I have been plagued by this story for a long time and it's time to bring it out to the day light. Not something I usually write but my muse was very insistent. Pairings include light Remus/0C, James/Lily, Sirius/many. Warnings include Sirius' dirty mouth, mentions of self-harm, and a bit of angst here and there. This may become a M story due to Sirius not knowing how to keep his language clean. I really hope you like it.

I offer many thanks to my beta, Marla1, who is very nice, helpful, and encouraging.


"One must learn to love, and go through a good deal of suffering to get to it... and the journey is always towards the other soul."

I loved the rain. I loved the sound of it on a lonely night, the fresh and clean smell of wet earth, and the feel of it on my skin; especially the feel of it, whether it'd be a gentle mist or a full out down pour. There was something, perhaps, ceremonial or just maybe cleansing about standing in the rain. Maybe I was dramatic or read too many books but I always thought that there was something romantic about a summer shower.

Maybe I was just weird.

The night after the welcome feast went too quickly and with the dawning of a new day came the pearl gray of a rainy morning. Droplets of water created random patterns on the window pane that I followed with my tired eyes. I stood at my dormitory's window as I braided my hair and did the finishing touches on my Gryffindor uniform. It was a solemn beginning to my fifth year at Hogwarts but welcome none the least.

As I said before, I loved the rain.

I had no expectations for this year and I figured it would be the same as last year. And the year before. And the year before. I was well practiced in the art of being a wall flower and I intended to stay the way. I was used to solitude and considered it my ally. So much for my inner Gryffindor.

Maybe I was just a Hufflepuff in Lion's clothing. There'd be no surprise there.

The sounds of the other girls rousing and getting ready for a new day made me halt my silent musings and turn from the window, grab my bag off my bed, and head down to breakfast. The Great Hall was still quiet and only a few early risers sitting here and there. There was a sleepy air about the cavernous room and I could have sworn I saw a Slytherin drowning in his oatmeal but, figuring he would survive, I dropped onto an empty bench at the Gryffindor table and helped myself to some eggs and bacon and a cup of orange juice. I pulled out my sixth year potion's text and flipped to the first chapter in preparation for my first class.

I was, in no way, someone proficient in her studies. I may have the tendencies of a cowardice Puff-ball but my chances of reaching the bar of a Ravenclaw were slim to none. But reading a monotonous Potion's book that was written back in the times before Merlin was better than attempting to avoid conversations that would no doubt lead to something awkward and embarrassing on my behalf as I ate. Munching bacon and sipping orange juice in silence with a potion's text in my lap, I didn't notice someone slide in across from me until he spoke.

"Good book, eh?"

I looked up, startled, sucking the spilt juice from off my finger and staring at my sudden breakfast companion.

Remus Lupin, with his stupid sandy-colored hair and crooked smile, sat across from me with a small smile on his lips. I looked around quickly for the rest of his group that he usually tailed around with but he was alone. Remus Lupin was a part of a four boy group who called themselves the "Marauders"; popular and known pranksters. It was a bit disconcerting to see him here, sitting with a loner like me. A stab of anxiety made me wonder if I was about to be part of an elaborate and humiliating prank. I had never been a target of theirs before and I wasn't ready to be one now.

Lupin must have seen the scared look on my face because he gave a short, embarrassed laugh. "No worries—it's just me. I tend to be an early riser sometimes—my friends are still sleeping."

I stared at him, the bacon I had been chewing in my mouth was now a tasteless lump of sawdust and I forced myself to swallow, my face flushing so bright a red I must have been on the verge of blinding him.

"Soo…" he fidgeted with his sleeves before helping himself to a piece of toast, his eyesight apparently fine. "Pond, right?"

I nodded faintly, my hands clenching the book under the table until it hurt and the hard-back bind began to bend.

"And I'm sure you know my name," he said though not in an arrogant way but in something akin to embarrassment. Why would he be embarrassed about that? Huh. Maybe the flock of girls that followed his group didn't give him enough time for his daily manicures.

Lupin munched his toast, his amber eyes watching me curiously.

I swallowed once, twice before holding up the book I had been reading. "Potions," I said with an awkward laugh. "Just-just Potions. Nothing interesting."

Lupin nodded in understanding, his face sympathetic. "That's your first class, right? At least you don't have to participate in the Slug Club."

