Stupid Roses
My pain is knowing I can't have you, but sure; let's just blame it on the rain…


"Tell me that was a lie," I growled, then sunk my claws into the ground. I didn't want to hurt Rai, hadn't meant to head-butt him so hard. But he knew I was prone to a bad temper, and the way my sapphire rings were glowing in the dim light of our den should have been a dead giveaway that I was upset.

To my relief, the Jolteon staggered to his paws outside, eyes narrowed. "And what if I'm not?"

Again I flexed my claws, not wanting to lash out at my denmate. My heart was racing now, lurching uncomfortably in my chest, and just looking at him made me want to rake my claws over his face. "Shut up."

Instead of throwing a witty remark my way as he had always done, Rai spared a quick glance upward. I followed his gaze to find that the clouds above us were heavy and black, adorned with lightning that shown like icy veins in the sky, threatening to wash us away with angry torrents of water. "Tell me that you don't like her," I heard myself saying. In my defense, I wasn't feeling too rational tonight to begin with.

"Tell me why it matters first," came his growling retort.

"It doesn't."

"Then I don't."

My right ear twitched, incredulous. "…You just telling me what I wanna hear?"

"Of course I am," he said back, flashing his signature smirk. "Everyone knows Nova gets what she wants, am I right?"

I felt hot under my fur then, a flush of heat across my cheeks. My rings were pulsating now, more strongly than before, and I turned away, embarrassed. It wasn't a gesture I was used to and I immediately I felt like a fool after I'd done it. Damn it all…

Rai just gave a simple shrug. "I don't see what the damage is. She's cute – I like her. Is that so wrong?"

It took me a moment to notice that my claws were flexing again. The fur along my neck was rising, and that anxious feeling had just changed to a crushing, sinking pit in my belly. "Shut up, Rai."

"… I think I know what the problem is," he said, a knowing smirk playing on his lips.

"What?"

"You're jealous." He put so much emphasis on the word I thought I might explode. "Wow Nova, I didn't think an Umbreon like you had it in her to fall head-over-heels for a 'chump' like me."

"First of all, me love you?"—I made a gagging noise—"That's disgusting. Secondly, love is for dopes. I couldn't possibly care less about your love life."

I made an effort to show my apathy by drawing my tongue over my paw to wash my ears, albeit my heart was beating so hard I thought I might break a rib. But the Jolteon's brow only furrowed, a flicker of something unfamiliar in his eyes.

The wind was picking up, whipping my fur, and my anger only rose with the storm. He was just standing there, watching me—observing me. It always made me want to shrink under his gaze when he did that, but this time I felt like I could melt like ice in the springtime. I hated the feeling. I hated that only he could make me feel this way.

I hated him, too.

Nope; nothing rational about my mind tonight.

"Why don't you just admit that you can't stand the thought of me being with another female," he said lowly. "It'd make things a hell of a lot easier if you weren't so closed-off."

"I'm not jealous," I said through clenched teeth.

"But you sure are stubborn," he snapped back. "I'm your best friend, and you treat me like an outsider when it comes to your feelings."

"My feelings are my own business."

"And whose business is it when you head-butt me and won't tell me why?"

My right ear twitched, but Rai spoke again before I could retort. "Just admit it. You're in love with me."

"No."

"And you're just afraid of your feelings. That's it, isn't it?"

I faltered a bit. "Shut up, Rai."

"And the irony of it all—"

"I said shut up!" before I knew what I was doing I was on his back, bowling him over onto his side and gaping my jaws for a bite. Though, he threw me off with a swift movement from his massive shoulders before I could do so. Then, to my surprise, he turned on his heel and tackled me, and I felt a rush of confusing emotions as he held me down, muzzle barely an inch from mine as he restrained me.

The storm had finally broke, a streak of lightning touching down in the distance as rain fell like bombshells from the heavens. The thunderclap rung out just as the first rush of rain hit the earth, and in a matter of seconds the two of us were soaked, breathing heavily and practically snarling at each other like a couple of wild Mightyena.

