Hi I'm Kira

Well, Lady Author *killed by Author* get this idea when she watched a Prussia x Hungary video in youtube made by 4 years old boy (maybe he's 5 now) and started to cry. Well at first she thought she cried because of how stupid she's, she failed to make a well sad pictures slide show *Author kills her OC* but then she realized that she was crying because of the song and Gilbert and Elizabeta's relationship (that she has no idea what) and the background song was 'What Hurts the Most' by Rascal Flatts. She then started to write this FF based on the song's lyrics. And well you could categorize it as Gil's journal

Well, we're sorry if there is still so much typos and cliché scenes. This is our first FF to be published.

AUTHOR DOES NOT OWN HETALIA AND THE LYRICS BUT SHE OWNED ME AND STELLA. DANKE SCHON

Note: letters that are in italic and bold are the lyrics and Author suggested you to listen to the song while you read it (if you don't want to that's okay)

I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house

That don't bother me

I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out

"I'm going to married" said her smiling

"Oh? With who?" asked I

"Roderich" said her "I know you and him like a mortal enemy but—"

"Oh that's okay; I believe your choice is the best" I said, well of course, how can I say 'Stop the wedding I'll propose you right away'? It will be a stupid thing for awesome people like me to say.

I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while even though

Going on with you gone still upset me

There are days every now and again I pretend I'm okay

But that's not what gets me

"Wow, congratulation to you" said I on her wedding day.

"Thanks Gil, glad you can come and beside you're my best friend" said her

"Yeah whatever" Then we laughed just like when we're a kid. She looked stunning that day, beautiful. But yeah, I'm just her best friend.

What hurts the most

Was being so close

And having so much to say

And watching you walked away

She was dancing with her husband, okay I hate that. I admitted it, and then a memory flashed, when I was a young awesome Gilbert. I asked her to come to a very quiet place because I wanted to say something, but yeah I'm too ashamed to say it. Hey even the Lord of awesome sometime too shy to confess his feeling.

Then I snapped from the dream when I heard Roderich was screaming because Gilbird had attacked him. What an awesome pet he's.

And never knowing

What could've been

And not seeing that loving you

Is what I was trying to do

After I took Gilbird away I went outside the building, and wondering at the night sky. I know Eli better than him, then why she chooses Roderich? Is it because he's wealthy? Or is it because he's a fancy pianist? I never understand girls.

But still, I love her more than him I believe. Yeah but sadly, she doesn't realized and never realized. Well I believe that was my fault not to say it first.

It's hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go

But I'm doing it

It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friend and I'm alone

Still harder getting up, getting dressed, living with regret

"Hi!" said her in one very early morning and she bring my mortal enemy too "Sorry to bother you, and by the way, were you drunk? You are messed up"

"Me? I just having a hard day just that" I said and letting them come in to my house "And beside you didn't tell me you'll come with him"

"Oh yeah, I thought I could come in every time I want and laughed at Ludwig who was baking cookies?" then she laughed.

"Funny, I missed that day. Oh by the way, do you want something? Ludwig just baked some cookies yesterday, and it was delicious" Then she nodded, so I went to the kitchen to take a jar full of Ludwig's homemade cookie.

We talked about a lot of thing, but still with no reason why, I hate how she smiled to his husband. Well jealous maybe, because I thought I was the one who she shared that smile, laugh and everything

But I know if I could do it all over

I would trade, give away all the words that I saved in my heart

That I left unspoken

~ Flash Back ~

"Urm… Eli, can I talk to you somewhere quiet?" said the little boy.

"Duh… You were talking to me in the forest and it's pretty quiet" said the little girl

"Eheh… right…"

"What is it Gil? You seemed very suspicious"

"Well…"

"Gil, you wasting my time" then she left the boy alone "Come on, there'll be intruders any minute" she shouted.

"Yeah…" said him

~ End of Flash Back ~

Okay memory always hurting. Not to mention that one. I was going to say 3 words to her that maybe will stop this nonsense tragedy of losing my love. I wish I said those words. Now it's hurting so badly. I hate it.

What hurts the most

Is being so close

And having so much to say

And watching you walked away

Damn her bastard husband, what the hell was he thinking. He wanted to abolish Prussia, my country, my soul, because there is too much conflict? Where was his brain?

I was so mad at him, so I left the meeting room. I could hear footsteps running behind me. "Gil!" said a familiar voice "Please stop, I'm sorry"

"It's not your fault Eli" I said still not facing her

"It's mine! Okay! I don't want to you to suffer to solve your country's problem because of World War 1!"

"You what?"

"I'm sorry okay!"

I didn't know what to do; Roderich opinion was Eli's advice. I was really mad at her then the word that slipped from my mouth was: "Leave me alone Eli, you such a traitor"

She was crying, and she hit my back with her frying pan then left me alone. She didn't know that I was crying too. Later after that, I was trying to apologize to her but, she snapped first. "You call me traitor, I thought you're my best friend Gil" Those words killed me. And she just passed me like that.

"Eli—"I tried to grabbed her arm but she pulled it first

"Don't come near me again Gil, I hate you"

From that day, I fell sick. Tired because of my country and losing Elizabeta. Ludwig was panicked too when he heard the doctor said that my life won't last longer. Well I don't care; I'll die with my country anyway.

And never knowing

What could've been

And not seeing that loving you

Is what I was trying to do

Again, Ludwig screamed to me because I only eat a little food, and I only can lie on the bed. And again the doctor warned me, if didn't eat anything, I'll die sooner or later. Well, I don't care I already lose Elizabeta and I'm going to lose everything.

And I'm getting tired to show Eli that I do care about her, that I love her. But still those three words still stuck somewhere, even until she married that damn bastard. I still can't say those words, until I'm dying too.

What hurts the most

Was being so close

And having so much to say

And watching you walked away

"I hate you Gil" ah, those words, echoing in my head. The doctor checked me again this morning, he said that my condition is getting worst and my life span wouldn't be more than a day.

But everything is now just a waste; I'm going to lose everything by the way, my country, my people and everything, and already stupid enough to lost my best friend and my love. Yup, I hate myself.

Ah 24 February, I should write a letter to her, beside 25 February is my country's abolition day. Danke Schon, Elizabeta, for being my best friend. I'll ask Ludwig to give it to her tomorrow.

Well I don't know if I could write again, tomorrow is also my life span's limit. Ah…

Gilbert 'the Awesome' Beilschmidt out… forever

Ah… Gomen Author have to kill Gilbert here. And sorry to cut it here, because the next chapter will be Elizabeta's POV and there's a letter for her from our lovable Gilbert Beilschmidt, our AWESOME Prussian.

Still, please R&R we love you Reviews…. ^^