I looked down at my plate, knowing I wouldn't be eating the rest of it now that this popular boy was sitting across from me. No boys, especially the popular ones, ever tried to make a conversation with me. I felt awkward and lost and unsure of what to do even though all I wanted was to stand up and walk away. Shine, inner Hufflepuff! Shine!

"I sat two seats behind you last year, you're hard to miss with that hair…" he trailed off, his face suddenly beet red. "Sorry, I meant that with no offense, it's just that—well—" he coughed and ran a hand through his hair, causing it stick up haphazardly.

I too was red at this point and beyond mortified. I looked down at the unimaginative braid that hung over my shoulder, my hand automatically rising to touch it. Sure my hair wasn't gorgeous like Evans' red locks or McKinnon's midnight curls but I never thought it was that bad. The strands were so pale they were practically white. Having white hair amidst a sea of brown, red, black, and blond, it was hard to be unnoticed. But no one had ever actually pointed out how much I stuck out like a sore thumb. Until Lupin decided to rain on my parade.

And I was supposed to like rain.

I looked up to attempt a glare at the Marauder but saw that he wasn't looking at my hair but staring at my arm where the sleeve had sagged to reveal bare skin.

Damn my stick arms.

I immediately dropped my hand, my face now felt cold as it drained of color. "Is there a reason you're talking to me?" I asked angrily, my lip quivering. I was surprised at my brashness. It usually took more than this to make me lose my temper.

Lupin looked me, his face confused as though he was unsure of what he saw and of what to say. "I just saw you alone—so—well—"

"Remus!" a voice from across the hall called out and we both looked up to see the rest of Lupin's boy band waving for him. Something akin to relief flooded me and if I had been alone I probably would have slid off my seat to lay on the floor for some down time.

He stood quickly, oblivious to my inner struggle, grabbing his bag and adjusting the strap over his shoulder. "I'm sorry," he said with a half-shrug. "See you in class?"

I said nothing. I dropped my gaze and stared at the table, my eyes burning. I heard him hesitating but when those hideous boys began to cat call and whistle at him, he hurried away without even a glance over his shoulder.

During Potions, I swore that I could feel Lupin's eyes burning into the back of my skull. I feared I would burst into flames at any moment and hoped someone would lend an auguamenti in my aid. What was with this guy? This was not the anonymous start of the year that I hopped for. I was glad though, that today was only a day for notes and not actual potion making for I knew I would have probably ended up blowing up my cauldron and maybe even my face. When the bell tolled, announcing the end of the hour, I had already packed up my bag and was weaving my way between the desks and students and headed for my next class. To my relief, Lupin didn't bother trying to talk with me and I figured he had decided to forget our brief meeting and go about his marauding business with his stupid and annoying friends.

The rest of the day went by relatively normal, though I was plagued with an annoying headache. I skipped lunch but dared to show my face at dinner because I didn't want to spend the night with an aching stomach. No one bothered me, thank god, but as I had finished eating and was heading out, I glanced back at the Gryffindor table and noticed Lupin watching me leave. Sirius Black nudged him, breaking Lupin's eye contact and both sixteen-year-old boys laughed about something.

I quickened my step.

I reached the sixth year girl's dormitory out of breath and wondering why they had to make Hogwarts so bloody big. Throwing my bag on the bed and kicking off my shoes, I headed for the showers with a towel and my shampoo.

The hot water was heaven as it beat upon my back. It soothed my aching muscles and relaxed the jumble of thoughts bouncing like ping-pongs around in my head. I stood there for what seemed like forever, staring at the rivulets the water made as it hit the floor of the cold marble and drained through the grates.

It had been a while since someone had taken the time to sit down and attempt a civil conversation with me. It's not like I was singled out or bullied but I suppose my reserved nature and ability to avoid and blend in kept people from approaching me for more than a spare quill or piece of parchment. While other people pined for popularity or a relationship, I spent my school days perfecting my gift of being a wall-flower. The only person I ever held a semi normal conversation with was an awkwardly tall Slytherin of whose name I continuously messed up. We would meet in the library every so often and do our homework together though our 'conversations' never consisted of more than a couple sentences at a time, but other than the sallow faced Slytherin, I had no one else.

When my fingers began to look like prunes, I soaped up a cloth and ran it quickly over my body pausing only to study my arms. A wash of shame came over me and I quickly covered them up with suds and rinsed off.

