Author's Note

Okay I have been writing on this for the past four days and I think I finally got it the way I think will work best.

Hope you enjoy reading it.

Erdi


Steph's POV

"We can't keep doing this" I state as watch him get dressed in the darkness.

"Babe" He responds, which can mean about a billion things. I used to be good at reading into his one word answers, but tonight I am not sure what he means by it, especially since I can't see his face.

"Ranger, I can't do this anymore. It hurts and I need you to stay away." I tell him honestly and I am surprised that no tears appear.

"You met someone" He states flatly.

"Yes" I simply answer and draw the sheets over my breasts. There is no need to deny it. Ranger knows everything. I assume he has been keeping his taps on me, since he left a year ago. When he comes back to Trenton every 4 weeks, he appears on my door step the night he gets to town, only to leave right after he had an orgasm.

In the beginning it made me think he still wanted to be with me, that it was his way of trying to patch things up, that he needed me, but now after almost a year of separation I know that he isn't trying to get back with me, he is just here for the amazing sex.

"What? You are not even going to deny it?" He nearly shouts, which shocks the heck out of me. Ranger never raised his voice at me, which used to infuriate me, and now that he did I can only stare at him in shock.

"There is no use to deny it…I know that you probably have the guys follow me for protection or to check up on me…So why should I make the effort to lie, just so you can call me out on it?" I ask after a few minutes of silence, during which we just stared at each other.

The clouds in front of the moon disappear and the moon light is shining into my room, making me able to see his face, which is blank but his eyes speak for what he can't voice out loud. He is hurt and angry and something else that I can't quite decipher. There is no need for me to call him out on it, to shout at him to tell me what he feels, because I have been trying that for almost two years now and nothing comes ever of it.

"I will stay away" He finally agrees with a nod and finishes to get dressed.

"I contacted a Lawyer, who will draw up the divorce papers…You should have them within the next week" I inform him, as he is just about to walk out of my bedroom door. He stills mid-step for a second, before he leaves without uttering another word.

The pain in my chest is nearly unbearable, but once again, to my surprise, no tears appear. Maybe I am all cried out.

I quickly get out of bed, strip the sheets of the bed and put new bedclothes on it, like I have been doing every time he left. I can't sleep surrounded by his smell anymore. It makes my heart ache and the spot between my legs dripping wet. If I keep the sheet on, I don't get out of bed the next morning, because I only want to be surrounded by him.

Two years ago Ranger came back from his last mission as different man. I tried to get him to talk, Bobby tried to get him to talk and even the best Therapist in the entire US tried to get him to talk, but he didn't talk.

As months went by, his nightmares got worse and he showed all kinds signs of PTSD. One night, I woke up and found him pointing a gun at my head. He thought I was the enemy and I made a run for the bathroom scared, after I couldn't get through to him. He kept yelling at me in some weird language.

Thankfully I had grabbed my cell phone on the way and I was able to call the guys, who got to me, before Ranger could kick the door in. Thank god for reinforced doors and door frames, which Ranger put in after we renovated the apartment. 'It's just in case someone manages to get past all our defences and decides to come after you up here. We will get to them before they get though this!' Ranger had said back then.

After that he withdrew even more. Ranger moved into an apartment on 4, so he wouldn't endanger me again.

One year later, I couldn't stand it anymore. I moved out. I know it sound horrible, but I tried everything. I met with Doctors, read countless of books and magazines about PTSD just to find a way to help him, but nothing did.

As I quit working at Rangemen and moved out of the Building, Ranger left for Miami. Tank informed me a couple of weeks later that he wouldn't be back, except for Branch inspections. I cried for about two days straight and didn't eat for about 4 days. I couldn't keep anything down.

For me that meant the end of life with Ranger, life with the man I love.

A couple of months ago I met Dr. Martin Fletcher, a veterinarian. He asked me out as I brought Rex in for an appointment. I said yes and we have had a few dinners together since. We just enjoy our time together; it's a companionship of some sorts, because we both are lonely.


Ranger's POV

I watch as her light turns on and she starts to strip down her bed. As if she tries to get rid of the evidence that I was ever there. Maybe so her new man wouldn't find out about this.

