A Fushigi Yuugi Plane Ride
By Shinku Naito and Shinku Yôsai
Nakago observed his 15 companions with absolute horror.
The um… interesting group sat in the lounge of Tokyo's Narita Airport. Nakago
catalogued the actions his fellow seishi and their mikos. Soi was drinking a
Frappachino with one hand and clinging to Nakago with the other. He glanced over
to the quiet, sedate group. Amiboshi had his Walkman glued to his ears, Chiriko
was reading a copy of Popular Mechanics, and Mitsukake was reading some health
magazine. Yui was reading some very thick 'airport' novel she'd picked up on a
whim (and was already 2/3 done), next to Suboshi who, surprisingly, was reading
Tom Clancy's 'Rainbow Six,' and Chichiri was sitting behind them, cross-legged,
on one of the chairs, meditating.
Tasuki and Tamahome were in an argument (over nothing in particular), Miaka
was happily stuffing her face with M&M's, Nuriko was brushing Hotohori's
hair as the Emperor admired himself in his travel hand-mirror, and Miboshi was
teasing Ashitare with a cat toy. Tomo was at the customer service desk, arguing
with a steward, who was telling Tomo that his makeup and headdress would be a
disturbance to his fellow passengers, and might damage the aircraft's
upholstery. All the other passengers in the lounge were giving the group a wide
berth.
Then, thankfully, they were all otherwise occupied. "Flight BA444 to London
Heathrow is now boarding through gate number 4."
The group got up, gathered their bags, and headed for the gate. All, that is,
except one. Amiboshi still sat with his music, blissfully unaware that there was
an outside world. Suboshi had to hit his twin with his book to get him up.
Nakago silently cursed the mikos for suggesting this "vacation" to London.
Seiryuu knows WHY they had decided this, but they had claimed it would be a fun,
new, and interesting experience. And interesting it would be. Their seats, in
Club Class, occupied all of the upper deck of the aircraft, so, thankfully, no
one would be there to see the mayhem.
(Yôsai: Yo, Naito, where'd they get the money for this? For that matter,
how'd they all end up in the real world, with their memories, etc.?)
(Naito: How the f*** should I know?)
(Y: You're the f***ing author?)
(N: Well, I don't care! Why are you being so anal retentive?)
(Y: I shouldn't have taught you that…That's become your favorite phrase)
(N: No, it hasn't. My favorite is, "High yield explosive warhead.")
(Y: Oh, good grief…) About half of them had shown their tickets when it came to be Miaka's turn.
"Your ticket, madam?" asked the clerk in a sedate, uninterested voice.
"Ticket? What ticket? I don't have a ticket."
A muffled, "Oh, God," was heard in the crowd behind. However, Yui stepped in.
"This is Yuuki Miaka. Her ticket number is BA023743-6571912-34857. Look it
up." Then, to an astonished Miaka, "I memorized it, because I knew this would
happen." The rest of the seishi boarded without incident.
The polite crewmembers on the aircraft directed the seishi to the upper deck
of the Boeing 747-200, and Yui quickly helped explain Miaka's predicament, so
she, too, had no problems. After the group had settled comfortably into their
seats, Nakago looked around to see where everyone was sitting. He and Soi were
in the front row, with Miaka and Tama-home-boy across the aisle. Behind him sat
Amiboshi and Chichiri, across from Yui and Suboshi. Yui was attempting to ignore
her seatmate as she tried to engross herself in her book. Further back, behind
his miko, sat the odd paring of Tomo and Tasuki, neither particularly happy with
the arrangement. Tasuki had cursed loudly and repeatedly upon learning his seat
assignment for the rather long flight. Across from them sat Mitsukake and
Chiriko, who was petting Tama-neko. Nakago wondered how the healer had smuggled
his cat on board. In the very back sat Hotohori and Nuriko, behind Mitsukake,
and across the aisle were the freaks, who the Emperor was eyeing with disdain.
The wary flight crew began offering the group orange juice and water before
takeoff, part of the normal procedure. Most took one or the other, but when
Tasuki was asked what he would like, he immediately piped up, "Sake!
Sakesakesakesakesake!"
The stewardess looked somewhat worried, but then said, "Um, sir, we are not
allowed to serve alcohol until the plane takes off," apparently not realizing
that Tasuki was underage to begin with.
