AUTHOR'S NOTES: I've finally managed to fill this void with a new riveting tale, thus bringing me back to my WIP-limit of 5. That said, this, my 13th story is a bit different from the others, as hinted by the genre. While normally I take a serious approach to The Hunger Games due to the intense and psychologically troubling natures of the games and concepts, this work is more just a silly thing I did for a few cheap laughs, because I live for comedy. So, without further ado, I give you what might have happened if McDonald's had sponsored a tribute in the 74th Annual Hunger Games.
Happy Reading!
HUNGER GAMES: I'M LOVIN' IT!
CHAPTER 1
The 74th Annual Hunger Games was expected to be much like those that came before it in many ways. However, even if the Gamemakers were to create the exact same arena 74 years in a row, there was always a variable that would change from year to year—the tributes. Even with all their technology, they could not bring people back from the dead, and likely had little interest in doing so anyways. Those who won the games were set for life, free from the harsh reality of killing fellow boys and girls whose only real crime was getting their name picked out of a bowl. It was by all means a "sins of the fathers" sort of ordeal, but there was nothing they could do about it now.
And thus, a dozen boys and a dozen girls were on 12 carefully coordinated trains that would take them to the Capitol—and 23 of them to certain doom. Along the way, some tributes talked to their mentors, the victors of previous Hunger Games who sometimes gave them a tip or two. These were the private sessions that other district tributes couldn't see. The public aspects were the recaps of the Reapings, which were all made available immediately after the event itself. That way, tributes could start to size up their competition, and even among the Capitol, rich citizens and gamblers watched the recaps to evaluate who to put their money on. Similarly, rich benefactors watched to see who would be worth sponsoring in the games. Occasionally, various corporations had executives or representatives that did the same thing.
Among these were some of the top level executives of McDonald's, one of the few megacorporations that survived from before the Dark Days. Early on, shortly after the fall of the 1st Rebellion, it came into question how McDonald's had remained after the cataclysms that had left little else in its wake, but thanks to some fantastic PR, the company prevailed.
Board Chairman Balthazar glanced over at his fellow associate Serana, the Senior Marketing Manager as the usual pre-reaping fanfare played on their screens.
"Serana, my old friend," Balthazar sighed as fiery golden Capitol emblems appeared on the screen, "It's been a great many years since we've sponsored a proper tribute in the Hunger Games, and it has been nearly as long since we have offered a decent advertising campaign."
"And?" Serana raised her eyebrow, "if I recall we sponsored a rather popular tribute only two years ago—Lyre Wilde from District 2, if I am not mistaken."
"Let's try to forget about that year," Balthazar shook his head, "very boring and unremarkable; the last good year where we sponsored a tribute barring the ones that actually won was half a decade ago back in '69. Not to say that our profits have declined, but they have sort of plateaued over the last 5 years, and the board has elected that if you do not help rectify that with proper marketing, we will seek out someone far more competent."
"Those are cutting words," Serana put her hand to her chest, "If you want me to find us a good tribute to sponsor this year, then consider it done. Is that not why we are here now?"
"And right on time too," Belthazar added with something of a sarcastic undertone, considering they had been waiting for the reapings to start for nearly an hour discussing other things, "I was almost worried."
"There's no need to worry about me, Balthazar," Serana assured him, "I'll cook up an advertising campaign so killer that the Capitol will be eating out of the palms of our hands for decades. Now, let's review the tributes…"
As usual, they started with District 1, watching Marvel Kain and Glimmer Montclair. Balthazar turned to Serana with an eyebrow raised.
"You know what they say about advertisements and pretty women," he quipped, as both of them watched Glimmer's bubbly and excited expression as she waved to the people of her district. It was no mystery that she volunteered, and since the kids from District 1 and District 2 hadn't held an actual lottery-reaping in over half a century, they had no reason to be scared for something they had to fight to sign up for.
"Sure, sex sells." Serana rolled her eyes; "but remember that we're a company that sells Happy Meals—you know, for children. I don't imagine that's the type of image we want to project."
"Of course your mind would go straight to the gutter, Serana," Balthazar rolled his eyes, "but a pretty face and a delicious sandwich was pretty much the modus operandi of Carl's Jr. for centuries."
"Do you just spend all day looking through old records of our competitors?" Serana narrowed her eyes.
"There's a Wendy's in District 4, in case you forgot," Balthazar retorted. "It's a safety thing."