I wait until her light turns off again, before I walk down the driveway of her house and back to my car. Once I sit in my Cayenne I pick up the file on Martin Fletcher. He is 40, veterinarian and his wife died six months ago of cancer. On paper he sounds like a good guy. His credit history is good and he never committed a crime.

I don't like him, even though I have never met him.

I quickly throw the file back into the passenger seat and point my car towards Haywood.

'I contacted a Lawyer, who will draw up the divorce papers…You should have them within the next week'

That is on repeat in my mind until I reach Rangemen. I have been waiting for her to do so for the past year. Frankly, I am surprised that she waited this long.

As much as it pains me, it's better for her. She doesn't need a fucked up husband, who points a gun at her while she is sleeping or tries to kick in the door of the bathroom, while she is in it. Stephanie deserves better and I shouldn't have married her in the first place.

I have seen too much and my demons were bound to catch up with me or I could have been killed in action. So I knew going in that this was never going to be the happily ever after marriage, even though I thought so in the beginning.

As she finally called it quits with the cop, we got together. It was great and it was perfect. Then Somalia happened and it went all downhill from there.

I shake my head to get rid of the images that are threatening to overtake my brain. I need to concentrate on the road and not the shithole that is Somalia.

I park my car in the usual spot and walk right up to the gym; I wouldn't be able to sleep anyways. As I step in, I discover my business partners and friends sitting there, waiting for me.

"He finally shows up" Tank says and motions for me to get closer. He looks like as if he hasn't been to bed yet.

"What is this? Have you guys nowhere better to be?" I growl as I step closer.

"Oh believe me I do" Tank replies.

"Then get the fuck out of the gym and leave me in piece" I retort angrily and move over to where the wrist warps are lying. I have been constantly in an angry, ready to fight kinda mood, since my last mission and it got worse as Steph moved out.

"Good…you will need that" Les remarks and which makes me turn around to look at him.

"You are going to step in a ring with me?" I say and raise an eyebrow in question. Les is good, but I can still beat my cousin any day on the mats.

"Each one of us is going to. This shit has gone on long enough, Ranger" Bobby tells me and in that moment the gym door opens and Hector strolls in. He is only wearing his gym shorts and his knives in his hands. "Si…he is right" Hec says and nods towards Bobby.

"I really don't like to call this an intervention, because people supposed to talk and read from letters they wrote to the person and not physically fight the person…but you fucked up Soldier…so this is your intervention Rangemen Style" Tank informs me. I assume he wouldn't have participated if this would have involved a lot of talking; he always was a little word shy.

"You have got to be kidding me" I mutter and wrap up my other hand.

"We are worried about you. Antonio in Miami has been giving me regular updates and he says you barely sleep, work like a dog and go at the punching bags like there is no tomorrow. Something needs to happen, you can't go on like this" our company medic enlightens me.

"And what needs to happen in your humble opinion?" I snarl and take of my shirt and boots off.

"1) Talk about what happened in Somalia; 2) admit that you miss Steph…and yes we know that you have been going to see here every time you get to town…" Bobby counts up on his fingers.

"That is none of your business" I roar, which would have made lesser men squirm, but these four guys have known me most of my life and they don't even blink an eye at my outburst. "Besides I won't go to see here anymore…she filed for divorce." Those words leave a bitter taste in my mouth and I find it hard to breathe.

Les walks over and pushes my head between my knees until I get my breathing back under control, much like I did it to Steph countless of times.

"Get up Soldier" Tank growls and I do as I am told. May as well get this over with, I know I won't be getting out of the gym before every one of my friends tried to beat my ass.

I am not surprised that Tank is the first one to meet me on the mats. My best friend is the only one who is a little better than me on the Matts, but I will never admit that out loud. I assume he is going to tire me out, to make it a little easier for the other guys.

The first blow to my face hits me by surprise. I didn't pay attention to his left hook and before I knew it he managed to hit me square on the cheek. He follows it up with blows to my ribs and back. I finally manage to take two steps back to get away from his swinging fist, but he follows me and keeps up the pace.

Soon enough Bobby steps into the ring, then Les and Hector is last. He is using his blades and I have a hard time blocking all his attacks.

In the end he manages to get me into a choke hold with a blade dangerously close to my throat. "I give up" I tap on the ground multiple times and Hector takes his sweet time to let go off me. I am sure I will have some nice bruises around my neck to show off tomorrow.

