I didn't understand who could possibly make my brother turn into someone so weak.
Rick had always been so strong—the best leader I had ever seen. I had always looked up to him and trusted his judgement no matter what. Things had been pretty good, all things considered. We were building something in Alexandria. We were safe.
And then one day, Rick came home without Glenn and Abraham.
Since their deaths, our group was broken. People were terrified out of their minds. I had only heard what had happened in the line up. I barely understood it myself. I just knew my friends were dead at the hands of a man named Negan.
We had made a grave mistake. We attacked the Saviors on Gregory's words, and it had led to this.
We had lost.
My brother was defeated. He had given up hope.
I hated seeing him like this.
We hadn't even had time to mourn before there were trucks pulling up to our gates and the Saviors entered our home, wielding guns and glaring us down.
Then the man himself appeared and everyone turned their attention on him. I was standing outside on my front porch, watching them enter our community. He exited out of the passenger side of a truck and stepped out, looking around with a big smile on his face. His black hair was slicked back and he was wearing a leather jacket. He was middle aged, probably a bit older than my brother, and had a salt and pepper beard. In the moment, he looked almost friendly—but I knew better.
Negan strolled down the street like he owned the place—he practically did; my brother wasn't willing to fight him anymore. No one was. They all seemed so nervous and afraid to be in his presence. Rosita was standing with Sasha across the way from me, and I could see Spencer was watching the Saviors curiously as they walked across our yards. Other Alexandrians had come out of their houses and were watching too. Rick walked up, greeted him with a nervous look on his face, and walked next to Negan. I couldn't hear what they were saying.
Negan was looking around at all the faces when his eyes met mine. He cocked his head to the side and squinted at me, before walking right at me.
I narrowed my eyes at him as he approached my house. Carl, my nephew, was standing next to me, looking at Negan with so much hatred in his eyes. I couldn't blame him; Carl had witnessed first hand the massacre of our friends. He had already been through more than any kid should because of the walkers, and then Negan made him witness that.
Negan grinned like a snake, and I held his gaze as he walked up onto the porch where I stood. I could see my brother following behind him like an obedient dog.
"Rick, who the fuck is this?" Negan asked, still looking me over. I furrowed my brow in confusion as he took me in, his eyes lingering on my body.
Was he checking me out?
"I'm Rick's younger brother." I answered coldly, moving so I was in between Negan and Carl. I was very defensive of my family and knew what this man was capable of. Carl had become quite the firecracker too, and I didn't want him lashing out at our enemy right then. We needed to tread carefully.
"I can see the family resemblance," Negan said, leaning to the side, eyes still locked on me. "You all keep giving me those dirty looks, and I don't appreciate that shit. Though I do appreciate other dirty things." Negan stepped up to get closer to me, but Rick walked up onto the steps.
"What do you want, Negan?" Rick asked loudly, trying to get his attention. Negan peered at me, and then turned to my brother.
"I want your guns, Rick," he answered, smiling devilishly. He moved to get off the porch and Rick turned and started to lead him towards another house, where we kept the weapons stashed. "And bring your little brother," he added, turning around to wink at me. Carl looked up at me with a confused look and I sighed and followed them onto the road.
I walked behind them, worried someone was going to get hurt. He had a barbed wire baseball bat laying against his shoulder. Carl had told me that's what he had used to kill Glenn and Abraham. I wanted to grab it and beat him, but knew his men would gun me down before I got the chance.
We entered the weapons house and Rick gathered every gun for Negan. Some of Negan's men came inside to start taking them. I stood off to the side and watched them rob us. The old Rick would have stopped this, but my brother had changed. He belonged to Negan now.
"Not just these ones," Negan ordered, turning to glare down at Rick. "I want ALL your guns."
Rick nodded quickly and his compliance made me sick to my stomach.
"Just give me some time to gather everything," he said, heading out of the house.
"Come on Carl." Rick called to his son, hoping to get him away from Negan. I remained in the house and watched my brother and nephew leave. Negan's men removed all of our guns and carried them out the door.
