Once upon a time, there was a vampire named Edward Cullen. Edward Cullen, despite his vampirism, got laid by a human girl named Bella Swan. However, little did Edward know, the only reason Bella "loved" him was because she had necrophilia, and since Edward was a vampire, and therefore dead, he was greatly arousing to the perverted Bella.
However, Bella, being a manipulative slut, attempted to convince Edward that she loved him for more than his undead genitals. And Edward, being an idiot, believed her.
One day, however, their "Love" would be tested by an otherworldly magical forceā¦
One day, when Edward and Bella were playing Halo, (even though they were both terrible at it,) they heard a knock on the door. Bella stood up to go to the door, when, suddenly, their door was blasted down by a violent and fiery explosion. A few seconds later, when the smoke cleared, there stood two of the most horrific monsters ever known to humankind: Unicorn-men.
Unicorn-men are an odd mix of human and horse, with some extra features. They stand erect, with their torso and arms being that of a muscular human male, and their legs and head being that of a horse. And, on the forehead of every unicorn-man protrudes a growth that takes the form of a scimitar.
Bella's face went especially pale, and Edward tried to suppress an erection as the two unicorn-men walked into their house, saying, "Alright! It's time for both of you to die! We need this house for purposes of storing our stripper collection! Todd, I'll let you take care of these two, while I make sure there's no one else in the house."
"Gladly," Todd replied.
Todd pulled a magic wand from his pants pocket, smiled, pointed the wand at Bella, and muttered the words "Avada Kedavra!" At that, each of Bella's toes was severed from her feet, as if by some invisible blade. Then, each toe grew a pair of arms and legs, climbed up Bella's shirt, jumped down her throat, and choked her to death. Edward Cullen experienced a death erection.
The End.
