"Veronica, we were looking all over for you," Emilie deadpanned as one of her fellow inmates of the Asylum for Wayward Victorian Girls arrived onto the scene. The redheaded inmate glared at the raven-haired one as she stepped into their little cell, which they shared with several other young women who had also been committed to this nightmarish hellhole.

"I just went out to play with those sick perverts, is all," Veronica replied languidly, ignorant to Emilie's annoyance. The raven-haired inmate was, of course, referring to the Asylum's "Chasers". These were the men who guarded the inmates, keeping them in line and locked up. They were so named for their propensity of "chasing" the other female inmates, always hoping for a tasty morsel to catch. They were ruthless and rough, but Veronica seemed to be into that thing. It was hardly new for her to be throwing herself at them in hopes of catching a tasty morsel all her own. She was a nymphomaniac, after all, sex was literally in her blood. She was willing to do it with anyone who said yes, no matter how rough or gentle.

"You're pandering to them now?" Emilie scoffed. "Showering them with compliments and using your words?" she was teasing her fellow inmate now, referring to the fact that Veronica was a horrible sap for romance and romantic prose. Sex-fiend though she was, Veronica was not without some very passionate romantic desires as well.

"Yes," Veronica said coyly, giving Emilie that infuriating little grin of one who knew she was toeing a line. Emilie only rolled her eyes in reply.

"Veronica, if you hadn't happened to notice that... that I have been ever so slightly... cold, with you today, as opposed to every other day-" the redhead began, but Veronica was already distracted by something else, it was a pair of pink panties on her bed. She knelt down to pick them up.

"Then I'm guessing these aren't your panties?" she asked, waving the underwear up at Emilie.

"No," Emilie replied, flat tone and flat expression, staring down disdainfully at Veronica and the panties she was still twirling between her fingers. Then something of a dry smile flickered across the redhead's face. "I don't wear any."

"Oooh!" Veronica perked up when Emilie decided to play along with her. But that was where Emilie was leaving the game.

"All that aside," she insisted. "Do you know why I wanted to speak with you today?" she trailed off, but since Veronica knew no real harm would ever come to her, especially not from Emilie, she took up a coy grin again and played dumb.

"Is it because... Aprella," the raven-haired inmate began dramatically, pretending to point a damning finger at the young blond sitting peacefully in the corner of their cell, humming a little French tune to herself. "Aprella, held me at gun point and forced me to make out with her?" she asked. Emilie made no sound, but her eyes widened a little before narrowing once again. She whipped around at once to face the left corner of their cell.

In that corner, the young blond, in a pink corset and little pink top hat sat, still singing her French song, but when she realized that the attention was on her now, she hopped up at once and began shaking her head in denial as Emilie stalked over to her.

"She did it, yes you did, yes you did, you did, YOU DID, and you liked it!" Veronica accused crossly as Aprella backed away from Emilie, hiding her trademark flintlock pistol (God knew where she'd found it, or her seemingly endless supply of bullets) behind her back.

"I didn't like it, I didn't like it, I didn't like it!" she claimed. Meanwhile, Emilie only took a deep whiff in as she drew closer to Aprella.

"I smell her all over you," the redhead deadpanned. Drat! Caught red-handed!

"Ok," Aprella confessed, but her smile revealed that she did not regret a single thing. Instead, having been caught, she only shrugged Emilie off and sauntered over to Veronica, grinning up at her.

"Is that all?" Emilie demanded of Veronica, her little beef with Aprella over faster than it had begun.

"No," Veronica said slowly, seductively. "There's also that point where Contessa asked me to get down on my knees and... pray?" Veronica performed those exact movements for Emilie as Emilie walked back over to her. The stone floor was cold and hard under Veronica's knees, but she paid it no mind, choosing instead to stare languidly back up at the now-much-taller Emilie.

"And then something very, very, very... funny... started to happen," Veronica continued shamelessly.

"Like 'ha-ha' funny?" Emilie asked. "Or like, funny funny?" but she already knew the answer.

"Like 'ha-ha' funny!" Contessa cried, hopping up from her own corner in their cell, quickly trying to keep Veronica's trap shut. It didn't work.

