Lockin' Hearts with Gilderoy Lockhart!!!!
*The Harry Potter Dating Game*
By Fred, George, and Lee
Lockhart: Welcome welcome ladies and gentlemen to Lockin' Hearts! I'm your charming and beautiful host, Gilderoy Lockhart! If you want to know more about me, just read my new autobiography, "Magical Me"! It's simple: just send 23 Galleons care of my address--
(Offstage): Gilderoy! Stuff it!
Lockhart: Oh! Right! *the audience gives a very audible sigh of relief* You guys don't know my address! Well! It's 8130 Alihotsy Str--
(That offstage guy again): Lockhart! The show...
Lockhart: Oh! That's right! The show! That's right! For you who don't know what Lockin' Hearts is, and that would be a lot of you since this is the first chapter (A/N--don't worry, we have more...*evil cackle*) it is the dating game for the wizarding world! So, before we run out of time, let's introduce our first little bachelorette! She loves to study, study, and, well, study! Let's give a big Hogsmeade welcome to--to *he squints at the paper* er, Hermy-own Granger!!
Hermione (looking rather disgruntled as she slumps on to the set): My name is pronounced Her-my-oh-nee, thank you very much.
Lockhart: Don't bother the me, kid, because it's time to bring out our first contestant! He loves to play Quidditch, eat large peanutbutter-and-strawberry ice creams, and beat the crud out of the Dark Lord Voldemort! Say hello to Harry Potter!
Hermione: Harry?
Harry: Hermione?
Lockhart: Our second bachelor comes from a pureblood family, likes chess, and, um, has a lot of freckles! Here comes Ron Weasley!
Ron: Yeah, Hermione, it's me.
Hermione: Weren't you our Defense teacher in second year?
Ron: Yeah, you were!
Lockhart (with one of those incredibly annoying rougeish grins): Now, now, cut the chit-chat! We're about to introduce you to our third contestant!
Ron: Wonder who it is this time? Moaning Myrtle? (he chuckles at his own joke)
Harry and Hermione: Shut up, Ron.
Lockhart: Yeah, Ron, you're spoiling all the drama.
Hermione: There was drama in this show? Thanks for telling.
Lockhart: Fine. You're ruining the MOOD. Is that better, Har-mee-on?
Hermione: Her-my-own-nee.
Lockhart: That reminds me! We need our third bachelor! Hope you like athletic types, Her-my-ninny, because, this one also plays Quidditch. He enjoys Potions class, too, and especially loves sneering uncontrollably! Come out on the set, Mr. Draco Malfoy!!
*Hermione doesn't even bother correcting Lockhart, she is so stunned*
Harry: Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no!
Draco: (seeing the muderous look on Ron's face) Don't worry, Weasley, I wouldn't go out with that Mudblood if you paid me.
Lockhart: (doesn't seem to notice the offensive word) Now, Her-- Her-- Whatever the heck your name is--
Hermione: HER-MY-OWN-NEE! My name is pronounced HER-MY-OWN-NEE!!!
Lockhart: Of course it is. Now, you have some cards in your hands, so what you have to do is--
Hermione: I know what I have to do.
Lockhart: What? How do you know what to do? This is supposed to be the premiere episode!
Hermione: I'm Muggle-born. There's a Muggle show like this and I used to watch it.
Harry: You used to watch the Dating Game????
Hermione: Yeah, so? Oh, wait, no, Harry, that wasn't the question. Okay, um, my favorite thing to do in my spare time is study. Do you like to study?
Harry: Um, usually you are the one that does the studying for us, though, Hermione.
Ron and Hermione: HEY! That was supposed to be a SECRET!
Harry(going rather red and mumbling): oops, sorry....
Hermione: Sheesh. Okay, Ron, er, Bachelor Two, sorry, what is your favorite subject in school?
Ron: Ummm, I don't know...(says the first subject that comes to his head) Divination!
Hermione: (looking at Ron weird) Ooooookay...Now, Contestant number 3, If I were to pick you for a date, where would you take me?
Draco: Er, um, I'd take you to the... Leaky Cauldron and...buy you a drink! Yeah, buy you a drink!
