There was silence. Just complete silence. Not even a clock was ticking in the distance.
It was dark. So dark that I couldn't even see the blood on the floor. Then there was rain. Loud, pouring rain.
I closed my eyes, heart feeling heavy, my body feeling numb. I remember how the corners of my mouth lifted, and I smiled. I smiled at death. He smiled back. Everything turned black. There was nothing. Even the rain was gone. There was nothing. Complete, and utter, silence.
Then there were lights, faint, blurred lights. There was sound. Voices. Panic. I felt hands on my body. I felt like I was floating. Still numb. Then nothing. Darkness. Loneliness. I was alone again.
Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.
Sounds.
"Will he survie?"
Voices.
My hand felt heavy.
Feelings.
There was a face.
Vision.
I remember a smile. A very faint smile. It wasn't death. It was a boy. A boy with curly hair. Wild, curly hair. Tired eyes. Green, tired eyes. I remembered a voice. It told me to stay awake. To stay with him. To keep fighting. Fighting? Who am I fighting? Myself? I don't remember.
"Harry"
I heard a voice. Was it mine? It probably was. I saw him smile. Brighter. His eyes didn't seem tired anymore when he smiled. There was a sparkle. As if he just heard some great news. I was so confused. I closed my eyes again. A quick nap. I felt tired.
I awoke at night. My chest felt heavy. There was a hand. A large hand with rings on most fingers. Attached to the hand was the boy I saw earlier. Harry. Harry Styles. My best friend. My brother. My crush. My biggest mistake. I remembered. My feelings. The love I felt for him. The guilt. The stinging pain of Eleanor's hand on my cheek. The tears and sobs. The razor.
The razor.
A hospital. That's where I was. I was at a hospital. Harry's eyes didn't only look tired. They looked sad. Devastated. Full of pain. I remembered who I was fighting. I was fighting myself. I was fighting the voices. The demons inside my head.
Was I?
Or was I merely trying to drown the feelings I had for Harry by replacing it with pain?
I don't remember.
"Hazza" I mumbled. Then repeated. Again. Again. Again and again. As hard as I could. My lips felt dry. My throat hurt. I forced my hand to move. It stung. I placed it on top of Harry's head, but it felt so painful that it immediately slid down the side of his face, and lay next to the male's head.
"Hazza"
"Please. Wake up."
I choked on my words. I felt tears burning in my eyes. Please. Wake up. I'm awake. I need you. Harry. Please. His fingers twitched, his head moved, and half a minute later, Harry was finally looking up at me.
"Lou.. what's wrong?" He asked quietly, his voice deep and raspy. I licked my lips and frowned. He saw my tears. I'm sure he did. He stood up from his seat and leaned over to hug me. I heard him whisper. "You'll be okay. I promise." I nodded. I was in his arms. Everything would be fine. "I'm sorry." I whispered. He shook his head and planted a kiss upon my cheek and carefully curled up in the bed next to me. His arm was still held tightly around me, as if he were protecting me. He kissed my cheek again. My eyes closed. I was tired. Still tired. I needed to sleep.. but Harry. Harry was awake. For me.
"Sleep, you'll need it."
I nodded, slowly, and licked my lips once more. "Lou," I heard. "Please don't do this again. No more secrets, okay?" He choked out the words, almost as if he were about to cry. "No more secrets." I repeated. I tilted my head to look at him through heavy eyelids. He looked at me with a questioned look on his face. His eyes were asking me what was on my mind, but I wasn't sure whether I had to tell him or not. If I didn't - I would've lied about the secrets. If I did - I could've lost him.
I sighed. No more secrets. No more lies. I swallowed my fears, closed my eyes and let out another sigh as my consiousness began to slip away once more.
"Harry,"
"What's on your mind?"
I paused. I was so tired. I could barely speak, but I got the words out anyway.
"I love you."
Then everything was gone once again. The lights, the feelings, the sounds and the voices. Just darkness, but this time; there was no death. No loneliness. No pain or tears. For what I heard before everything was lost; was a chuckle, and a sniffle, and a quiet
"I love you, too."