(N: *Sarcasm evident* What a shame. He doesn't look underage anyway)
She also failed to notice the tip of his tessen poking out from behind his
head. "WHAT?!?! Whadaya mean no booze?" he yelled.
"I'm terribly sorry, sir, but that's the law," the ever polite, yet slightly
nervous, stewardess replied. All the seishi had turned to witness the
confrontation.
Tasuki turned bright red to match his hair, then pulled out his tessen and
cried, "F*** the law! REKKA," here, Tasuki suddenly changed the direction of his
tessen to point behind him, "SHIEN!!!" A plaintive baby's cry and the howling of
a wolf could be heard from the smoking seats behind, but, remarkably, both
freaks emerged from the smoke unharmed. The stewardess, shocked, considered
whether or not to attempt to confiscate the dangerous item, but decided against.
She simply moved on, continuing with her duties, leaving a fuming Tasuki behind.
As the flight went crashing down the runway, the safety video came on, and all
watched with at least a pretended interest. Except Tamahome, who fell asleep
after the third word, so Tasuki had to lean over and break Tomo's water glass
over the sleeping lug's head (well, he didn't Then they were in the air and the drinks came around. Nakago had a Surge, Soi
had a bottle of mineral water, Miaka had a Coke and ten or eleven bags of
peanuts, Tamahome also had a Surge, as did Suboshi and Tomo. Amiboshi and
Chichiri had Sprites, Yui had a Diet Coke, Mitsukake and Chiriko had Peach Iced
Teas…
(N: Damn, that stuff's good. Excuse the authors as they visit the fridge…)
(Y: Teeheehee…)
(N: That's Iced Teaheehee…*g*). Tasuki had three bottles of gin (he cried when they didn't have sake),
Hotohori and Nuriko shared a bottle of champagne, and the freak show also had a
pair of Surge's.
Then came dinner. All chose, but Miaka chose more. Actually, she chose SIX
dinners. There was a collective sweatdrop. Moments after her meals had been
delivered, there was nothing left. The food, the drinks, and even the plates,
were gone, utterly and completely. The others ate in mostly peaceable silence,
channel surfing on their mini-screens, looking for at least semi-decent movies.
Nakago and Soi both decided on Eventually, the movies ended, the flight crew retreated, and the lights went
out. About half an hour later, Miaka called out, "Is anyone asleep?" She was met
by 14 no's, a growl and a "meow." "Oh. Then let's play TRUTH OR DARE!!!!!!!!!"
A collective, "NOOOOOOOO!!!!!" echoed through the cabin, led by Tasuki-chan.
Then, a lone, commanding, "Yes." All turned to the speaker, a boy about
Chiriko's age, dressed all in black. "Oh, I guess you're wondering what I'm
doing here. Well, I'm Shinku Naito, and I'm the author, so I'm manipulating you
all. And, ya know, I'm beginning to see why Nakago likes it so much. You may
remember me from my sister Yôsai's fic, where you're about to go to a prom.
She's hanging around, too, by the way. And I'm going to be mean to those I don't
like, so too bad. There's gonna be 5 minutes in heaven later, so be good or you
get Ashitare." All of those present facevaulted.
"Aw, f***, we're in a fic? Kuso!" cried everyone's (or, at least, Yôsai's)
favorite redhead.
"Can you really make us do anything no da?" Chichiri asked.
(Y: Why's he asking this? 'Course he knows you can!)
(N: Yeah, but wait till you see what happens next!) Naito grinned maniacally, then pointed to Tamahome. Suddenly, the blue-haired
seishi's nose grew five inches, his ears got very pointy, and his clothes turned
to an elf suit. Tamahome looked down, then touched his ears and nose, then cried
like a baby on Miaka's shoulder. Everyone else just stared. Breaking the
silence, Tasuki laughed like hell. Soon, almost everyone was cracking up (except
Nakago, who of course would never laugh. He just smirked). Nakago stood up and
went to speak with the rather small author, to make 'arrangements' for later.
When Tamahome's crying had reached shrieking level, Naito shook his head and
said, "Oh God," then he pointed and zapped Tamahome's face back to normal (well,
if you can call his face normal). Naito laughed evilly, then said, "But he keeps
the clothes! Goodbye." Then he faded away, and the group made a sort of circle,
by turning towards the middle. And prepared for doom.
Yui piped up, "Look, we'd better not mess with the author, so I'll go first.