Hermione: *undertone* I never knew you cared...*normal voice* Bachelor One--Oh, my gosh, I can't ask you this!
Lockhart: Go on, er, Harmony! That is your name, isn't it--?
Hermione: (In a very strained sort of voice) No. My name is Hermione. Is that too hard for your fat head to comprehend?
Lockhart: Yes! I mean no! I mean, uh, what was the question?
Hermione: Forget it. Harry, I guess I'll have to ask you this *takes a deep breath* If you were to get a tattoo, what would it be? There! I said it!
Harry (turning even redder than he did before) Umm, it would be...be...er, it would be, oh! That's it! A bee!
Hermione: Heaven forbid. Okay, Ron,What is your favorite color and why do I care?
Ron: Chudley Cannons orange. And I know you don't care.
Hermione: Correct! Now, number three.
Draco: Hm?
Hermione: If you had to like one member of the Weird Sisters, who (A/N: or possibly "whom") would it be?
Draco: You don't care!
Hermione: Nuh-uh. I'm not taking that from you.
Draco: The one that plays the cello.
Hermione: Well, I'm all finished with the cards, so...(a smile flirts with her features) I guess I have to choose one of you!
Lockhart: That's right! But-
Hermione: Nose out, Lockhart. I choose...Bachelor number three!!!!!!!!
Harry: What?
Ron: What?
Audience: What?
Hermione (turning magenta): Well, I've always sort of liked Draco...and I like the Leaky Cauldron...And I wanted to get back at Harry for letting out our secret!
Draco: So THAT'S who's been playing footsie with me under the Potions table!
Hermione: *giggles* yeah. So, I guess the show's over then...
Harry: Thank the stars.
Ron: Don't remind me of Divination.
Harry: What!? I thought that was your favorite subject! (A/N: He's joking. Duh.)
Lockhart: Well, that's it! That's our show! Okay, turn the cameras off....
(A/N: So, howd'ya like it? We really want to know! And perhaps, if you're light on the flames and you really like it, then we just might roll out some more! Aw, c'mon, don't you want to see how Draco and Hermione's date went?
---------Fred, George, and Lee
*The Harry Potter Dating Game*
By Fred, George, and Lee
Lockhart: Welcome welcome ladies and gentlemen to Lockin' Hearts! I'm your charming and beautiful host, Gilderoy Lockhart! If you want to know more about me, just read my new autobiography, "Magical Me"! It's simple: just send 23 Galleons care of my address--
(Offstage): Gilderoy! Stuff it!
Lockhart: Oh! Right! *the audience gives a very audible sigh of relief* You guys don't know my address! Well! It's 8130 Alihotsy Str--
(That offstage guy again): Lockhart! The show...
Lockhart: Oh! That's right! The show! That's right! For you who don't know what Lockin' Hearts is, and that would be a lot of you since this is the first chapter (A/N--don't worry, we have more...*evil cackle*) it is the dating game for the wizarding world! So, before we run out of time, let's introduce our first little bachelorette! She loves to study, study, and, well, study! Let's give a big Hogsmeade welcome to--to *he squints at the paper* er, Hermy-own Granger!!
Hermione (looking rather disgruntled as she slumps on to the set): My name is pronounced Her-my-oh-nee, thank you very much.
Lockhart: Don't bother the me, kid, because it's time to bring out our first contestant! He loves to play Quidditch, eat large peanutbutter-and-strawberry ice creams, and beat the crud out of the Dark Lord Voldemort! Say hello to Harry Potter!
Hermione: Harry?
Harry: Hermione?
Lockhart: Our second bachelor comes from a pureblood family, likes chess, and, um, has a lot of freckles! Here comes Ron Weasley!
Ron: Yeah, Hermione, it's me.
Hermione: Weren't you our Defense teacher in second year?
Ron: Yeah, you were!
Lockhart (with one of those incredibly annoying rougeish grins): Now, now, cut the chit-chat! We're about to introduce you to our third contestant!
Ron: Wonder who it is this time? Moaning Myrtle? (he chuckles at his own joke)
Harry and Hermione: Shut up, Ron.
Lockhart: Yeah, Ron, you're spoiling all the drama.
