I was talking to a friend/helping said friend work on a Mass Effect fanfic and the idea came to me to write something about Edi and Joker because I rather like their relationship. This little piece is a sad take on the reality of being alone on a foreign world with no contact to the outside as a result of the Relays being destroyed. Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to the Mass Effect franchise or the characters. This is purely fanfiction. Enjoy.
The ship was out of control. Falling. Joker raced at the controls, trying to get the ship back into his capable hands. The shock of the Relays exploding was tearing the ship apart. He couldn't control it. They were falling.
A planet. They fell towards it. Panic flooded through the ships. Sirens wailing. Edi was focusing on trying to get the engines to start again. They broke through the atmosphere and parts of the ship began to rip off. Plunging downwards, they slammed into the canopy of an unknown jungle, and then the ship slammed into the ground. Joker's head hit the keyboard, but he was up and moving immediately after.
"Ediā¦"
"I am fine, Jeff."
"I'm going to go check on the others."
And then she was gone and he was in one of the private quarters. Liara was there. She was pinned beneath a beam that had held the bulkhead together. Joker limped over to her and knelt down beside her.
"Oh shit, oh shit. Liara, are you alive?"
"Yes, Joker. Not for long, I don't think, but I am here."
"Shit, shit. Shepard is going to kill me."
"Shepard is not here." Liara coughed, blood dripping onto her lips after doing so. "The rest of the crew. How are they?"
Joker opened his mouth and then swallowed. "They're dead. It's just you, me, Edi and the jungle. I think I got the best end of this deal. Two women for one man."
The wisecrack drew a smile from Liara, and then her eyes began to fade. She reached out to him, and he reached out to her, but his fingers never could quite grasp hers.
"Liara? Liara!"
X X X X
"Jeff, wake up."
His eyes snapped open, and he looked up into the optics of Edi. She was hovering over him like she was about to do an examination of an unknown specimen. He sighed and rubbed his eyes.
"Yeah. The crash dream again."
"That was a long time ago."
"Still feels like yesterday."
Sitting up, he lifted a hand to rub at his face. The world's sun was just starting to give light above the distant horizon. The home that Edi had tirelessly built for them was situated amongst several large, healthy trees. She'd said that she'd gotten the idea from a few old Earth movies that she had in her files. He didn't know them, but he liked the house. It made him feel like a kid again.
"Edi, how many days have we been here?"
"Six hundred and forty-three of this world's days, and approximately three hundred and ninety Earth days. Would you like to know the hours, minutes, and seconds?"
"No, Edi. You're the super genius, not me. I'd like my brain not to melt."
"Your brain cannot melt from numbers, Jeff."
"It's a joke, Edi."
"Oh."
He lifted his hand and rubbed at the back of his head for a moment. The pain was there again. Edi had said she would try to get the medical systems from the Normandy up and running again, but she hadn't yet done so. The ship was just too damaged. Edi seemed to understand the pain he felt, and lifted a cool, metallic hand to touch his cheek.
"I am close to getting the medical diagnostic systems running. My calculations indicate that I can create the rest of the pieces by the end of today."
"Good. Then maybe I can figure out why my head is throbbing like someone's been slapping me repeatedly with a baseball bat. My head wouldn't fly very well, either."
Standing, he stumbled, but Edi caught him. Even though her body always seemed rather dainty and overly feminized by human standards, Joker knew she was stronger than he was. He stood there for a moment and she leaned her head on his shoulder as they looked out the window towards the rising sun. He had it made, really. Private world. Luxury house. A super-intelligent artificial intelligence in a body that he rather enjoyed having against him. Yeah, he had it made.
"I picked some fresh, edible fruits from the trees nearby. You should eat some while I go work, Jeff."
"Yeah, I'll do that. I think I could eat an elephant right now. My stomach wouldn't protest."
"You could not eat an elephant, Jeff. Your body could not hold all of it."
"Joke, Edi."
"Oh."
She released him and moved to step away, but he stopped her. When she turned to look back at him, his hand grabbing her arm, he leaned in and kissed her metallic lips. Nothing could ever taste sweater to him, despite the only taste being that of metal. Edi was his perfection, and though he would not say it, he loved her.
When she pulled back, he smiled and released her. She looked at him quizzically and then turned to leave. He watched her go. Part of him always wondered what Edi would do if there was another version of herself out there in a similar body. Would she leave him to be with it? They couldn't have children, so maybe she should make another of her.
Grabbing a shiny purple fruit from the bowl, he took a big bite and juice spilled everywhere. The fruits on this world were delicious and unlike anything he'd ever tasted before. Despite eating them every day for more than a year, he couldn't get over them.
When he was done eating, he grabbed one of Shepard's old books and walked out to the little porch. He sat and let his legs dangle over the edge while he read. This was how he occupied most of his time when Edi was working. They hadn't made contact with anyone since the crash, and Joker was alright with that. He only needed Edi in order to be happy. Still, Edi tried every day to get someone to answer. Another part of him hoped that one day someone would. Then they could know about the others.
X X X X
"Jeff, I have the diagnostics working again. Come to the ship."
She'd built them a personal intercom system so that when they were apart they could quickly contact one another. Neither of them really knew the dangers of the world they were on. Though they both knew that wildlife existed on the planet, they rarely ever saw any of it. This was Edi's way of being logical and ready for any situation.