I fall back onto the mat and stare at the ceiling, with my friends sitting close by.

"There were these Nonnes in Somalia…" I swallow hard as the memories trying to draw me back to that place. "And these Orphaned children…It's not like I haven't seen this before, I mean we all encountered them as we were in Brazil, or other fucked up parts of the world…" My rambling won't make sense to them, so I take a moment to gather my thoughts, before I speak again.

"We were looking for Salmo Dalmar and we came across this Village, full of Nonnes and children. We were hiding in the bushes as we heard gun shots…"

Bang

Bang

Bang

"Ranger" my second in command, Riker, points towards the tree line at the edge of the village. "Dalmar's men!"

"He can't be far then" Felix mutters. "He is never far from his men!"

"Alright…Riker…team two approach from the east, team one will fall behind Dalmar's men in the west." I order and receive 'copy that' in return.

BOOM

Very close to our location a grenade explodes and we all scramble for cover. It takes a moment for the dust to settle, but through our earpieces I hear that every one of my team is still alive.

I leading Team one down the hill as we hear screams. Women and kids screaming with everything they got, just before a shot rings through the air and the screaming stops.

While we were hiking through the bush, Dalmar's men managed to gain ground and we have to pick up the pace to catch up. If Team two encounters them before we are in position, it could end deadly for them.

I suddenly hear a single click and as I look back I see Felix standing rooted to a spot with his eyes wide. "Shit" I mutter and bring the Team to a hold.

"You gotta go on…" Felix automatically says as I approach. "You and I both know there is no way off this landmine…take this and bring it to my family." He pulls his dog tags from beneath his uniform, mindful not to shift his weight too much, and hands them to me.

I silently take them off him, because I know that we won't be able to get him of the mine, without risking the mission to fail. We are right in enemy territory and they could get the drop on us anytime. "It was an honour serving with you, Soldier" I salute him and turn around. I can't let myself get emotional now. I have a Team that counts on me to stay focused.

The other soldiers take a moment to say their goodbyes, before we move on. "I will make it count" I hear Felix call after us. The landmine goes off ten minutes later, just as we reach the first row of bungalows.

"You didn't have a choice, but to leave him there…you know that right?" Tank questions softly.

"I know. Didn't make it any easier" I reply and let myself drift back into the memory.

"NOO…Noo please…don't…" Bang…Bang. I flinch as I look into the dead Nonne's eyes. Dalmar's men have them kneeling in a row in the town square, asking questions before shooting them.

One Nonne struggles against the man's hold and her black veil comes of her head, revealing her hair. Steph…No that cannot be right. My babe is thousands of miles away from this place, safely tucked away in Trenton, probably causing mayhem while catching her skips…This cannot be her!

"Lieutenant…?" Riker questions through my earpiece, making me realize I spaced out for a minute. I take a deep breath to calm my racing heart.

"Report" I reply.

"Got eyes on Dalmar. He is about a click from our location" Riker responds.

"Stay frosty. If he moves too close, shoot him. We are moving in from the west, through town." I reply.

Suddenly there is another gun shot and as I look up I see the woman with the brown curls lying dead on the floor, with blood pooling around her body. NOOOO BABE!

"And well then I killed that bastard, at least that's what my Team told me I did. I can't remember much after that gunshot, killing that Nonne…I thought they had killed her and in that moment I realized that Steph would never be safe unless she was done with me" I conclude and a tear rolls down my cheek, which I quickly wipe away.

"This doesn't explain you nightmares. What else happened?" Bobby probes.

"Dalmar managed to get passed Team two. We followed his trail which led us further into the jungle. We got pinned down, held capture and they played Russian roulette with us." I answer honestly.

"You say as if that wasn't such a big deal" Hector points out.

"In my mind I thought Steph was dead and even though I had a close look at that Nonne's face, I couldn't convince myself of otherwise. I was done with the world, I could have died right then and there and it wouldn't have mattered" I carefully sit up and wince as I can feel my ribs disagreeing with my movement.

"And as I came home and discovered that she in fact was alive, I couldn't shake that image. Every time I looked at her I saw that dead woman. I need her but I can't keep her around. The new guy will be able to make her happier than I ever will."

