My Lover is Dead A collection by Troy Hedding

Junpei's Lolita

Junpei Iori stuffed his hands into his pocket. A blast of the chilly wind hit him as he stepped off the train. The fall wind was getting colder and a shiver ran down his body, but he didn't care. To be honest he couldn't care. All he could really feel was the empty hole inside of him. The hole that was left by the death of Chidori. Junpei found a lot girls pretty, but none was beautiful like Chidori. Chidori had this look. She would look at you and examine every inch of your face and you body in a mere matter of seconds then she would look away leaving you begging for those beautiful eyes to look at you once more. Chidori's hair was long and straight, Junpei always wondered how she kept it that long and straight, but that would be impossible since she was dead. It was beautiful like a red crown that sat upon her head. Her long bangs covered her elegant face. Most people would have found her to be abrasive and rude, but Junpei knew better. She was straight forward, because she wasn't skilled with conversing with other people. She was numb to her own pain, so she couldn't understand empathy and sympathy.
Junpei spent a couple of months with Chidori. It was the best time in his pathetic life. Chidori wasn't much of a talker but she would listen to him talk for hours and if you knew Junpei you would know that he could talk for hours. If you saw the two them sitting in the hospital room, you would have thought Chidori was ignoring him, but Junpei knew otherwise. Chidori was listening to him. To every word he said. Whenever he paused during his endless rambling she would stop her drawing and from the corner of her eye she would stare at Junpei waiting for him to say something anything.
Junpei could tell Chidori anything. He could tell her all about his bad days. Like when he felt like a failure for not passing a test in school. He would say that he failed the big test and tell her that his dad was right that he would never amount to anything. He would look at her to see if she would agree with him. She would stop her pencil and stare at him. Her mouth would twist into a small smile and her eyes would lock with his for a few seconds. But that was all Junpei needed, because in those few seconds her eyes were locked with his. She was telling him, that he wasn't a loser and that he was the most important person to her in this world.
Junpei choked up. He couldn't stand it. This empty hole. Nothing, but Chidori could fill this hole in his heart. Chidori, the only person to ever love him fully and truly. It wasn't fair. Nothing was ever fair for Junpei Iori. He would give anything, anything for a another minute with Chidori. He would give up anything just to be able to watch her draw in her sketch book. That small hand gripping that pencil as it moved across the paper.
But deep down Junpei knew that would never happen again. Junpei would be alone until that sad day he died. He heard some sounds and he turned around to see some birds in the sky. He stared up into the sun. And in a brief moment he heard a voice telling him not to cry. He closed his eyes shut no longer able to handle the bright sun. His eyes water up, but he wouldn't cry. He wouldn't. Chidori would not be happy and Junpei would not have that.