Hermione: There was drama in this show? Thanks for telling.
Lockhart: Fine. You're ruining the MOOD. Is that better, Har-mee-on?
Hermione: Her-my-own-nee.
Lockhart: That reminds me! We need our third bachelor! Hope you like athletic types, Her-my-ninny, because, this one also plays Quidditch. He enjoys Potions class, too, and especially loves sneering uncontrollably! Come out on the set, Mr. Draco Malfoy!!
*Hermione doesn't even bother correcting Lockhart, she is so stunned*
Harry: Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no!
Draco: (seeing the muderous look on Ron's face) Don't worry, Weasley, I wouldn't go out with that Mudblood if you paid me.
Lockhart: (doesn't seem to notice the offensive word) Now, Her-- Her-- Whatever the heck your name is--
Hermione: HER-MY-OWN-NEE! My name is pronounced HER-MY-OWN-NEE!!!
Lockhart: Of course it is. Now, you have some cards in your hands, so what you have to do is--
Hermione: I know what I have to do.
Lockhart: What? How do you know what to do? This is supposed to be the premiere episode!
Hermione: I'm Muggle-born. There's a Muggle show like this and I used to watch it.
Harry: You used to watch the Dating Game????
Hermione: Yeah, so? Oh, wait, no, Harry, that wasn't the question. Okay, um, my favorite thing to do in my spare time is study. Do you like to study?
Harry: Um, usually you are the one that does the studying for us, though, Hermione.
Ron and Hermione: HEY! That was supposed to be a SECRET!
Harry(going rather red and mumbling): oops, sorry....
Hermione: Sheesh. Okay, Ron, er, Bachelor Two, sorry, what is your favorite subject in school?
Ron: Ummm, I don't know...(says the first subject that comes to his head) Divination!
Hermione: (looking at Ron weird) Ooooookay...Now, Contestant number 3, If I were to pick you for a date, where would you take me?
Draco: Er, um, I'd take you to the... Leaky Cauldron and...buy you a drink! Yeah, buy you a drink!
Hermione: *undertone* I never knew you cared...*normal voice* Bachelor One--Oh, my gosh, I can't ask you this!
Lockhart: Go on, er, Harmony! That is your name, isn't it--?
Hermione: (In a very strained sort of voice) No. My name is Hermione. Is that too hard for your fat head to comprehend?
Lockhart: Yes! I mean no! I mean, uh, what was the question?
Hermione: Forget it. Harry, I guess I'll have to ask you this *takes a deep breath* If you were to get a tattoo, what would it be? There! I said it!
Harry (turning even redder than he did before) Umm, it would be...be...er, it would be, oh! That's it! A bee!
Hermione: Heaven forbid. Okay, Ron,What is your favorite color and why do I care?
Ron: Chudley Cannons orange. And I know you don't care.
Hermione: Correct! Now, number three.
Draco: Hm?
Hermione: If you had to like one member of the Weird Sisters, who (A/N: or possibly "whom") would it be?
Draco: You don't care!
Hermione: Nuh-uh. I'm not taking that from you.
Draco: The one that plays the cello.
Hermione: Well, I'm all finished with the cards, so...(a smile flirts with her features) I guess I have to choose one of you!
Lockhart: That's right! But-
Hermione: Nose out, Lockhart. I choose...Bachelor number three!!!!!!!!
Harry: What?
Ron: What?
Audience: What?
Hermione (turning magenta): Well, I've always sort of liked Draco...and I like the Leaky Cauldron...And I wanted to get back at Harry for letting out our secret!
Draco: So THAT'S who's been playing footsie with me under the Potions table!
Hermione: *giggles* yeah. So, I guess the show's over then...
Harry: Thank the stars.
Ron: Don't remind me of Divination.
Harry: What!? I thought that was your favorite subject! (A/N: He's joking. Duh.)
Lockhart: Well, that's it! That's our show! Okay, turn the cameras off....
(A/N: So, howd'ya like it? We really want to know! And perhaps, if you're light on the flames and you really like it, then we just might roll out some more! Aw, c'mon, don't you want to see how Draco and Hermione's date went?
---------Fred, George, and Lee
