"How could anyone love you?"
Sanji woke up with wild eyes, covered in sweat. He has been having this same dreams every since Luffy rescued him from the wedding: Judge looking down at him as if he was the most disgusting thing the world had ever created, not sparing any mean comment about it, or his brothers beating the shit out of him, telling Sanji how wrong and useless he was. That became his new routine: sleep, have the dream, wake up terrified, lie awake, breath to calm down, rub his face to remove the sweat and repeat until it's time to cook breakfast.
"Guess they were never wrong", it was the conclusion he came up when his feet reached the wooden floor of the ship.
He made his way to the bathroom knowing none of his friends were awake this every in the morning, there he saw someone else looking at him in the mirror, someone he was already coming in terms with: a guy with blond hair that looked like chaff, curly eyebrows, lifeless eyes with purple/black bags underneath and a shameful goatee, there wasn't space for the Ladies Lover anymore, he stayed behind in those chambers of Big Mom. Out in the deck was another unknown man, no fancy suit, just simple clothes, a random shirt and jeans, no polished leather dress shoes, just sneakers, the only normal thing was the way that man breathed in the ocean scent, that scent was familiar, soothing, it meant home to him.
Looking around Sanji analysed the surroundings, Wano was a nice country, full of ancient Asian-like buildings, lots of green, fields and forests extended as far as his eyes could see, it was practically a miracle their captain hasn't destroyed everything. He walked towards his kitchen planning on what to serve the crew, he was incredibly happy to be around all of them again even it that meant he needed to cook quantities that could feed an entire army. That thought brought a smile to lips, more time spend in front of the stove meant less time thinking about his miserable consanguineous. Hours or minutes could had passed by the time the first person entered the room.
"Morning, Sanji", Chopper sweet voice startle the cook from his thoughts. " What are we having today?", said the reindeer climbing the kitchen counter to peek out what Sanji was doing.
Smiling, the blond looked over his shoulder to answer the kid since his come back Chopper have been more lovely with him, he would appear out of nowhere to spend some time with Sanji, chit chatting or just laying in the counter while he prepared the meals. Either Chopper developed a Luffy like interest in food or he knew something wasn't right... or he was simply being Chopper showing him some love.
"As if", Sanji thought.
"Hey, doctor", he said, aiming to see the cute shy dance, "I'm finish the pancakes, wanna call the others so we can all eat?", not hearing any answer made him frown and turn to truly look at his friend, "...is anything wrong?"
"If I do so, will you eat as well?"
So he's really noticed
It wasn't as if Sanji was trying to starve, been there, done that, no wishes to live that hell again, thanks, but his appetite was probably the same where that old him was but he knew Chopper wouldn't leave him be if he didn't make sure Sanji was eating properly.
"Sure", was all he could answer
Breakfast served, praises said, alone in the kitchen, it was time to clean up.
"What the fuck?"
Okay, maybe not so alone. Zoro's voice made him clench, why was he even here?
"You need to be more specific, algae head"
He didn't need turn from the sink to know the swordsman was making his way into the
the dish washing space. Who even needed such heavy boots?. Still not facing the man he frowned when he saw him taking the dish cloth out of the hook and started helping drying the dishes.
"What the fuck is wrong with you anyway? One entire hour without hitting on that witch, trying to beat some personal record?".
Oh, how embarrassing, he was so worried in not trowing up his food that he barely payed attention in his precious ladies, again... maybe there was really something wrong with him, maybe he could do a check up later, maybe...anyway, he would make up the girls later with a round of drink and sweets. Still he couldn't find strength to scream at Zoro for making fun of him or for the why he called Nami-san.
"None of your business" he menage to whisper " just don't call Nami-san names".
That was it, nothing more, no fight, no mockery duel, they kept their works in an uncomfortable silence.
The day passed without incidents, Sanji spent the entire day inside the kitchen, save only for the moment he came out in the sun to serve the ladies his apology. At dinner he had an awesome meal for the crew outside in the starry sky, with multiple flavored pasta and lots of whine, which he appreciated way more than the food, he could feel the heat caused by the booze spreading all over his body, and in his mind it was almost as if he as back to normal, well, at least the flirty him was somewhat back. By the time everyone decided go to sleep he was nearly wasted, lying in the grass, if only he could left everything the way things were in the deck, but he couldn't, could he? That wasn't the way Zeff raised him. Remembering his father and his old life made him laugh, how was Baratie without him? How were Patty and Karne dealing with the clients? Probably like shit. How was the old geezer without him? Probably better than he was, it wasn't as if he really needed Sanji for anything. Sighing he got up looking around the empty deck. Where were the pots and the table? How long had passed? What?
Arrive in the kitchen took more time than he anticipated, shut up, he wasn't stumbling. In there, shock took him over, there was the marimo, his back turned to the door and his front leaning in the sink.
"What you doing?", he manage to say.
"What does it look like, asshole? You're so wasted I had to pick up your mess". Now by his side, drying the pile of plates already cleaned, Sanji saw the tense way Zoro was, looked like something was bothering the other man. He could ask him if he was okay, but the man hated Sanji, so it wasn't his problem.