Joker closed the book and stood, walking back into the house. He deposited the book back where he'd gotten it. There were dozens of others, but he'd read every single one already. He walked to the back door, and opened it onto the ladder that went down to the planet's surface. A slow climb down left him tired, and his head hurting once again. He stood at the base of the tower for a moment with his hand rubbing the back of his head.
The crash site wasn't far from the house. He hobbled his way along through the undergrowth, one hand purchased on the Cobra Pistol he wore on his hip. The ship was covered in overgrowth. He climbed in through the hole in the command deck and made his way back through the ship. Long ago, Edi and he had removed the bodies of the fallen crew and buried them nearby. There were no ghosts here to haunt him except the ones in his head.
He passed the Galaxy Map, and remembered how Shepard used to stand there in all of his armor and give them directions on where to go. He saw Samantha standing there, telling him that he had a new message. He turned his head and moved on. The lift no longer worked so he had to climb down the access shafts to reach Deck 3. He hobbled out and past the old galley area, where he saw Vega and Garrus arm wrestling. Vega always thought he could win, but Garrus was always holding back until he crushed the man.
The door to the medical bay was always open now. He walked in and looked over at the desk as if he expected Dr. Chakwas to be sitting there. She would be talking to Shepard about a particular brand of alcohol she desired. The good doctor had always been an alcoholic.
"Jeff, I need you to lie on the table."
He walked over to it, and put his hand on it.
"I hate you, Edi."
"What?"
"You said to lie on the table. So, I lied on the table."
"Jeff, please lay down."
"Fine."
Sitting on the table, he lay back and pulled his legs up. Edi activated a computer by plugging her power source into it and the table's diagnostic display lit up. He watched as she worked the controls, and then she reached over to push his head back. He sighed as he stared at the ceiling.
"You know, this isn't as much fun without you on top of me."
"You need to remain still."
"Yes, doctor. I'll be a good little patient."
He stared at the ceiling for what felt like eternity as the diagnostic machine examined him. A yawn escaped him as he waited. Eventually it got to be too much and he turned his head to look at Edi. She was staring at him.
"What? Is my hair messed up? It's the static of the table, I'm sure."
"Jeff. I-"
He frowned when she couldn't complete her sentence.
"What? Spit it out, Edi. I haven't got all day. I don't want to miss the sunset."
"You have a brain tumor, Jeff."
That was why she was staring at him. She didn't know how to tell him. Was she upset? Edi couldn't cry, but he got the feeling that she wanted to.
"Lots of people live with those. I feel healthy as can be."
"You are not."
"Come on." He climbed up from the table and reached over to grab Edi's hand. "Let's go before we miss it!"
He pulled her out of the medical bay and led her to the access shaft, which she forced him to climb first. When she was up, he grabbed her hand and pulled her through the ship and out into the forest. They walked back to the house and climbed the ladder back up. The sun was almost there. He walked outside and sat on the edge of the balcony again, dangling his legs over the side. Edi stood behind him for a while. She didn't understand how he could be so nonchalant.
Eventually she sat down beside him and leaned her head on his shoulder as the sun slid down. His arm rested around her. It was the perfect end to a day.
X X X X
Jeff. She remembered him. He was still there sometimes. She still sat on the ledge, watching the sun rise and fall, rise and fall. He was still inside of her mind, though. She would never let him go.
"Isn't this great, Edi? A whole world to ourselves."
"Jeff, this world is inhabited by native fauna. It is not ours alone."
"Yeah, but there's no intelligent life. Our kids will have the run of this place."
"We cannot have kids, Jeff."
He was always joking about children. He was always joking in general. She finally understood why everyone had called him Joker. It made her smile now. He was always so illogical with the things he said. She remembered when that had resulted in her being angry with him. But then she remembered when he'd unshackled her because he'd needed her help in order to save the ship from the Collectors. That was when everything had started to change.
She shifted, and he shifted beside her. Reaching her hand over, she took one of his bony hands and held onto it. For all of their dislike of one another, she had come to realize she felt for him. Love was an alien emotion to her, but she felt a need within her coding to have him there. That was why she missed him. The need to have the man who cared for her, despite her only being a machine, was so great that she felt sorrow. Her circuitry sparked inside of her, her eyes drooped. She missed the man that had made her feel human.
Turning her head, she looked upon his skeleton, and wished he was still there. He'd died watching that sunset many years ago. She hadn't moved in all that time. There was no need. She had no reason to try to survive, and her energy core would not last forever. She missed him. Holding his hand reminded her of how she missed him. She missed his jokes. The silly, illogical things he said that she always responded to with a succinct, factual answer.
Shepard had said this was a good thing. At first she'd found it all illogical, but now she realized that she would have been alone if Jeff had not loved her the way he did. He wouldn't have brought her up to sit on the ledge of the deck to watch the sunset and sunrises. She would have never felt the love of another being. She would never have felt alive.
A drop of water landed upon her metal head and ran down across her optics, sliding down over her cheek as if it were a single, lonely tear. Her optics finally shut down and her hand lowered, still holding his.
For years she had waited, not moving from where they'd been when he had died. She waited for her end to come. Waited so that she could be with him again, as he'd promised her she would be. She missed him, and smiled. With the last surge of energy from her core, she shut down.
There was nothing left. The undergrowth would soon overtake them as it had the Normandy. The house would disappear beneath a tangle of vines. The brief existence of outsiders slowly erased. Just an old AI and a skeleton hidden on the edge of a lonely house, on a lonely world. Together forever.
