Darkness; ever consuming and stagnant. That absence of light blanketed his entirety in blissful escape from the outside world. Shifting, he was roused as sleep left him and stretching only once, he groaned.
But wait; there was a reason for leaving this sweet reverie. 'He' was here to shoulder the burden. Lids peeled back quickly with a jump of the heart, making note of his companion's whereabouts. Sure enough, there he was, but a few inches away, adopting the same crouched sleeping position.
"Kaworu?" Whispered Shinji. He feared many possibilities in that instant. If Kaworu had not been there when he opened his eyes, well, he didn't want to think about that. Once he knew his partner was near, he faced an unusual predicament. Shinji sought acknowledgment, both verbal and visual, but he didn't want to wake the other boy. Selfishly, he nudged Kaworu. "Are you still asleep?"
Wrinkles formed around the eyes of Shinji's partner. A shift to the right and left indicated Kaworu's search for a comfier position. "Mmm..." he uttered, expelling the smallest amount of energy he could into forming a coherent response.
For now, 'Mmm...' would have to do and Shinji gently chuckled. "Sorry..." He began. "I guess...I got a little worried." Lining each fingertip together, he threaded both hands with a sad smile.
The pale boy inhaled and stretched as Shinji's words finally met his ears. "Worried?" Red eyes met the black that was their holding cell. With no marked differences in their small rectangular space, Kaworu inched toward his partner and threw an arm lazily over both shoulders. His head followed, forming a pillow out of the brunette's arm.
Surprised and pleased with the proximity, Shinji sighed. "A little. But I know it's silly to worry when you're here." Kaworu nuzzled him in place of spoken word, increasing Shinji's smile in size. The free hand at his side rose to comb the hair of the one using his arm as a pillow. "Sorry, I should let you sleep." Several quiet moments passed until a nasally breath caught Shinji's ears and he suppressed a laugh.
It was hard to believe that weeks ago Shinji had been in an obscure coma, suddenly awoke and thrust 14 years into the future.
Misato. Asuka. Rei. Father. And now surprisingly: Kaworu. The latter was the only entity that possessed any rationale in this strange new world. The future laid out before Shinji always seemed paved with danger and despair. And among such suffering, he had found someone waiting to ease the burden called life; Kaworu made that possible.
Honestly, their encounter had started by chance.
Once rescued from Wunder by Rei, Shinji found himself in the ruins of Nerv. The quiet, blue-haired teen led him down a winding path through the desolate Nerv facility. A low groan of wind mixed with the echo of their footsteps followed them like shadows.
It really has been 14 years, Shinji thought to himself. The ruins...the lack of Nerv personnel; all facts pointed to this notion.
But suddenly, there was a hum, a reverberance of melody that spoke over the wind and their feet. Midnight blue eyes lidded a moment then peeled back in surprise. Drawn to the song, Shinji turned and peered down at a red and white checkered floor. At the center was a grand piano. The pianist, whose fingers effortlessly moved from white to black keys and back again, wore the same school uniform as he did.
When the song concluded, the musician tilted his head upward and smiled. His eyes, crimson in color, met with Shinji's own, and he felt small in that moment.
That was how he first met Kaworu Nagisa. To follow this encounter was a most interesting 'conversation'. Descending into remembrance again, Shinji recalled all that he could about their second meeting.
The wind rustled through the small vegetation that wound its way through the cracks of the ground. Shinji sat watch over the flowers, his thoughts swirling with new experiences since his awakening.
Before all of this, he thought. Before, I was with Ayanami. He remembered everything...the feel of her small, fragile frame against his own, floating weightlessly in the pale blue of his entry plug. And suddenly everything went black. Shinji woke as though it were the day after pulling Rei from the Angel. There was an ache in his muscles, and at the time, he attributed it to his difficult battle and rescue mission. Now that there was time to think on it that must have been a result of being inanimate for more than a decade.
But could everything be so easily explained? 14 years had come and gone, but Shinji didn't feel or look any different. What had happened in that time?
A sudden twinge made the temples ache. Releasing an exasperated sigh, the no longer teenage boy rested his face upon his folded arms. The world felt bigger and scarier than it ever had in the past.
As if on cue, a melody began. Fingers could be heard gliding rapidly over keys, creating a sweet echo of music. Somehow, Shinji felt at ease as the song began and his troubled mind seemed to calm for a moment.
'Come here,' a voice had called. 'Ikari-kun, could you come here? We can talk!'
Shinji snorted, waking himself with an involuntary jerk. He first looked to Kaworu who was soundlessly sleeping on his right arm. Realizing he had also fallen prey to exhaustion, Shinji cracked his neck with a pleasant sigh. Then he examined their cell.
It was a small, rectangular space with low light. The room contained a futon, large blanket and a toilet. Despite the provided bedding, the pair took to sleeping against the wall, more out of preparedness than comfort. They wanted to be ready should a new situation arise.
Shinji, oddly enough, couldn't complain about their quarters, though the current appearance was depressing. There was enough space to walk in circles, a bed, a toilet in the opposite corner, light and two meals a day. All but Shinji would view this as prison, but to him it was safe. He had Kaworu beside him and that's all he needed.
Thinking back on it, Shinji concluded that his trip from Wunder and back was nothing short of miraculous. It's a wonder I'm still alive, he thought with a grim smile.
After meeting Kaworu, Shinji began a regimen of piano lessons. Kaworu assured him it was necessary, not only for his future mission but to achieve balance in himself. However, it wasn't the songs but instead the process that held meaning to the brunette. Those songs provided Shinji with a reason to keep going, something to look forward to and achieve overtime; a goal.
The Third Child found himself waking to thoughts of piano lessons and songs with Kaworu. He would even steal himself away to the grand piano, waiting for his instructor to show. After one late meeting, Shinji requested to stay with Kaworu for stargazing.
'Do you like stars?' Kaworu inquired, lying face up on the ground.
Shinji laid in the same position only a 12 inches separating them. 'I do. The universe is so large, and there is something about it that puts me at ease, to know that it hasn't changed in 14 years, even though so much has for the world...'
'You don't like change, do you?' Kaworu chuckled in remembrance of past encounters. He wondered for a moment if the same would happen this time. 'Heh, that's so like you. But lying here together is nice. Thank you for inviting me.'
Kaworu's wording struck him as odd. So like him...was Shinji that transparent? Or was there something more to that statement? 'Oh, no need to thank me. I just thought it would be fun and...' He paused, drawn to his right side instinctually and found Kaworu sitting up.
The pale, gray-haired boy leaned forward, poised almost seductively. 'I really was born just to meet you.' With a smile, Kaworu closed the gap between them, placing a feather-light kiss on his companion's parted lips.
Dark blue eyes could be viewed fully, exposing most of the sclera. Several quick intakes of breath visibly confirmed Shinji's bewilderment.
Kaworu retreated with a smile, causing all the blood in Shinji's body to concentrate in his face.
Even now, he could feel his cheeks color, tracing the bottom then top lip with an extended index finger. Although he'd been confused and mortified then, Shinji didn't feel that way now. He smiled, content with the fact that Kaworu had kissed him several times since then. Whether it was out of friendship or something more, the former Eva pilot didn't know, and in some ways didn't care. It was a special ritual in which only he and Kaworu could participate.
But Shinji wasn't finished reminiscing. Some urge propelled him further into his personal records, reliving events from the last couple weeks.
The silence was maddening. Shinji wasn't entirely sure when he had returned to his quarters, considering how erratically his movements had been.
Earlier that day, Kaworu had escorted him to ground zero of the Near Third Impact site. Simply put, Shinji had been the catalyst for NTI. It was a heavy fact to swallow and he'd fallen to his knees, wrestling with such accusations. Despite Kaworu's words of absolution, Shinji couldn't process any of it. Too much had been dumped on him at once and he wasn't able to digest his words.