I shut off the spout of steaming water and brushed aside the plastic curtain, snatching the white towel from the hook. Beside from being clean, the shower had relatively done me no good. I still felt achy and feeble and I longed to lie down, letting the surreal hands of unconsciousness get their grip and drag me down into a pool of utter oblivion .I stood with my face buried in the towel, letting the moisture drip from my body and pool on the tiles. I could feel my head pounding with each beat of my heart, it throbbed and pulsed with burning pain.

"I thought a shower was supposed to help you," I groaned to myself, pulling the towel away from my face and wrapping it around my body. The air was steamy and thick from my hot shower. I slipped on a pair of rubber sandals and I turned, taking a long look at myself in the mirror.

"What if I were beautiful like Evans and Mckinnon?" I whispered to my reflection. "Would life be easier? Would someone like Remus be interested in me?" I grabbed a handful of my ash-white hair and pulled it back from my face. I turned to the left and studied my profile.

Facing the mirror again, I smiled and watched my slight dimple appear. My clear grayish-green eyes stared back, scanning each feature. Nose, chin, eyebrows, cheeks. All normal, I decided, maybe even boring. A few too many freckles across my nose and cheeks, perhaps, and that embarrassing bit of a gap between my front teeth. But then, there were always my lips—my nice lips. I made a kissy face in the mirror and wondered if I were a little old to be doing this kind of self-image seeking. Didn't most girls do this when they were twelve?

At twelve, I was too busy dealing with my dead mother and avoiding my father to stop and look in the mirror. At fourteen, I was still turning cartwheels in the yard and painting silly portraits in my room.

Now at fifteen, for the first time, I realized I was almost grown up. Three years left at Hogwarts, and I would be an official adult looking for a career. I let out a huge sigh. I didn't really feel like crying, but it would be nice to somehow expend these overwhelming emotions. Another long stare in the mirror brought a reflection of Remus to my mind. It must have been the hair. Thinking of him mentioning my unique hair made me flush even in privacy. Why should I care what he thought, though?

With a tug at the zipper of my toiletries bag, I pulled out my toothbrush, loaded it with toothpaste, and went to work scrubbing my teeth with all the vigor my emotions brought out.

Remus will never be interested in someone like me. And why would I be interested in someone like him? Somebody arrogant and who hung out with the 'it' crowd.

The foaming toothpaste began to drip from the side of my mouth. I made a funny face like a raging monster before spitting it out.

My father was right. I do read too much into things.

I rinsed my mouth and took a close look at my gleaming smile.

It wasn't a good idea, either, to get close to anyone at this point.

I grimaced fiercely at my reflection in the mirror. I gazed into my eyes, which had turned the shade of a silent winter morning. In that instant I remembered everything about Remus from this morning. His crooked smile, his searching amber eyes, and the way he smelled like the woods at night. And the way he spoke to me so openly.

Once more, I felt the sudden urge to cry. Why couldn't I be prettier? Maybe my lips were nice and possibly the only redeemable quality about me but who would ever want to kiss them? Remus Lupin?

I shook my head at that thought, wondering why I thought that. Remus Lupin would never be interested in someone like me, especially when he had a whole herd of girls that idolized Potter and Black to pick from.

I jumped when the door opened, whirling away from the mirror, embarrassed to be caught staring at myself and Evans stepped in carrying her own towel and shower caddy. She seemed surprised to see me and I clutched my arms to my chest, my long hair still dripping.

"You ok?" she asked hesitantly, pulling her blue bath robe tighter around her ridiculously perfect, slender body.

"Yeah, just tired." I answered after a beat, holding on even tighter to my towel.

"First day back to class always hit me hard, too," she said as she swept her red hair into a messy bun on top her head. Her bright green eyes seemed open and honest. Why was she suddenly talking to me after all these years we had spent in mutual silence? She had never really bothered to say anything in passing to me and I hadn't really cared either way.

And yet here was Lily Evans with her pretty green eyes and unique red hair striking up a conversation with little old me with the boring pale eyes, hair nearly as white as fresh snow and too many cinnamon freckles to count, I was just a shadow next to this beautiful girl who always had the popular boys crawling at her feet—namely one arrogant James Potter. I couldn't help but wonder if I was the butt of a joke. Two popular people in one days? Something had to be up.

We stood in silence for several moments before she spoke again. "Well, I guess I'll see you tomorrow in class?"

