I held up my beloved Lucille, and brought her crashing down onto a walker's skull, sending decaying brain matter spraying in every direction. The corpse fell at my feet, and I kicked it to the side with my foot. My men were all handling other roamers themselves, stabbing them in the head with knives and using other melee weapons as to not draw any more attention. We didn't need any more of these fucking rotters crowding up the woods from using guns.
Their numbers had been increasing and I had sent my men to clear them out, and like always, shit just wasn't getting done. I figured if I supervised maybe they would be a little more productive. I hated having to babysit these grown ass men just to get them to do their jobs. Their inability to complete one simple task was pissing me off by the second, and making Lucille thirsty for more than just zombie brains.
I turned and saw one of my men stab the last walker in the face, and then my men turned and looked at me for orders. We weren't done yet, not even fucking close.
I was just about to call them a bunch of "stupid sissy slackers" when my radio hissed against my belt as static voice rang out.
"Sir?" they asked nervously, and I pushed the little button at the top.
"What?!" I growled, narrowing my eyes at one of my men that was standing across the way. Did I need to fucking hold their hands to get this done?
"We found someone," the voice responded slowly and I looked down at the walkie-talkie.
"Well bring them here," I ordered, rolling my eyes. This seemed pretty fucking self explanatory.
There was only silence on the other end for a good ten seconds before the radio hissed back to life and the man that sounded so scared to talk to me, was even more nervous.
"Yeah…. About that. Unless you want us to drag her out…." he trailed off and I brought my free hand up to the bridge of my nose and pinched it. I pushed the button again.
"Hold your fucking horses. I'll be right there." I grumbled, putting my radio away. Curiosity had taken over and I needed to see what the hell was going on, but I was still plenty irritated that these sorry ball-sacks couldn't handle anything on their own today.
My men led me to the others, and I walked by them with my head held high and Lucille draped over my shoulder, walker guts stuck inside her barbed wire. It only took us a few minutes and we reached the section where the man who had radioed me was at. They were all gathered around a huge tree with a large base where the root had grown up and out. It was like a little cave had formed into the tree, and all of my men were pointing their guns at it. I walked up and pushed past them, and they all took a step back to get out of my way. I ducked down and looked inside.
It was a little girl.
She had messy blonde hair that was covered with twigs and leaves. Her face and body were covered in mud and she was incredibly skinny. She looked sickly in her little white dress, with thin arms and legs sticking out. I saw her knees were skinned and she was barefoot. She couldn't have been older than eight years old.
I took a step forward to approach her, but she whimpered and closed her eyes, clutching onto the dirt beneath her. She looked absolutely terrified.
I backed up from the tree and turned to look at my men who still had their guns drawn.
"You fucks scared of a little girl?" I shouted. "Get those fucking guns out of her face, now!"
They did as I said, and lowered their weapons.
"You needed my help with this?" I spat, walking up to the man with the radio that I had talked with earlier. He gulped and shook his head.
"Sorry, sir!" he sputtered.
I shook my head and went to walk away as another one of my men approached the tree and bent down to get inside.
A loud cry rang out, and I turned to see the man get kicked in the stomach. The little girl's foot connected with his chest and sent him falling onto his ass. He clambered to his feet quickly and went to try and grab her again, when I shouted at him.
"Stand down!" I growled, marching back over to the tree. The man moved out of my way immediately and I peered back inside. She had her head turned and was trying not to look at me, still scared out of her mind. She was shaking now, and reminded me of a trapped animal. I would never tell any of these assholes standing behind me, but I felt for the kid.
My expression softened from a scowl to a smile.
"What's your name, sweetheart?" I asked, watching her for any sign of a reaction.
She didn't respond, but instead her eyes widened and her breaths came out short and fast. I realized she was trying to catch her breath. She had been running.
"Did these morons chase you?" I asked, looking at her in concern. My men had probably tried to talk to her and trapped her here in this tree. They couldn't even do this right.
Fucking Saviors, my ass.
She turned and looked up at me with big, blue eyes, and still she didn't say anything, but studied my face. Carefully, I put my hand out towards her, but the movement made her look away and shrink back.
"My name is Negan. You don't have to be afraid of me, honey."
She turned back to look at me and I noticed her eyes were looking past me, at Lucille sitting against my shoulder. They went back to my eyes and then down at my outstretched hand.
She tilted her head to look past me again—at my men that were watching this unfold in front of them.
"And you don't have to be afraid of them," I added moving my head so she would look back at me.
