It was a crossfire, at least that's what was written in the report. I wish it had been crossfire. I suppose if you squinted in the moment, you could believe he had misjudged his step. But, who am I kidding? We all know he didn't. This was Hatake Kakashi, child prodigy and the Sharingan Warrior, like hell he would make such a rookie mistake. The question is how did we—how did…I miss his agony? No…I didn't miss his pain. I ignored his pain, believing that he was somehow strong enough to win on his own. We all ignored his silent plea for help, pretending he could never be as broken as he was…is. I halt my thoughts as I look at my sempai, guilt, and shame constricting my breathing. He's connected to a whole bunch of medical instruments which have become his lifeline…the line we-…I should have been. We were equals for fuck's sake! He could have relied on me if only a little! I taste the metallic flavor of blood fill my mouth as I grasp the bed rail. I shut my eyes allowing myself to believe for a moment that this was all a sick, fucked up dream.
"Eh Yamato-taicho, how's Kaka-Sensei doing?" asks the voice that shocks me back into reality.
They don't know…right? They haven't seen the report or the other shinobi from the battle. I desperately hope. I take a deep breath in, swallow the blood and release the now bent bed rail. I need to breathe and relax. My mind screams at me. Exhaling I turn to face Naruto, Sakura, and Sai. What was I supposed to tell them? That Kakashi purposefully attempted suicide on a mission and almost succeeded? I lightly scoff, like hell they would believe that.
"Taicho?" Sakura asks as her eyes zigzag from Kakashi and me. I ignore her.
Damn, I don't even believe the truth, why would they? All three of their gazes fix on me as if I have the answers as to why Hatake Kakashi, their real team leader, was on life support. I feel sobs overwhelm me as Kakashi's burden rests on me. They all relied on him- we, all relied on him. So, who was he supposed to rely on? I audibly swallow. I try to open my mouth but my lips feel heavy as they stick to each other.
"Is he going to die?" Sai says, his question feeling more like a firm statement.
Naruto's anger is tangible. Sakura unconsciously clenches her fists. To be honest I think he already is. How long had it been since Kakashi had smiled, genuinely? I finally answer them as honestly as I can.
"I don't know," I whisper hoarsely
Sakura steps forward to inspect Kakashi. I idly wonder if I should stop her. What good would it do? She, Naruto and Sai will find out eventually. But, part of me wanted to protect them…and maybe in some way Kakashi did too. How much worse would it have been if they went looking for him and found-? I don't complete the thought.
"Who did this to him?" demands Naruto. "Who the fuck got away with this?"
My tongue feels numb. Perhaps biting so hard wasn't a good idea. I blink as my gaze finally leaves Sakura and falls to Naruto. The young man had his hand clenched so hard I could make out the white of bone from his knuckles. Who was Naruto to blame, except the man in the bed?
"Yamato-taicho, why is Kaka-Sensei strapped to the bed?" The tone in Sakura's voice is accusatory, it's almost as if she blames me. Perhaps she does, perhaps they all do.
I glance down at the leather straps around his wrists and ankles. Did they strap him down? Then, again I should not be surprised, given the circumstances. God, how long had he gone on like this?
"It…It's for his own safety." I reply sullenly
Nobody speaks as the bustle of the Konoha Hospital continues behind the shut door. Each of them coming to their own conclusions. Finally, the anger around Naruto subsides a bit.
"What happened?" whispers Naruto as he stares at me with deep grief-stricken eyes.
From what Genma had said Kakashi had protected him, but his story contradicted Gai. Unfortunately, Gai wasn't speaking to anyone anymore. None of us wanted to believe Kakashi had tried to kill himself. Lies were always easier to believe. Naruto was getting impatient as he stared at me. I couldn't stall for too much longer. I close my eyes to compose myself, but mostly to avoid his stare.
"Kakashi-Senpai…" I pause, needing to distance myself. "Hatake Kakashi attempted suicide on a mission, he almost succeeded."
Sakura grips the sheets of Kakashi's bed. Her green eyes horrified. She swallows, trying to keep back the bay of tears. Naruto's eyes are cast down at the floor as he tries to make sense of what I had said. Sai meanwhile does nothing. He doesn't need to; his eyes are bare to me. The betrayal in his eyes is as evident as the sun in the sky.
What the hell am I supposed to do?