I nodded and gathered up my things as she pulled off her bathrobe and started a shower. I averted my eyes from her nakedness, feeling embarrassed by her obvious comfortableness with her own body and envious of her inhibitions.

God, I wished I looked like that. Despite the off-beat day I had, I fell asleep rather quickly to the sound of Marlene McKinnon humming to herself and Alice Fortescue scratching away with a quill and parchment.

I dreamed.

A woman, her long locks of auburn hair cascading down her back, sat at a piano bench. She was wearing a white, simple dress with a blue ribbon tied around the waist, but it made her beautiful-a simplistic beauty that not many women could master. Her fingers moved along the keys in a poetic dance, creating a light, soothing melody that hung in the air like sparkling stardust. Beneath her, a careworn dog curled up under the bench, its liquid brown eyes large and happy. The windowsill was overflowing with flowers-white, pink, and red-they spilled over the wood frame and sprinkled the floor with petals, like silky pieces of confetti. The golden beams of light shone from the open window, enveloping the room with its warm hug. It gave the woman at the piano a glowing halo, warming her hair till it looked like soothing fire.

I reached out to touch it, to feel the velvet hair but my hand fell through air and I realized that I was suddenly alone. The sun had disappeared and the flowers had wilted. The woman was gone and the piano stood solitary, dented and scraped, as the dream faded to darkness.

I jerked awake. The dormitory was flooded with the pink of a sunrise and the rest of the girls were already up and about, talking amongst their selves and getting ready for the new day.

I sat up quickly, surprised that I had slept in so late, and threw my hair up into a loose pony tail, knowing I was going to miss breakfast. The rest of the day continued at a rushed pace; Lupin didn't even cross my mind, not that he mattered at all. Several times, though, Lily Evans said hi in passing or waved at me across the Great Hall.

What the—?

And so the week went in tedious monotony, except for one part where my bag split and my books spilled on the floor. Cursing, I hurried to gather up my things when none other than Sirius Black stopped to pick up a stray book that had skidded across the hall. He waited until I had magically mended my bag, scooped up my junk and stood before handing over the book with an arrogant smirk as though he knew something I didn't.

I slowly took the book back with a muttered 'thanks' but he was already walking away with smooth strides. I watched him go until someone slammed into my shoulder and a Ravenclaw girl with cascading blonde curls stood in front of me.

"You've got no chance." She said snidely before prancing away like a prissy fairy, leaving me standing alone in bewilderment.

Bloody hell.

After that, I steered clear of the marauders and spent Thursday and Friday in the shadows. After last period on Friday, I went straight up to my dormitory and collapsed, fully dressed on my bed. Lily Evans, who was sitting on her bed reading, shut her book and looked over at me.

"Hard week?" she asked.

I grunted in response.

"You know," she began slowly. "Me, Marlene, and Clover are going to hang out by the lake tomorrow if you'd like to join us." I didn't give an answer, given to the fact that I was in shock at the offer. What the hell was going on? When had Lily ever wanted to hang out?

She sighed. "You know, it can't be any fun to not have friends to hang out with." She said with a snippy undertone.

I sat up and closed my bed curtains, effectively shutting Evans out.

'Leave me alone. I'm good at being alone' was the last thought that crossed my mind as I fell asleep.

That cloudy Saturday afternoon, on my ritual walk I did every weekend while at Hogwarts, I ventured close to the lake and sure enough, Lily and her friends were sitting in the grass, laughing and talking and sharing sweets. I wanted to walk up to them but my inner Hufflepuff reigned me in and I walked the opposite direction.

"Going for walk, Pond?" A voice called out to me.

Startled, I turned and saw Lupin walking towards me, hands in his pockets, wearing a navy blue hoodie and looking windswept.

"It's good exercise," I answered back in a shy voice, fidgeting with my hair as he neared.

He gave me a once over and said: "Not that you need it. Maybe you should take this time for an extra meal or two."

My shyness instantly dissolved and I gave him a disgusted look, "Do you feel it your duty to insult some part of my looks every time we meet?" without waiting for answer, I turned away and started marching back up to the castle.

"Hey, Pond, wait!" I heard him jogging to catch up with me. He grabbed my elbow but I yanked away, crossing my arms as I looked up at his annoying face. "Look, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to offend you. It's just…ugh…" he shook out his hands as though he was nervous. "I don't even know why I said that."

