DISCLAIMER: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.

A/N - There really is no excuse for this story...it was just something that found its way into my computer, go figure. This is not beta'ed, nor will I probably bother. Many fragments were left that way on purpose, just so you know.


What else do you do when you have nothing but time on your hands? Remus is off doing something for the Order, Harry and the other kids are at Hogwarts, Molly and Arthur have returned to the Burrow, so that leaves me. Here. I hate it here.

I do the crossword in the Daily Prophet daily, but that can only stimulate your mind so far. I've held countless conversations with Buckbeak, and he seems none too interested in anything I have to say. That bloody little wretched house-elf avoids me, which is for the best anyway.

I've read every book this damnable house has in it, at least once, many twice. I even found a sappy romance novel I can only assume one of the girls had been reading and left here. Neither one really strikes me as the type. Perhaps it was Tonks. Maybe Remus. No, not Remus.

So this is my life--sitting here, day after day, waiting for a time when I can do something useful. Something worthwhile. Something… so I can tell Snape to shove it up his bloody… well, never mind that. At least it's not Azkaban, for that I am thankful.

I've been allowed to leave on rare occasions. I still have to turn into my Animagus form. Not that I mind, but for once I'd like to walk down Diagon Alley or into Kings Crossing as the man I am, not hiding in some animal form like a coward.

If it weren't for Harry, I wouldn't care. But Harry's lost so much already. So have I for that matter. Moony too.

Moony… what's there to say about Moony? He's my best mate. At least we try to still be best mates. A lot has changed. Part of the reason the whole mess with the Potters ever happened is because I didn't trust him. Peter talked James and me into not trusting him. Damn bastard anyway.

So Moony spent twelve years thinking I had betrayed them and killed Peter, and I spent twelve years rotting in Azkaban. The fact that we didn't trust him still hurts, but he won't let on.

Remus will never know just how sorry I am for that rift in our friendship. If only I hadn't listened to that little rat, James and Lily would probably still be alive, but I can't think of such things anymore.

I had dreams once. Dreams of what I'd do, where I'd go, who I'd shag, who I'd marry. Yes, Sirius Black had dreams of getting married. And having children, lot's of children. OK, after having the Weasleys here, maybe not lots, but three. Yes, three.

I was going to be a dad like James' dad. The one who laughed with their children, slapped them on the back when they had done something right, one who worried when they did something stupid. I was going to read to them, bedtime stories. No one ever read me a bedtime story. At least, I don't remember ever having one read to me.

I was going to work for the Ministry after the war was over, doing what, I had no idea. I was going to be brilliant though, hell, maybe even Minister of Magic someday. I couldn't have done any worse than that bumbling idiot Fudge! I can't even leave my ruddy house.

My wife was going to be the most beautiful woman I had ever laid eyes on. I thought she would have the deepest blue eyes, like the night sky, and long, dark hair, black, like mine. She'd be tall and slender, and meld into my body as if we were one. I never got the chance to meet her. I hope that whatever bloke she ended up with appreciates her the way I would have.

Cook. I had always wanted to learn to cook. Not just bangers and eggs, but fancy stuff. Stuff like they serve in fancy restaurants. Perhaps that's what we would have done, opened a fancy restaurant, maybe in Diagon Alley or Hogsmead. So much for dreams.

OK, so I drink on occasion. Not that there is any real thrill in it anymore, it just passes time. I seem to have a lot of it to pass. I don't even particularly like the taste of Firewhiskey, but it doesn't burn when it goes down anymore. And no, contrary to popular belief, I don't drink because I'm brooding and depressed; it's just something to do.

Moony doesn't seem to approve of drinking. Well, that's not an entirely accurate statement. Just after Harry and them all left to go back to Hogwarts, we both sat and got thoroughly pissed. But he doesn't approve of how much I manage to put away. He won't say it, but I know. He has this look, a look of disappointment. I hate it when he's disappointed in me.

I hate it when anyone is disappointed in me. Well, anyone except my family. I lived to disappoint them. Prejudice arses! I knew from the moment that sorting hat said "Gryffindor", my life would be different, just hadn't surmised it would be quite that different.

I live for posts. They are mostly from Harry, but once in awhile I'll get one from Remus and sometimes even Ron or Hermione. Fred and George wrote once, when they found out I was one of the original Marauders. They thought that was 'bloody brilliant'. Perhaps it was.

Ginny never writes. Once in awhile Harry or Hermione will include a line that says she said to say hullo, but she never writes. I don't know why this bothers me. I'd write to her, but I think that it would be seen as 'inappropriate'.

Harry and Ron told me about what happened with that 'Chamber', but I could never bring my self to ask her. I just wanted to know if she was all right, really. It rather seemed to me that everyone else tended to forget. Even Harry. When he told me, he didn't seem all that concerned that she had been possessed by dark magic. That just seemed odd to me. But then again, no one seems to want to think, or at least talk about; the effect twelve years with dementors has had on me.

So there you have it, boredom to the millionth degree. Perhaps I'll start a journal, but not now.