Them Bones

By: Sugar Skulls

Author's Note: Just some drabbles that pop into my head whenever they please. I know I'm not the only Valduggery fan out there. :D Not all of these will be romantic. Some will be just friendship, some will be pure silliness.


Haircut

Valkyrie gathered her long, dark hair over her left shoulder, examining the ends speculatively. Her brow furrowed, her lips pursed, and she made a displeased sound. Skulduggery, sitting on her windowsill with a leg dangling out into the night, looked at her.

"Alright," he said at last, "you've you been playing with your hair and looking aggravated for the past ten minutes. It's getting old. What's wrong?"

Valkyrie tossed her hair out of the way. "It's getting way too long. Fighting is getting difficult with it getting in my face all the time. Ponytails don't work anymore."

"Valkyrie, even if I weren't a genius detective, I could still easily offer you a solution to your problem," Skulduggery said with exaggerated patience. "Pay a visit to a nice barber and have it cut."

"I don't trust any of the barbers within a twenty mile radius of Haggard," Valkyrie said, shaking her head frantically. "Far too many haircuts my mum has gotten me into. Disastrous results." She peered at Skulduggery. "Do you know any magical barbers?"

"Yes, but I'm fairly certain you can't afford them," Skulduggery said, swinging his legs into the room and standing up. He clapped his hands together and said optimistically, "However, I do a fairly good job at cutting hair."

Valkyrie stared at him. Then she grinned and fell over onto her bed, laughing madly. Skulduggery cocked his head to the side.

"What's so funny? You think I can't cut hair?"

"That's not it," Valkyrie gasped out between giggles.

"You think it's too feminine? Because I'll have you know, I had a wife and a daughter, so it was unavoidable."

"No, no, it's not that, either," snickered Valkyrie. She sat up, trying to force a straight face. Her lips twitched uncontrollably and she giggled some more. "It's just that…you think I'll actually let you come within a foot of my hair with scissors." She laughed. "That's priceless."

"Oh, that's lovely, that is," Skulduggery said tartly. "Alright, fine, then. Let your hair grow obscenely long, Rapunzel. But when we're investigating a case and we get into a fight, and your hair flies into your eyes and blinds you, giving the enemy the perfect opportunity to obliterate you, don't say I didn't warn you."

Valkyrie made a face at him. Then she pulled her hair over her shoulder again to look at it. She glanced at Skulduggery skeptically.

"How much practice have you had?" she asked suspiciously.

"I'm over a hundred years old. I've had plenty of time to perfect my hair care skills."

"Does that mean you're any good?" she Valkyrie asked.

"I'm Vin Diesel's personal barber," said Skulduggery proudly. At Valkyrie's horrorstruck expression, he added, "That was a joke."

Valkyrie glared at him.

"I'll get the scissors," Skulduggery said, striding to the bathroom and rummaging through the drawers beneath the sink.

"Fine," Valkyrie said reluctantly. "But I swear, Baldy, if there is so much as one uneven strand, I am going to take you apart, buy a teething puppy with your credit card, and giving your bones to it as a present!"


LULZ.

I haven't read the third book yet, so no spoilers! Anyway, I hope you enjoy. Keep an eye out for updates!