I stared at him, trying to figure this boy out and what exactly he wanted from me. Sure he was cute but I was me, so it had to be something else entirely. After several moments of staring, I finally said: "It's ok."

Lupin reached out his hand and for one terrifying moment, I thought he was going to touch my face in some sort of romantic gesture or something but instead, he picked a leaf out of my hair and let it drop from his fingers.

"Um, thanks," I mumbled, my face a flaming red.

He opened his mouth to speak, no doubt something else to embarrass me but the clouds above us suddenly split and rain poured. We both looked up, me blinking rapidly at the sudden onslaught.

"Merlin," Lupin muttered and before I could ask what the hell he was doing, he pulled off his hoodie and held it out to me. "Here."

I didn't move. "I'm fine."

The rain picked up and the sound of it grew to a dull roar.

"Take it," he insisted loudly, blinking fast as the water ran into his eyes and clung to his lashes. "It's still a bit of a walk to get to the castle."

"I like the rain," I insisted, squinting and taking a couple steps back.

"Yeah, well, unless you like pneumonia too, I suggest you put this on."

When I realized he wasn't going to budge and I slipped on his jumper and pulled the hood up over my head. It was still warm from his body heat and it smelled like the woods and musky men's body soap. "What about you?" I asked as we headed for the castle, staring at his thin henley.

"I'm fine," he answered, speaking above the rain. "You wanna run?"

I nodded in agreement and together we sprinted up towards the school, joining the throng of students who were already running for shelter.

Once inside the doors, Lupin turned to me, breathless, his bottom lip quivering from the chill of the castle air. "You sure are faster than you look."

We walked slowly now, side by side, so close that our fingers kept brushing together until I stuffed my hands in the front pocket, my insides squirming.

"Why are you being so nice to me?" I asked suddenly after mustering up the guts to say anything at all. "You've never bothered to talk to me before." I couldn't keep the accusation out of the voice, and when I glanced at him from the corner of my arm, I saw him rubbing the back of his neck uncomfortably.

"Honestly," he began hesitantly. "I dunno."

Well, that cleared things up. Thank you, Remus Lupin. Just…thank you.

He must have gauged from my silence that his answer was somewhat lacking. "I'm sorry, it's just, I saw you sitting there at the table, we've never been introduced before and there was no one else to sit with." No one else to sit with? Was he serious or had I momentarily gone deaf and I missed the other half of his answer?

He looked down at his watch and sighed. "Look, I gotta go. I'm sorry. See you?" Without waiting for an answer, he turned and walked away in the opposite direction so abruptly that I almost received whiplash.

He didn't even ask for his hoodie back.

The next day, I stayed in the common room all day, only emerging for meals. I was confused and tired and unsure what I should do with all that was happening. I hid Lupin's hoodie in my wardrobe and made myself forget about our weird conversation. When the next week of classes rolled around, I kept my head down lest Lupin tried to make eye contact. I even turned around and walked the long way to Charms when I saw Evans approach me. I continued this practice into Wednesday where I found myself in a corner of the library, where I sat playing with my braid and doodling on some parchment. My Charms book lay untouched and the essay I began lay unfinished. I couldn't focus. It was the second week of my school year and things were already hectic. To escape the chaos, I retreated to the library, which had become a sanctuary for since these past several years, with its solitude and books. I loved to read.

But I wasn't doing any reading at the moment. There were too many thoughts chasing each other inside my head; mainly thoughts about Lupin and some about Evans' attempt at friendship. But what worried me most was the look on Remus Lupin's face when he saw my naked arm last Monday at breakfast. Would he approach me about what he had seen? Would he tell others? Too many questions and no answers and I was getting antsy. Nothing had happened yet and Lupin didn't mention that day in the rain. Maybe I was just working myself up. Maybe he didn't even see anything and I was making mountains out of mole hills.

I realized that I did have a tendency to draw things out and pick apart every detail until it was not the idea but me who was in pieces. Though maybe I had reasons to be the way I am. Life for me had never really been a walk in the park.

My mum was a witch and my father was a muggle. My mother died a few years back, which sent certain events into sending me to Hogwarts late into my second year. My relationship with my father had been less than stellar.

I dreaded returning to him each summer but had no other choice, no other family. Well, I did once have an older brother but Adrien took off the moment he graduated private school. My brother and I had never been close. He didn't inherit my mother's magical abilities and I guess he just felt too distanced from me.