"Why weren't we informed about this?" Tank questions confused. "If you were taken, your CO would have informed us."

"It was a CIA OP. You know how they love to deny all involvement." I tell him with a pointed look. "They would have let us die, if we hadn't managed to get out ourselves."

"You need to get help and you need to get your woman back. She loves you or she would have divorced your ass long time ago." Les says and throws a towel at me.

"What happened on 7…it won't go away. What if I kill her next time?" I shout and stand abruptly, despite my body telling me not to move.

"You won't…." Tank starts up but I interrupt him.

"Yes I would. I am capable of it and now I am done talking about this. We are getting divorced, that's the end of it" I growl and limp towards the gym doors.

"Let me at least look you over. I promise I won't utter a word." Bobby calls after me and I only nod my head.

Turns out, Bobby not talking is far worse, than him talking. The looks he shoots me speak a thousand words and I would take his punches over his silence any day.


Two weeks later

I look at the top left corner of the envelope and my heart stops a beat. 'Johnson & Johnson, Divorce Attorneys' it says right there.

She is really doing it. She is giving me what I want. She is letting me go.

I quickly open the papers and inspect them. She wants nothing. Not a cent of my fortune, not even a piece of the company or any of the houses which I put in both our names, long before we even got together.

Nothing.

And yet it feels like she is taking everything.

My heart starts beating rapidly, my breathing is short and I feel my inner demon coming to the surface.

"FUCK" I shout and bring my fists down onto my glass office desk. The glass breaks into a million pieces and my hands dripping of blood, but I can't feel a thing in my rage.


I pry my eyes open and discover that I am in the Medical Ward of Rangeman Miami. Two guys are standing guard outside and Antonio is sitting at his desk, doing paperwork. I try to get up, but the restraints they put around my wrists are keeping me from doing so.

"Untie me…right this second" I growl, making the Medic look up.

"No…I am under orders." He simply replies and gets up.

"I am your commanding Officer and I am ordering you to untie me or you are fired" I put as much authority into my voice as I can manage, hoping he will listen to me.

"Do you remember what you did?" Antonio questions and completely ignores my order.

"Yes" I simply answer and lie my head back down onto the pillow, succumbing to my fate. Antonio has been long enough with the company to know that he shouldn't ignore an Order that Bobby issued, and I am sure that this is my friends doing.

"Elaborate" he motions for me to keep on talking, while he is checking my vitals.

"I destroyed my Office" I answer not feeling the least bit sorry.

"Okay, good….We had to use a high dosage Propofol to knock you out. We were afraid that you would harm yourself. Those cuts on your can were deep and you had glass in there. I cleaned the wounds and they should be healed in no time" He explains and I only nod. "You scared the men, Sir." He ads and leaves me with my own thoughts.

I am angry that they thought it was necessary to restrain me.

'You need help…Please get some help!'

She said that to me after I pointed the gun at her face. She cried and I couldn't look at her. I put those tears in her eyes and the look of dismay on her face. Looking at her would mean I needed to acknowledge that I fucked up.

Instead of agreeing with her and letting her help me, I turned my back, grabbed my duffle bag and moved to Level 4.

'I am moving out…This hurts too much and it is obvious that you don't want me here. I will be gone by the end of the week….Just get some help…Please Ranger.'

Instead of throwing myself at her mercy, begging her to stay and telling her that I need her like the air to breathe; I didn't even muster up the courage to turn around as she quietly stated that she was leaving. I heard the sadness in her voice and I could hear the quite sobs, from behind the closed office door after she left.

'I love you…I always will'

She whispered just as I was about to leave her place. We had sex for the first time that night after she moved out of Rangemen. Her defeated tone should have made me turn around and crawl right back into her bed, but I left like the coward I am. In fear that she would make me talk

Babe only ever had to look at me with her Blue eyes and I would spill my darkest secrets. So for the past two years I barely looked at her, afraid that I would spill what happened. That I'd tell her that I thought she did in Somalis and that it scared me more than the Scrog or Abbaruzzi incidents. I wasn't even that scared as she was falling of that damn bridge into the Delaware.

One thought that kept replaying in my mind for the past two weeks is: She gave up. She gave up on me. She didn't even try.

But thinking back now, Babe did try.

So am I just going to sign those papers and let her go, or am I going to fight for my wife?


