Like the summery said this is a little something I came up with when I was drunk. The two names in here are real people. Kos-Mos is me and Silverfox is my buddy Christina. We co write tons of junk like this together all the time. Hope you all enjoy.

Part 1

2:30pm, location: outside of theater

Kos-Mos607: Caption's log, December 15. Time: 2:30 pm. Status: outside theater with Lt Silverfox. We are currently outnumbered by LotR nerds!

Silverfox02: Hey!

Kos-Mos607: Request back up!

Silverfox02: Why are we seeing this again?

Kos-Mos607: Because I had to sit through "See No Evil" twenty times and I want my revenge. Plus, it's a Garrett Hedlund movie.

Silverfox02: Oh. Figures. All it takes to get your attention is one hot guy. So is this any good?

Kos-Mos607: Book was pretty good.

Silverfox02: It's a book?

Kos-Mos607: (Rolls eyes) Yeah, where have you been?

Silverfox02: Don't know, probably AMA land again. I lose so many hours in there. (Smiles)

Kos-Mos607: Yeah…. But sadly, I can't stay there to long. Onward!

The opening credits roll.

Brom: Blah, blah, blah, long ass time ago the land was ran by a group of outcasts- err heroes called The Dragon Riders. They were so powerful that no one could beat them expect for an evil little shit called Galbatorix. So he ran things for a while with the help of another rider called Morzan and both managed to completely wipe the riders off the face of the earth.

SF: Damn, that sucks.

Brom: Tell me about it. Now what many people aren't realizing is that I'm tossing out plot points left and right here and no one knows because all of yee are too lazy to read the damn books!!!
KM: I have stumpy, give me your best shot.

Brom: (Glare) May I finish please?

KM: Sure, the sooner you get done talking the sooner I'll see Garrett Hedlund. Come on stumpy, wrap it up.

Brom: (Still glaring) Anyway, our hope rests upon the shoulders of a whiny farm boy. We are sooo fucked.

SF: Drama queen.

The scene shows Arya being chased through the woods by Durza.

Durza: Give me the egg, bitch.

Arya: Never, you cannot have it. I will guard it with my life.

KM: Wow, so she does have a voice?

Arya sends the egg away and Durza gets pissed and hits her. The scene shifts to a young but very hot blond boy trumping through the woods after his only means of dinner for the next 3 months!

Eragon: Gotcha!

A blue light appears and the deer runs away.

Eragon: WTF!!!

All: Ooooh, it's shiny.

Eragon: Well, even though I'm gonna starve for the next three months might as well take this thing home with me.

Eragon puts the egg away and sets off towards home. The scene shifts to Eragon's village.

KM: Wow, they moved through 3 chapters in five minutes.

Sloan: Well, our hot little jail-bait returns home. What brings your poor ass over here?

Eragon: I'm starving you moron! I was wondering if—

Sloan: Sorry, I'm not accepting cursed blue stones that hatch into dragons today. Get out!

Eragon: Fine. (stomps off mad)

Katrina: Wait, you mean I don't get any screen time?

Stefen Fangmeier: Nope sorry. I made Roran single to appease the rabid fangirls.

Fangirls: Squeee!

Katrina: Retarded assholes! Read the damn book before you write the screen play! (also stomps away mad)

Horst: At least I got twenty seconds worth in.

Brom: Oh don't mind me; I'm just your average, frail old man that the whole village hates with a dark stormy past. I am in no way associated with whatever's going on. (looks around nervously)

Eragon: Whew, walking all of this way sucks. If only there was a much easier and faster way for me to travel. Like flying or something.

Roran: Ah, the brave hunter returns…with his invisible catch.

Eragon: Bite me.

Roran: Love too…..oh fuck, the slash fans are messing with my brain again.

Slash fans: Don't know what he's talking about (hides the mind controlling device.)

Eragon: Yeah, whatever (him and Roran start playing fighting)

Eragon and Roran shippers: Yay!

Garrow: Stop it boys, you're giving the slash fans ideas. Now get your hot asses to work!

Eragon wanders up to his room and hides the stone. The scene shifts to him and Roran getting all hot and sweaty in the fields.

Slash fans: Hey now, this is our kind of movie.

Stefen Fangmeier: No not like that! They're doing actual farm work. Jeez!

Slash fans: Aw!

Roran: I'm leaving…

Eragon: Is it that part of the book already? Jeez, where does the time go?

Roran: You got me. I thought I'd be getting some decent screen time at least. Anyway, I'm leaving. I'm finally old enough to get out on my own and see the world. Well, I will while on the run from the king's solders but dammit, there's no way I'll ever serve in the army.

Christopher Paolini: Guess again! (Hold's copy of Eldest up)

Roran: Oh fuck me!

Fangirls: Gladly!