"If"

Ya'know how you have those nights where you can't sleep and you let your mind wander? Well that happens to me all the time. As I lie awake I think about how things could've been if certain things hadn't happened. It's not that I'm unhappy here in Germany with Al, but things could be better. Sometimes I imagine or dream what it would be like, and whenever I'm pretty down it gets me back on my feet again.

The big one is always about mom and dad. I've often thought "What if he never left?" I came to the conclusion that mom would still be alive since her heart wouldn't be broken, and then everything would be different. We wouldn't have tried the forbidden, and I probably would have never joined the military at all. Then I get thinking "What would've happened to me if that did happen?" I'm pretty sure Al and I would still be skilled alchemists, but I'm sure our lives would be different.

Then reality hits me right in the face. I remember about dad and his rotting body and that he would eventually rot to death either way. That's where my dreams usually come in. It's always the same; were all a big happy family until dad's body gets weak. He starts coughing up blood, and it just keeps getting worse. Eventually he dies, and then mom's heart gets broken by it and were orphans again. Then we're back to square one form there.

Sometimes I wonder if we were better off with dad leaving after all, but then my mind wanders again. I start thinking about some other little things, like if Alfons hadn't gotten shot. How would he react to Al? How would Al react to him? Then I remember his lung disease and that he too would soon die. Then I start thinking about death, and everybody I knew who died.

What if Hughes was still alive? Would he be happy with his family? What about Winry's parents? How would that change her and Mustang? Would she still feel lonely? Would he still want to become Fuhrer? What about Scar's brother? Id he was alive then would he still have become a murderer?

Then I think about everyone back in Amestris. What would've happened if I hadn't been able to stop the invasion when I did? How much trouble would they all be in? Would the Thule Society really have destroyed the entire country? What if I had stayed in Amestris? Would Al be happier than he was now? Would I have ended up with Winry? I had been in love with her for a while, so sometimes I would dream of getting married and living happily with a few kids. Those are probably the happiest of all my thoughts.

Death effects everyone differently, so most of my thoughts end up like "What if so and so hadn't died?" It's kind of funny actually, all the things I end up usually imagining end up worse in a way then they really are. It makes me kind of glad in a way, glad that things are they way they are, and there no "Ifs" in that.

Author's Notes

I've seen a few fics here and there about what if blah blah blah happened? So I came up with this. I hope you guys like it, and please review.