Although I still have "Your Aunt Elsa" to keep going with, the truth is that after the next chapter, I haven't fleshed out the rest of it yet, or how much longer it's going to go. In the meantime, this new multi-chapter story has come up in my brain instead – so I'm going to switch back and forth between this and Aunt Elsa for a while. Although a few people have actually beaten me to this premise, I'm pretty sure the rest of this idea is all mine.
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Three and a half years ago [Three years before the Great Freeze]
Very few fools would be at sea in the middle of a massive storm. There are some exceptions to every rule, though. One would be a royal boat out on official business – business that made it impossible to go back until it was too late.
Other exceptions were more reckless. Like young thrill seekers cooped up in a small, unremarkable island town, in nowhere's land between more powerful kingdoms. The sky was storming, and they were storming inside for adventure, so they had to go out there.
It was by sheer dumb luck they were able to take a good boat, and had enough friends to make up a crew. It was by even sheerer dumb luck that when they reached the eye of the storm, the worst had passed. And it was by the dumbest of luck they only had to face that eye for 10 minutes, before the waves and rain finally subsided.
Some people can plan against disaster as much as they want, to a near obsessive degree. Yet for all their efforts to keep out the darkness of the world, it can still make them look like fools. Often to a devastating extent.
That same world can pull an even crueler joke by rewarding their polar opposites. Those who have less regard for their own safety, and the world's cruel jokes, can still slide by without a scratch. No one would objectively say they had a smarter way to live - or they caused less damage than those who tried much harder not to. Often, it could go either way.
The way it went this time was both a cruel joke, and an act of mercy.
If these thoughtless young people didn't brave out into the storm at just the right time, they wouldn't have been at this point at the right time. Then they wouldn't be so close to where the royal vessel of Arendelle sunk not 10 minutes ago.
Then they wouldn't have seen the two floating bodies in the much calmer seas. Then they wouldn't have been able to recover them and bring them to their boat just in time.
And if anyone other than these people, from that closed off island in the middle of nowhere, had recovered these two victims, they would have recognized who they were.
Which was another cruel joke – because the victims didn't know who they were either. They didn't even recognize each other.
Anyone else would have recognized them instantly as the King and Queen of Arendelle. But not a soul on this boat did – not even themselves. The storm, knocks to the head and amnesia had seen to that.
At this moment in time, it was another one of the world's cruel jokes. A comical punishment for this royal couple who shut out the world – and now were shut out from it and themselves. Not that they knew the irony.
It likely seemed funnier to the universe when they returned to the island, didn't recover their memory, and began to live as regular people while they waited. The greater punch line was that they did it alone, since they weren't aware of their marriage or love for each other – or what that love produced.
They were separated from the person they loved the most, both by choice and not by choice - although they were right there behind closed doors anyway. If they only knew how the universe likely had a field day with that one.
If they only knew how this series of cruel jokes, ironies and consequences – of all kinds – hadn't even started yet.
Five and a half months ago [Two weeks after the Great Thaw]
The new Queen of Arendelle – daughter to the former, long presumed dead Queen – had nightmares. This was nothing new, only she was the only one who knew that. It was by choice, even now that Arendelle's gates – and her own bedroom doors – were finally open to all.
In the last 10 years of her parents reign, the nightmares were mainly about a little redheaded girl freezing to death. For the next three years after that, nightmares of the sea and of even more massive death took hold. Even after the Great Thaw, the Queen had even more specific nightmares of that redheaded girl freezing – mainly because that had actually happened.
Yet in recent days, this wasn't Queen Elsa's most troubling nightmare. The one of her frozen sister, Princess Anna, was tragic but predictable. She knew those nightmares would haunt her – but now that the real Princess Anna was back in her life, they were more manageable.
It was the nightmares of the actual dead that were much more terrifying. More than they'd ever been before. Less for the content, and more for the actual message.
That message finally drove Elsa to do something different. The first step was actually leaving her room – which still felt weird even after doing it for two weeks. However, the next step wasn't going across the hall to knock on Anna's door.
It was still a step too far, whether Anna was loudly asleep or not. Some habits – like the habit of never burdening Anna with anything – just couldn't die that fast. No matter how much Anna had been burdened by her anyway. That was just one of the many, many problems here.