Then I was left alone with Negan.
"You got a nice place here," he said, turning to me. Once again he was studying me and I looked away from him and across the room, not wanting to talk.
"You ever been with a man before?" His voice completely caught me off guard, and I turned to look at him with a disgusted look—not because he was suggesting I was into men. I had known I was gay almost my whole life. I was disgusted that it was him asking—that it was him looking at me like this.
He licked his lips and grinned at me. I narrowed my eyes at him.
"I don't fuck around with people who hurt my family." I said, coldly.
Negan approached me slowly, smiling wide.
"I didn't hurt anyone in your family." He was referring to the fact he hadn't killed Rick or Carl.
"They're all my family. You killed my friends," I growled at him. I had loved Glenn and Abraham. We had been close, and losing them was painful. I was now standing in front of the man who had taken them away from us. I didn't feel the fear my brother felt because I hadn't seen it. I just felt anger and hatred.
Negan stopped in front of me, and matched my scowl with one of his own.
'You murdered a fuck-ton of my men. I had to make sure you people learned your place."
I turned my head away from him in disgust. He was insane. I wasn't going to stand here and listen to this. I turned to walk away when his voice made me freeze.
"I bet I can make you submit just like your brother." He started to close the distance between us, when I reached out and grabbed his arm tightly, stopping him in his tracks.
"I might be Rick's little brother, but I'm not going to submit to you," I hissed. My hand tightened on his arm and I squeezed hard.
Negan chuckled and leaned towards me in an attempt to intimidate me, but I didn't budge.
"You like it rough, don't you?" he said in a low voice, and I dropped his arm. Just as I did, Negan moved closer, cornering me by the wall. I glared at him as he pressed his hand against the wall and leaned his body against mine.
He was hard.
Before I could move away, Negan's hand grasped the front of my pants and palmed my crotch. His grin grew even wider as he felt my dick through the fabric.
"Not so little after all, Mr. Grimes," he whispered low.
I hated the betrayal of my body, but the feeling of Negan's hand against my pants stirred something inside of me. I turned my head away and held my breath as he continued to touch me.
I hated this man. Hated what he had done to us, but his power, his scent, every single aspect about him in this very moment felt good.
I was sick of feeling so weak and helpless, and now I was feeling something else entirely.
And I didn't want him to stop.
I swallowed hard when Negan let me go and backed up, chuckling darkly. I tried to regain my composure, but knew he had seen that I had enjoyed it. He was so incredibly amused, and I couldn't bring myself to look at him. He was making me frustrated, in more ways than one.
"I won't tell if you don't," he whispered against my ear, his hot breath hitting my skin.
He was still very close to me when Rick came back inside the house and announced loudly that the guns were outside and ready for Negan to inspect. Negan smiled down at me, and then turned to my brother, getting away from my face and heading to the door.
"That better be all of them," he warned, and exited the house.
Rick looked at me with concern, but I just shook my head and moved away from the wall where Negan had cornered me. I walked out of the house and followed my brother towards Negan's trucks, doing my best to mentality shake off the many feelings I was experiencing.
"I'll be back in a week for my shit, Rick. Do not disappoint me." Negan glared at my brother and then looked back to me and smiled wide and raised his eyebrows. It didn't go unnoticed by Rick, who turned and looked at me confused. I continued to glare at Negan, not able to meet my brother's gaze.
With that, Negan got inside the passenger side, and the trucks pulled out of the gate of Alexandria. Once he was gone, it was like a haze was lifted from our community and everyone immediately started being more relaxed. They still seemed worried, but it was clearly less intense once Negan was gone.
I watched as Rick pulled the gate closed and I stood there, feeling incredibly guilty about my interaction with our enemy. I hadn't expected anything like that, and wondered what this meant for me now.
Negan had touched me…
And I had enjoyed it.
I turned away from where I was standing by the front of Alexandria and walked quickly back to my house before my brother could question me. I wasn't ready for that.
Because the more I thought about it, the more I realized…
I wanted it to happen again.