Umm…hmm…okay, Amiboshi, Truth or Dare?" Amiboshi looked over, nervously.
"Ah, truth," he said.
Her sedate little grin turned to a devilish smirk, as she said, "Did you
enjoy lying on top of Miaka when you 'healed' her?" Amiboshi eeped. Miaka,
Tamahome, Yui, and Subi looked on with interest, the others less, but still
very… amused. Amiboshi hemmed and hawed, trying to think of a way out of the
question. Unfortunately none presented itself. The others waited patiently.
Finally he said, "Um, ya know, I really have to go to the bathroom…I'll be
right back." He stood, but there was a voice from above.
(N: No, it's too fun to have you here. Besides, the bathroom's right in
front of Nakago).
"Oh," said Amiboshi, who sat, and continued his stalling. Finally, when
Tasuki's tessen was in his hand and Nakago's kokoro was shining bright blue, he
cried out, "YES!! I did!" and launched himself in Miaka's direction. However,
Tamahome stood, his sign glowing red, and Amiboshi stopped in midair (N: Yes,
he can do that) and floated to the deck. Once he returned to his seat, he
realized it was his turn to choose. Looking around, his eyes landed on his
victim, who was sitting right next to him. "Chichiri! Truth or Dare?"
Chichiri calmly said, "Dare."
(Y: Why'd he do that? He's too smart to say dare!)
(N: Because I'm manipulating him, of course!) Amiboshi grinned. "Cut off your bangs, right here, right now." Chichiri
looked at his seatmate, a hurt expression on his mask's face.
"Ano, I don't have scissors no da!"
Tasuki jumped up, grabbing the tessen turned short sword, and yelled, "I'll
help!" "Soi! Truth or Dare no da?" he said. She looked a little startled.
"Umm…DARE!" she said.
"Kiss Ashitare!" Chichiri cried. Soi looked a little sick, and then looked to
Nakago for help, who quickly feigned sleep. She stood and approached the back of
the cabin, determined to get the ordeal over with quickly. Soi kissed him…or
it…whatever, quickly, then tried to move away. Unfortunately for her, Ashitare
pounced on her and threw her to the ground, then started licking her face. But
before this whole situation turned into something worthy of a lemon fic, Nakago
stood and chi blasted the wolfman back to his seat. Soi ran to the bathroom to
clean up, then returned to choose someone.
She turned to her own seatmate. "Nakago-sama, Truth or Dare?" she asked
sweetly.
"Dare," replied the shogun.
"THROW THOSE STUPID FREAKS (I mean Miboshi and Ashitare, for those who
haven't figured it out) RIGHT OUT THE DOOR OF THE PLANE!!!" Nakago smirked.
"With pleasure, my dear." He stood, too quickly for the two in the back to
make a move, and with one hand blasted open the upper deck door, while with the
other he blasted the freaky baby and the wolfman out and into free fall.
Everyone hurried to one side of the plane to watch the freaks plummet, none too
gently, towards the earth.
(N: Before my sister says anything, yes, I know, the plane should
explosively depressurize and crash, killing all aboard, but it won't. Oh,
well…)
Nakago gently closed the door and returned to his seat. Soi turned to him and
kissed him. "Thank you, Nakago-sama," she purred. He nodded, gave the cabin a
once over, then chose his own victim.
"Hotohori, Truth or Dare?" asked the Seiryuu.
Hotohori looked…unamused, but he said, "Truth."
"Do you love Nuriko?" He eeped. Nuriko looked up at him with a puppy-dog
face. Finally Hotohori spoke.
"Well, of course I love Nuriko." Nuriko's eyes started to roll back in his
head, but before he could faint of happiness, and before everyone else's jaws
could hit the deck, Hotohori continued. "Nuriko is a trusted advisor and a very
good friend, so of course I love him."
Nakago shook his head. "That was not the question," he said.
"But it was. You asked if I loved Nuriko. I replied. End of story," the
Emperor said.
"Then let me rephrase the question. Would you ever have sex with Nuriko?" the
shogun asked. Hotohori eeped again, then looked to the ceiling.
"He is not allowed to do that, is he?"
(N: Of course he is. Now be a good boy and answer the man's question).
"Well, um, I suppose there could be unforeseen circumstances…" Hotohori
trailed off as the thump of Nuriko passing out and falling on the floor was
heard.
"So, was that a yes?" Miaka asked in her special (read: irritating) voice.
Hotohori looked around nervously, encountering only the twelve sets of eyes in
front of him.
"Um, well, maybe…"
"Was "YES! Yes, yes, yes, already, now leave me alone!" the Emperor wailed, and
Nuriko was just in time waking up to hear this and promptly pass out again.
Hotohori, of course, had to have his revenge on Tama-home-boy. "Tamahome!
Truth or Dare?" he asked.
"Dare!" called the younger seishi.
"I, Hotohori, dare you, Tamahome, to kiss Nakago!" called Hotohori. Tamahome
looked slightly pale, but got up and walked across the aisle to the shogun.
"An' make it good, Obake-chan!" called the wee bit tipsy (read: totally
plastered) Tasuki. Tamahome ignored Tasuki and quickly kissed Nakago on the
lips. Nakago, however, did not let the younger man go. He then picked Tamahome
up and carried him into the bathroom. Several shrieks were heard, then silence.
Luckily, with the door closed, the group and the gentle (Y: Yeah,
right…*snicker*) readers were spared a lemon fic…or whatever, as we're
pretending no one knows what's up in there. A few seconds later, the captain
switched on the seatbelt sign as the plane passed through an area of high
turbulence. The seishi looked out the windows and saw lightning in the clouds
below, then noted that Soi, at the front of the cabin, was positively fuming.
Tomo grumbled from the back, "That electric eel…that high voltage harlot…look
what she's done! I'm getting ill!" At this, Tasuki turned green and grabbed for
an airsick bag. Everyone else looked away, and tried to calm their own stomachs.
Then, suddenly, the bathroom disappeared in a flash of red light, and then
emerged Tamahome, gasping for air. Twenty seconds later, his shirt followed, on
Nakago's head. The shogun's shirt was not in evidence. Miaka yelled,
"TAMA(*gasp*)HOME!!" Then caught him as he fell, crying, into her arms.
Nakago looked over to Soi, then said slyly, "You know, Soi, I'm all pumped
up…"
Soi looked up at him sweetly, then stood up and blew Nakago to the back of
the cabin with a bolt of lightning. (Y: GO GIRL!) "I believe it's
Tamahome's turn," said Soi, then sat back down.
Tamahome observed the cabin, then grinned evilly and cried, "YUI! Truth or
Dare?"
Yui looked confused, then yelled, "DARE!"
"KISS AMIBOSHI, AND MAKE IT GOOD!"
Suboshi's eyes bugged out and he shoved his head through the chair in front
him as so not to have to watch, but Tamahome grabbed his hair and made him.
Amiboshi and Yui moved together, then into a kiss. Suboshi wailed "LADY
YUI!!" and moaned. They held it for 30 seconds, a minute, two, five, ten
minutes. Suboshi passed out twice.
They finally broke, and then Yui commented, "You're almost as good a kisser
as your brother," then she smiled and winked at Subi, who was now ½ way through
Tamahome's chair, and being held by his hair. Though he was in such an odd
position, he managed to smile back, then faint again.
Yui looked around at those remaining, then, "Mitsukake, Truth or Dare?"
Mitsukake considered, then responded, "Dare." Yui grinned.
"Let Tomo and Soi give you a makeover!" He paled, but Soi and Tomo jumped up
enthusiastically, Tomo's makeup case in hand. The other's turned to their video
screens and awaited the outcome.
20 minutes later, the group looked upon the healer. The pair of Seiryuu
seishi had poured on the eye shadow, blush, and lipstick. And, for the hell of
it, had dyed his hair neon green, then streaked it purple. Tasuki looked at him,
paused, then shook the plane with his laughter. They all joined in his good
humor. Even Mitsukake laughed, until he saw himself in Tomo's hand mirror, at
which point he cried, though Chiriko tried to comfort them.
Then his thoughts turned to revenge. "Tomo, Truth or Dare?!"
"Truth!" cried the painted freak.
"Who, in your opinion, is the most bishounen seishi, aside from Nakago?" Tomo
looked over his fellow seishi with an observant eye. He then looked up to the
ceiling.
"Ah, authors? Could one of you come down here a moment?" There was a flash of
red light and there stood a girl with long brown hair, black clothing, and a
smirk.
"AAH!!! IT'S HER!!!" cried half a dozen of the seishi (we won't name names).
