Garrus Vakarian had to admit that life had become much simpler since Commander Shepard died. The other thing he had to admit was that he no longer wanted simple. He found himself yearning for complicated like a drowning man yearned for air.
One mundane day at C-Sec melted into another. It was like he was living in a fog. He felt numb. It was nothing like chasing Saren across the galaxy with Shepard. During that time he had truly been alive, everything had felt so vivid and exciting. Now his existence felt like a cheap imitation in comparison. It was driving him mad.
"We did some good work today, Vakarian," McClaine, the human officer who sat at the desk next to him, said. Garrus had been exceptionally moody since he'd learned the fate of his old Commander and McClaine had been working hard to bring him out of his funk.
"Sure, yeah. Good work McClaine. See you tomorrow," Garrus replied. He really did try to be nice to the young officer, but it was difficult to tell how successful he'd been. Probably not very, he figured. He packed up his gear and went to wait for a fast transit to his apartment.
He regretted everyday that he hadn't stayed on the Normandy after they had dealt with Saren. If he had been there maybe Shepard wouldn't have been spaced. Maybe she would still be alive and things would still make sense. When Garrus laid awake at night he replayed her death in his imagination over and over again. He imagined the adrenaline racing through her veins, the burning pain as the air escaped her lungs and then her glassy open eyes as the last flash of life left them.
Shepard just couldn't be dead. She was too vital, too important be dead. Damn it, she was was supposed to save the galaxy, wasn't she?
Garrus sat on a chair in his tiny, spartan apartment on Bachjret Ward, his feet up on the bunk. He looked at a News Vid he had saved on his Omni-Tool. This had to be at least the twentieth time he had watched it since the first time he'd seen it, however long ago that was.
"Omega - The Most Crime Ridden Place in the Terminus?" the reporter asked.
Suddenly he heard footsteps coming down the hall and he tensed up as he realized he recognized them. It was Shepard. Shepard was here. She had come back for him. Finally. She was here to save him from his life. She was here to save him from himself. He saw her armor, it flashed blue to red and then back to blue again. Seeing her made him feel whole again, like there was still some hope left in the universe.
Garrus opened a single eye. His vision was filled by the News Vid on Omega replaying on his Omni-Tool again. That dream again. Damn it. He felt ill as the realization fully set in. It had all been in his head. Shepard was dead, and she wasn't coming back. It's funny how you don't appreciate how much something, or someone means to you until they're gone. Shepard, the dichotomy of a woman that she was, had become his best friend and the person who meant the most to him. He missed her bravery, he missed her face, and he even missed her inability to drive the Mako without crashing it.
Things had to change. Working for C-Sec wasn't keeping him together anymore, and he wouldn't even think about joining the Spectre program. He saw her everywhere on the Citadel. The ghost of her permeated his every thought.
He packed up a few of his belongings into a duffel: a rifle, some rations, and some extra clothes. After an elevator ride that seemed to last forever he finally arrived at the Ship Docking Bay.
He saw a human man in coveralls loading the last of his crates onto a ship. He eyed Garrus's C-Sec armor warily before asking, "Need something officer?"
Garrus readjusted his duffle over his shoulder, "Yeah. This isn't official business though so calm down," he slowly drawled. Garrus gestured toward the ship, "That heap is headed to Omega right?"
The man awkwardly stared at Garrus for a long time before responding. "…Maybe."
"Well maybe I have 10,000 Credits for anyone willing to take me to Omega, no questions asked," Garrus leaned in and lowered his voice to let the man know he was serious.
Later, Garrus looked out the window of his small cabin. The space was built into the side of a cargo compartment on a old Kowloon freighter. They were almost to the Mass Relay. He didn't know exactly what he was going to do on Omega yet, but anything had to be better than how he had been living. Omega was full of mystery and danger, things he would need if he was ever going to start the process of getting over Shepard's death. He wasn't even sure if he wanted to get over her death. He wasn't even sure if he was capable.
After the decidedly long trek from Council Space to Omega in the Terminus System, Garrus still hadn't made any plans beyond, 'helping people find justice.' When he laid his eyes on the grimy asteroid he was about to call home his mind was whirling with thoughts. His best friend was dead. He had no idea what he was doing with his life. He had no real plan, no real direction. He was about to move onto 'the most crime ridden place in the Terminus.'
"Hell," he smiled to himself as he set foot on the station. "At least I've still got my looks."
A/N: Hey there, this is my first time writing fan-fiction and I'm excited to be writing in the Mass Effect universe! I am super stoked to see what you guys think, so feel free to leave reviews as you read. It will keep me writing and inspired!