"More like, 'hhhaaa, ahhh, ahhhh' funny," Veronica said, pretending to moan and gasp in orgasmic pleasure. Contessa slapped her hand to her forehead while Emilie rolled her eyes for about the fifth time in the past two minutes. Why did Veronica's answer not surprise her?

"Is that all you have to confess to your fellow inmates?" Emilie demanded, trying to see just how far Veronica had fallen tonight.

"Nope!" Veronica repeated, sounding just as cheerfully unrepentant as before. "There was also a time where Captain Maggots gave me some 'tea' and next thing I know I woke up and she was making out with me and it was HORRIBLE!" Veronica was smiling far too widely as she said this.

"Hardly good," Emilie observed sarcastically. Meanwhile, Maggots, who had been sitting beside Contessa, smiled as if to say, "what can you do?" and she even gave an adorable little shrug to go along with it.

Emilie only sighed again. Why were her inmates so... disorderly? Wasn't the whole point of their Striped Stocking Society to find order and organization amongst the chaos of their lives as inmates to an asylum? Wasn't the whole point of their Society to maintain some level of dignity and control while stuck down here in a place that stripped away every last ounce of their autonomy? Wasn't the whole point of their Society to act as some form of their own government since the official one had long since failed and forgotten about them?

But no, all of the inmates were absolutely reckless! Positively wild! Now, Emilie had no trouble with casual sex, nor the occasional rule break, but this was getting out of hand! It was a Society, after all! There had to be at least some level of order here! Or everything would just fall back into anarchy! And that was just what their sadistic masters, the doctors, wanted! Emilie couldn't allow them that victory. So that left her here, trying to keep her unruly sisters in check.

"And all of this time, you were supposed to be doing what?" Emilie demanded of Veronica.

"You?" Veronica suggested innocently. Emilie buried her face in her hand, partly to mask her annoyance with Veronica refusing to take their SSS justice system seriously, and partly to hide the smile upon her face that would give away the fact that she actually found that joke pretty funny.

"I can't work like this anymore," Emilie told the other inmates. "Veronica's sexuality is distracting me," behind her, Veronica had already started to eye-flirt with Aprella, who was responding very positively, crawling over to her and nuzzling her throat and neck. Meanwhile, Maggots and Contessa, who were now sitting in front of Emilie, were ignoring their leader to ogle Aprella and Veronica behind her.

"But I don't know what to do," Emilie continued, unaware that no one was listening to her anymore. All at once, though, Aprella tore away from Veronica and bounded over to Emilie's side in a flash. Maybe someone had been listening to Emilie after all.

"WE COULD SHOOT HER!" she shouted, pointing her gun right at Veronica, finger on the trigger faster than the blink of an eye. But even faster than that was Emilie, acting purely on reflex as she grabbed Aprella's arm and lowered the gun right back down.

"Effective," she admitted without missing a beat as she held Aprella's arm down. "But messy."

"No! No! No! It'll be fine! Let me do it!" Aprella begged Emilie, trying to raise her gun-arm up again. Emilie wouldn't let her.

"Well, can we keep that as a plan B?" Emilie suggested, clamping a hand over Aprella's mouth to shut her up. Emilie removed her hand to allow Aprella to answer that question.

"Does B come before A?" the blond asked and Emilie quickly covered Aprella's mouth again. Idiot girl. She'd forgotten that some of the inmates were illiterate. Emilie, herself, had been blessed with the good luck of having learned how to read at a very young age, but the same couldn't be said for all of them, as proven by Aprella's ignorant and hopeful remark.

"Anyhow," Emilie continued. "We need new ideas. Anyone else?" she demanded, one hand still over Aprella's mouth and the other on the gun, to keep Aprella from firing off either of those objects.

"We could pray," Contessa offered. At once, almost like a reflex, Emilie cringed and raised Aprella's gun-arm again.

"I prefer Plan B," she said. In response, Aprella gave a muffled cry of delight behind Emilie's hand, and then pointed her gun towards Contessa, as though asking Emilie if she could shoot Contessa for making such a suggestion. Of course, that idea was shot down as well, but Emilie did finally release Aprella to address Contessa more directly.

"You see," the redhead told Contessa. "You do realize that I am not the biggest fan of organized religion in general, in particular, any religion starting with the letter... c-c-ch-chhhh-chrr-ch-," Emilie began to cough, gagging sarcastically on the mere letter alone. "Sorry," she said, clearly not sorry at all. "Just a touch of the Plague, I'll be fine," but they all knew she wasn't being serious at all.