"Yes, it is I! Shinku Yôsai, author of DOOM! No, really, what's everyone's
problem? I haven't even been mean to anyone yet! How could I? 'Seishi Prom'
isn't even half done!" exclaimed the sixteen year-old. At this, several seishi
paled. "Well, look, I got called to provide assistance. What do you want?" she
asked Tomo. Tomo motioned her over, then whispered something in her ear. She
gave him an odd look, but then snapped her fingers.
No one saw any change for a moment, but then Amiboshi cried, "Ah! Chichiri!
Your mask!" The blue-haired (and newly shorn) seishi looked down to see his mask
in his hands.
"Why me no da?" he whined. Tomo gave the seishi a look, then did a double
take.
"D*MN! Chichiri! You're HOT!" cried Tomo. Chichiri looked about ready to pass
out, but instead simply closed his eye and tried to pretend he wasn't there.
Tomo had, by this time, hopped out of his seat and was lunging for Chichiri, but
Yôsai stopped him dead in the air and turned to his seatmate.
"Tasuki-chan? Would you be good enough to flame this painted freak?" she
asked. The seishi eyed her warily.
"Why should I? You've f***in' got me in a tux!" he said. She rolled her eyes.
"Look, maybe there's something you'd like to happen later in my fic? Or
whatever? I am the sole author of that one, I could arrange it," she told him.
He considered it, then nodded.
"So, what? What can I do for you in 'Seishi Prom'?" she asked. He motioned
her over. He, too, whispered something in her ear. She smiled. "With pleasure,"
she said, then stepped out of the way as Tasuki grabbed for his tessen.
"REKKA SHIEN!" he cried, in an instant turning Tomo into a burnt crisp.
(N: Yo, neechan, what did he say?) Yôsai looked up.
"Tasuki? No way. If you want to find out, read Seishi Prom." Then she turned
to Chichiri. "For handling that mental pain so well," she said, then snapped her
fingers. His mask returned to his face and his hair was restored.
"DAA!! My hair!" he cried, touching the newly restored bangs.
"Ya see, I can be nice!" she said, then snapped her fingers and disappeared
in another flash of red light.
Tomo wheezed and coughed, then croaked, "Nuriko, Truth or Dare?"
Nuriko gave the scorched seishi a look, then, calmly, said, "Dare." The next
words were barely audible but painfully clear.
"Do a strip show for the entire World Traveller front cabin."
Nuriko looked pale, and then nearly passed out when a boom box appeared,
ready for use in the crazy dare. Tomo passed out and was left on the floor,
while very quietly the entire group trooped downstairs and through the lower
deck cabins full of sleeping people. Most of the flight attendants still on duty
were half asleep anyway, so no one questioned their actions. Tasuki, with the
other seishi in the back of the cabin, set up the boom box and Nuriko got into
position in the front. Looking a little ill, Nuriko nodded to Tasuki, who turned
the volume WAY up, then hit play.
The blasting music of 'I'm Too Sexy' woke the startled passengers. Nuriko
began dancing and doing a strip tease. Some of the passengers looked mortified,
others very annoyed, and some actually seemed to be enjoying it. The seishi, for
their part, were rolling on the floor laughing hysterically. However, Nuriko had
only gotten his shirt off (and tossed it at a group of particularly amused
looking teenage girls)
(N: That you down there?)
(Y: Nope, just Ritz and some girls I know from her writing) when a flight attendant burst into the cabin and confiscated the boom box,
then ordered the seishi back to the upper deck, scolding them all the way.
The seishi reconvened in their seats, then turned to Nuriko (whose shirt had
reluctantly been returned to him by the girls, several of whom had looked very
familiar to the purple haired seishi). He eyed the group. "Chiriko, Truth or
Dare?" The youngest seishi looked up from the book he was reading, startled.
"Um, truth?" He said. Nuriko decided to be kind.
"Who do you love more … Mitsukake or Tama-neko?"
"That's easy…TAMA!" Mitsukake looked hurt, but Tama jumped from the healer's
head to Chiriko's shoulder and meowed happily.
Chiriko looked around. "Tasuki-chan, Truth or Dare?" By this time, he was
obviously tanked off his hieney.
"F***! DARE!!!" cried the painfully intoxicated Suzaku seishi.
"Name pi to fifteen decimal places, and if you cannot, you have to kiss a
goose!"
"F***, I can't do that!" Chiriko looked up, and, sure enough, a goose
appeared in Fangboy's lap. "I ain't kissin' that f***ing thing!!!"
(N: Yes you are. Hey, this is fun!)
(Y: But Naito, my Tasuki-chan! Oops, did I say that out loud?)
(N: Hell, he's so drunk he doesn't know his own name. I'm surprised he's
still conscious.) Tasuki looked down, then kissed the thing passionately. He went on doing that
until he fell over and passed out temporarily. When he awoke, he stammered,
"Miaka, Truth or Dare," before falling over again.
"Truth," she piped, though she was unsure if Tasuki was even conscious.
"Did you an' Fluteboy get down n' funky when you two were hangin' out?" he
slurred, only just coherently. Miaka looked a little startled.
"Ah, I don't understand the question, Tasuki. Could you repeat it?" she
asked, knowing full well he had just passed out for the umpteenth and final
time.
Nuriko piped up. "I think what our inebriated friend is trying to say is, did
something happen between you and Amiboshi?" Miaka looked like she was about to
try and get out of the question when she jumped up and shouted.
"YES! Amiboshi is HOT! I love you, Kô-chan!"
Amiboshi smiled and called back, "I love you, Miaka!"
Suboshi, needless to say, was looking extremely pale. Ghost white, actually.
The next action of his twin and the Suzaku no miko was no help at all. The pair
flew out of their seats and into a passionate embrace, then Amiboshi frenched
Miaka, who was whole-heartedly enjoying it. Suboshi keeled over into the aisle
with a thump, and Tamahome was not far behind, landing on top of the Seiryuu
psycho. Yui looked from Amiboshi to Miaka, attempting, at this point, to
distinguish one body from the other, and said, quietly, "Oh, my, I think I feel
faint. Suboshi, catch me." With that, she, too, keeled over. Suboshi jumped up,
caught his miko, laid her gently in her seat, and then promptly passed out
again. By the way, Miaka and Amiboshi were still kissing unabashedly. Nakago was
looking disgusted. Then Miaka fainted from lack of oxygen and Amiboshi carried
her back to her seat, having to step over the pile of bodies in the aisle.
Then, when she regained consciousness, she sighed and said, "Suboshi, Truth
or Dare?"
Subi had regained coherence, and said, "Dare."
The miko replied, "Yui, if Shun-chan is half as good as his twin, this is a
favor. You two, in the bathroom, NOW!" Yui and Suboshi looked at each other,
then Subi hopped up excitedly and carried off his miko, who was wearing an
idiot's grin.
As the pair disappeared, Tamahome jumped up and cried, "I'm gonna kill you,
Amiboshi!" The smaller seishi also jumped up.
"Yeah, you and what army?"
"ARRRGGGGG!!! You bleep bleep bleepin little bleep seishi bleeper bleepin
bleep bleep bleepin Seiryuu bleep," yelled Tamahome as he launched himself
forward.
Amiboshi sidestepped the oncoming mass, and hit his opponent square in the
small of his back. Tamahome yelped and fell to the ground. Amiboshi (whom
everyone was cheering for, at this point) produced one of his innumerable tin
flutes, and shoved it up Tama-home-boy's ass (quite literally, mind you). Tama
jumped, eeped, cursed the Seiryuu, then came crashing down, the flute still
firmly wedged in his ass. Then Miaka commented, "Since truth or dare has
apparently become 5 minutes in heaven, I'll pass out numbers." The seishi got
their numbers, then waited.
It was just over a half an hour before the pair emerged from the bathroom.
First came Yui, who was still buttoning up her shirt, looking a little
flustered. Then, just behind her, came Suboshi, who fainted into the cabin,
Yui's bra peeking out of his pants. Yui, realizing this (at the same moment
everyone else did) grabbed for her undergarment, kicked Suboshi into the aisle,
and hurriedly reentered the bathroom to straighten out her clothing. Amiboshi
returned his twin to the appropriate seat, then they waited for Yui to rejoin
them. When she had, Miaka announced the beginning of the game. Only ten were
playing, since Yui and Subi where out, and Chiriko wasn't playing, and Tasuki
was too plastered to stand. "Tamahome, you go first," said Miaka.
"Uhh, three?" said Tama cautiously. Hotohori looked up.
"I am number three," announced the Emperor. The two went into the bathroom,
and emerged 5 minutes later. Both were looking more than a tad disheveled.