In any case, Elsa had another room to visit that she hadn't seen in years. One breakthrough at a time. In a way, this one was easier because no one was in this room, and hadn't been in three years. In a way, it made it even harder.
Nevertheless, Elsa had so few true bursts of courage in her life, from her perspective. There was no sense wasting this one, since the nightmares would keep coming if it did. Not that this had a much better chance of stopping them.
Yet she opened the door and dared to find out while she still could.
The second she entered her parents' old room, and saw the old, dusty photos on their shelves, she almost regretted it. But without thinking – since thinking would likely make her turn back – Elsa made her way over to those photos.
The second she saw those pictures of the King and Queen – and their little princesses – she almost definitely regretted it. It made the shame of the nightmares, and the message they conveyed, even clearer.
"I failed you," Elsa finally told her parents' picture. "I didn't conceal it anymore….I can't. That means I failed you."
Over the last few days, that message was either conveyed in dreams by her dream parents, an evil version of herself, or a dying Anna. It was only now that she could say it herself, albeit to something that couldn't talk back.
"You gave up everything to keep me a secret. Everything," Elsa reflected. "Every day I show my powers in public….or show myself….I'm dishonoring your sacrifice. Making all those years useless. Stupid. Unnecessary…."
And that was the real revelation from tonight's nightmare that drove Elsa here. Because it was a nightmare where she actually got to talk back. Somehow, she remembered those words long enough to repeat them now.
"And maybe they were," Elsa let herself hear. "You gave up everything, and you took everything from me. From Anna. And I let it happen because I was scared too," she let the familiar shame run through. "I let it happen because I loved her too much to be near her…..but that love would have solved everything! Why didn't I know that then? Why didn't you?"
Picking up the photo, Elsa went on with her theories. "You didn't think of it because you gave up. On finding any other solution. I know because I did too," she recounted. "You didn't want me to control my powers. Not enough to go out again. You only wanted them concealed. If you were alive…..they still would be right now. And so would I. Even after I thawed everything."
Backing up a few steps, Elsa kept reflecting, "You kept me from Anna after I almost froze her….what would you have done after I did? I mean, who built those shackles Hans put on me?! Because it wasn't Hans!"
Elsa stumbled in her anger and went to her knees. Yet her focus was still on her parents. "Those shackles still failed, though. Everything you did failed….everything we did. And every day I'm in public is a…..monument to your failure. To ours! Do you know what that feels like? Didn't being too scared to mourn you feel bad enough?! And that's not the worst part!"
Feeling a familiar cold wash over her, Elsa put the picture on the floor before she could freeze it. She still couldn't stop talking to it, though. "The worst part is knowing I failed you. Knowing you'd probably want me locked away now. Knowing you're probably right. But….I don't want to be that way anymore."
"And the real worst part is…..the only way I won't is by putting you out of my mind. Completely. Forever this time," Elsa's voice started cracking. "I know how cruel that is. I never even said goodbye to you in any way, and I still need to shut you out forever! Like you shut me away!"
"But you made me shut down for 13 years! I can't do it anymore! Even if that goes against everything you taught me! The….the last bit of you I have left! It's like I'm killing you this time! Like I don't love you enough! Like you didn't love me and Anna enough, apparently! But, I, I…."
Even now, the words and lessons of her parents told her to stop it. To conceal right now, before she froze everything again. Now that her powers had been out in the open for two weeks, what damage would they do if she broke down now?
But she didn't want this to be a breakdown. This was supposed to be something else. Elsa only thought of it as a breakdown – not a breakthrough – when she thought about what her parents would say.
That said everything. That said what she could still become if nothing changed. And that couldn't be her anymore.
"I want to be Anna's sister again," Elsa made herself go on. "I want to show her I never stopped loving her. I want to make people proud of me, not afraid of me. I want to give them all the protection and happiness I never had. And I want to be someone that can give them warmth and comfort and support and joy…..but I have no idea how. Because I let myself listen to you! So…."
Elsa couldn't finish that monologue, so she barely got to the next one. "I mean, look at this! I'm talking to a picture because it's easier than talking to Anna! She deserves to know what I'm thinking, and I still can't tell her!"
"Actually….you're doing good so far."
Elsa nearly jumped to her feet, and nearly froze at least half the floor. But the frozen parts didn't reach Anna – who was standing in the room near the open door.
