DANGER MOUSE

AND NOW A WORD...

WRITTEN BY ZARIUS

(Contains Spoilers For "The Supies")


As the Janitor swept the floor of the podium, he felt compelled to start whistling, only to be cut off as soon as he started by the downtrodden host perched at the very edge.

The janitor felt like giving the despairing Duck a piece of his mind, but he realised quickly that the little grief he could give him paled in comparison to whatever was troubling him right now.

So he went back to minding his business, instead he played the little melody in his head and carried on as normal.

Duckula stared out at the now empty hall, and sighed deeply as he reflected on what a corrupt shambles this awards show had been.

Countless awards and categories, and almost none of them were evenly spread out, and in the end, nepotism prevailed over hard earned recognition as Danger Mouse handed his co-workers some of the remaining awards for completely made up categories, making a mockery of the whole proceedings.

Virtually everyone in attendance was likely feeling just as dispirited as him, only they weren't willing to hang around and convey it. A true pity, as misery does enjoy company.

Duckula wished someone, not just sanitation, could have remained where they were so he could share his grievances.

He got his wish.

"Hey" came a voice from behind Duckula, a purple haired bombshell in a mesmerising pink dress, who gently sat down beside him at the podium.

"Hi" Duckula replied as Jeopardy Mouse kicked off her high heels and dangled her blistering feet over the edge, her head gently leaning on Duckula's shoulder. He let it rest there.

"Some night huh?" she said.

"Tell me about it, I can't believe the mouse beat me at my own game" Duckula said with a despairing groan.

"The sponsorship deal?" Jeopardy said, making a guess as to what was frustrating him.

"That's the kind of thing I'd do to net an award I didn't deserve, to think Danger Dork was low enough to resort to it ahead of me speaks volumes about how much I keep my own standards in check to impress the casuals at home"

"You know, my agency could launch an investigation into the Mayfair branch for pulling these tactics. We're supposed to be funded exclusively by our governments; we're not a commercial branch" Jeopardy explained.

"Good point, I'd leave it to Ofcom, but they can't seem to find fault with Big Brother's punch gate or that big fracas on Loose Women"

Jeopardy giggled.

"For what it's worth, I thought you were great out there, you conveyed every emotion we were all feeling whenever Danger Mouse picked up one of our awards. Frustration, annoyance anger, weariness. You have real range"

"It all comes naturally to me, I have a beak for this business, I can see a rat, or in this case, a mouse, coming a mile away"

Jeopardy by this point was reflecting on what the results of the supies said about the calibre of Danger Mouse's character.

"He must feel quite threatened by the rest of us to pull off this sort of power play behind the scenes, just what is it about the 'world's greatest secret agent' that compels him to seek out the spotlight so publicly, exposing how he acts, how he thinks, to the whole world?"

"Honest to a fault, something no one else I know in Hollywood is willing to be" Duckula replied.

"In all the time I've known you, you've been pretty upfront about the sort of person you are too, you make no attempt to hide how inflated your ego is" Jeopardy revealed, stroking his beak.

"I guess like-minded egotists really can't stand it when they're shown up by another of their kind, it causes them to begrudgingly reflect on their own choices and behavioural patterns. They don't like what they see, and they aspire to be better people" Duckula explained.

"The lessons they learn never stay with them, that's the real kicker" Jeopardy added, "People like me? Oh we were big deals when this all began, but whenever we appear now, we end up as background extras even at events that are meant to honour our achievements. I didn't even get a line of dialogue this episode. Just think of the acceptance speech I could have given. You know what hurts the most? When the Mouse had a change of heart and awarded Squawk, Penfold, and the Colonel with awards that celebrated their anxieties and mistakes of all things, he never approached any of the other agents that make up his circle of friends, not even me. I invited him and Penfold to the states for thanksgiving, and that's all the thanks I get"

Duckula offered her a tissue to dry her eyes, slightly smudged by running eye liner.

"And now a word from your biggest sponsor: Calm down, this is just what happens when you let that sort of Danger into your life. Stick with people who know their way about this town. You have a grasp of the world, all he has is a grasp on his own, and no one can fill an island by themselves. He learned that tonight, but you've always known it...and I've always known it. Why else do you think I reach out to touch so many people with my impeccable talents? I want to reach out and to be reached out to. I want to connect and show everyone what I can do, I wanted other agents celebrated tonight, I wanted to be part of an event that could surprise and move so many, I love to see people moved, but it's a whole other thing to see them moved to frustration. A part of me envies what Danger Dweeb did today, because it's the kind of controversial reaction I wanted to lay claim to in my own lifetime, and certainly ahead of everyone I know"

Jeopardy handed Duckula back his tissue, her eyes dry once again, and clasped her hand on his beak to keep him from rambling further about himself.

"Check your ego at the door Duck, I'd prefer it if we were all on equal footing where we're going. Danger Moth's waiting outside to take me back to the airport; we could do with your calibre of charm on the ride over there, you down with that?"

Duckula nodded, she released her iron grip on his beak.

He'd dealt with enough downs for one day, this he was totally up for.

Arm in arm, they walked down the podium, across the hall, and towards the car park.

As he watched the two leave, the janitor swiftly broke into a serenade of whistle tune melodies.