"Good morning class," their teacher, Mr. Singer says.
It is Monday morning, and no one wants to be in first hour physics.
"Today we're going to begin our unit on gravitation physics. I know some of you struggle to grasp these simple concepts, but you're going to have to do your best. We have to complete this unit in the next month so you can begin SAT prep."
Castiel Novak was bored. He knew that it wouldn't take long for him to understand gravitational physics, so he looked out the window. It was a cool fall day, the leaves still bright. The only place he wanted to be was outside, taking photos. He was beginning to wonder whether he could get away with ditching his next few classes. He had English next, and art after that; the art teacher wouldn't care if he wasn't there. He was startled by a tap on the shoulder, his friend Anna looking at him through her bangs.
"Mr. Singer says we need to pair up. He has some lab about the size of the universe he wants us to do. I have the instructions, so don't worry."
Anna knew that Castiel had a hard time staying focused in class, smart as he was.
"Thanks."
"No problem. Come on."
She takes his hand, leading him to a lab table in the corner of the room. She takes out a piece of paper, drawing a line through the middle. On one end she draws a semi-circle, labelling it as the sun. Taking the ruler, she carefully measured out the distances, labelling the orbits of Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, and Neptune. Labelling the distance in miles, she finishes off the diagram with their names, printed neatly in the upper corner. It takes them less than twenty minutes to finish, only a third of the hour long class and the rest of the class is still working.
"I'll turn this in, then I'll see if we can go outside for the rest of class."
"Thanks," Castiel says quietly, tucking his papers into his binder and cleaning up their lab table.
When Anna comes back, she has a smile on her face.
"Mr. Singer says we are free to go and that he'll see us on Wednesday. I'll see you in English."
"See you in English," Castiel says quietly, walking out of the classroom.
The air is cool, but Castiel is comfortable in his coat. He walks to the picnic table he and Anna claimed their freshman year, taking his camera from his bag. Adjusting the ISO on his camera, Castiel notices a leaf on the table and raises the camera to his face, focusing on the veins of the leaf. He's happy with how the photo turns out, but he needs to finish a fall series for art so he stands up, walking to the cluster of trees on the edge of campus.
He stays outside for hours, missing English, lunch, and part of art. He wanders into the art room with only 15 minutes left, nodding to the teacher as he moves to the back corner of the room, sitting at an empty table. There are nearly 30 new photos on his camera, but Castiel doesn't love any of them. They'll work, especially since the series is due at the end of the week. All Castiel wants to do is go home and sleep, but he has to make it through the end of the day. He has a test in Calc, and he doesn't want to miss it. The bell rings, and Castiel walks out of art, dipping his head as he walks to his locker. He reaches the math room before anyone else, and takes a seat in the back of the classroom.
The rest of the students trickle in, filling all the seats in the classroom but one. Just as the bell rings, someone slides into the seat next to Castiel, his books sliding off the desk onto the floor. Castiel leans over to pick up his books.
"Thanks," the older boy mutters, taking the books from Castiel.
"No problem," Castiel replies softly.
Before they can say anything else, their teacher Ms. Harvelle enters the room. She smiles at the class, sitting at her desk.
"I know you all have studied hard for this test, so I expect high scores. You are all capable of doing well."
She stands up, walking around the room as she hands out the tests. Pulling out his pen, Castiel looks down at the test. The first page looks easy enough, and he starts working. When he finishes the last problem, Castiel walks to the front of the room, handing in his test and earning a smile from Ms. Harvelle. Returning to his desk he sits down, taking out his camera. He looks through the photos he took earlier, trying to decide on seven of his favorites. He likes the picture of the leaf he found on the table, loving the way the slats of the table are blurred in the background. There's another he likes, a shot looking up at the sky through the leaves, the bright blue sky in stark contrast to the golden leaves. The rest of the photos are fine, but nothing special. He decides on three more, one of a couple laying on the grass under a tree, another of two leaves frozen in time as they fall to the ground, and one of a bare tree silhouetted against the sky.
