Title: Sod It All

Summary: James Potter has a hero complex. Severus Snape has a martyr complex. Lily Evans is sick of them both.

Time frame: right after the DADA O.W.L., when James messes with Snape to entertain Sirius and Snape calls Lily a Mudblood. Lily rushes back to the castle, deserting her dorm mates by the lake.


Sod it all, she thought.

Sod James Potter and his stupid messy hair and his stupid Golden Snitch and his stupid arrogance and his stupid glasses and his stupid need for a show. Sod Severus Snape and his stupid temper and his stupid brain and his stupid Slytherin mates and his stupid tendency to throw their friendship out the window. And on that note, sod Sirius Black and his stupid haughtiness and his stupid need to be bored in the first place.

Sod Potter and his bloody hero complex. Who was he to come to her defense, after everything he'd done? And sod Severus again for his bloody martyr complex. He always had to make sure she knew it wasn't his fault; it was fucking Potter and Black! Nothing was ever his fault. No, he had to be the victim, just like Potter had to be the hero.

"I don't need help from filthy Mudbloods like her!"

"Apologize to Evans!"

Sod it all, she thought again, but this time with a less strength behind her words and more tears in her eyes.

Lily Evans firmly believed she could handle anything on her own. She liked the company of friends, but she really thought if it came down to it, she could face life by herself. The only problem with that train of thought was that Severus wasn't just any old friend that she could replace. He had been her best friend, even before she went to Hogwarts. He had helped her transition from the Muggle to the magical world. He told her everything he could about magic when they were little, trying to find ways to pass the time until September first, and he continued to stick by her throughout the years, despite the house rivalries. She had felt a rift growing between them for some time now— a rift that sometimes had a lot to do with a certain James Potter— and she definitely didn't approve of the gang he hung around, but she had always refused to let herself acknowledge that their time was coming to an end.

She heard footsteps and the rustling of robes coming from the end of the corridor. She had been so quick to rush off the school grounds that she hadn't checked to see if anyone had followed it. With her arms around her legs, her back against the wall, and her head on her knees, Lily growled, "If your name is Potter or Snape, you'd better turn around right now or I swear to Merlin I'll hex you into the next century."

"C'mon Lils, that's no way to treat your best friend." Marlene McKinnon's blonde head was even with her own, and Lily slightly relaxed. If anyone knew what to do in this situation, it was Marlene. "Dorcas and Mary are still by the lake doing damage control." She paused and rubbed Lily's arm. "Are you okay?" she asked tentatively.

"Yeah, I... Severus was my best friend," Lily replied softly.

"I think he's just proved otherwise. Lily, the two of you haven't been the same since last year."

Lily wasn't paying attention. "He called me a Mudblood." Her voice was almost a whimper.

Marlene couldn't think of anything to say to that, so she put her arm around Lily's shoulder and sat with her on the floor of the deserted corridor. She pretended, for her friend's sake, that she didn't know Lily was a silent crier.

"Evans," cried a familiar male voice. James Potter rushed down the corridor and ignored the warning look Marlene shot his way. "Evans, I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry I hexed him." He sighed, ruffling his hair before rubbing the back of his neck. "But if it's all the same to you, he deserved it! He shouldn't have called you a Mudblood! I mean, c'mon Evans—"

"No, Potter, it's not all the same to me! So what if he called me a Mudblood? It was a low blow and Severus was acting like a coward. But you were just as bad!" shrieked Lily. "What was the point of starting that, anyways? Were you bored? And besides, I'm sure you only came to find me once you were finished humiliating him!"

"Ah, Evans, you're not seriously defending him, are you? He just—" He cut off at the expressions on both girls' faces. Slightly fearful, James watched Evans warily as she whipped her wand out from the folds of her robes. Her other hand was clenched in a tight fist.

Lily was standing now, numb in fury. She had spent years knocking Potter's ego down a notch, but no matter what she said, it never stuck. "Leave me alone, Potter. Go back to your little friends and leave me alone."

James shared a final glance with McKinnon, hesitating.

"Go."

His shoulders slumped and he hurried out of her way. Once Potter was gone, Lily sank back onto the floor. She didn't bother being quiet this time; she sobbed with her head on Marlene's shoulder and her hands over her eyes.

"I've had it, Marlene. I give up. Why did I even bother? I knew he was in too deep with the Slytherin gang. I knew he wasn't worth it, but I cared. And I still do! Why? It's not like he deserves it! He's such a prat! And Potter! Merlin, one of these days..." Lily was rambling, but she didn't know what else to do. She thought she could deal with this on her own when the time came, but ending an old friendship and fending off James Potter were two separate matters entirely, and one person couldn't do both and escape unscathed.

Marlene didn't know what to say. She had never approved of Lily's friendship with Snape, but it was Lily's life. "I think even though you saw it coming, there's no way to prepare for something like this. Listen, Lil, Snape's capable of making his own choices, but if those choices aren't in your better interest, I think that's that."

After a moment of silence, Lily groaned, "What's Potter gonna think, now that I haven't got Severus around as an excuse?"

Marlene laughed, relaxing against the wall. "I wouldn't worry. You'll come up with newer, more creative ways to reject James." She stood and brushed off the seat of her robes. She offered her hands to Lily. "Come on, let's get you cleaned up."