"Anna! How did, when did…." Elsa tried to compose herself, putting her public mask back on. "How long have you been there?" she asked somewhat normally.
"Since the 'I failed you' part. Was that the middle of it?" Anna asked without a clue. Elsa didn't answer, which told Anna she was somewhat wrong. But when she saw Elsa start closing off – like she did after their first talks at the coronation and ice palace – she saw she was even wronger than that.
"Oh no, no! I didn't mean to shut you down!" Anna rushed over to Elsa. "I thought saying you were doing good would help! I should have known better, not you!"
"You shouldn't know these things," Elsa muttered.
"And look how that worked out before," Anna let get away from her. "No, no, I didn't mean it like….I don't know what I mean or say! How can I? I don't know what'll set you off! I don't know how to act around you too, you know!" she revealed.
This time, she went forward instead of taking it back, adding, "But I'm trying to think before I say or do something! I didn't think at the ball, and that's why everything happened!"
"Don't you blame yourself…." Elsa said without thinking herself.
"Then you follow your advice first," Anna picked up on. "What you said about…..them….maybe that's a start. Maybe they…."
Anna didn't know if Elsa was right about them. How could she? What did she really know about them now? If they really let her….and if they lied to Anna every day about….
Maybe it was too much to think about. Is that how Elsa felt now? Felt every single day? How could she….how could they….
"Okay, fine. Maybe talking and thinking won't help," Anna admitted, before she could think any more. "But please, find some other way where I can help. Where you can trust me to be there. Find some other way to just….let it go!"
"Where did you hear those words?" Elsa responded in shock.
"In my brain, two seconds before I said them. Why?" Anna was curious. Elsa, on the other hand, was flabbergasted.
To think that she brought up Elsa's temporary motto without knowing it was hers – or singing it. That she could be on Elsa's wavelength that closely, after all this time apart? To be so oblivious to how hard her request really was – and yet still make it sound so simple and wonderful? The simple, wonderful thing they both wanted?
It was so purely Anna. Even after all this time.
"I missed you…." Elsa let it go before knowing it.
"You did?" Anna let out without thinking too. Yet soon, it was all Elsa could think about.
Despite saying more things to each other these last two weeks, Elsa never actually said she missed her. That's why Anna was so surprised to hear it. That's why she might have never believed she did. How could she?
Well, she probably heard Elsa say she never stopped loving her moments ago. But this was different. This was saying it right to her. The first of many things Elsa never let herself tell her.
That only made her remember how much she wanted to tell her. How much she didn't know how to tell her. Because of her – because of them.
Elsa gave up Anna for them. Now she had to give them up for her. It was the only way. Give up her dead parents….her dead parents she never said goodbye to…..and give up an entire way of life they gave their lives for….in one final betrayal of their love.
Or what they thought was love. And Elsa was sad about losing that toxic love over Anna's? Again? Even if….
Let it go….
Let them go. Let her in.
Whenever Elsa couldn't hold her emotions back in the past, she still held them in anyway. At least enough so her tears and storms couldn't wake Anna. Plus when Elsa cried uncontrollably two weeks ago – and 13 years ago - Anna wasn't awake to hear it.
As such, this was the first time Anna actually saw her sister cry. The first time she could actually see what she'd carried inside all this time. All the pain, tears and sorrow that made Anna's look so, so….meaningless.
By this time, Anna was sitting next to Elsa, as they were both on their knees. She could have crawled in front of Elsa to hug her – but as Anna saw the tears running down her cheeks, she didn't want to waste another second.
Forgoing her promise to think before doing anything, Anna went back on instinct and just hugged her right there. She was hugging her on her side, so Elsa wasn't in position to hug back, but Anna didn't care. This wasn't about her needs – and it was about darn time she saw that now.
For Elsa's part, she was vulnerable enough to forego her instinct to pull away. Those instincts were the problem, after all. However, she did find the urge to try and pull away – but not for her usual reasons. Yet Anna wouldn't let go or move away anyway.
Elsa had to explain while she could still talk through her tears. "But I didn't….when they died, I never gave you any…." she tried to explain and get in position to hug Anna back, but couldn't.
"I got my hugs from Kai and Gerda," Anna explained into Elsa's shoulder. "You didn't." Anna figured that would be the end of it – until she was struck by the curse of thinking again.
