"We would like to thank you all for coming to our rehearsal dinner!"
"However, it's nothing to rehearse: the wedding is over."
I'm looking at all our friends, my- our- family laughing at us, all believing it was a bad, very bad joke. Even me, I want to do it but no, no I can't, not now he has a great career in front of him, than he has to leave for NY, the Big Apple for living his life, with or without me.
So, I let him finish for us: "No it's true, we decided to not getting married!"
Suddenly, everything fell silent in the room, and Justin, my Sunshine, gives me his -so- special smile a little tense like telling me "That's it, wasn't hard at all, was it?"
But all inside me, I don't want, I can't: I know right now that I can't live without him so far from me, the only one man on this earth I truly love with all my heart and will never be replace. I know this. And I can't get out of my head the idea he will met someone else, someone who would offer him everything he asked me for years, someone he will fall... No I can't tell myself that, he loves me and I know this perfectly. However, it will be totally selfish from me to ask him to choose between NY and me. At this moment, my throat is really tight and it takes all my strenght to not... No I have to do or to tell something immediately.
Totally lost in my thoughts, I half hear Debbie's joke about this... What? I don't know. The others laugh with her, discretely but a little embarassed. And Justin, my lovely Sunshine, explains why we decided to cancel it. Listening to him, I realise now these reasons are totally ridiculous, more than Debbie's gift, you see my point?
I am watching him, his so wonderful smile I can't resist to, on his beautiful lips and face, his words I'm listening half to. My only thought at this moment "Fuck, I'm gonna miss him so much!". And I can't get myself to stop watching him so I lean back a little for observing his backside which is irresistible to me, his perfect ass, his little legs incredible, thin and muscled, his back which I love to kiss senseless when I take him from behind, his neck so cute I couldn't resist to kiss when we made love for the real first time some years ago, his blond hair I adore stroking when I smother his mouth with kisses... and yes definitely this smile I fell in love at first sight when I saw it five years ago, this one which valued his famous nickname. And these eyes, so blue, so profound I could lose myself... No stop it Brian, stop it right now. If not, you're going to...
"Isn't it, Brian?"
I'm startled by Justin's question, didn't see him talking to me. My only answer at the moment is a pathetic "Hein? Quoi?" (sorry I let this french expression in this chapter because this one is really famous in France and come from my birth region, the North :-)). Really good Brian, totally pathetic, you don't even listen to your fiance. Good play!
He raises his eyebrows with a worried face, seeing that I didn't listen to him.
"That we decided it will be better for the both of us you take your old life back and that I have to become the best artist of my generation in NY, didn't we?"
The worried look and the voice tone he used froze me in place. Right now, I still don't know what I want, what to say. If I have to take a define decision, it's now or never, Sunshine won't wait for it.
"Brian?"
"No!" it's the only word I can pronunciate.
"No what?" and now he is more worried than before.
Realising the gestures are always the best in our relationship (did I say that? What a lesbionic I am!), I don't hesitate: I put an arm around his waist, turn him around completely and I take his lips in a passionate kiss...
TBC