She stared at me for a long time before nodding and placing a dirt covered hand into mine. Very gently, I pulled her out from inside the tree and into the open.
My men didn't say anything as they watched me look down at the little girl. She was very short, and now that she wasn't inside the dark tree, I could see her body was covered in bruises.
Still holding her hand, I lifted my other and brushed some of the twigs and leaves that were tangled in her messy hair. She turned to look at me as I did, and then looked down at my hand that was holding hers.
"How long have you been out here?" I asked. She was looking around at my men, still with frightened eyes.
I squeezed her hand lightly.
"You're okay, sweetheart. You're safe now."
And just as I finished speaking, as if it had the best ironic timing, a walker appeared from behind the tree and stumbled towards us.
The little girl jumped and turned to look at it with frantic eyes. My men lifted their guns and aimed at the approaching roamer, and I pulled the frightened child into my arms and spun her so she was facing me, her face pressed into my stomach.
"Take care of it!" I commanded, and one of my men unsheathed a knife and took down the walker in a matter of seconds.
The little girl continued to press her face against my jacket, trembling worse than before. I hugged her against me, feeling her tiny body breathing so impossibly fast out of fear. I looked up to see that my men were watching me—watching me hug this child, and they all looked shocked.
"Get your asses back to work!" I shouted, and my loud voice made the girl jump. My men dispersed into the woods to continue killing walkers, and I looked back down at the child. She had taken a step away and out of my arms, and was now staring at the ground. Her gaze was locked onto the dead walker. She continued to stare for a long time before I took her hand back into mine.
"Come on. Let's get you cleaned up." I said gently, looking down at her for a response.
She turned back to me with those big, wide eyes and nodded slightly. We started to walk in the direction of my compound, and I looked down at her bare feet.
"What happened to your shoes?" I asked, hoping I could get her talking. I glanced over as we walked and she continued to be quiet.
"Not much of a talker, huh?" I laughed and she didn't respond.
Maybe she couldn't hear me?
"Fine by me. Less back talk. I'm sorry my men scared you. They're a bunch of brainless dipshits."
Still she said nothing.
Maybe she was mute?
After walking in silence for a while and continuing to look down at the child, my radio hissed to life. The girl froze and turned, looking frantically over at my belt where the sound had come from, which meant she could at least hear.
"There's more up ahead," the voice informed me. I continued to look at the girl who was staring at my walkie talkie alarmed. I took it off my belt and held it up for her.
"It's okay. It's just my radio." She watched me closely as I showcased the little black box, and then put it back onto my belt.
"Come on," I said smiling down at her and we continued to walk forward. We moved through some trees and came out into a large open area where my men were surrounded by a large pack of walkers. Taking out Lucille, I moved up ahead from the child and swung the barbed wire bat onto the head of one of the dead. It fell down with one swoop and I turned and hit another approaching walker.
My men continued to take out the others with their knives. A walker was heading towards me, but I still had some time before it reached me. I turned to look behind me at the little girl, and watched as she took off back into the woods.
"Go after her!" I shouted, turning back to the approaching walker and brought Lucille down onto the side of its head, killing it.
A few men turned and took off running after the girl, and I followed behind. It wasn't long before I reached them and one of my men had caught her; his arm was gripping hers tightly, and she was thrashing and trying to pull herself away from him.
"Let her go!" I yelled and at the sound of my voice, he did, dropping her arm. She sprinted over to me and pressed her face back into me, and clutched onto my jacket tightly. I looked down at her in surprise and then let out a sigh.
"We're almost home," I said, taking her hand into mine again and leading her out of the forest.
We approached the Sanctuary and the fence with my impaled walkers, and the little girl slowed down, and then stopped in place. Her eyes were locked onto the dead in front of my factory. I walked forward a bit, but she did not follow me.
"It's okay. They can't hurt you," I assured her, walking up to the fence and tapping Lucille against the chain link. She wouldn't look at me, and instead her eyes remained glued on the growling creatures.
She wasn't going to move, and I knew it. I let out a sigh and handed off Lucille to one of my men, who seemed confused when I stuck out my arm towards him, but he took her without question. With both my arms free, I approached the frightened child and scooped her up into my arms. She seemed surprised at this, but didn't fight me, and instead she pressed her face against my chest and closed her eyes tightly as I carried her past the fence and into the building. She was incredibly light. Too light.
My men followed me into the Sanctuary, and then dispersed once we were inside. I carried the girl down a few hallways and then into the doctor's office. She was squeezing her eyes shut the entire time and trembling in my arms.
