(A/N: Wow, I can't believe I let this sit for so long. Sorry, guys. Hopefully it's good enough to make up for the wait. Rated T for language thanks to Gajeel and Metallicana.

Typical disclaimers and everything: not mine, wish it was, oh well. Enjoy!)

Layla Heartphilia was known for many things. She was kind, she was gentle, she was powerful, she was mature—one thing that she was not, however, was easily intimidated. She could hardly be a well-known Celestial Spirit mage and wife of Jude Heartphilia if she was.

Of course... the woman had also never been faced with a dragon before.

Much less two of them.

"Oi, Flint-for-Brains!" the bulkier, dark-gray colored one with a great number of spikes hissed at his reddish companion. "I thought you fuckin' said no humans could get in here!"

The more lithe of the two glared back at his fellow dragon. "Don't you try to lay this on me, Shrapnel-Face! You were the one who checked the perimeter, not me! My barrier's perfect for keeping the little pink monkeys out, but that doesn't do us much good if they're already in!"

Layla, by this time, had mostly managed to swallow down her nerves. Mostly. The woman cleared her throat delicately, shoving her shoulders back and standing straight as she faced down the two scaled behemoths. Idly, in the back of her mind, she mused that it was much like walking in on her husband's board meetings. "I do sincerely apologize for interrupting," she spoke clearly, a soft smile on her face crafted to keep things calm. "I was actually looking for my daughter, you see. She ran off this way earlier, and it's getting dark."

They both stared at her blankly for a moment, before they shot each other a glance and began laughing uproariously. It wasn't every day they came across a human that could speak to them without trembling.

"I like 'er!" the gray one howled. "She's got spunk!"

The red nodded enthusiastically, lowing himself so that his face was closer to her level. He grinned, all massive teeth and crinkling scales. "What's your name, human?"

She smiled back pleasantly. "Layla Heartphilia. And you gentlemen?"

"I am the great and mighty Igneel," he introduced himself with a flourish of his wings and much self-importance. "And that spiked lizard over there is Metallicana. Feel free to ignore him."

"Fuck you!"

Layla nodded sagely, genteel smile still firmly on her lips. "And I don't suppose you might have seen my daughter running about? She's about this tall, blonde, and she was wearing a blue dress."

They both frowned thoughtfully, but slowly shook their heads.

"You sure the little brat came in this direction?" the recently named Metallicana double-checked as he huffed in slight irritation. He disliked not having the desired answer for the woman, but there was nothing he could do at the moment. They had bigger concerns to deal with—namely what they were going to do if the Dragon King kicked the bucket. Old bastard had been pretty sick lately.

"Oh, yes," the young mother confirmed worriedly, her smile slipping slightly as she held up a bright blue ribbon. "This is hers. My spirit Capricorn and I found it snagged on some bushes not far from here.

Igneel shifted anxiously. "Oi, Shrapnel-Face..." he spoke slowly.

"What?"

"Wind's blowing West today, right?"

"Congratulations, Matchstick-Claws! You can tell directions! Do that all by yourself, did'ja?" came the sarcastic reply.

"And didn't we stash the little brats a bit further to the East?" the red dragon asked somewhat nervously, completely ignoring his companion's sour outburst. "You know... the direction the wind would be coming from?"

The gray dragon was silent for a moment. "Fuck. Your brat ever see an actual female before?"

"Not since I've had him," Igneel admitted sheepishly. "Yours?"

"I've been tryin' to go over the basic differences 'tween a male and female with him lately. He actually fuckin' asked me if he was s'posed to eat one if he ever saw one," Metallicana winced. "We better go check on 'em."

"Hold it!" Gajeel bellowed, jolting to his feet as he shot an accusatory glare at his adopted father. "Are you fuckin' shitting me?!"

Still sitting at the base of their tree and holding a wide-eyed Pantherlily in her lap, the dragon slayer's very pregnant mate was blinking owlishly. "You mean you knew my mom?" the blonde blurted out incredulously. "And Gajeel and Natsu actually met before the whole Phantom Lord thing?"

"Sorta," the dragon shifted a bit uncomfortably. "Look, don't interrupt me! Just let me finish the goddamn story."

Gajeel began to protest, but Lucy caught his wrist and pulled him back down onto the picnic blanket with a warning glare that he begrudgingly heeded. He happened to like their bed, and he really didn't want to get kicked out of it for the next two or three weeks. Especially not with how close their kid's due date was getting.

The dragon chuckled quietly to himself as he watched the exchange, stretching out just a bit more in the sunlight as he huffed.

"Where the hell was I? Oh, right. We went lookin' for you brats."