"It's alright, EA, I like to call it, Contessology!" Contessa replied, the last three syllables of the word echoing throughout the tiny little cell. All of the other girls looked up at once, wondering where the sudden ambiance in their cramped living space had come from. Maggots' eyes were glued to the ceiling as though she expected an answer to come from above while Veronica and Aprella did a quick visual search of their tiny cell in attempt to figure out where the echo was coming from. Meanwhile, Emilie looked rather amused.

"Well. In Contessology... ology, ology, ology," Emilie began, mimicking the echo, "Can we do things like pray for the saving of Veronica's... souls," she cast a look at Veronica's large breasts. "And the maintenance of her... chastity?" Though a huge skeptic in all things religion, the redhead was sure that whatever crazy fake religion that Contess-ology was, it would sure beat the heck out of the other religion that started with a C whose name Emilie couldn't pronounce. Meanwhile, as though to tease Emilie, Veronica had since stuck her tongue out seductively. "Oh yes," Emilie muttered. "Be not fooled by her innocent appearance. It, her chastity, is in fact in grave danger..."

"Very well," Contessa agreed, then she clapped her hands once to get everyone in focus. "Please, everybody," she commanded. "Put your fingers together and repeat after me!" she raised her arms dramatically over her head, interlocking her fingers. Emilie, Veronica, Aprella and Maggots all the did the same. Then their little prayer began.

"Dear Divine that is here," Contessa began.

"Dear Divine that is here," the others repeated, though Emilie looked a little more than skeptical and Maggots, herself, seemed to be having way too much fun to be taking the prayer that seriously. For one, she had a pirate cutlass clasped between her fingers as well and seemed far more interested in it than the prayer. Just like with Aprella's gun, Emilie had no idea where Maggots had found a cutlass, but the Asylum was a strange place.

"Please bless-" Contessa had barely begun the second line of the prayer when Emilie interrupted.

"MAGGOTS!" the redhead thundered at the orange-haired inmate. Yelping in surprise and fear, the young pirate accidently dropped her cutlass before leaping back in line. "You're next on my list! Set a good example," Emilie warned sharply as Maggots got back in line for the prayer.

"Okie dokie!" Maggot giggled, seemingly unbothered by Emilie's threat. Then she, without the cutlass this time, clasped her fingers together, high over her head. The other inmates all gave her funny looks, but then Contessa shook her head and began the prayer again.

"Dear Divine that is here," she began.

"DEAR DIVINE IS-THAT'S- IS HERE!" Maggots bellowed enthusiastically before any of the others could respond as well. Once again, she received amused looks from the others and an annoyed sigh from Emilie, but the smile on her face was large enough that Emilie decided to let Maggots' overenthusiasm slide. At least she seemed to be invested in the prayer this time.

"Please bless those," Contessa continued right on through Maggots' rather "off-key" replies.

"Wontcha PLEASE BLESS THOOOOOSE," Maggots continued again, Emilie shot her another side-glance, but still said nothing.

"Who rip off all of their clothes?" Contessa continued.

"Who rip off their, all their, the clothes!" Maggots bounced a little, thoroughly enjoying the prayer. Emilie herself, meanwhile, seemed approving.

"How appropriate!" she nodded, then she turned approvingly to Contessa. "Do go on!" and Contessa happily obliged.

"And Dear Divine that is here,"

"And Dear Divine that is here,"

"Please bless those,"

"Please bless those,"

"Who eat all their fingers and toes," Contessa, herself, smiled sweetly upward.

"Who eat all of their fingers and toes!" the other girls repeated faithfully. But then Emilie paused.

"Wait, wait, I think we're getting a little off topic here. Let's reel it in just a bit," she told their "priestess". She only shrugged in response, but heeded Emilie's implied request and made the next part of the prayer a bit more... appropriate.

"And Dear Divine that is here,"

"And Dear Divine that is here,"

"Please bless those,"

"Please bless those,"

"Who hide behind their keyboard and leave me all alone!" Contessa interrupted her own prayer this time and whipped around accusingly at Emilie. Emilie, Veronica and Maggots all gasped, scandalized, but Aprella seemed oblivious to what had just happened.

