Gambit is
mine dammit's challenge-
I propose
a challenge to all you fanfic writers out there…
The challenge is to write a fic with the following criteria:
-At least 2 x-men get drunk
-someone touches rogue
-someone complains about someone's odor
-someone dies
-someone uses a narcotic drug (I.E. crack, heroin, marijuana…)
-solve world hunger somehow (no mary-sue's)
-and it must be damn funny.
It was a
particularly normal day at the X-mansion – all was well during the quiet and
quite peaceful morning and nothing too exciting or interesting happened as the
afternoon rolled around, and it didn't seem like anything was going to happen
until…
Scott, while walking the grounds
trying to look important (I said trying, not exactly succeeding) and looking
for something to ruin the rest of the x-men's day because they wouldn't include
him in their game of volleyball (lets face it, nobody wants a pansy on their
team), came across one of those zip-lock bags filled to bursting point with
what looked to be some sort of spice.
*Probably oregano* Scott thought, not even expecting what it really was *now I can do some cooking* and with that thought he ran off to the kitchen to cook with his newly acquired…spices.
Elsewhere…
"MY
POT!!!!!! WHERE THE HELL IS MY POT!!!!!!!!"
In some dark corner somewhere…
Rogue
rocks herself quietly back and forth trying to fight all the strange urges she
had been having lately. After recently being bitten by a vampire (yes I know
she can't be a vampire cuz she's invulnerable, but this is my story),
Vamperella to be exact, she had been staying away from anyplace bright if she
could help it, and she was having the oddest cravings for raw meat and blood
and she had been very horny as well…well that wasn't to unusual, not being able
to touch anyone probably made you quite horny after awhile, but the fact that a
vampire is a very sexual creature wasn't helping none.
Meanwhile, in some bar someplace…
"I
luv yeeeww man…hic…" the drunk Bobby Drake said through very slurred speech as
he took another swig of the beer he held, he swayed slightly trying to keep his
balance with little success.
"I…hic…luv
yew bud-dy…burp…" Remy said in equally slurred speech, also trying to keep his
balance, but he swayed to far to his right and fell all the while Bobby was
laughing manically.
Later in the evening at the
mansion…
*X-men,
I am calling an emergency meeting in the meeting room place, come at once* the
professor announced telepathically then began giggling like a little girl cuz
he had said the word 'come'.
All
the x-men quickly assembled in the 'meeting room' (I don't know what to call
it), including Scott with his 'spices'. The professor turned off the lights at
Rogue's request, but after everyone tripping and trying to grope one another in
the dark he turned the lights back on and Rogue retreated to a dark corner.
"Now
where is Bobby, Hank and Remy?" professor X asked and as if on que Remy and
Bobby stumbled in singing merry Christmas even though it was February.
"Before
you start professor," Scott said holding up the bag of you know what "I'd just
like to say that I found this bag of oregano outside"
"Why
do you smell so bad?" Jubilee asked Scott loudly.
"MY
POT!!!!!" the professor cried, he snatched it from Scott and lit a joint and
began smoking it and soon Jubilee joined in and then the rest of the X-men.
Jubilee,
stoned out of her mind, then walked up to Rogue and said "You know I always
thought you were so hot…lets get it one!"
*Shrew
mah powers* thought Rogue as her and Jubilee got it on and to her surprise
nothing happened, but then she got the strongest urge for blood and bit down on
Jubilee's neck, sucking the blood from her and killing her instantly.
Just
then Hank rushed in and yelled in excitement "Guess what everybody…I've just
found a way to end world hunger…" but he stopped once he noticed that everyone
either stoned or drunk and stoned. "F*** it" he said and walked off to someone
who might actually give a crap.
Later
that night both Rogue and Jubilee became quite hungry and made all the X-men
one of them.
The End