"Well what about these two?" Serana gestured towards Cato Salazar and Clove Kazera from District 2, who, rather than looking excited and bubbly, looked menacing with their devious grins.
"So now you would condone violence?"
"Isn't that what the whole Hunger Games does?"
Balthazar and Serana argued back and forth for several minutes, either missing or ignoring the next six districts in a row.
"Surely you're not thinking about looking at District 9 or District 10, are you?" the chairman turned to the Senior Marketing Manager as the former of the two showed up on the screen.
"We've already got them wrapped around our little fingers," Serana replied, "and I'll bet you a Big Mac and a Ventnor Avenue Monopoly piece that they won't get past the opening minutes."
"Well, we'd obviously have to discuss some terms then," Balthazar explained, "Not everyone can just wave around a winning piece like you can."
"Consider it luck," Serana shook her head, "and I'm sure you have enough fortune to compensate me should either of them escape the bloodbath…"
"You're on then." Balthazar crossed his arms as Thresh Dakara and Rue Keniye appeared on the screen a few moments later."
"See, Bally," Serana elbowed her superior in a friendly matter, "if you want to promote violence, you go with the big strong dude who looks like he'd tear your arm off. If you want to appeal to the children's market and sell those Happy Meals like you were so adamant about, you sponsor the youngster."
"or you could always go with the baker," Balthazar pointed out Peeta Mellark from District 12, who, like most from his district, seemed much more subtle and subdued about the reapings, in glaring contrast to District 1 and District 2.
"There will be no need for you to do my job for me," Serana clarified, watching the screen as Peeta's partner Katniss Everdeen glared fiercely at a camera. "We just got a volunteer from District 12 of all places. This year will be full of surprises."
Peeta turned to Katniss as they boarded the train to their inevitable doom. "I know this is not really the place to say it," he pointed out, "But do you have any regrets now that you've volunteered for the games; or are your secrets getting carried to the grave?"
"I stabbed a kid with a screwdriver once," Katniss replied bluntly. "Looking back I regret it."
"At least you regret it now," Peeta reassured her.
"Well, it was a flathead," Katniss pointed out, "made the wound a lot messier. I should have gone with a Philips since a knife wasn't really an option."
"O… kay then." Peeta went silent. Katniss meant business, and their mentor Haymitch approved.
"Was it a thrust or more of an overhead swing?" he turned to Katniss. "Where did you even get a screwdriver, and how did you smuggle it into school?"
"Hob," Katniss replied, "and I just stowed it in my jacket, since wifebeaters are against dress code." She shrugged her coat off her shoulders to reveal the black top she had underneath it, which was much more form-fitting and very obviously had no way of concealing anything.
"so I basically whipped it out of my coat pocket and thrust it right through his stomach. " Katniss continued, "Right in front of the class too."
"I remember that," Peeta quipped, "I was a mix between shocked and aroused."
"Hey, you've got more charm than me, Mellark," Katniss retorted, "maybe you can win a sponsor in the 'games that way. Stabbing people with screwdrivers is definitely not good PR."
"And that'll only do him favours on the games, Everdeen." Haymitch riposted. "Sponsors can make or break a tribute, especially if you hit the big time with a corporation or something."
"So if he gets sponsored does that mean I'm chopped liver?" Katniss shrugged her coat back onto her shoulders before pointing at Peeta with a screwdriver—not threateningly, but more just as a gesture of who she was referring to.
"With that attitude, yes." Haymitch nodded before taking a swig from his flask. "I'll get to work on you. In the meantime, have a drink."
"I wasn't going to ask." Katniss took the offered flask and threw her head back. "But thanks."
She slammed it back on the table with a contented "aaaah!" as she grinned at Haymitch.
"You've got some good stuff, Abernathy," she turned to him. "Thanks again."
"Don't expect me to share it all the time," Haymitch replied.
"I won't," Katniss promised, "I'll just take it."
With a contented belch and a brief smacking of her lips, Katniss got up and disappeared back to her compartment. Peeta and Haymitch exchanged glances.
"I like her." They both admitted simultaneously. "She's got style."
Katniss Everdeen was not the only major player in the games this year; as she would soon find out. Peeta refused to count himself out either, but even then, other districts such as 2, 1, and 11, would serve as formidable threats all the same—and all the way in the Capitol, Serana was well-aware of who looked like prime support material; and who did not.