To my disgust, my eyes had been glued to his the whole time. The intensity in his deep emerald stare sent a small thrill up my back, and my rings began to pulsate in erratic patterns, much to his bafflement. A small part of me wanted to stay like that forever, to reach up and press my lips against his, to immerse myself in his being. But I knew I could never do that. He'd chosen another female, one who was probably more beautiful and emotionally sound than I could ever hope to be. He'd never be mine; she'd have him forever.

That was when I snapped.

"Nova, this is crazy!" he finally bellowed, bringing me from my hysteric reverie.

Again, more words spilled out of my mouth without consent from my coherent mind. "But you're even crazier if you think there'll be a place for you in my den once you leave here to be with her!" I practically spat the word, said it so gruffly and with so much venom that I half-expected him to pass out right there.

Again, something flickered in Rai's eyes; something I didn't usually see. It only irritated me more. "So just… let me up and get outta here."

"Nova, you don't mean that…" he gave me a hurt look, but I was hurting too much more to care.

"I do," I said. "Get out… go with her. See if I care."

He let me up now, stepping back so I could get up on my paws. My legs felt so weak then I thought I'd fall again. He gave me another look. "Nova…"

"Go," was all I could say. It came out as a rasp, a shaky breath, and I had to puff out my chest to make myself feel like less of an idiot—although I don't see how much more foolish I could seem after that little display.

"But…"

"Go!"

I flattened my ears as he stood there, staring back with clouded eyes. It looked like he might have been conflicted, but sparks were dancing off of practically every inch of his pelt, and he and I both knew exactly how dangerous that was in the middle of a storm. "I won't tell you again," I growled.

"… Fine." He turned his back, and immediately I felt a cold weight in my belly. "I'll go," he said, "but when your feelings start to eat at you and you're stuck fighting them off on your own, don't come looking for me, 'cause I won't be here."

"Good."

Another far-off bolt of lightning struck. I noticed his ear twitch, and I was about ready to jump at him again before he lurched away and into the forest. Watching him go set something off inside of me; a hopeless feeling that made me want to crawl into my den and never come out. I felt like my whole world was ending.

The rain pounding against my skull was giving me a headache, and every time I saw the lightning strike down I wanted to hurl.

Lightning.

Electricity.

Rai...

Again, that hopeless feeling festered within me. It started in my gut and made its way all the way up to my chest, sending me into an unexplainable rage.

I made for the cave at full speed, skidding to a halt when I came across two nests lying side-by-side, made up of Pidgey down, moss, and ferns—whatever Rai and I could find when we'd made them. Mine, however, consisted of all that and a careful lining of gorse around the edges. I'd crafted it that way so we could tell whose nest was whose.

I'd always been proud of my craftwork, but seeing it now made me sick. I made it for sleeping alone, because I thought that was all I'd ever want to be, and now the thought of sitting in this empty cave day in and day out on my own made my heart twist violently on the inside.

I grabbed Rai's nest in my teeth and yanked it away from mine, watching it crumble at my touch, shaking it madly until just a tiny bit was still dangling between my jaws, then trampled what was left, gnawing, destroying what little had managed to remain in tact from my burst of rage. By the time I was finished I was standing in the middle of the small, empty cave, pelt adorned in moss and feathers and panting heavily. But somehow, among the rage and hostility, among all the pent-up frustration I had within me, I took some solace in the rainfall.

I couldn't tell you what exactly eased the tension out of me, but after a few moments of watching the rain surge down in its seemingly endless showers, I no longer felt as hopeless. The pain I felt was slowly ebbing away, and I didn't know whether I should have been relieved or afraid. To tell you the truth, I couldn't feel anything after a while.

Numb. That was the word.

I laid my head on my paws, letting my eyes droop as darkness found its way into my peripheral vision. Sleep? Now?

The rain was so bad I had no idea how close to dawn it was, but I didn't fight it. Sleep was what I needed; I'd feel better come tomorrow.


So like… it took me a while to write this. *Sweatdrops* :'3 Cookies if you catch the He is We reference~

It's also my first story here on the site, so like... dat advice ._. Yuss.

Thanks for reading! :3