Steph's POV

Four Months Later

"Ranger, if you could please call me back…we need to talk…about those divorce papers….well my attorney said you haven't send them back and…well we need them back. I don't want money from your or anything…just can you sign those papers. Thank you" I press the red button to disconnect the call and look at Martin.

"Still nothing?" He questions and sips at his Tea.

"No…Radio silence for the past 4 months. Tank and Greg from Miami said that they forwarded my messages…but nothing." I inform him, lean against the kitchen counter and look at him.

"Maybe you should fly down there and hash it out with him" He suggests and I immediately shake my head. "That maybe the only way, Steph."

"No…No way…" I reply.

"Okay, I gotta go. Gotta get back to my patients" He tells me, with one glance at the clock on the wall. He then walks around the breakfast bar and stops right in front of me. "I will see you on Saturday for Lunch?"

"Yeah, definitely. I am expecting at least some Birthday cake you know" I smile at him. Martin presses a kiss to my cheek and then envelopes me into a big hug. His hugs are almost as good as Ranger's or Tank's.

"See you then" He assures me and walks to the door. I give him a one finger wave and turn around to place his cup into the dishwasher. "Steph…here is someone to see you" Martin calls out and as I round the corner into the hallway, I see Ranger standing in the doorway and Martin slipping past him.

"So you are still alive" I state flatly and walk back into the kitchen, knowing he would follow me.

"Yes I am" Ranger replies from the hallway, as I hear him close the door. I should be angry that I haven't heard anything from him in four months, or that he hasn't signed the divorce papers yet. But I am happy to see him. Deep down I was worried about him. I was afraid that he went off the deep end, didn't matter that Tank and Les kept assuring me that he was fine.

I busy myself wiping down the counter and try to keep myself from talking to him. He came to see me; he should start the conversation, preferably with why he is here.

After what seems like an eternity, I have enough and throw down the cloth "What do you want here Ranger?"

"So you and Martin…is it serious?" Ranger asks and puts his hands into his jeans pockets. As per usual he is dressed like a bad ass. He is wearing dark blue jeans, a dark blue t-shirt and a black leather jacket. Since it is fairly mild outside, I know that the jacket is more to hide his guns, than to keep him warm.

"That is none of your business." I tell him and walk past him into the living room, bumping his shoulder in the process. I sit down in my favourite spot on the couch and turn the TV on. What are the chances? Ghostbusters is on.

"It is my business, because you are my wife" He growls and sits down next to me.

"Yes, legally I may be your wife. But otherwise…I am not. Do you have the papers with you and did you sign them?" I know I sound like a bitch, but hey I gotta protect my heart. Just the sight of him makes the walls, which I re-built around it, crumble.

"No…" he answers. "I didn't bring them, because I refuse to sign them."

"Why? I am not taking anything from you nor do I want anything from you." I retort and look at him angrily.

"You took Rex…he is just as much my hamster-son as he is yours" Ranger states. "We need to talk about custody."

"You want custody to Rex?" I ask flabbergasted. Has he lost his marbles?

"Yes…and while we are at it…I want three other things…I want my shirts back, the bed sheets and you" He looks right into my eyes, without his blank face, as he speaks.

"So if I give you all tho…hold on…what did you just say?" Did he just say he wants me back?

"You…I want you back" He simply replies, as if he was counting up his shopping list. "I really don't care about the other two things. The most important one I want back is you."

"Well you are a little too late for that" I laugh harshly and get up. "ARE YOU OUT OF YOU MIND?" I yell at him and just as he is about to answer, I hold up my right hand to silence him. "You have to be kidding me..." I sigh and run my hands through my hair out of frustration. "I moved out a little over a year ago and you had plenty of time to get me back. And now that I filed for divorce you want me back? Suddenly you decide I am worth your time? Worth to look at again?

And yes I have noticed that you didn't look at me anymore…even as we had sex, you didn't even look me in the eyes. Fuck..." I turn around and look out the window.

I can hear him move closer and then his strong arms wrap around my mid section, pulling me into him. I let out a shuddered breath, as tears starting to pool in my eyes. It feels far too good to be held by him.

"I am sorry Babe..." He almost whispers into my right ear. "I know I have no right to come here and just announce that I want you back, not after what I have put you through...I am so, so sorry Babe." I can hear the sincerity in his voice and my heart melts a little more.