"Who hide behind their keyboards and, and, uhhh, I don't know what the rest of that was," she said, still trying to complete the prayer.

"You knew about that?" Emilie asked guiltily, ignoring the confused look on Aprella's face.

"I'm smart," Contessa replied with a shrug, but then she snapped to attention again at once. "And Dear Divine that is here,"

"And Dear Divine that is here,"

"Please bless those,"

"Please bless those,"

"Who PEE IN THE TEA!"

"Who pee in the- WHAT?!" everyone shrieked at once, Emilie's cry was the shrillest of all. At once, she darted away from the little prayer circle and to her own cot in one of the corners of the cell, rummaging underneath her bed in worried search for her precious teacup. Meanwhile, Aprella and Maggots began wiping their mouths and tongues on the lace on their corsets. Veronica seemed to be the only one unbothered by this, but when she playfully lifted her leg and made a hissing sound, the reason became clear as to why. Contessa mimicked the gesture as well.

"Not in my tea, right?" Emilie demanded of Contessa and Veronica from her bed, quickly emptying the contents of her cup into her chamber pot.

"And Dear Divine that is here," Contessa plowed right on and Emilie was forced to rejoin the group, reluctantly leaving her teacup again.

"And Dear Divine that is here,"

"And Dear Divine that is here,"

"Please,"

"Please,"

"Please,"

"Please,"

"PLEASE,"

"PLEASE,"

"Help me!" Contessa finally finished the prayer, unclasping her fingers.

"Help me!" the others echoed, then they unclasped their fingers as well.

"Well then, Veronica, do you feel... saved?" Emilie inquired.

"I feel filled with grace," Veronica replied, crossing and uncrossing her legs suggestively. Emilie gave the raven-haired dancer a withering look.

"It's good enough for now, I suppose," she said, then she turned to Contessa. "Very well done with the prayer, Contessa, thank you."

"It is my pleasure, Emilie!" Contessa cried dramatically.

"I'm sure it is," Emilie responded, then she turned back to the others. "Now that we've all gotten that out of our system, do you think you all can try a little bit better to behave?" she made sure to look especially at Veronica when she said this.

"Cross my legs and hope to die!" Veronica swore, but no one else looked very convinced.

"Very well then," Emilie repeated. "I suppose that is all I wished to address today. Meeting adjourned!" and with that, the small band of asylum inmates disbanded, some of them going back to bed while others simply went back to their corner of their cell. Veronica, meanwhile, slunk back out of the cell door and down the long black corridor of their block. Emilie watched her go, already knowing where the harlot was headed.

"God help me," she muttered, but she said nothing else after that. It was just another normal day in the Asylum For Wayward Victorian Girls!

AN: Just a write-out of the skit EA always used for her song "God Help Me". I used several versions of the skit in this fic, including the:

"Emilie Autumn & The Bloody Crumpets Skit" (my personal favorite version of the skit)

"Emilie Autumn- Veronica's confession 12/2/09 NY"

"Emilie Autumn - Dominant + Prayers + God Help Me Effenaar, Eindhoven (01-03-10) *HD QUALITY*" versions, among others.

Also, sidenote about the plot, this is "Stage Canon". What I mean is, this fic was based off her stage show, which means it diverges from the book canon (for example, neither Maggots nor Aprella are technically in the book, but I still count them as Asylum characters, but only in the Stage Canon of the story.

Additionally, since Contessa calls Emilie "EA" in one of the shows, this implies that, in stage-canon, the lead character's name is "Emilie Autumn" and not "Emily-With-a-Y", hence why I spelled her name "Emilie" in this fic. But this is all just my personal headcanon about the different "AUs" on the Asylum).

Also, some background: In this fic, Emilie and her band live on one floor in the asylum and all the cells are open in the sense that the girls can come and go into one another's cells (I know it's unrealistic, but it's the only way to explain why all five of them can interact at once), but they are still locked within their floor. In this particular fic, Emilie has been noticing how hypersexual Veronica is getting and finally calls something of a "town meeting" wherein the band discusses what to do with Veronica's nymphomania.

It's something of a "court session" because, in this fic, the SSS isn't just a support group, it's a recreation of the proper society in which they would all live if they could: it's a competent government where everyone talks about their issues, instead of it being a patriarchal and near-dictatorial institution in which they have no voice.