Today was a pretty normal day. I woke up, ate my breakfast (waffles and peanut butter), went to school, and fought a few superheroes on my way home.
Ok. Maybe that isn't necessarily a completely normal day.
This is the life of a teenage villainess.
I assume you already know a bit about me, or, at least, you know a bit about my parents. My mom, Shego, is still pretty famous in evil society, as the trusted lieutenant of Dr. Drakken. She's still active in society, but my dad decided to stay home and take care of me. He never was too great at being evil anyway.
Oh yea. I guess I should mention...my dad is Dr. Drakken. Nemesis of Kim Possible and Ron Stoppable, famously unable to ever pull off any kind of evil plan effectively...yea, that's him. See why he retired when they had me? Believe me, he's a much better dad than he is a supervillain.
I guess I always was a little...well...different. It's hard not to be when your dad is blue and your mom can shoot green fire out of her hands. I was sort of an accident, and my mom was pretty annoyed having to deal with me before I was born. Apparently, she can't use her powers while she's pregnant, and she was pretty frustrated that she couldn't defeat her enemies while I was in the womb - or warm herself using her powers. That part is pretty cool.
Dad, of course, said that he could handle them, but that sad excuse for a villain couldn't take out the Stoppables if his life depended on it. Mom and I are both well aware that the only reason he ever even managed to buy the lair is that Mom was there to beat it out of the previous owner.
The women of the Drakken family have always been the ones who really get things done, regardless of what we let the men think. For a while, Mom and Dad took me along on their missions, but now that I'm 17, it's time I go on my own.
"17 years of age," says Dad, "is the PERFECT age to begin an EVIL CAREER!" (He always was a little melodramatic.) "It gives you a full year of experience on those HERO kids, who won't begin their careers until a year LATER!" He let out a maniacal laugh.
I chose not to point out the fact that the majority of hero kids weren't exactly my age, so it didn't even matter when I began working on my own. In fact, the only ones I knew of were the Stoppables' kids, and they were all under 17. I knew this, because the oldest one was in my Advanced Fiction class.
In Advanced Fiction, we mostly read adventure novels and fantasy stories. Reading adventure novels is funny, though, because the way they view villains is pretty strange. They always act like we're evil, and to them, I guess we are. In all honesty, I never try to be evil. I'm not a bad girl. I enjoy knitting, drinking tea, and relaxing before the fire with my pit bull, Khal. People think Khal is evil too, but he's a real sweetheart; we have that in common.
I just happen to want to take over the world and control its systems, because I could do it so much BETTER. People around the world are always fighting about the best way to fix a problem, instead of just cutting their losses and going for it. It really isn't so difficult, if only they would all DO something.
For instance, world poverty? Simple solution. Give everyone in the world a base salary of the living wage (AKA Poverty Line) for their respective countries. They get that automatically. Everyone has enough money to save up for a house, afford food, etc. without having to do too much. Sure, it'd be cruddy food and a terrible house, but they'd have a place. If people wanted more than a poverty-line living, though, they could go to work, and earn more. Minimum wage could stay around $8/hour, but people could take the extra money they earn and put it toward nicer stuff. There's still an incentive to work, because if you do you can afford more stuff, but if you can't work you won't all starve and be homeless.
Sorry. I tend to go on tangents when I share my ideas. But...do you see what I mean? If I were to introduce that to the legislature, they'd put me away. Say I'd gone insane, something like that. Even if some senator DID think it was a good idea, it'd go through so many committees that it'd take forever to do anything useful.
When I rule the world, I hope to be the sole person who makes laws. I'll have an advisory board, of course, and I'll accept suggestions from enterprising minds as to possible solutions for world problems, but I will be the one who makes the final decision on everything. Committees just make everything way too complicated, and draw out processes that should take a tiny amount of time.
This morning, I woke up, dressed myself in the usual jeans, black tshirt, and combat boots, and hopped the bus to school. Outside, I wormed my way through a few tightly-knit groups, walked up the steps, and entered into the attitude reassignment facility the rest of the world calls high school.
I opened my locker, dropped my backpack, and picked up my notebooks for the next few classes I had to attend.
"Hey, Deirdre, how's it going?" I turned, surprised to find John Stoppable standing beside me, and responded in the best way I knew to respond to a precocious 16-year-old whose parents are my parents' mortal enemies.
"Fine, thank you, and you?"
"I'm great! Mom and Dad are teaching me how to use a grappling hook gun this afternoon. We're going to infiltrate Drakken's lair this weekend!" Apparently, John had inherited his father's intellect - we'd been in school together for 11 years, and he still hadn't made the connection that my last name was the same as the last name of his parents' nemeses. I actually made it a point to never invite him to my house. These days, I was usually in my room working on my own plans, and John had only recently begun accompanying his parents on their missions, so he'd never seen me in the remote vicinity of my house anyway.
"Intriguing. I'll see you in Fiction this afternoon!" I headed down the hall, making a mental note to let Mom know about the Stoppables' visit, and then pushing everything else out of my mind. There was little time to fool around being friends with guys like John, especially when I had multiple evil things to accomplish before I could take a lead role in world government, but I kept him around. He was good for warnings, after all.