Castiel slides his camera back into his bag, not wanting to run down the battery. He takes out a book, reading for the rest of the class period. He is so engrossed in his book that he doesn't notice that the bell rings until someone taps his shoulder, gesturing to the emptying classroom. Castiel nods in thanks, packing his things away before he exits the room. Castiel finds his way through the front doors of the school. He pulls his coat tightly around him, the dry leaves crunching under his feet. For a Monday afternoon, there aren't many people out. Castiel walks in silence, letting his thoughts consume him. He'd rather not go home, but he doesn't have anywhere else to go. He would go to the library, but he just went Sunday and he has no reason to go again. It takes just under twenty minutes for Castiel to get home, walking quickly because of the brisk air. Castiel is thankful that the house is quiet as he twists his key in the lock, closing the door behind him and climbing the stairs to his room. Castiel's room is clean, but cluttered. His bed takes up half the room, along with a small desk and dresser. There's some extra floor space, but all the walls are covered in photos. Castiel sits at his bed, taking out his phone to text Anna and see what he missed in English.
Hey. Sorry I wasn't in English. What did we do?
Anna replies in seconds, and Castiel can hear her voice as he read.
Just reading. We finished the third and fourth chapters of The Hobbit, but I know you already have, so you're fine.
-kisses, A
Castiel smiles, glad he has a friend like Anna.
Thanks. I'll see you tomorrow in Government.
Her reply comes instantly.
See ya.
-kisses, A
Castiel sets his phone on the desk, scooping his cat, Stella, into his arms.
"Hello," he says, kissing the top of her head, "how are you?"
The cat purrs, rubbing her head into his chin. Castiel grins, happy to have someone who appreciates him. He sets her on his lap, pulling out his laptop as she makes herself comfortable. He pulls up his email, checking quickly for any news from colleges. Seeing none, he closes his browser, opening the folder that contains his fall photo series. Plugging in the memory card from his camera, he copies over the photos he took today. Opening the picture of the leaf, he starts editing it. He ups the contrast slightly and blurs out the background even more, making the leaf stand out even more. After half an hour, he's happy with the final product and saves it to his final folder, opening the next picture.
Castiel spends the next few hours editing, only closing his computer when he hears his mom come inside. He sighs, knowing he'll have to survive another awkward family dinner. Despite the fact that his father refuses to acknowledge his existence, Castiel's mother still makes him eat with the family, the three of them sitting in silence as his mother tries to make conversation. Castiel wishes he had something in common with his dad, and he feels so bad for his mom. When Castiel started taking art, his father laughed. When Castiel came out, his father screamed and hit him. When Castiel got an F on a test, his father swore he'd kick him out the next time it happened.
"Castiel," his mother calls, "Dinner in ten."
"Okay Mom," Castiel calls down the stairs.
He sits at his desk, contemplating the photos on his wall. He hangs his favorites over his desk, switching them out regularly. Now, it was a collection of photos he'd taken over the summer, mostly at the park. A small child sits on the end of the slide, grinning. A girl and a boy sit on a blanket, a picnic spread between them. A German Shepard catches a ball, jumping high above the ground. There are also some from their class trip to New York City. A man hurries down the street, his dark suit matching his black umbrella. A couple walks down the street, smiling happily. A dog-walker gets pulled along the street by a dozen dogs. That time in New York had been wonderful, a glimpse of what it would be like to be free.
Castiel looks down at his watch, realizing he has to go to dinner if he doesn't want to get yelled at. He walks down the stairs, brushing his hand over the railing that desperately needs dusted. As he enters the dining room he hears his father's rough voice, drowning out his mother's softer one. They both go silent when he enters the room, so he knows they were talking about him.
"Hello Castiel," his father says formally, and his mother frowns.
"Castiel, why weren't you in English today?"
"I was outside for my art class," Castiel's father snorts, "and I was finishing an assignment. I told Mr. Shurley to tell the Mrs. Tran that that's where I was, but I guess he forgot. I'm sorry," Castiel was lying, Mr. Shurley had no idea where Castiel was, but the art teacher was forgetful enough to make it believable.
"Alright, Castiel, I just want to make sure that you're doing well in school."
His father's tone was kind enough, but Castiel heard the threat behind his words. If Castiel didn't do well in school, he wouldn't have a home much longer.
"I'm fine Dad. I know what we did, and I'll make it up."
"Good."
His mother sat down, gesturing for the other two to sit, "Come. Eat."
