A/N: This was written for the GW Forum Thread Ronon Dex/Jennifer Keller Appreciation/Ship/Discussion (Doctor & Wild Man) monthly challenge.
June challenge was to use a title generator and write a story around it … it was an interesting tool to work with!
As always … I do not own any part of Stargate Atlantis nor any of the characters … just trying to keep them alive!
Spoilers: Season 3 Episode: Sunday
Thank you bailey1ak for you help and encouragement … you're always my inspiration!
Bagpipes and Teardrops
The pallbearers returned through the ancestral ring walking silently through the gate room, each lost in their own thoughts. By the time they'd arrived it was late and the city was locked down for the night. Ronon stood for a moment inhaling his surroundings. The acrid smell of the fire still lingered in the air, as did the mournful wail of the bagpipes. Dr. Cole headed toward the infirmary nodding to Radek as he continued on to the lab. Sheppard climbed the stairs to the control room looking for Elizabeth while Lorne left to check in with his security detail.
Too restless to sleep, Ronon began aimlessly walking through the corridors trying to find some kind of reason to the senseless loss they'd all endured. It was easier to reconcile the deaths to a Wraith attack or some natural disaster but to once again lose people to some pointless experiment the Ancients abandoned was hard for him to wrap his head around.
Taking a break from all the mental anguish Ronon quietly walked into the infirmary checking to see if Teyla was still awake. She'd held it together during the memorial service but he could tell she was dealing with a lot of pain.
"Hey," he whispered sliding into the vacant chair beside her bed. "How ya feeling?"
"Better … Dr. Keller just gave me a sedative for the night," Teyla sighed. "How are you?" she asked reaching for his hand.
"Okay … stopped trying to figure it out," he confessed, slouching deeper into his chair. "Did you know Dr. Hewston?"
"We were just getting to know each other. I enjoyed her company very much," she sighed sadly.
"You know, it's not your fault."
"I cannot help but feel guilty that I am still among my friends … she was so young," she said, sorrowfully.
"Our worlds don't allow for old age," he reminded her. "Most elders I've ever known have been too young to die … except maybe Charin," he added smiling.
"Yes, Charin was given many years … I still miss her very much," she agreed holding back bitter tears.
From the split in the curtain Ronon could see Sheppard enter the infirmary. He knew he'd be making rounds, checking on the wounded … keeping vigil over his people.
"It seems quiet in here," he observed.
"I believe they have placed the burn patients in the isolation room. Dr. Keller mentioned they may move them back to Earth as soon as they are stable."
"Can I get you anything … do you need some water?" he asked trying to still the restlessness he felt.
"You look tired," Teyla said squeezing his hand. "You should try to get some sleep."
"I might go for a run," he declared as John pushed aside the privacy curtain. "I'll check on you in the morning," he said, leaning down to kiss the top of her head.
"You staying?" Ronon asked John before leaving.
"I'll sit for a spell," he assured him. Neither man wanted to leave Teyla alone for the night. They'd almost lost her in the explosion… if she hadn't started back toward the gym to retrieve her bag she would've died with Dr. Hewston.
Teyla had confided to John that she'd felt great sadness over the loss of Dr. Beckett and he planned on staying with her through the night knowing she was hurting emotionally … they were all hurting emotionally.
"Ronon," Teyla called stopping him on his way toward the exit. "I'm worried about Dr. Keller."
"I'll check on her," he promised.
oOo
It was long past midnight when Jennifer stripped her gloves off and gave final instructions to Marie for the night. Promising to keep her radio on she said goodnight to Dr. Brio and headed for her quarters. The city was quiet tonight … they'd said goodbye to a lot of good people today and she wasn't sure she was up to the task of carrying on.
Watching Carson's casket disappear through the stargate just about broke her heart. The doctor had been her closest friend and mentor this past year … the ache in her chest was unbearable but the tears of relief wouldn't come.
Why hadn't he just gone fishing? All he'd talked about for weeks was the space trout he planned on catching … she could still see the excitement in his eyes as he droned on about his passion. She and Dr. Cole had chuckled and rolled their eyes behind his back at his enthusiasm over something neither had any desire to try. Now they both wished they'd just gone with him.
Jen pulled off her clothes as soon as she entered her quarters and stood in the shower till the hot water ran cold hoping to find some relief. She counted Atlantis as home but the price was too much to pay at times. Earth was a relatively safe world compared to those in the Pegasus but this is where her heart resided and who was she to argue.
She thought about going for a run to work the kinks out but settled for a walk out to the East Pier instead. It'd been a long grueling day working with the burn patients while Dr. Brio took care of the infirmary. She needed some distance for a few hours. Finding her favorite spot at the end of the dock she settled herself at the edge dangling her legs like she'd done in her youth. Looking back she wondered how she could have been so upset with her circumstances growing up. Compared to the Pegasus it all seemed childish … insignificant. Nothing in her schooling had prepared her for this expedition. The highs were higher than anything imaginable but the lows were devastating and this had definitely been a string of low days.