"Wait….those two hugs after I was frozen…..were those the first hugs you had in 13 years?" Anna became horrified to realize. It was nothing compared to the horror of Elsa answering with mere sniffles, though.
Or the horror of seeing how someone who was denied hugs – and denied herself hugs – still created the most hug-loving talking snowman in the world….
"Elsa…." Anna held back her own tears, afraid that they would make Elsa stop and close off again. Yet hearing her go on wasn't much fun, either. But Elsa needed to let so much out. Because they wouldn't let her. But they….
Anna forced herself not to go there. For her sake, she could probably never go there again. Just like Elsa couldn't. Poor, tortured Elsa…..
"I'm so sorry….." Anna finally croaked out, before closing her eyes and hugging her tighter. It was all she could do to avoid out-crying her.
"I'm sorry…." she heard Elsa whisper.
Anna assumed Elsa was talking to her. Elsa wanted so badly to say it completely to her too. Yet when she opened her teary eyes and saw the picture of her parents, right before she said "I'm sorry," – she wasn't sure if she said it to Anna or them.
But she knew Anna deserved it so much more. Not them. Not anymore.
Yet when her fragile dam of tears broke, she cried for all of them. And everything else. Everything.
This wasn't like her tears when Anna was frozen. This wasn't like the tears she let herself shed in her room. These were all the tears she hadn't cried for 13 years. All the sobs, all the loud cries that weren't becoming of a queen.
These were the tears of a lonely, broken girl who needed these tears gone. Just so she'd have a chance to get put together again.
And that only chance had her arms wrapped around Elsa right now.
When Anna finally opened her eyes through her own tears, she noticed the floor was completely ice now. Yet she still got herself to slide in back of Elsa and hug her from behind. Mainly so she could grab onto her cold, bare hands.
"I'm here, I'm here, I'm here, I'm here….." Anna muttered, willing Elsa to hear her and listen to her – and willing herself to listen instead of cry too. But Elsa kept her head down and continued to sob, her tears falling into icy shards on the icy floor.
Yet she wasn't pulling her hands away from Anna. Maybe she was too busy crying to know better. Regardless, Anna couldn't let her know better – no matter how cold her hands were.
However, they did get cold enough that Anna had to let go. Just long enough to rub her hands together, and grab onto Elsa's even tighter.
This made Elsa finally look at something besides her fallen tears. She was likely freezing Anna again – but Anna wasn't letting go. Not for more than a few seconds at a time. She merely warmed her hands up herself every few moments, then clung back onto Elsa's and muttered "I'm here," through her own breaking voice.
This wasn't supposed to be. Elsa was a queen. She was the older sister. She was the ice queen. She was technically a murderer. There were so many reasons why she shouldn't be this….weak. Why she shouldn't be held by anyone, much less….
Much less the only friend she'd ever known. The person she wanted to let in and hold her while she begged for forgiveness and warmth so many times. And here she was.
God, she missed her. Elsa had to make herself feel and believe she was….less than human to forget that.
But she never had to miss her again.
All it would take is the same courage Anna had just to hold her freezing hands. Hands that finally held Anna's right back, clinging to their unconditional warmth. Hands that….weren't freezing as much anymore.
Neither was the floor, for that matter.
As love thawed, Elsa's tears and sobs began to get quieter. Before long, her vision wasn't as blurry with tears anymore. After a while longer, her remaining tears just slid down her cheeks, with her sobs turning into heavy breathing. She even heard Anna breathe heavy as well.
Eventually, Anna and Elsa merely held onto each other's hands in near silence. Anna still had her head on Elsa's shoulder, looking down at their entwined hands and the dry floor. Elsa began to breathe normally, her tears having melted and her dormant emotions purged for the moment – at least the bad ones.
She began to make her way on her feet, with Anna letting go right on time. Even when Anna got up too, Elsa wasn't able to turn around and look at her yet. Now that she had her breakthrough crying spell, her head was on straight – straight enough to put the walls back up, if she wanted to.
She'd wanted to long enough.
"That's the last time I refuse to hug you," Elsa dared herself to say loud. She turned around and prepared to promise Anna, but realized that might be a step too far. The last thing Elsa wanted to give her was false hope, for a promise she didn't realistically know she could keep.
There was a fair and equally honest way to put it, though. "I'll do anything to make that true," Elsa promised the both of them. That was a better promise she could keep.
