((Author's Note: A little diddy inspired by World of Warcraft. Liathano and Anri are two of my characters (Silver Hand and Cenarion Circle respectivly) while Alexy is an alt of my friend's, used with her permission. This story, although using characters I've ascribed personalities to, is copyright Blizzard Entertainment 2005, please don't sue and all that jazz.

This story is rated PG... er... T(?) for minor swearing and violence and such.))

Swinging Chickens
A World of Warcraft fanfic
By Kristin Renee Taylor

Part One -

The bar was, for once, mercifully empty, quite a rare occasion for a normally occupied night. Liathano sat at the bar, nursing a cup of milk like it was possibly the last cup of milk on Azeroth. The bartender, a slim, handsome young human named Gorthad, stood at the other end of the bar, close enough to see if the green-clad female warrior needed refilling, but far enough away to not be in conversation range. He polished an ale mug in his hands with a cloth, the same mug he'd been polishing for an hour now. Tammie the Wench cleaned the empty tables idly. Dave the Bard sat in his usual corner and played craps with Fizzlethork the Goblin Bouncer. Other than those five, the tavern was deader than an Alliance graveyard.

Yep, all was peaceful and quiet. And boring. So very, very boring.

So when the door to the Swinging Chicken opened, most of those people looked up in immediate expectation of money with legs. What they got was a short, scrawny woman in faded black clothing that had seen better days, unarmed, and radiating the care-free attitude of the aimless wanderer and vagabond. Fizzlethork eyed the newcomer warily. Everybody else went back to what they were doing: nothing. Liathano alone ignored the woman entirely.

Humming tunelessly, the woman strode into the nearly empty tavern, nodding greetings to the employees. She plopped down on the stool next to Lia's, her black ponytail bobbing and swaying with her movements. She ordered ale, which Gorthad delivered with timely precision. She drink it all in one long guzzle, then slammed the empty mug down on the bar and released a loud, deep, satisfied belch. Only then did she turn to the morose warrior beside her. "Yo, Lia. Long time no speak."

"Yo"

"How's life treatin' ya?"

The warrior grunted without looking up from her milk.

Anri (for that was the newcomer's name) frowned slightly, a bit perturbed by her friend's despondency. Violet eyes narrowed in consternation as she studied the warrior. "Hm?" She grinned brightly. "Lemme guess: guy problems!"

Silence from the warrior.

Anri blinked. "Girl problems?"

Slowly, Liathano's head turned to glare at the thief, dark blue eyes hard as flint.

Oblivious, Anri continued her list. "Gnome problems? I know ya hate gnomes. Or is it Night Elf problems? Ya don't seem t' like them very much, even though they like ya a whole lot!" Anri snickered. "Oh, wait, don't tell me. That shit with Tobias, that's what's got ya down, right? That whole 'wah wah my bro's tryin' t' kill me! Boo hoo woe is me!'" She grinned broadly. "That it?"

Almost too fast to be seen, Lia stood, sword out of her scabbard and in her hand as she started to round on the thief.

Even faster was Anri's knife appearing at Lia's throat. Liathano froze. The thief continued to smile pleasantly, but her eyes acquired the darker, harder look of a professional killer. "Here now," Anri said calmly, "no fightin', eh? We're all friends here. Right?"

For the space of three heartbeats, the tableau remained frozen, all eyes on the two women. And then, on some unseen signal, both woman relaxed and retook their seats. Liathano sheathed her sword. Anri's knife vanished back into the sleeve of her shirt. They ordered drinks. Gorthad delivered them gingerly, half-expecting either woman to chop off his hand at the slightest twitch. Only Fizzlethork seemed unfazed by the near double homicides.

Dave quietly excused himself, citing a need for new breeches.

Five minutes of silence reigned unchallenged.

Anri broke it first. "Ya need t' get laid, that's what."

Liathano glared at her. "Does everything devolve into sex with you?"

"Nah. It devolves to money, too."

Lia grunted sourly. "Thieving whore."

Anri slung an arm around Lia's shoulders and grinned. "I love ya, too, ya uptight Amazon meatshield."

Liathano made a sound that might've been laughter. "You only love yourself."

"Not true!" Anri declared, waving a finger in the air for emphasis. "There's the kid."

"'The kid.' Do you even know 'the kid's' name?"

Anri's mouth opened, then shut, then opened again in a toothy smile. "Does it matter?"

Liathano rolled her eyes. "I should've known."

"See? That's what I'm talkin' about!" Anri exclaimed. She drew Liathano into a headlock, ignoring the other woman's startled yell and struggling limbs. "What's it matter if I never say the kid's name? I know what it is, so stop concerning yerself with my shit!" Lia finally broke the hold, shoving Anri back into her stool. Liathano rubbed her throat, glaring.

Anri smirked. "Ya know what yer problem really is? Ya think too much."

"You don't think enough," Lia grated out immediately.

"And which of us is happier because of it?" Ignoring Liathano's startled look, Anri drained her mug, belched again, and stood. "Speakin' of the kid, I gotta go. She get's all freaked out when I'm not there." She winked at Liathano. "I told her I was pickin' up some food. Guess I outta do it, eh?" Laughing raucously, the thief strode out, ponytail bouncing jauntily on her way out.

Liathano glared at the door as it shut behind Anri. A polite cough made her whirl and snap "WHAT?"

Gorthad slid a piece of paper towards her. "Your bill." He added dryly, "I take it you'll be paying for your? friend, as well?"

"Yeah, right." She blushed, a little mortified. "Um, sure." She reached for her money pouch. And, then, frowning, she patted the place where she kept her second pouch. And then, frowning more, she looked inside her vest to see that the careful stitching of her hidden pocket had been cut, and all her money removed.

She looked up at Gorthad, who paled visibly, and said calmly, "I'm sorry, it seems as though I have no silver at the moment." She stood. "Will you pardon me?"

Gorthad nodded dumbly, silently praying to every deity imaginable that he never be the target of the look of Lia's face ever again.

Lia nodded. "Thanks." Picking up her sword, she walked slowly out of the tavern, softly shutting the door behind her.

Two seconds later:

"ANRI!"