Dr. Carson looked up from his desk at me with a look of concern, and then his eyes went to the frail child in my arms.
"Who's this?"he asked, standing up from the desk and approaching me. I laid the girl down onto one of the medical beds, and she curled up into a fetal position and didn't move.
"A forest nymph," I responded, reaching over and taking one of the blankets draped at the end of the bed and laying it over her. "Look her over and figure out what the hell is wrong with her."
"Negan, I-" Dr. Carson started to argue as I walked out, but as he did, the girl sat up on the bed and jumped down onto the floor. She ran out into the hallway and looked up at me with those big, wide eyes.
"You need to stay with the doc," I said, patting her head. "He's gonna help you."
She frowned at me and looked down at the floor, and Dr. Carson came up behind her and pulled her back into the office gently. Once they were both inside, I closed the door and removed my radio from my belt, and pushed the button.
"One of you fucks needs to get some clean clothes and a bath ready for the kid," I ordered into the walkie. I put the radio away, and then let out a sigh. I had no idea what I was going to do with a kid.
Hours later, as I was laying in bed and looking over the inventory catalog, there was a loud knock on my door.
"Come in!" I yelled, and the door opened slowly. Dr. Carson walked in, looking nervous like all the others.
"You wanted an update about the girl?" he asked, standing there awkwardly.
"Yeah. What the fuck happened to her?" I set the list down next to me on the bed, and sat up to get a better look at the doctor.
"We can't know for sure unless she talks. But Negan, she is incredibly malnourished. She should recover with proper food and rest, but she's very lucky that you found her. She probably had two days left before she died of starvation."
I exhaled through my nose and closed my eyes. We didn't know what happened to her. Were her parents out there? Who was responsible for this kid? There was no telling how long she had been on her own and struggling out there in the woods. The idea of a little girl starving to death was digging at me, and I opened my eyes without looking at Dr. Carson.
"Get out," I said in a low voice, and he exited without another word, pulling my door closed behind him.
I let out a long sigh and looked over at the door. My men had informed me earlier that they had one of the women helping with the child. She had bathed her, and picked out some clothes from the marketplace.
I laid my head back down on my pillow and closed my eyes just as my walkie talkie roared to life across the room on the table.
"Sir?" a shaky voice came through.
I groaned in frustration and swung my legs out of bed, going over to the table and picking up the radio. It had been a goddamn long ass day and these people were just testing me at this point.
"What the fuck is it now?" I demanded.
"It's the girl, sir." the frightened voice informed me. I could hear the regret in his voice. He was already wishing he hadn't contacted me.
I let out another sigh and pressed the button.
"I'll be right there."
Out of habit, I grabbed Lucille, who was laying against one of the chairs, and left my room. I wasn't wearing my jacket like usual, and was only in my tee shirt and pants. I headed towards the bedroom we had set her up in to see that a handful of my men were lingering out in the hallway and looking into the room. A woman was standing off to the side and once I approached, they all got down onto their knees, bowing to me. I ignored them and headed inside the bedroom.
Two more men were inside and were calling out towards the bed that was pushed up against the wall. The girl was nowhere to be seen, but based on the fact these assholes were talking to the bed, I assumed she was hiding underneath.
"Get the fuck out," I commanded, and my men scrambled out of the room. Once they left, I pushed the door shut and headed over to the bed. I set Lucille down on top of the bed and got down onto my knees, leaning over to look underneath.
The girl had not only crawled under the small space on her stomach, but had pressed herself as close to the wall, and was looking directly at me with frightened eyes. When she realized it was me, her brows knit in confusion. She was no longer dirty, and was wearing a long pink nightgown with little yellow moons decorating it. Her long blonde hair was curly and draped over her shoulders. She was still barefoot, but her feet were clean. The bruises still covered her arms and legs. I wondered if she had been abused, or if it was from trying to survive.
I smiled warmly at her, and reached my hand out underneath the bed towards her, making sure to move slowly as to not frighten her. She looked down at my hand and then back to me.
"Come on out," I said in a soft voice. My hand remained outstretched, but she didn't move. She was breathing hard and fast.
"The bed is probably a lot more comfortable," I said, still smiling at her. She narrowed her eyes at me as if she wasn't going to trust me.
We remained deadlocked and neither of us moved—me with my hand outstretched, and her glaring.
When she wouldn't give in, I let out a chuckle and pulled my hand out from underneath the bed. Moving onto my ass and leaning down, I moved back until I was laying completely horizontal on the floor. Turing on my side, I looked under the bed at the girl who was watching me curiously.