For twenty minutes, Castiel sits through the awkward silence of dinner, answering questions only as his mom asks them. Finally, he asks to be excused, and when his mother nods he practically runs from the table, quickly clearing his dishes before going back to his room. The night is cold, and Stella is curled on his bed, just below the pillow. Castiel glances at his watch, noting that it's nearly ten. He has to get to school early to apologize to Mrs. Tran for being gone, so he'll need to get up around six. All Castiel wants to do is sleep for a few days, but he doesn't want to risk the wrath of his father.
Castiel takes off his sweater, messing up his dark hair even more. Laying his hoodie over the back of his desk chair he sighs, pulling on a soft tee shirt. He slides off his jeans and boxers, pulling on a fresh pair of boxers. Castiel walks to the bathroom, running a hand though his hair in the mirror. He looks like crap, but he knows that he always does. His hair is messy, but it always is. The bags under his eyes are more pronounced than ever, but there's nothing he can do about that. His eyes look dark and sad, but there isn't anything he can do about that either.
Castiel bushes his teeth, quickly splashing cold water over his face. The water is cold, and the shock of it wakes him up a little bit. It feels good, the cold reminds him that he's alive, that he's still breathing. The faint sound of his parents arguing floats up the stairs. The sounds are faint enough that he can ignore them, so he does. Castiel walks back to his room, grabbing his phone off the desk as he walks by. He lays down, pulling the thick comforter around him, the warmth comforting him.
His eyes go to the small box on the top shelf on his closet, his fingers twitching to take the box down. All he wants is to feel the relief, but it's only been a few days. He resists the urge, his fingers digging in to his palms. He needs a distraction, so he opens his phone. Tapping in the passcode he's been using since his mom found his phone and started going through it, he opens YouTube, checking for new videos. Seeing none, he switches to Tumblr, scrolling mindless through the posts until he falls asleep.
Castiel is woken by the sound of his alarm. Rolling over, he sees that it's nearly six, so he gets up. The floor is cold under Castiel's feet, and he walks quickly to the bathroom. Spinning the knobs in the shower, it finally begins to spit out hot water. He slides off his boxers, pulling the tee shirt over his head. Stepping under the water, Castiel sighs in pleasure. The warmth of the water wards of the cool of fall, and Castiel quickly washes his hair. He knows that the warm water won't last long, a side effect of his father's inability to pay the bills. Just as he's turning the water off, he feels it go cold, and he's shivering again as he dries off. Wrapping the towel around his waist, Castiel goes back to his room. He's looking through his dresser wen his phones goes off, reminding him he only has twenty minutes before he needs to go to school. Pulling on a dark blue long-sleeve shirt and a faded pair of jeans, Castiel runs a hand through his hair, trying to fix it. Giving up, he pulls on his jacket, slinging his bag over his shoulder before he puts on his watch. Walking down the stairs, he's glad to not hear the voice of his father.
He says goodbye to his mom as he walks out of the house, closing the door behind him. His breath forms a soft cloud as he nears the school. The air is cold, biting through the thin material of his jacket. He reminds himself to get out his warmer jacket when he gets home. It just before 7:00 when he reaches the school, and the hallways are still virtually empty. Castiel puts his bag in his locker, slamming the metal door shut as he walks away. He walks to the English room, bowing his head anytime he passes another student. When he reaches the English room, he opens the door. Mrs. Tran is sitting behind her desk grading papers. She looks up, frowning slightly as Castiel.
"I missed you yesterday in class, Mr. Novak."
"I apologize. Mr. Shurley must have forgotten to tell you I would be working on an art project. He was supposed to email you."
"I received no such email."
"I'll have Mr. Shurley send you an email. I'm sure he just forgot. I'll ask him tomorrow."
"No," Mrs. Tran interjects, "you'll talk to him now. Go."
"Goodbye, Mrs. Tran."
"Goodbye."
Castiel walks out of the classroom, sighing in frustration. He'd hoped Mrs. Tran would let it go, just accept that Mr. Shurley had forgotten, but of course she wouldn't. Castiel walked to Mr. Shurley's room, opening to door and walking inside. The classroom is empty, so Castiel opens Mr. Shurley's laptop, quickly typing up an email to Mrs. Tran, excusing him for being absent. As he hits send, Mr. Shurley opens the door and Castiel quickly closes the laptop.
