Okay so I'm posting the first chapter a few days early because, 1, I need the motivation to keep going, and 2, why not?

Now to really understand this story you NEED to read Spoontasti's story A Cheap Imitation. Also, it's just really fucking good.

This takes place in a timeline where Shizuo and Izaya are living together right after getting home. They aren't together yet, but it won't be long...

Christmas was right around the corner in Ikebukuro. The streets were lit with bright decorations, the smell of holiday sweets heavy in the air, and snowflakes fluttered about, cold and quick to fade once they've touched skin.

Izaya, thankfully, was warm inside his heated apartment. He was currently waiting for his… let's say, companion, to get out of the shower. He was bored, terribly so, and messing with Shizuo always helped alleviate such boredom.

The doorbell rang, then, and Izaya jumped to his feet a bit too quickly to answer it. He marched towards the door, opening it with his special If-you-bore-me-I'll-stab-you smile. Of course there was a chance it'd be their captors from the island nightmare, but he was willing (and, again, bored enough) to take that chance.

He swung the door open, beaming at the mailman in the most disturbed way he could. This one was new, he noticed, and internally made a note of him. Shiro didn't last long at all, what a shame. He was an incredibly paranoid man and always believed him when Izaya said he saw something like a spider on him. The way he flailed and panicked was the bright part of Izaya's day.

'I was going to get him a tarantula for christmas.' He pouts, mentally.

"P-package for Orihara-san." The new mailman says, and Izaya tries not to snicker as he deliberately ignores him. He looks just over his shoulder and starts counting.

"U-um...are you Orihara-san? Or could you…?" He trails off, taking a quick glance behind himself to see what Izaya is staring at.

'Ooh! Four seconds, a new record.' He chuckles, out loud, and draws the mailboys attention back. He takes the small, thin package from him easily.

"Could you-That needs a signature, could you please just take this and get Orihara-san?" He asks, trying hard to remain polite.

"Which one?" Izaya asks, tilting his head with feigned innocence. The man flusters, rooting through his bag to find his address book.

"Izaya Orihara." He answers, eyebrows drawing down when he reads the odd name off.

"There's no one like that here, I'm sorry." Izaya says. The guy trembles a little, frustrated and nervous, and holds his hands out to take the box back.

"I-I guess there was some mistake, I'll just take that back now…."

"..."

"Sir, please, I need the box back."

"I think you mean Ma'am."

"...Really?"

"No."

The mailman's hands ball up into fists, face going red with a flash of anger while Izaya laughs in his face. He stops when a warm hand pushes the back of his head down suddenly, Shizuo arriving in just his towel and nothing else.

"Quit messing with him, flea." He says, pulling his hand away so Izaya can straighten back up. He scowls, reaching for the mailmans device so he can sign. The poor guys practically runs away, and Izaya shakes his head in disappointment as he closes the door.

"Why do you always ruin my fun?" He demands, pouting. He inspects the package, opening it carefully and grabbing the note that slips out before it flutters to the ground.

"Merry Christmas," He begins to read, Shizuo plopping down on the couch and silently waiting for him to continue.

"Here's a...dick in your mouth. I hope you enjoy this gift, Mr. Harry Potter, and I look forward to seeing if you'll work with Honey Python again." On the back is a crudely doodled dick and far too many hearts.

"You've got to be fucking kidding me. How did he get your address?!" Shizuo demands, sitting up alarmed and livid.

"I'm honestly not sure…" He replies, picking up one of two dvds inside. It has no markings other than a big red #1 on it, the other with a green #2. He slides it in his dvd player, going to sit on the couch next to the beast and hits play on his remote.

"Let's find out."

The screen whirls to life, a flurry of fake snow raining down on a blond head. At first he thinks it's Shizuo, smiling shyly at the camera, but then he realizes Shizuo would never wear booty shorts and fake reindeer horns, and nothing else as pajamas.

'I wouldn't mind if he did, though.' He thinks, and quickly shoves that to the back of his mind.

"Welcome, special friends!" The Shizuo lookalike greets, waving with a naughty grin. "I'm so glad you've decided to join me."

He shuffles over to a christmas tree, where someone is half sticking out from underneath. They're wearing Santa Clause pants with a small stocking sticking up in between their legs. Whatever is inside, and Izaya has a pretty good guess, twitches when the blond gets close.

"Oh my, it looks like Santa-san has really filled up my stocking!" He announces, brushing some fake snow aside.

"Why the fuck is it snowing indoors?" Shizuo asks, and Izaya shrugs.

"There's a fireplace right behind him, where the stockings usually go. I don't think we should look too deep into this one, Shizu-chan." He answers causally. The man on screen grabs the stocking obscenely, rubbing it and making a face like he can't possibly imagine what it could be.

"My, what a BIG LUMP in my stocking!" He says, and Izaya bursts out laughing.

"Should I make popcorn?" Izaya asks through his giggles, and Shizuo looks absolutely scandalized.

"Are we- you really want to watch this?!"

"Yup!" He grabs the remote and turns up the volume, grinning at the way Shizuo turns a fascinating shade of red.

"Time to unwrap it, I just hope I didn't get coal!" He says, pulling the stocking off and revealing, you you guessed it, a horse.

A horse sized cock, that is.

"Mmm, just what I wanted!" He says, clapping his hands in delight. He shifts onto his knees, revealing a fake reindeer tail attached to his booty shorts. "Cock!"

Izaya loses it, clutching his stomach with how hard he's laughing. Shizuo growls beside him, face bright red and trying hard not to break something. On screen the person under the tree sits up, and they both freeze when a man looking suspiciously like Simon from Russia Sushi emerges.

"Merry Christmas, Honey python! I'm here to deliver your present, personally." He speaks without an accent, which is the only proof Izaya can see that he isn't Simon.

"Oh, Santa-san! You really are real!"

"Indeed I am, and so is this big cock, just for you! Why don't you try out your gift?"

"TURN IT OFF!" Shizu yells, climbing to his feet as fast as he can, rushing out of the room with his hands over his ears.

"Before that," Honey Python speaks up, looking at the camera again. "I have to make sure our friends know to turn in every day for my 12 days of Python! And don't skip, only one video every day till Christmas, okay?" He says, winking at the camera.

"Understood." Izaya says, smirking at the screen. Oh, how he'll be able to torture Shizuo with this.

"Now where were we, Santa-san?"

"You were about to suck this big-" Izaya turns the television off, uninterested in seeing Shizuo and Simon get it on. Still, he has plans to tune in tomorrow for sure.

Give me feedback please~ And remember to check back on the 15th for chapter two! After that I'll be posting one chapter everyday till the 25th!

And please give me comments and likes if you enjoy this, I need them to be motivated to write xD