Following that encounter had been a spontaneous meeting with Fuyutsuki, who reveled more than Shinji cared to know.
Rei, he thought, stumbling through the doorway to his quarters. Shinji felt numb from head to toe, shuffling closer to his cot and propelling himself lazily upon it. For an hour he laid awake, seemingly comatose. He switched focus from the ceiling to the wall, resting his weary head against the cold partition.
Thoughts, questions and statements protested behind his eyes, threatening to eat away at his sanity. A crescendo poured from his mouth in the form of a strangled cry and he tossed the SDAT recorder against the opposite wall much like a child throwing a temper tantrum.
Not before long, Kaworu had knocked and entered the chamber.
'No!' Shinji squawked. 'I don't want to pilot Eva anymore!' Hands came to hold his head, propped against the white wall. 'I couldn't even save Rei...Nothing good can come from getting in the cockpit!'
Kaworu stood opposite Shinji, observing him from a safe distance. Red eyes directed their curious gaze upon the small electronic, cast aside like a dirty sock. Walking forward he closed the cassette basket and plucked the device from the floor. 'You don't know that. An Eva can change and reverse the future. As long as you will it to be so, you can do anything.'
'You say that but everyone...Misato. My father. Asuka. Why?' Shinji hiccupped but continued. 'Why do they hate me so much? If being in the Eva did all that, then it's proof that I can't do anything right!'
'Won't you believe in me?'
'I can't!' He painfully uttered. Footsteps shuffled quietly around him, but he didn't care to respond to the sound. 'It doesn't matter even if I wanted to pilot it...I can't do anything; not with this thing Misato put on me...'
Exercising a caress that resembled an embrace, the pale boy placed his fingers on the DSS choker, unlocking it from Shinji's neck, then placing it around his own. It happened so fast that Shinji hardly knew how to respond and with a gasp, he clutched at his naked throat.
'I will shoulder this burden for you.'
His neck felt so light. But how? How had Kaworu managed to remove it?
'Nagisa-kun...' Shinji stood, facing Kaworu. 'But why?'
'You don't have to worry anymore,' he smiled, not only with his mouth but also his eyes. 'I can protect you, so there is no reason to not believe in me.'
Shinji moved from the cot's proximity towards his partner. The two exchanged glances as the room went stagnant, but then Shinji broke the monotony. He walked towards Kaworu until they were several inches apart. 'That's too much to ask of you...to share my burden like that.'
'You didn't ask me to. Obviously, this is what I wanted.' The pale pianist extended his hand to Shinji's left cheek, stroking it gently. His smile did not waiver even for a moment.
In a fit of passion, Shinji pushed the hand away and grabbed his piano instructor by the cheeks and kissed him forcefully. When their lips parted, Shinji exhaled, blushed and removed his hands.
'That's the first time you initiated a kiss with me.'
The student looked away. 'I-I wanted to express my gratitude. Thank you.' The floor became very interesting to Shinji's eyes, but he was taken from his involuntary retreat by the same hand as before. Rich red met deep blue and Kaworu smiled again. 'You should take initiative more. I like it.'
After their exchange, Kaworu relayed the plans, mentioning that Human Instrumentality could be achieved if they retrieved the two spears. Everything could be fixed after this one mission.
However, the mission failed. Shinji looked about their holding cell, reminded of the expedition that had backfired. Their trip to retrieve Longinus and Cassius had proved to be part of Gendou's plan to initiate Fourth Impact. Kaworu deduced this early in the game and told Shinji that it would not be wise to complete their appointed task. Both agreed to abort and retreat but had been subdued by Unit 02 and 08.
With the pilots extracted, Unit 13 was eradicated and the two were brought back to Wunder as criminals.
Kaworu exhaled deeply, eyes rolling towards Shinji and opened. He stretched and exchanged a smile with the brunette who nodded to himself. We didn't get the spears, but, I'm ok with that, he thought. Instead of clearing his sins, he had a different form of absolution; he had a friend.