Then Miaka went, after giving Tamahome a questioning look. "One," she piped.
Tomo stopped doing his makeup.
"That would be me," he said with a cackle. Though Miaka looked about to
scream in horror, she stepped into the bathroom. The minutes passed, then Tomo
emerged, most of his makeup gone. It followed a minute later, all over Miaka's
face and blouse. Then she looked around for someone sane.
"Mitsukake, you go."
The healer calmly announced, "Five." Amiboshi eeped, but got up and went over
to the bathroom. Mitsukake followed. After the appointed 5 minutes, both
returned, looking no worse than when they had entered. However, Amiboshi made a
beeline for Miaka and lay crying in her arms.
Next up was Nakago. He calmly announced, "Two." Chichri looked ready to fall
on the floor.
"Ano…I thought you were going to be nice to me na no da!" he cried.
(Y: Yeah, well, I would have, but this is totally random. Sorry, Chiri-chan.
I'll make it up to you somehow) Chichiri stood and Nakago ushered him into the rather…um…tiny bathroom,
shutting the door with a Chichiri emerged first, gasping for air. His shirt was wrapped around his
drooping bangs and his kesa was nowhere to be seen…until Nakago tossed it after
him. The Seiryuu's shirt…hmm…where was it? Then the group realized Nakago's
shirt was hanging out of Chichiri's pants. Chichiri realized it, too, and jumped
up and down, trying to pull the offensive item out. When he had, he hurled it in
Nakago's direction. Nakago picked it up off the deck and winked at the Suzaku,
who looked about ready to throw up. In fact, he did indeed dive for his airsick
bag. Nakago calmly returned to his seat and the game resumed.
Soi spoke. "Number four?" she said. Nuriko grinned.
Tasuki (who had momentarily regained consciousness) said, "Oy, Nuriko, I
thought you were gay!" Nuriko shook his head.
"Tasuki, haven't you figured it out by now? I'm BI! Not that I need to
explain that to you, I'm sure you know ALL about it…"
"Hey, what're ya implyin'?" he called from the deck.
"Well, I mean, you an' Kouji, well, I shouldn't say more, but, yet, oh, never
mind," Nuriko said. Tasuki, however, had no time to defend himself, as he had
lost consciousness. A voice from above took over.
(Y: HEY!!! YO, YO, YO!!! NONE OF THAT!!! My Tasuki-chan is straight, end
of story!!! Ya hear that, you purple haired big mouth rumor spreading
gossip?)
The seishi nodded obediently and headed for the bathroom. Soi stood, and
headed after him.
They returned in a quite dignified manner, compared to the last couple.
However, they were certainly not in pristine order. Nuriko's braid had come
undone, as had Soi's hair. The Suzaku's shirt was on backwards and the Seiryuu's
makeup (usually immaculate) was horribly smudged. The two returned to their
seats, straightening themselves out. As Nuriko returned to his seat, Hotohori
leaned over and whispered, "Nuriko, I'm hurt." Nuriko's eyes lit up like fire
works on the 4th of July, or Bastille Day, or whatever, and he promptly hit the
floor…again.
When he had picked himself up, he whispered back, "Then I must comfort you,
Hotohori-sama," as he pulled the Emperor into his lap like a little child.
However, the making out that started in the back row immediately shattered that
image. The rest ignored them.
Nakago surveyed the scene. Amiboshi and Miaka were also making out, as were
his twin and the other miko. Tamahome was desperately trying to remove the
little tin tube from his butt, but to no avail. Chichiri, Mitsukake, Tama-neko
and Chiriko had somehow gotten into a debate over some aspect of German
philosophy (Tama-neko was winning, as much as one can in a debate). Tasuki was
still passed out, Tomo was still trying to fix his makeup, and Soi was in the
bathroom, also trying to fix her makeup.
Nakago decided things were a little dull, so he looked up. "Naito? I am going
to carry out my plan now."
(N: Ok, now's a good time).
Nakago stood, kicked down the door to the cockpit, "evicted" the pilots,
switched off the autopilot, and took over the aircraft. For the hell of it, he
pulled the plane into a barrel roll. Tasuki, still smashed, didn't notice when
he shifted from the floor to the ceiling. The others, however, did.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!" yelled the seishi, save the pairs
that were STILL making out. Chiriko called over Mitsukake and Chichiri, to
formulate a plan to retake the aircraft. Then Nakago, rather enjoying himself,
put the plane into a nose dive.