"See? This fucking sucks. Hard as shit." I grumbled, turning more so I could see the girl. The floor fucking hurt to be laying on, but she wasn't glaring anymore. I was surprised to see a thin smile form on her lips.
"You said a swear," a very soft voice responded. She smiled a little more, and I grinned back.
"Sorry," I said, chuckling. So she could speak. I would have to watch my language around this one. It had been a while since I had been around kids.
"You don't have to be scared, remember?" I reminded her. "Come on out, kiddo."
She nodded slowly at me, and then started to move out from under the bed. I sat up from the floor and watched as her blonde head popped out as she pulled herself from beneath the mattress. Once out, she looked up at me hesitantly, as if she didn't know what to do next.
I patted the top of the bed and sat down in the middle, with Lucille still laying at the foot. The girl sat next to me at the head of the bed, and looked up at me with her big blue eyes—eyes that were now less afraid and more curious. I could see her better in the light and the little bags that were draped underneath her eyes. She looked exhausted.
"Tell you what," I said with a yawn, and stretched out my arms in front of me. "I'll tell you a story if you promise that you'll go to sleep. Okay?"
She responded with a little nod and looked over at the closed door.
"I didn't always used to be in charge of these bastar— these guys." I caught myself before swearing, which didn't go unnoticed by the girl who pursed her lips at me in amusement, but said nothing.
"You can't tell anyone, not that you're gonna squeal." I grinned down at her. "I used to work at a school. With kids. They were older than you, but still kids."
She tilted her head to the side and listened intently.
"Yeah, I know. Hard to imagine, but I did. Before those monsters started coming to life, I was a coach." I looked up and across the room and remembered the old school, the practices, the smell of the morning during a game. "You like sports?" I asked, turning to look down at her. She was giving me a very serious look that made me laugh.
"Well I like ping-pong. I used to play with some of my students, and I won every single fuc—every single time. Those kids didn't stand a chance." I looked back over to the wall.
"I liked being their coach. I got to spend a lot of time outside in the fresh air. Watch all the games, and man…. The celebrations we used to have when we won. I'd buy pizza for every kid on the team."
I closed my eyes and remembered one of the big wins. The team and I went to the pizza parlor, and I nearly broke the bank buying slices for those teenagers, but it was worth it. I had been so proud. Lucille had almost killed me when she found out how much I had spent.
Lucille…
I could see her standing there yelling at me in our kitchen about the money in her night shirt, with her hair freshly washed and her makeup off. She was still so lovely, even as she pointed her finger in my face and demanded to know what I was thinking blowing that kind of cash.
"I had a wife," I blurted. My eyes were still closed and I relished the image of Lucille in my head. "She was so beautiful." I opened my eyes to look at the wall, wishing so badly she would appear in front of me. I would have given anything to see her one more time. Even if she was angry, I just wanted one last moment, instead of replaying these memories over and over.
"I didn't really get a chance to say goodbye before all of this shi—stuff started happening. She got really sick, and I wasn't very good to her. I didn't appreciate her like I should have, and that was the biggest mistake of my life."
I thought back to the cancer results—to the chemo—to the affair—to finding out there was nothing we could do—to now.
Now I was no longer the man she had loved. I had become something else to survive in this hell on earth.
"Sometimes I'm glad she's not around to see me turn into this," I whispered. The words were spilling out like a broken dam, but it just felt good to say it out loud. No one knew. I couldn't tell my men about these emotions—about my past. They could use it against me. It was my damn weakness, and as their leader, I wasn't allowed to have that.
In order to survive the monsters, I had to become one myself.
"She would hate what I've become." My voice was so quiet and I felt tears start to form in my eyes as her image evaporated from my mind. I couldn't see her anymore, and I felt like I was losing her all over again. It was getting harder to picture her these days—maybe I didn't even deserve that anymore.
Suddenly, I felt pressure against my arm and looked down. The girl had drifted off to sleep and was leaning on me. Her chest was rising lowly and she looked so calm.
I took a deep breath to compose myself—to will the tears not to fall. My men were still in the hallway, and I couldn't let them see me like this. I probably shouldn't have opened up to this kid either, but it had been so long since I had been able to talk about the past—about my Lucille.
Moving her very carefully, I set her down so her head was against the pillow. I pulled a blanket over her thin body and stood up from the bed, picking up the bat—the only thing I had left of my wife, and turned from the bed.
I had no idea what I was going to do with this child, but she was safe.
That's all that mattered.