I never knew where Adrien was, when, or if I'd ever hear from him. He didn't make it to mum's funeral because he was backpacking through Europe. The day I left for Second Year at Hogwarts, he showed up on our doorstep on his way to Indi, where he said he planned to live on an ashram and study with some guru or something. Since then, I had a couple postcards, but that was all. In my journal, I have the most recent picture of him—long-haired, flashing me the peace sign from a commune in Colorado, USA….from two years ago.

My brother definitely marched to the beat of his own drummer. And me?

I was too beat to march.

I sighed and ran a hand up my arm, feeling the raised ridges beneath my fingertips and wishing things were different. I pulled my sweater sleeve back down and yanked the hair tie from my braid, letting my hair go free, and then regretted it as my hair fell messily over my eyes. Great, I've always wanted to look homeless. Sighing and quickly running my fingers through my hair to get rid of the knots, I re-braided it, wishing I was more inventive with my style.

"All right, Pond?" Startled, I jolted, spilling my ink across my parchment. "Merlin's pants," I muttered, my heart suddenly running away from me. I pressed a hand to my chest in an attempt to hold it in place.

Remus Lupin pulled out his wand, looking sheepish. "Here, let me help you." He began to siphon the ink back into the bottle and I watched with flaming cheeks. "I didn't mean to startle you."

I shrugged, biting my lip, that squirmy feeling returning to the pit of my stomach.

Lupin set his bag on the floor and took a seat across from me. "Fancy seeing you here, eh?" he said with a grin as if we were best buds or something.

I wasn't impressed.

"What do you want?" I asked roughly, giving him the most intimidating look possible as I stuffed the parchment I had been doodling on into my bag.

Obviously it wasn't intimidating enough. He gave me a half smile, pulling out his own books and a quill. "Mind if I study with you?"

I swallowed and shook my head, pulling my open Charms book closer to me.

We sat for ten minutes in silence as he wrote out his essay and I stared at my charms book with unseeing eyes. These silent ten minutes seemed like an eternity though. Why does he keep approaching me? Why was he sitting with me? Was there some sort of ulterior motive? A bet? Curiosity? I hated this tension curdling in my stomach; I brushed my bangs back from my eyes and sighed deeply, digging my nails into the hard wood grain of the table.

"Pond," Lupin said suddenly, scooting his chair a bit to the right so we were face to face. "We've had two full conversations and I still don't know your first name…?" I had to swallow several times before I croaked out, "Lucy." It's not like we've been in the same House for the past four and half years. I dug my nails deeper into the wood, feeling the needling pain in the tips of my fingers and using that pain to anchor myself down.

"Gone to Narnia recently?" he asked with a goofy expression.

"Huh?"

"Nothing, just a joke. I'm Remus," he responded, holding out a hand with a teasing smile on his face. I didn't take it.

"I know," I said instead in a suspicious voice. I crossed my arms defensively. A scathing remark burned at the tip of my tongue but I bit it back.

Remus dropped his hand and looked briefly uncomfortable. "I wanted to ask you…"

I froze, eyes wide, face pale.

"Do you dye your hair? I mean, it's nearly white?"

I blushed and unconsciously touched my hair. "Here we go about my appearance again. You seem particularly interested in my hair, Lupin." I accused.

"Remus," he corrected. "Just curious, I suppose. I'm really not trying to insult you or anything but I've never seen hair like yours before."

"It used to be sort of a dirt brown color," I said with a slight laugh, flipping by braid back over my shoulder. Remus cocked his head, eyebrows raised. "So, you do dye your hair."

I shook my head hurriedly. "No…it's…well…I got caught in the backfire of a wand explosion when I was nine. It messed up my pigment—that's what the healers said, at least. That's why I'm so pale and my hair 'nearly white'." My face went red again and I looked down, feeling self-conscious. Why, oh why does my blood betray me like this?! I hated blushing!

"I'm sorry," Remus said with a frown. "I shouldn't have brought it up…"

I shrugged. "S'ok. It's just you're the first person to ever ask. It's weird."

Remus gave a sympathetic look and bent back over his homework

We sat for another ten minutes or so in silence. I twiddled my quill as I watched him scratching out his essay. His letters were small and precise and carefully written; he doubled checked his work every couple sentences he wrote. There was not one ink spot on his parchment and I was jealous that I couldn't write that neat but at the same time glad I wasn't that anal. He felt my eyes on him and looked up. He tapped his quill on the table.

