I wrote this as a sort of self-healing my sophomore year of HS after miscarrying my first baby, Breanna. I changed it around to fit Duncan and Courtney-because honestly Duncan was JUST like that mother-fucker Jarrett, and Courtney reminds me so much of myself as well. This is a story about the harsh reality of pregnancy. A lot of men will deny your baby. They will call you a whore. They will do nothing for you. You will lose your friends. Your parents (especially mine), whether they show it or not, look down on you. You gain a ton of weight, you're always tired, and I just could not get enough chocolate. All you've got to look forward to is that precious soft little bundle to be in your arms in nine months. And well, when you lose that...then there's this oneshot, a letter Courtney wrote to her miscarried baby girl Audrey as she sat ALL ALONE drowning in the harsh realities of the world, just letting everything out. To any and all mothers out there who lost a child or more, I know where you're coming from. My best friend Melissa knows where you're coming from. My college Algebra professor knows where you're coming from. You are not alone.
Songs that played while I was writing:
I Miss You by Miley Cyrus
Disclaimer: It belongs to Teletoon
PS:
1. If I let any real names leak through, I apologize.
Dear Audrey
A Total Drama Oneshot
Dear Audrey,
It's been a while, baby. I kind of got used to the feeling of having you inside me, now everything seems so bleak since you're gone. I hope you are doing well honey, and I hope you know just how much I love you. Things are doing horribly here, but I don't want you to worry. I'll make it through, somehow.
Things are tense with Daddy, as always. We're still not talking, and he still refused to accept reality-that I really was pregnant, and I really did lose you. I think I like another guy named Trent, but don't worry, for the sake of your memory and for the sake of your half sibling, if it ever gets that far, I will make sure I have a suitable father-a man-before I...well...you know.
As for my friends, I think it's pretty much over. We get mad every day and heck, they've all got each other anyway-Lala, Mama, and Nana. Thus the reason I spent half of yesterday crying. All I had left was you Riri, and I know that if I hadn't had that miscarriage, we'd be living life happily, and it'd be your friends or secret admirer writing you instead of me.
But no...I'm just a sophomore in high school, in a library on a cloudy day-seventy percent chance of thunderstorms. I am on the verge of tears, but since I would rather not go home crying two days in a row, I shall hold it in. Instead, I'm thinking about what you would have looked like, and your smile, our life together. It's enough to keep me going on.
I love you baby girl, and I will always remember you. Always. I hope you're doing great, Audrey. I don't believe in God, and I don't believe in Heaven, but I hope that, wherever your soul lies, you're happier and safer that you would be if you were still my beautiful little baby bump. 7 months and counting since the day I made the best mistake of my life, and 3 since I miscarried the best mistake of my life. I love you 3
Love, Mommy
Well, after all that writing at the top, and typing out a hand written letter written YEARS ago during a very emotional time period, I have absolutely nothing to say. Crazy. That has NEVER happened before, trust me. lol
LOTS AND LOTS OF THE BEST FRIGGEN LOVE...I forget what my name is lol. Oh well. Lots of Love, Kaelee!(:
