Troye's POV I sat there tears streaming down my face as I read all the hate comments I was getting on my coming out video I just posted.
"Ew ugly fag get off the internet!"
"I fucking knew he was a fag look at him"
"Go kill yourself faggot"
I knew that if I kept reading it would only hurt more but I didn't care, I just kept scrolling through all the hate.
"I hope you cut your fat ugly wrists you ugly pice of shit"
"I hope he sees that everyone hates him and cuts his disgusting gay wrists"
"I'm so sorry Troye I used to love your videos but i'm disgusted that I was watching a gays videos. Ill be waiting for you to change your ways and decide to like girls but until you do Ill have to unsubscribe. Just remember Troye being gay is a choice and if you choose to be gay you are disgusting and you should die"
The last one sent me over the edge, and I started sobbing being gay is not a choice if I could like girls and be normal and not disgusting I would. I kept looking through the comments only specific words standing out.
"Fat"
"Ugly"
"Kill yourself"
Suddenly the idea of killing myself sounded really good. I got up and walked to the bathroom, I picked up my razor and was and was about to pop the blade out when there was a knock on the door.
"Troye hurry up I really have to pee and Sage is getting ready in the other bathroom" My little brother Tyde yelled through the door.
"One sec!"
I quickly popped the blade out of the razor and put it in my pocket then flushed the toilet to cover up what I was doing and opened the immediately pushed past me and closed the door. I walked back to my room and sat on my bed.
I pulled the blade out of my pocket and twirled it in my hand. I jumped when I heard my computer go off, I realized it was skype and muted my computer ignoring the call.
I placed the blade on my wrist and was about to press down when my phone rang.
I declined the call and pressed the blade down breaking the surface of the skin.
My phone dinged with 3 messages and started to ring again. I put the blade down and picked up my phone seeing that all messages and both calls were from Tyler.
"Why did you decline my call?"
"Are you okay?"
"Call me when you see this"
I read Tyler's messages and decided that it was best to call him, he picked up on the first ring.
"Troye are you okay? I saw your newest video and all the hate. Why were you ignoring me?" Tyler said the second he answered.
"I'm fine I wasn't ignoring you"
"Yes you were and your not fine i can hear it in your voice" Tyler said knowingly.
"I'm fine Tyler really I promise" I lied
"Why were you ignoring me then?"
"I was trying to kill myself because i'm fat ugly and worthless" I thought "I was helping Tyde with homework"I said trying to sound convincing.
"Ok" Tyler said skeptically "But if something was wrong you know you can tell me right?"
"Yeah I know" I said and in that moment I realized that if I killed myself Tyler would know I lied to him and I know that he would be disappointed in me for lying.
"I gotta go Tilly" I said abruptly.
"Ok… bye Troye" Tyler said hanging up.
I picked up my blade again and decided even though I wasn't going to kill myself I could still cut so I walked to my mirror and lifted my shirt. I stared at my hideous fat stomach and slid the blade over it.
"Fat"
One cut
"Ugly"
Two cuts
"Fag"
Three cuts
"Liar"
Four cuts
"Stupid"
Five cuts
"Fuck up"
Six cuts
I pulled off my shirt and grabbed some gauze from under my bed. I wrapped the gauze around the cuts on my stomach and remembered when I used to wrap it around the cuts on my ankles that I used to make when I was 13.
Tears streamed down my face when I remembered promising my mom I would never cut again. I sank down to the floor and banged my head on the wall repeatedly.
"Troye dinner!" My dad called up the stairs. "One minute!" I yelled back hoping I didn't sound like I was crying.
I pulled on a black shirt and a couple bracelets some of my fans made me to cover the cut on my wrist. I walked downstairs to dinner and hoped my cuts wouldn't bleed through my shirt and my family wouldn't notice I was depressed.