"I believe in you," Anna said when their eyes finally met. Unlike with herself, Elsa knew 100 percent that Anna would keep her promise. Her belief would make Elsa strong enough to keep hers, as it should have all along.
But as strong as Elsa wanted to be…..there were some things she just couldn't get carried away to do. Some things too painful to overcome – at least if she wanted to overcome the other stuff.
"But I never want to set foot in this room again," Elsa vowed, picking up the picture of their parents and putting it back on the table, while barely looking at it. Or at Anna again, in case she wanted to talk about or defend them.
"Then we won't," Anna surprised her. Another simple, naïve answer to such a dodgy, complicated issue. They really did have their place. Just like their owner.
Anna took the lead in heading towards the open door, with Elsa following. She snuck in a few final looks at the bed, the tables and the photos, before filing them away in her new and improved box of repressed emotions. As that box closed in Elsa's mind, she and Anna closed the door in reality.
It was the first time they closed a door together, or stood in front of one together. Somehow, the act of closing a door at all seemed like the only way this could end. Still, it needed one more touch to keep away temptation.
Of course, Elsa could easily unfreeze the door and melt the ice that sealed it up. She just didn't plan to come here and get tempted. But she couldn't freeze and block off an entire hallway, so the door would have to do.
With at least one door closed for the better, Elsa turned around to head back to her open door. Anna got herself next to her, as the two of them walked in silence. The princess was tempted to take her sister's hand or give her some kind of touch, in case she still needed it.
Yet Anna took her hand back at the last moment, using her new "thinking ahead" powers to see how Elsa might have had enough opening up for one night. Anna wanted more nights like this – with the good kind of opening up this time – so there was no sense cramming it all into one.
However, those powers proved defective when Elsa took Anna's hand.
On the other hand, Anna's tentative but steadily larger smile gave Elsa all the power she needed.
Still, she wanted to keep some power in reserve for the future. As such, she decided not to tell Anna about when she was five years old until tomorrow.
Nevertheless, Elsa remained surprised when she actually kept her promise - the first of many.
Three months ago [Three months after the Great Thaw]
As far as he knew, his name was Maurice. Since he didn't know his 'real name' he figured Maurice would do until he did. But it was working well for him so far.
Whatever his old life was, this one was probably much better. Working on an island where the outside world didn't bother him. Getting to walk around in heat and sun and all things hot most of the year, which was good even with the heavy beard. Having friends to talk to every day – even that strange woman who was in that strange boat accident with him.
Eventually, she decided to call herself Idina. Then she joined the staff of the island's top restaurant, and within three years, rose to pretty much rule the kitchen floor. Maurice was content to rise to power as manager of the island's second best summer clothing store. Their paths crossed once in a while, but their jobs kept them too busy for much more.
Of course, they had no reason to expect anything more out of life. After the way theirs were spared, and considering how their old lives must have been if they even went into that storm, they were better off with their new lives anyway.
None of them gave it another thought. Right up to the day one of the shipping captains came to Maurice's shop, looking for new summer attire.
The captain was looking forward to some time off, after several weeks of fishing and traveling. Once in a while, he even went to other kingdoms to offer them supplies. He told Maurice he went to this place called Weaseltown that was dying to buy stuff – especially after this evil queen stopped trading with them.
He even brought a newspaper from that town, to prove he wasn't lying. Seems this kingdom called Arendelle actually had something called a "Snow Queen." If that didn't make him glad to be in the sun, nothing did.
Maurice chuckled with him, curious enough to take the paper and read it for himself. It had a full color picture of this "Snow Queen" with some nasty captions at the bottom. But they still paled to this…..fairly pale young woman with a blue sparking dress, braided hair, deep blue eyes….
Deep blue eyes….
Deep blue eyes staring at him from a baby's blanket.
Deep blue eyes crying as snowflakes rained down her fingertips.
Deep blue eyes looking down at a newborn baby girl in her little arms.
Watching a three year old girl in pigtails run around a giant hallway.
Wiping snow out of her eyes during a snowball fight.
Watching an unconscious five-year-old girl during a sled ride.
Covering her eyes in fear after seeing a vision above some rocks.
Watching carefully as she put on blue gloves.
Barely looking at…..two people that looked like Maurice and Idina as frost covered a fancy bedroom.
Turning away from a window as Maurice, Idina and a bigger version of that red headed girl play outside….what looked like a castle.
Looking down respectfully as she curtsies before Maurice and Idina pick up suitcases.
Suitcases that fly around on a boat.
Suitcases that strike Maurice and Idina on a boat, before a surge of water consumes them.
Consumes a boat with a royal symbol on it. The symbol of….
When Maurice snapped out of his….trance, he picked up the newspaper again – and found that symbol on a banner behind…..behind….
"Elsa!"
And like that, the rest revealed itself. Who Maurice really was. What he was. What he'd done. What he concealed from the world, and his own daughter.
Who he had that daughter with….
Where she was now…..what she still thought she was now….
How they'd spent three years apart because of who they both thought they were….
That was wrong. Such a cruel separation should never have been allowed. It wouldn't be any longer.
Without even bothering to explain his trances, gasps and apparent mental breakdown to the captain, "Maurice" took the newspaper, rushed out and abandoned his supposed job. He had to get his wife out of hers, while he still remembered everything.
With breakneck speed, he rushed to the restaurant, hoping his wife's staff was serving a light lunch crowd. It was medium, but he cut through the lines and through the table, until he found….he found….
"Maurice? What is the meaning of this?" his wife asked with a deep frown. His wife….his Queen. "Get out now, you're causing a scene!"
"This is our daughter!" he still went on, holding up the newspaper for his wife.
"Our…." she was beyond confused. And apparently just looking at the picture didn't trigger anything.
"We were on a voyage to the Northern Isles. Our boat sank. We left behind an entire kingdom! And two daughters! One with…." he struggled to say. Among other things, he now remembered the need to conceal. Even in an island thousands of miles from Arendelle. Even if she really had been….
"You picked out her gloves!" he made himself tell her. "You stayed in the royal library every night for three years, looking for a magical cure! You taught her to throw snowballs with her own two hands! You taught her to sing the same lullaby to Anna you sang to her when she was born! We were all there, in the castle!" he was somehow allowed to explain.
"I, I…..I don't know what you're talking about, Maurice," she kept insisting.
"You have to!" he pleaded, knowing there was little time before she composed herself to throw him out. Yet with that and his new old memories, he still couldn't remember the lyrics of that blasted lullaby. After all the times she hummed it, one would think he would….
But once the waiters finally took him by the arms, he figured humming would have to do.
The humming was pretty off key, and not just because he was desperate for his wife to hear him.
Yet the louder and shriller it got, the more she wished to hear something softer.
A soft humming of her baby's favorite lullaby when she was sleeping in her arms.
The sound of her growing baby girl humming it to her new sister while resting in her bed.
The sound of laughter and joy when her little girl threw her first snowball.
The sound of sobbing from behind a locked bedroom door – which she barely kept herself from opening.
The sound of frantic page turning as she browsed through every book on magical beings.
Her own sobs as she realized there was no point in finding answers anymore.
The softer page turning of…..what looked like Maurice as he looked through the books himself afterwards. He never told her about that, and she never brought up what she saw either.
The sheer quiet in the great hall as she walked by herself – with no chance anyone would join her.
The sound and feel of a hug from a redheaded girl, while she was standing near some suitcases.
The louder and louder sounds of oncoming water.
The sound of a falling suitcase – and then a sudden thud.
The embrace of a man before she passed out and the waters came.
The embrace of….of…..
Like he did, she stumbled backwards as the memories flooded back. In this case, when she looked back up, an understanding – but more heavily bearded face - was greeting her. A face she'd seen off and on for three years….and before that….
"Gaspar?"
"Malin…."
Absolutely no one in that restaurant knew what was going on. The only ones who just figured it out weren't explaining, though. They were too busy sharing a hug three years overdue.
But before they shared tears three years overdue, former Queen Malin noticed the newspaper still in her hands. Former King Gaspar pulled away and noticed it again too.
There were so many things they had to say to each other. So many shared memories to recollect. So many experiences from the last three years to see in a new light.
But none of those words came. Not with the words they were now both reading in the Weselton paper. Not with the picture above them. Not with that picture showing her out of the castle, exposed – and without any gloves. As if the ugly words printed weren't enough.
All of it made her mother and father say just one word. With a very familiar inflection of fear.
"Elsa…."