"Castiel?"
"Sorry, Mr. Shurley. I was looking for a pen I thought I left in here yesterday."
"Of course. I'll see you in class."
Castiel walks out of the classroom, walking a few feet before collapsing against the lockers, sliding down to the ground, curled into a ball. He stays like that until he hears the halls begin to fill. As he walks to his first class, Castiel stays near the sides of the hall, avoiding anyone who might know him. He is almost to Government, when he feels a presence behind him, shoving him into a locker. His books go crashing to the floor, and strong hands push him against the locker.
"Hey little faggot – how's your boyfriend? Oh, wait. You don't have one, 'cause even a fag won't date you," It's Lucifer Parker, the worst bully in school.
Castiel stays silent, knowing that saying anything will only provoke him. Lucifer holds him against the locker, moving his hands to Castiel's neck at one point. He lets Castiel go only when Castiel starts to cough. Lucifer punches him once more, walking away after he scatters Castiel's books. Castiel falls to his knees, taking deep, shaky breaths. In a few minutes, Castiel can breathe normally again, so he moves to gather his books, only to find Anna holding them, offering a hand to Castiel.
"Thanks," Castiel mutters.
"No problem," Anna replies.
Government and World History fly by, and Castiel is tired by lunch. He sits on the picnic table, waiting for Anna to join him, but she doesn't. Castiel figures that she's working on some project in art. The rest of the day goes by without incident, but at the end of the day, Castiel is exhausted. All he wants to do is go home and sleep, but he has to pretend to be normal. He has to pretend to be alright. As Castiel is walking out of the school, Anna catches up to him.
"Castiel. Hey, Castiel."
Castiel stops, turning to face Anna.
"Hey, Anna."
"Hey. Sorry, I was wondering if you needed a ride."
"Anna. I appreciate it. But no thanks. I'm fine walking."
Just as Castiel says this, it starts to rain and Anna shakes her head.
"No way. You're coming with me. I'm not letting you walk in the rain."
Castiel sighs in frustration, admitting defeat, "Fine. Thanks."
Anna gestures to Castiel, leading him to her car. It's a Prius, and Castiel likes the color. Anna takes off her backpack, digging around for the keys. She unlocks the door, gesturing for Castiel to go around to the other side. Castiel gets in the car, sitting awkwardly in the passenger seat of Anna's car. He sits quietly, zoning out.
"Castiel. Where do you live?"
"Um, turn left here."
Castiel is snapped out of his thoughts by Anna's voice. He gives Anna directions, directing her to a street just a few blocks from his house. He doesn't know why, but Castiel doesn't want Anna to see his house. The houses are nicer here, another lie. Another lie to pretend that Castiel's life is normal. Castiel gets out of the car, thanking Anna for the ride. He walks to the sidewalk, pretending to dig in his bag for his house keys as Anna drives away. When Anna is out of sight, Castiel heads in the other direction, walking to the back door of his house. He lets himself in, locking the door behind him.
The house is quiet, and Castiel walks to the kitchen, making a cup of tea before he goes up to his room. The silence of the house comforts Castiel, and he remembers that his mom works the night shift tonight. It's Tuesday, and that means that his father won't be home until after midnight, he always goes to the bar. Of course, that means that he'll come home drunk and angry, but Castiel will be asleep by then. As he sits at his desk, Stella curled up on his bed, Castiel looks through his photos. It's nearly ten the next time Castiel looks up, and Castiel's stomach is growling. His tea sits on his desk, cold but untouched. Castiel closes is laptop, going back downstairs. He heats up leftovers from the night before, but once they're warm he gags at the smell. Putting them back in the fridge, he simply warms up his tea, taking it back upstairs. The box in his closet taunts him, but he resists. All he wants to do is take it down, open the box and give in, but he knows he'll regret it.
It's nearly one in the morning when Castiel finally closes his laptop, and his father still isn't home. He takes the opportunity to go to the bathroom, brushing his teeth and washing his face before he goes back to his room. He takes off his shirt, switching it out for a soft red tee. He slips his jeans off, pulling on a new pair of boxers. Castiel gets into bed, curling into a ball. A wave of sadness hits him and he lays like that for hours, body wracked with sobs. Finally, he falls asleep, too tired to cry anymore.
