'Dwicky! What about our team?'
It was hard to keep track of how many times that one question had run through my mind over the past few years. Not to mention the times I had heard it played back on the small camera I still held in my possession from that one night. The camera that had just been playing back those very words for me to listen to. For some reason I just couldn't let it all go. It was the night everything changed for me, but it was also the night I turned my back on someone.
It was static from the video which had me coming back to reality. Crashing back down to the here and now. My hand just barely trailed over the rewind button before completely pressing it down. Just so I could relive it all over again. Why I chose to do this day in and day out was still a mystery even to me. Did I want some kind of closure to it all? I don't think so. If I wanted closure then I would have taught myself to forget a long time ago. I hadn't been a counselor for no good reason.
No, I definitely didn't want to forget. If that was the case then the ship I was currently on wouldn't be heading back to the planet where the one I abandoned still lived. It was every bit of guilt I had felt over the years which had me wanting to go back. Every bit of regret for what I had done that one night. What I couldn't see or hear on camera was where the lies started and ended. So many things said just to get inside a small child's head. Sometimes I hated my job. Especially when I was the one wrong in the end.
'Look, I know you think I lied, and I did, but I was only trying to help.'
Thinking back I hate myself now for those words. How could I have said such a thing to someone who believed so much? I spoke as if everything was just a little white lie. Now I see that it had been much worse than that. I tried to break down every belief that one child had. Every belief that was actually true. It was completely selfish of me. All because of one horrible mishap in my own life I decided to crash one child's dream. I'm just thankful that he never listened. That everything he said was the truth, because without him I wouldn't be where I am right now.
There was a small click in the large empty room I had been sitting in and I knew the camera was done rewinding. It was tough for me to press the button again. Each time it got harder and harder because the words hurt worse and worse every time. I couldn't stop myself though. Without the one piece from that night, without seeing him, I don't know what I would do. The memories would still be in my head, but never quite as clear. His face was what haunted my dreams and kept me from enjoying everything about space. All because I knew it was the place he wanted to see and I took it out from under him.
With a final press the memories played once more and I easily watched again. My friends worried about me as strange as that may sound. They had picked me up on Earth just to have a bit of fun and suddenly I became a permeant roommate. Every day they tried to get me to come out of my room. To try and get me to stop watching the old video. It was no use though. As long as I remembered him, remembered Dib, I wouldn't come out. Things hadn't always been so bad. I hadn't always been so hooked to the camera. It was just a year ago that the guilt took hold of me so bad. My conscious wouldn't let me forget the boy with the spiked hair and thick glasses. Since then, I didn't want to forget at all.
'Two will become millions once the world sees this tape, Zim!'
I flinched outwardly at that. No one would see the tape except for who had taped it. My stupidity had caused me to take it. I never should have done such a thing. If I had left it then he would have his proof. Even without me there he would have what he needed to make the whole world believe. It wasn't that easy though. I had to mess things up even worse. It had been so easy for me to just wave to him as I left that night. Why couldn't it just be that easy anymore to forget it all again? Why was it all coming back to haunt me? He was just one over eager kid. One simple kid that wanted too much.
'Wait! I sent the signal! I was using it to lure this alien!'
One simple kid that believed in everything that was real to me again. He helped everything I wanted come true again. This trip back would prove that I could make things right again. It would prove that I wasn't lying any longer. I would give him his evidence back. I would give it all back just to see that excitement on his face again. I wanted to be near him as he got what he always wanted. The chance to show everyone that he was right. I wanted to be there for it all and the cause of it all.
"Dwicky, we're nearing Earth."
That had me sitting up straight. It took me a few moments to realize those words had not come from the camera. They had come from the intercom that was in my room on the ship. I was almost home. Soon all my worries and troubles would be worth everything. My eyes which had traveled to the ceiling during that small moment quickly turned back to the device in my hands. I no longer needed old memories. I was about to make new ones. Just as those last hurtful words were about to be played back once again my fingers quickly pressed the stop button.
This time there would be no more lies.