Usually when life was this bad she'd turn to Carson for words of encouragement … possibly a comforting hug. After the tragedy the realization that she was living a rather lonely existence hit her hard. She hadn't sought this solitary life … the job was more demanding than anything she could have imagined leaving little time to cultivate friendships. Even so, she considered this home and knew she wouldn't be happy anywhere else.
Lately Jen had entertained thoughts of Ronon Dex in the late hours before sleep claimed her body. She'd spent more time around him in the past few months during missions and caring for him in the infirmary. He's one of the few men who'd ever caught her attention. Some women always fell for the bad boys … addicted to the challenge. She'd always leaned toward the protector type. Loyalty and devotion always pushed her buttons. She also realized that he was not ready to put himself out there again since losing everything when Sateda fell… perhaps that was part of the attraction. Still, she enjoyed his company and their growing friendship.
oOo
Ronon ran through the moonlit night pushing his tired body hard. His goal was to get a good night's sleep through utter exhaustion. Having completed a circuit around his normal route he slowed his pace heading toward the East Pier as he looked for Dr. Keller. He wasn't sure why he agreed to check on the doctor for Teyla. Maybe it was to ease her mind but more likely it was to ease his own mind. He slept better knowing she was safe. He could usually accomplish this from afar but tonight required some one-on-one time, which frustrated him … man of few words and all. Somewhere along the line he started caring about the woman but wasn't prepared to make her a part of his life … at least not yet. Not while there were still memories of his old life.
It'd only been a couple of days since he'd told John that he wasn't ready … confirming Sheppard's questions about leaving someone behind. It'd been close to nine years since he'd seen the glory of Sateda, since he'd lost Melena. He'd worked hard at locking memories of their life together away in some dark unused portion of his heart. He'd loved her most of his life but maybe it was time to allow someone else in. Not that he'd ever forget what they'd shared together but he was tired of reaching out in the dark of night to an empty bed filled with memories.
He'd seen Jennifer at the end of the East Pier several times the past month and wasn't surprised to find her sitting in the dark.
"Hey Doc, how're you doing tonight?" he asked sitting down beside her.
"Hey," she sighed, smiling wearily. "Did you just get back?"
"A while ago … not ready to sleep yet."
"Me neither … can't seem to shake this sadness," she confessed.
She'd arrived in Atlantis so full of youth and enthusiasm … too naïve for the Pegasus. Slowly he'd seen her innocence chipped away with each passing month. Lately he'd found himself wanting to protect her… to shelter her from the harsh realities of life. But that would require a personal commitment and he wasn't ready yet.
"How are the others?" he asked knowing she would be hurting for those that clung to live as well as those they'd lost.
"Dr. Watson is healing quickly from his surgery but is practically paralyzed with guilt over Carson's death… over everyone's death. He keeps talking about how it should have been him who died," she explained softly. "We have five burn victims … fifty/fifty on their survival. We will probably send them home in a few days for further treatment."
"It was an accident," he interjected hoping to ease her guilt.
"I knew one of the men on the ordinance disposal crew. He was really nice … had a wife and two children."
Sitting side by side he watched her from the corner of his eye sensing she was at her breaking point. He didn't know what to do to ease the pain … to make it better.
"So many hurt … so many dead. It should have been me," she snarled, wrapping her arms around her body. "He should have called me. I spent the whole day lying on my bed reading a cheap romance novel … he was suppose to go fishing! Why didn't he call me to take over … I should have taken over when he dismissed Amanda. I wouldn't have been missed …it should have been me," she declared, her voice cracking as the melt down took over.
Ronon moved closer and pulled her to him, letting her surrender to the tears. "It shouldn't have been anyone … I'm glad it wasn't you," he whispered, gently rubbing her back.
Jennifer buried her head in his chest crying for all the good people they'd lost… all the good friends. Her selfish feelings of loneliness pushed her even further over the edge as she tried to control the sobs.
Holding Jennifer in his arms gave him pause … causing him to question his voluntary solitude. She felt … right. She filled him with peace amidst the storm of emotions surging through his life. She felt like home.
They stayed like that for a while drawing strength from each other as the moon made it's way across the sky. Somewhere in the distance the mournful sounds of the bagpipes could once again be heard … another member of the expedition who was unable to capture the comfort of sleep.
"Sorry," she whispered, wiping her eyes and nose on her sleeve. "I didn't mean to be a bother … didn't mean to keep you so long," she apologized dismissing him. She was thankful for his comfort and the thought of him leaving was the last thing she really wanted. The strength of his caress had eased the pain of the day and softened the hard edges of the Pegasus.
Ronon felt her pulling away allowing him to take his leave. Looking down on the small doctor he could feel an ache filling him at the thought of her absence. "You're not a bother Doc," he declared pulling her closer. "I'm not going anywhere," he assured, content for the moment to do nothing but hold her close.