I can feel and hear him take a deep breath, before he starts talking again. "Two years ago on my mission, I saw a woman get shot and she looked like you from afar. She had your brown curls and even her face was similar to yours. I knew you were safely in Trenton but I couldn't help that my minds was playing those images over and over again.

My Team and I were held hostage shortly after that and I didn't care if I lived or died, because in captivity my mind convinced me you were the one who was dead. And without you, my life meant nothing. It was hard as I got back. I should have told you about all of it, I should have gotten help, but I suppose I was too proud for that."

He pauses and swallows hard. And I just hold my breath and wait for him to continue. He is finally opening up to me and I don't want him to stop. So I just keep quiet and listen, all the while tears are pouring down my face.

"I thought you didn't care. That you didn't try to even get me back to my old self. I only realized how much you actually tried, as I was lying in the hospital ward with nothing to do but to think about the last two years." Ranger adds and takes another deep breath. His voice is soft and full of emotion, which makes my stomach tighten and my heart ache, as he talks.

"I got help" He adds and I turn around abruptly.

"You did?" I question with a little disbelieve in my voice, even though hope is rising within me. As he nods I add. "What changed?"

"You send me the divorce papers and didn't ask for a thing. And yet it felt like you were taking everything I own and more." He tells me and looks me right into my eyes. "It made me see, that either I could sign those papers and loose you forever, or just man up and seek treatment...and maybe have another shot at spending the rest of my life with you."

"So you got help?" I question, just to make sure I guess that I have heard right.

"Yes, for the past four months I was a patient in a clinic, which specialised in the treatment of PTSD..." He explains. "The symptoms may never go away completely, but the chance that something like the incident on 7 happens again is very, very slim."

"I am glad you got the help you needed...I really am...but..." I start but he silences me by putting his index finger on my lips.

"Let me finish...please?" Ranger says and I only nod as an answer. "Like I said I know, that I don't have a right to just come here and announce that I want you back...and I know that you are with Martin. Just think about giving me another chance, Babe. I love you. I need you. And I don't want to let you go. I promise that I will make it up to you for the rest of our lives if you will have me...think about it okay?"

I nod again and Ranger presses and innocent, but sweet kiss, on my lips. "I will be at Rangemen. Take all the time you need" He whispers into my ear and as I open my eyes, he is already half way through the living room. I lick my lips and taste him on them. How I have missed his kisses, his hugs. I just missed him period.

My heart tells me to run after him and my head reminds me how lost, helpless, angry and sad I felt the last two years. In the end my heart wins the battle.

I make a dash for the front door and throw it open, just as he is about to open his car. "Ranger, wait!"

He pauses mid step and turns around to look at me.

"That is it? You just leave me be with my thoughts, knowing I will over think every last bit of our conversation? Are you insane?" I question as I walk towards him with a small smile on my lips.

"Sometimes I guess I am" Ranger replies, as we are only a few centimetres apart.

"I love you too" I simply tell him just before I close the distance between us and claim his lips. It feels like coming home. Everything is so familiar and yet different. A warm fuzzy feeling is spreading inside of me and I can't help but smile a little as he deepens the kiss.

"What are you going to tell Martin?" my husband questions as we pull apart.

"Martin and I...were never an Item. We developed a great friendship, but that is all" I answer and pull him back in for another kiss.

"Can I take you out tonight? Catch up some more and maybe burn those papers too?" Ranger asks and looks at me. His eyes used to be dark and dead, now they show signs of love and life.

"Yes and yes..." I nod eagerly. I don't want to waste another minute apart from him.

"But before hand I want you to meet somebody..." Ranger says, laces our fingers together and leads me towards the boot of the car. "Meet Diana Prince." He adds and opens his trunk. A beautiful German Sheppard puppy jumps out of it and right into my arms.

"I can't believe you used Wonder Woman's Secret Identity as her name" I state in disbelief, as the puppy licks every inch of my face.

"She reminded me of you as I got her" Ranger draws me closer and pets his dog with a tender smile on his face.

"Seems like Rex is getting a sister" I point out and kiss his cheek. I know we still have so much stuff to iron out between us, but I have a feeling we will be just fine.


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