"Can I ask you another question?" he asked after several moments of his tapping.

I shrugged. "Nothing's stopped you yet."

Remus laughed as though I had just told a joke. "So, that accident you were in….how'd it happen?"

I twirled a strand of my pale hair, once again feeling suspicious of the third degree I was receiving from this popular boy. He looked so sincere though, with his amber eyes and eyelashes that would make any girl jealous and those freckles—just a smattering of them across the bridge of his nose. If I leaned in close enough I could count them. "My mum left her wand out on her dresser while she took a shower. I don't remember much but I do remember that all I wanted her wand for was to turn my ugly yellow sheets into this shade of purple I saw a girl on my street had on her bed. I waved the wand…and well…here I am." I gestured half-heartedly to myself.

Remus eyed me a bit too long before clearing his throat. He scratched his nose, his cheeks slightly pink. He ruffled his hair and leaned forward slightly. "Is…is that how you got those scars?"

I froze, my blood ran like ice. Anger and fear made me shake. How dare he be so nosy?! I made to sweep my things into my bag but Remus grabbed my arm before I could stand, his fingers carefully grazing my skin.

"What are you doing!?" I demanded in a hushed whisper. "You have no right! Let. Go!" I ripped my arm from his hand, debating on whether or not to give him a hard slap across the face before storming off with what little dignity I had left but I was too much of a coward. Where was that lion the Sorting Hat was sure I had?

"I have scars too, you know." He said softly, his voice cracking. "Of a different sort, though, but scars nonetheless."

I looked around to see if anyone was listening in on us but the library was relatively quiet save for a few studious Ravenclaws at the other end. My face was burning and my heart was pounding. I was at a loss for words.

"What do you want from me?" I hissed after several moments of us having a staring contest. "Is this some sort of sick prank you and your lackeys made up to spread rumors about me? Is that why you keep coming up to me trying to have all these conversations and being all sweet?"

Remus looked surprised at this accusation. "No, no! I haven't said a word about what I saw to any of my friends and I was just trying to be friendly…it's just…I know what it feels to be an outcast and you looked so sa—"

I gave a wild laugh and Madame Prince glared at me from behind her desk. I ignored her. "You? An outcast? Do you think I'm stupid or something? You're one of the marauders. You guys are the most popular boys at Hogwarts. You have no idea what it feels like to be an outcast!"

Remus' lips went white with some sort of suppressed emotion. "I was unaware you knew so much, Lucy Pond." His voice dropped several octaves and carried a dark undertone. It caught me off guard.

I fell back against my chair, my anger suddenly evaporated. "Do you always make it a point to stick your nose into other people's business?"

Remus shrugged, tugging at his tie to loosen it. "Not usually. I'm more of an observer."

Huh. I had always pegged Remus Lupin as the quiet follower and yes, he was quiet, but he definitely wasn't a pushover. He came across firm, open, and willing to approach a problem without fear. The epitome of a Gryffindor.

"Says the guy from the group of the biggest pranksters in school," I snipped grumpily.

Remus gave a short laugh, unaffected. "Got me there, I suppose. James and Sirius are a force to be reckoned with."

We sat in silence for several minutes before I broke it hesitantly.

"I don't do it anymore," I whispered, unwilling to meet his eyes. My mind inwardly screamed at me, berating me for opening up to a guy I've only spoke to twice before. A marauder nonetheless. My secrets could be around the school in no time and I would be up on a pedestal for judgment. Just what I needed.

Remus looked at me with eyes the color of liquid amber. Ugly eyes. Hideous eyes. His face was solemn. He swallowed hard and I watched his Adam's apple bob. "May…may I see?" A spark of anxiety made my heart throb.

"Why?" I said in a voice barely a whisper. "Why would you want to see something like that?"

Remus rubbed at his face, looking like he didn't have an answer. "Let me see." He repeated.

I drew in a deep, shuddering breath. Come on, inner Gryffindor, where are you? I took another deep breath. "I don't know what you want, or what you're looking for, but you're not going to find it here. Just leave me be. Please," I stood, lip quivering, took up my bag and walked away.

"Lucy, wait!"

I turned sharply and hissed at him, "You're sick!" Then I fled.

There you are, inner lion. Took you long enough.


I hope you enjoyed! Second and third chapter are already finished but the second chapter will not be uploaded until after Christmas and after it is edited. Please read and Review!