When they finally ended the dirt work, Sanji was so tired the could sleep in the floor, but sleeping meant dreaming and he definitely didn't want that, so he went into the pantry, grabbed another bottle of the same wine he was having early and made his way to his second favorite place in the ship: the aquarium. Sitting in the comfy sofa, he light the last cigarette of what was his second pack of the day or was it the third? Who had time to keep track of this stupid thing anyway? Still with his lighter in hands he reached for the bottle on floor and warmed up the it's neck and watched amused as the cork jumped out.
"Wow, that's a good way of using this stupid golden shit"
"Seriously? Are you keeping track of me now? The fuck man?", he may not have been in the mood for bickering, but the world be dammed if he would let that son of a seaweed babysit him.
"Well", he growled as he threw himself beside Sanji, "I can stop if you tell me what is wrong, that's not you"
"What do you care?", he snorted. He definitely didn't expect Zoro hand shoving him on the back of the sofa, all he did in his groggy state was look at the green haired man.
"Look, liking or not, I know you enough to say when something is wrong", he said in a low tone, almost growling, " so spit it out", he ended pushing Sanji before releasing him.
Sighing the blond straightened himself in the leather seat, just so he could support his elbows in his knees and his head in his hands, should he really do this? Give free ammunition for his enemy? Ten solid minutes passed while his drunk brain debated if he should or not open up, during this entire time the swordsman didn't move instead he stayed as a rock observing the cook
"You won't tell anyone", it was barely a whisper, then turned to glare at him, "swear for your swordsman honor you won't tell anyone"
"As you wish", he answered rolling his eyes to hide his surprise, for the first time since the other man had arrived Zoro saw emotion in those blue eyes, he saw desperation, even if just for a second before Sanji faced the floor.
"Say it"
"Ugh, fine, I swear for my swordsman honor, happy?"
An unsettling silence lied over them for another five minutes before Sanji finally calmed himself enough to start talking.
"My father, the biological one, was... is... the worst thing that ever happened to me, followed by my fucking stupid brothers, they were... what's the right word for it?"
"Abusive?", the guess made the blond look forward.
"Sure, you can say that, but it doesn't seem enough. Judge, that's his name by the way, used to lock me into some dark cell with a fucking mask so no one could recognize me and he could pretend I was dead, 'cause I wasn't a stupid ge-genetic-" he was way too drunk for fancy words, " 'cause I wasn't one of his fucking monsters, 'cause that kid was only human and he couldn't be the father of a normal person, it would stain the Vinsmoke reputation". He was oversharing, he could hear the trembling in the echo of his voice provided by the quiet room, but he wasn't about to stop. " My brothers would beat me, I mean, they hurted me really bad I always screamed for help and he and my sister wouldn't listen", he scoffed, "of course they did, they simply didn't care I wasn't worth"
Zoro was stoic as always, but in his insides the only thing he could thought was how much he wanted to do was show this "family" how sharp his swords were, all his being wanted to reach out and comfort Sanji, tell him he was indeed worth, even if that would make the other man livid. Yet, not moving, he waited, giving him his time to take deep breaths that seemed to calm him down.
"The only light I had was my mom, she was the most gorgeous woman in the world, she had the most beautiful smile and the kindest soul", a soft smile, his first real one in a while, took his lips, "I was an awful cook that time... I can see that now", this time it was a laugh, the first in a month, the sound was so warm and welcome that it broke Zoro facade, making him show a bright smile, "and yet that never matter to her, she would eat and complement me, and just like that", he snapped his fingers looking at the man, smiles still creeping their faces, "my life was meaningful all over again".
"She must be a loving woman", it surprised both how soft his voice sound.
"She was, she was my rock, ya know? After her death... don't look at me like that, I'm not a kid anymore, I can deal with mourning now, where I was?... Oh, right", he turned his body so he could throw his arm at the backrest and face the aquarium better, "after her death I manage to escape that help with some help of my sister, ended up in a cruise ship, met Zeff, starved..."
"WHAT?!"
"That's not what this chit chat is about, focus, algae for brains. The thing is, my childhood was awful, these days with the Germa and Big Mom reminded me about it"
"And that's why you're all fucked up these days?", if Sanji had looked at Zoro that moment he would see all the concern the usually deadpan man was letting exposed, but he was far more interested in the new fishes behind the glass.
"Yeah, part of it", he stopped again to light another cigarette, felt like years since the last time he'd smoke, after taking a deep drag he continued. " That and the fact that my two most loved people in the world thought me that it didn't matter what I did as long I poured my heart into it, someone would find it good"
"I lost you there, curly"
"Nothing new under the sun", he stated before continue, "What I mean is that I did what they told me, all I did during my life was pour my heart out, I poured, and poured and poured... now, I guess I'm empty."
Zoro breath caught during the last statement, what was he supposed to say to that? Should he call Chopper to try to find out a cure or something? They couldn't afford having an empty Sanji, could they? He knew he couldn't. However, before he could say something Sanji started talking again.
"There, I told you, now let me be miserable alone", the forgotten bottle was back in his hands, making its way towards his mouth, but Zoro was faster.
"Fine", he stood up with the bottle in his hands now, " but no more booze to you, you still have work to do tomorrow and I don't need your hangover vomit in my food, your cook is already disgusting without it." he finished his sentence by the door and it didn't stopped him from hear the series of curses screamed at him in the aquarium room.
While he made his way to the crown's nest for his watch and during it there was thousands of questions in his head, though one was louder than the others: "What I can do for him?"
