I do not own the Golden Girls, Soap, Empty Nest, or Susan Harris's soul! This is take on Golden Girls and Soap mainly. Empty Nest does not come into play until the next Chapter :)

This story starts after Mary and Burt reconcile. Mary and Burt Campbell are from Soap (another good show by Susan Harris!) and they are a married couple with four sons: Danny, Scotty, Jodie, and Chuck and Bob (Bob's a dummy!)

Act 1:

(Mary calls Rose)

Sophia: Who is this?

Mary: This is Mary Campbell, Rose's cousin.

Sophia: You sound too smart to be related to that bubblehead. Let me get her.

Rose: Hello?

Mary: Hey Rose, it's Mary.

Rose: Hey Mary! I haven't seen you since your wedding day! How are the boys?

Mary: They are fine.

Rose: How's little Scotty?

Mary: He's fine.

Rose: I can't wait to see him! How's Burt?

Mary: Burt is great.

Rose: So when are you coming down to Miami to visit me?

Mary: Soon. Burt and I are planning to take a vacation.

Rose: That's great! How soon?

Mary: (Puts Rose on hold) How soon?

Burt: In about a week.

Mary: (On the phone) about a week.

Rose: That's wonderful! Just let me tell the girls! Oh! Are you going to bring that baby?

Mary: I don't know. He is only a year old and travel with children is very difficult.

Rose: Nonsense! You just bring that baby with you because I want to see him!

Mary: Are you sure that it would be okay with you and your friends?

Rose: Absolutely!

Mary: Okay then. Bye.

Rose: Bye-bye now! (Gets off the phone)

Mary: We are going to stay with my cousin and her three friends.

Burt: Great!

Mary: She wants us to bring Scotty.

Burt: Fine! We have a special boy to show off.

Mary: My words exactly.

Bob: Mary, can I come too?

Mary: Chuck, no.

Bob: I want to come too. I want to go on vacation.

Chuck: Maybe we can have our own vacation.

Bob: But I want to go with little Scotty. I love that baby.

Burt: Wendy is staying here.

Bob: Okay, we'll stay. Besides, I don't want to stay with four old birds. (Chuck and Bob exit)

Burt: So, when we will know if it is all right?

Mary: Soon.

Burt: Now was Rose the one who gave you the breastplates and me the hat with the horns?

Mary: Yes. She is of Viking descent. Aunt Irma was a Viking and so was Uncle Gunter.

Burt: Yikes!

Mary: They were also farmers.

Burt: What did they raise? Wooly mammoths?

Mary: She had a farm with chickens, cows, horses, and pigs.

Burt: Sounds normal, unlike Rose.

Golden Girl's House:

(Blanche is sitting at the table filing her nails and Rose enters the kitchen)

Rose: Guess what Blanche!

Blanche: What? Uncle Sven's prize hog won first place?

Rose: Better. My cousin Mary and her husband Burt are coming over, if that is all right with you. Please say yes because she and her husband are trying to work things out.

Blanche: It's fine with me, if it's all right with Dorothy.

(Dorothy enters)

Dorothy: Well I just got done teaching another class with juvenile delinquents. I might as well be working at juvenile hall.

Rose: I guess now is not the best time to ask you then.

Dorothy: What is it Rose?

Rose: I was wondering if my cousin Mary and her Burt and their baby could stay with us for about a week?

(Sophia enters)

Dorothy: When?

Rose: Mary said that she is planning to come next week and I said that they could. I hope you say yes because she has been having marital problems, according to her sister Jessica and I think that they are coming down here with the baby to work things out.

Sophia: Isn't Mary the cousin with the gay son and mobster son who thinks he's Italian?

Rose: Yes, but they won't be here.

Sophia: Thank god. I was afraid that the hood would be part of the Scalponi mob.

Dorothy: (outraged) Ma!

Sophia: Dorothy, I have every right to worry. The Scalponi family claimed that they would take a hit out on me if they ever find me.

Blanche: What kind of marital problems? Is her husband cheating on her?

Rose: No! Burt is not doing anything of the kind. He has just been busy running for the senate and the newfound publicity of being the sheriff of the town. Mary's life has been bumpy lately. I could tell you girls stories, but I don't think I will.

Sophia: Whoa! That's a first!

Blanche: Is Mary perchance from St. Olaf?

Rose: No. She is from Dunn's River Connecticut. The last time I saw her was when she got married to Burt about ten years ago. I can't wait to see her again and baby Scotty.

Sophia: No wonder why she sounded smart on the phone.

Dorothy: Rose, I have a class filled with future convicts and I need all the rest I could get. I will not get that with a baby crying in the middle of the night.

Rose: (sternly) Dorothy! Scotty is about one year old. I think he is over the crying in the middle of the night.

Dorothy: That does not mean anything. Stanley did not get out of that stage until our thirtieth wedding anniversary.

Sophia: Not a problem. We do for family.

Rose: Gee, thanks girls! I'll go call Mary and let her know that it's fine! (Goes into the living room)

Blanche: Well, I guess we better work out the sleeping situations.

Dorothy: I'll share a room with ma.

Sophia: No! I want to share with Blanche! Blanche's room is bigger!

Dorothy: You are my mother and that is that.

Sophia: Fine, but you better not snore.

Dorothy: You better stop all liquids at noon then. You sleep in my room since your bed is bigger than mine. I figure with the baby and being a married couple facing problems, Mary would want Burt to sleep as far over as he could.

Tate Kitchen:

(Jessica is making tea and Mary enters)

Mary: Hi Jessie.

Jessica: Hey Mary (hugs her). So what is your big news?

Mary: Burt and I are going on a vacation and we were wondering if you could watch over Wendy while Maggie and Jodie are at work.

Jessica: No problem. That's wonderful (they sit at the table) so, where are you two going?

Mary: Miami. We're staying with cousin Rose.

Jessica: Cousin Rose? Rose from Minnesota?

Mary: Yes.

Jessica: I see.

Mary: She begged me to bring Scotty down to visit her and her friends.

Jessica: I heard that she has a nice place down there. Remember when we were kids, mother and daddy would take us to St. Olaf for a week to visit Aunt Erma and Uncle Gunter?

Mary: Yes.

Jessica: I wonder if Rose is as naive now as she was then.

Mary: We had so much fun playing with Rose's mind as a kid. Remember when you told her that there were monsters under her bed (laughs)?

Jessica: yes. She was seven years older than us (laughs). Remember when you spilt ketchup on your shirt and told her that you were bleeding to death, get help?

Mary: (laughs) yes.

Jessica: Do that again and let me know if she has not changed a bit. I think I might go down there soon. I haven't seen her since your wedding day.

Mary: I hope this works out and I hope Burt and I will be closer as we were before he became Sheriff and we had Scotty.

Jessica: It will! Don't Worry Mary, it will work out!

Mary: Thanks Jess (kisses her on the cheek) I got to get home now and pack for my trip.

Announcer: Will Mary and Burt work there problems out? Find out on the next episode of this very special Golden Girls.