more of this bullshit and my nose will become one with my eyes."

"Good."

And again, I got familiar with the table's wood.

I groaned out a "Fuuuuuuuuucccckkkkk," lifted my head off the table with a new bruise on my face and then shoved a finger in Arthur's face. He winced in return and then went cross-eyed in order to glare at my finger, then furrowed those super-sized (HAH-HAH) eyebrows. "What in Sam's hell are you doing, Alfred?"

"You're comin' to my house today," I said, wearing my amazing hero voice.

"Why would I do that?"

"Because I said so!"

"And what if I refuse?" Arthur inquired, crossing his arms over his chest and smirking wryly at me.

I put on my heroic smile and then gave my famous thumbs up with the hand I was pointing at him with, "Or I'll drag you there!"

Arthur was cocky enough to laugh at me. "Oh, really? Well, I refuse."

"You're loss, man. Coulda been easier," I said, shrugging. Arthur huffed heavily out of his nose. "I doubt you could even lift me off the ground, you-"

I hoisted him over my shoulder with ease.

Arthur immediately started to struggle, throwing his arms into my back and kicking. The little guy was funny to watch flail around like that!
I turned on my heel, beginning to go elsewhere.

I should stop by Mccy D's, I told myself. Aw, Christ! I couldn't spend any money on McDonald's! I had to save up for all the dept I owed...
I mentally groaned. Sooo unfaaaiiirrr...

Oh, shit. Almost forgot about Arthur.

I almost dropped him on his head, but I remembered him just in time to swoop him up and carry him like those guys on TV do to those hot chicks in wedding dresses... uh, they get married, right? All I know is I've seen them get it on afterward.

I tried not to giggle at the thought of that.

"I demand that you unhand me this instant!" yelled Arthur. I almost instantly frowned; he could be SUCH a killjoy...
I tightened my grip on his leg and his side under his arm. "Aw, shut up."

We were leaving the conference building and heading to my vehicle (Ford F-Series, bitches!), easily unlocking my doors and opening the driver side with Arthur in my arms. I carefully put Arthur's head in first, and eased his legs in...
...and threw him over to the passenger side. He yelped and landed face first in my leather seat.

I slipped into the car, flicking the door shut. "You okay there, old man?"

I heard him grumble curse words into the seat, watching as he pushed off the door to help turn himself the right direction. He slammed himself back into the seat on his ass. "I ought to rip your paycheck in half for this," he hissed at me, not looking at me as he slammed the seat belt over his waist.
I stared at him blankly.

I wondered why he was angry. I shrugged it off simply and slid my key in, starting the truck up and shifting it to reverse, then went on our way.

I turned on my radio.

"Durufu!~ Lady Gaga!" I exclaimed, lip singing to her "Bad Romance." Dude, Lady Gaga was epic! I met her in person, and you know what? She really does wear pants!

I laughed loudly and turned up the volume. "I want your romance~"

Arthur scowled. "Couldn't you listen to something a little better than this!"

I couldn't hear him over the radio. "Whaaaat?"

"Put on something else!"

"I can't hear you! You want me to make it louder!"

"NO, YOU GIT! Turn it off!"

"Turn it up!"

"Off!"

"Uuup!"

"OFF!"

"Okay, I'll turn it up!"

I turned the radio up all the way, the speakers bounding so hard that the streets were feeling it. The people in cars beside us were honking their horns, but neither of us could hear them over the music. Heck, our hair was even blowing back thanks to my speakers!

I know! Cool, right! My truck is so win!

"Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oooh~ Caught in a bad romance!" I sang along, waiting at a red light now. I was patting my steering wheel along to the beat, SUPER hyped about playing Dante's Inferno with Arthur- the Lady Gaga song only added it the awesome-ness of right now!

Arthur was covering his ears with his hands. "GODDAMN IT, YOU BOLLOCK! TURN THIS SHIT OFF!"

The song came to an end, and I still couldn't hear Arthur barking at me to turn it off or he'd break my radio. I frowned once the song was over, but then I heard the host of the radio talk show say something that made me feel great.

"Heeey everybody! I know you're all excited for the Lady Gaga Marathon!"

And then... there it was. My life... it was complete!

"I'm just a horny fool, but baby it's so cruel! But I'm still in love with Judas baby!" the radio sung.

My face lit up so bright I blinded some midget in a jeep and made him turn the wrong way. I gripped Arthur's sleeve as tightly as I could, then shook him from side to side. He jerked left and right, looking a bit frightened and confused.

"OH, MY GOD, ARTHUR! THIS IS MY JAM! MY JAM!"

Without a pause, I began singing along to this song, too! Who wouldn't! Judas is her best song! Whoever Judas is, he's one lucky fucker.

"I'm just a hawny fool~" (I learned "hawny" from Kiku! Real cool, right! I'm learning!) "-but bay-by it's so cruel~" ("bay-by" from Cuba. The guy still hasn't told me his name for some reason... Oh, well!) "-I'M STILL IN LOVE WITH JUDAS BAY-BAY~!" (I got really into that. Could you tell?)

I suddenly felt a terrible ache in my arm. I looked away from the street and turned to Arthur, who had punched me in the bisep. I turned down the radio to scold him when I heard horns blasting into my ears from cars all around us. I looked back at the light to see it was green, then turned to look back at the cars behind me.

Ooh, twenty stopped!

A NEW RECORD!

I fist pumped into my ceiling and began to drive again. "Dude, Arthur, that was uncool! What'd you hit me for?"

"You were being a terrible doucheba-"

"Never mind that thought- DID YOU SEE ALL THE CARS BEHIND ME! I totally stop their asses in their tracks! Hah-hah-haah!"

For some reason even though I was driving now, there were still honks going on behind us, and I heard a lot of "AWW"ings and "Fuck"s, too. I rolled down my window to peek my head out for a good look.
Hah-hah-hah! Those fuckers were stuck at the new red light! I laughed out loud as I turned back around. I heard Arthur grumble something as he crossed his arms over his chest.