SUP BITCHES! This is another one of my parodies. This is bitter and weird for me because I haven't been on this website in over TWO YEARS! WOW. So depressing...so I decided to make a parody of the awesome "Hunger Games" series. Dudes, please don't think I write so poorly in real life.
DISCLAIMER: THIS IS REALLLLLYYYYY RAUNCHY! IF YOUR UNDER 14 PLEASE DON'T READ THIS LEST I TAINT YOUR INNOCENT MINDS!
ENJOY.
Clitoris Everpeenis is my name. But, for now, you can just call me Clitoris Everpeen. My father named me, but not for a flower, like most of the other girls in my district. Instead he named me for something entirely different. He named me for someone SPECIAL in his life…yeah, that's right, famous district 12 baseball star Doris "Clitoris" Clifford. I never forgave him for giving me his horrid name. I mean, just think about it, it can be rhymed with so many vulgar things! For example, Catpiss, Kamptownladiessingthissong, and Katniss, my least favorite kind of plant. But this is all okay now, because my father died not too long ago in a tragic accident up in the peppermint mines, where he scraped the delicious red and white striped goodness off of the great peppermint mountain, which accounts for 60% of our district's annual income. The peppermint grew so sticky, so INCREDIBLY sticky that my father was stuck to it for seven hours, and a mighty peppermint chunk squished his arm in a massive avalanche, causing him to have to chew his own elbow off just to escape. After that, unfortunately, his sticky, minty scent attracted many Wacker Ejaculators, tiny bees that ejaculate into you until you die, and was killed almost instantly. You can infer, then, how weird it looked for a man who had one arm ripped off covered in bee goo to lie there in a puddle when authorities found him dead the next morning. Needless to say, then, that my mother went clinically insane after that, refusing to feed my sister and I, and shouting obscenities out the window daily for all the townsfolk to hear. Wait! Haven't I introduced you to my wonderful sister, Prick? Prick pretty much looks JUST like younger Dakota Fanning, only she has a large unibrow that I have to wax daily lest the bedbugs come back and eat at her face again. Me and Prick love each other, and I have to kill all the neighbor's dog's with my friend, Gator Gale (named for his nastly little habit of raping alligators), just to feed Prick. Her favorite kind of dog to eat is German Shepard. She says they taste like Nazis.