This fic has a split ending. Choose your favorite!
The Suzaku were unable to implement their plan in time, and Nakago was not
quite able to be the superior pilot he thought he was. With a big, "Oh, SHI-",
this fic ends in a large fireball somewhere in Northern France. BOOOM!!!!!!
Two tall figures and one cat appeared at the entrance to the cockpit.
Mitsukake carried a baseball bat (N: Yes, I WAS kind enough to provide one,
because I don't want them all to die). Tama-neko approached the pilot's
chair, the potion-dipped cloth in his jaws. Tama-neko jumped on the shogun's
head and dropped the cloth in his face, causing Nakago to become momentarily
disoriented. Mitsukake came up behind him and broke the baseball bat over his
head. Nakago keeled over and was promptly deposited in his seat by the healer as
Chichiri took over the controls. He pulled the plane out of it's nose dive,
allowed it to regain altitude, then switched on the autopilot and grabbed for
the intercom to calm the passengers. "Everyone please remain calm no da. There
is nothing to worry about na no da. The situation is completely under control no
da." He then switched the radio over to transmit and attempted to calm the
freaking out air traffic controllers.
He allowed the plane's autopilot to bring them into London, then took it off
and prepared to land the plane. Chichiri checked the necessary instruments,
turned on the radio, and began talking to the air traffic controllers, getting
clearance for landing and asking occasional questions. He slowly extended the
landing gear, flipped on the 'Fasten Seatbelt' sign and blinked it a couple of
times, then turned on the intercom. "We are coming in for landing no da.
Everyone, please return to your seats and ensure your seatbelt is fastened no
da. Cabin crew, take your seats for landing no da."
Chichiri switched off the intercom and called for Chiriko to join him as his
co-pilot. The two seishi carefully circled the plane and brought it in towards
the appointed runway. Slowly, Chichiri decreased speed and gently shed his
altitude. Suddenly, the ground was upon them, and they hit it...HARD. The plane
bounced and seemed like it was going to flip over, but luckily, it did not. The
seishi in the cockpit madly flipped switches, doing such important things like
controlling the ailerons (flaps on the wings) and the attitude control. Finally,
the bouncing ended and the plane entered into a sedate taxi. Cheering could be
heard both on the plane and in the control tower.
The upper deck cabin was in a state of disarray as the plane taxied into the
terminal. Nakago was still out cold in his seat, Soi was holding him with one
hand and was gripping the armrest for dear life with the other. Tamahome, who
had switched seats with Amiboshi, was also gripping the chair for dear life.
Amiboshi and Miaka were hanging on to each other, as were Yui and Suboshi, and
Hotohori and Nuriko. Mitsukake was sitting calmly, Tama-neko was clinging to his
shirt, and Tomo had his head in his airsick bag. Tasuki, for his part, was still
dead to the world. Baggage and other loose items littered the aisle after
Nakago's insane nose dive.
The plane sedately arrived at its gate and parked. Chichiri shut down the
engines, flipped off the seatbelt sign, said over the intercom, "Cabin crew,
doors to manual and cross check no da," and slumped in the pilot's seat, utterly
exhausted. Chiriko piped up, "Hip hooray, you're the hero of the day! As Tasuki
would say." Chichiri smiled.
"Couldn't have done it without you no da."
As he and Chiriko reentered the cabin, Miaka smiled and momentarily detached
herself from Amiboshi to stand and say, "Well, everyone, welcome to London!"
Disclaimers: You're in for a ride…
I don't own Fushigi Yuugi or any of the characters, Yuu Watase and Flower
Comics do. I don't own British Airways or Boeing, I don't think I could own
Narita Airport, I don't own Tom Clancy, Rainbow6, Starbuck's or Frappachino,
Sony or Walkman, M&M's, Popular Mechanics, London Heathrow, Surge, Sprite,
Coca-Cola, Terminator 2, The Iron Chef, Music from the Heart, Meryl Streep,
X-Files or Fight the Future, Firestorm, ER, Speed, Dances with Wolves, Sesame
Street, Independence Day, Richie Rich, or Empire of the Sun. If you want to be
really anal retentive, I don't own the character of my sister, Ritz, or God, as
they own themselves. Please don't sue me, I'm just a wimpy little kid with no
money. Thank you.
