Title- Conditions of the Heart sequel to The Bet

Rating- M

Pairing- Olivia and Natalia

Disclaimer- don't own any of the gl characters owned by someone else

p.s i can not promise this story will ever be finished. i just thought i would put up the first few chapters i have done. Some of them have been edited form thier original form on other sites.

All mistakes are mine, blame the public school system

May 2019 Natalia

I'm pacing this stupid observation box like a caged animal. Below the doctors and nurse are working frantically but it's not fast enough for me. Three words I never wanted to hear stop me from wearing a hole in the carpet. My heart suddenly becomes heavier than my body can hold. I feel it drop pass my stomach on to the floor. I press myself up against the glass, trying to get as close a possible to my wife.

"We're losing her!" Doctor Rooks worked frantically, trying to start the new heart. "Come on Olivia. You've been a pain in my ass for the couple of months now. Don't give up."

The electrical paddles gave another sharp jolt.

"Flat line. Clear!" The room fell silent again as the electricity shocked the heart.

"Jamie, stop. It's been 30 minutes."

"One more time! Clear!"

2010

Natalia

I'm sitting in this fancy restaurant, complete with a candle lit table. The flames dance wildly on the table and I couldn't be more disinterested in them, cause right now my date is conversing with some blond. They've been talking for over three minutes. I know cause I check my watch every 30 second. Now I know how Olivia felt at the bar.

I know her from somewhere I just can't remember. I do know the way she is looking at Olivia they've done something, something I would rather they both forget. I'm not going to say anything because then I'd crazy as Nicholas was. Sometimes I sit and think way too much. I think sometimes about why Olivia would want someone like me, damaged. Is it because she thinks she's damaged too. Is she settling? She has to be. With all the woman out there she could have found someone better, prettier, smarter, or just all around better, Nicky always did.

Sometimes I think about her leaving us. Those are the times I feel most unstable. It's funny because I have this picture of her running up a hill away from me, but I'm behind her, children in hand. Maybe I am crazy or damaged. Maybe that's why it's hard to feel happy sometimes. It all feels temporary; life, love, stability. What most troubles me is Nicky. I just know one day when I am the happiest I have ever been his death will come to bite me in the ass. And what will I do, go to prison, leave Rafe and Emma with my mom.

I wish I could tell Olivia and I want to, but this woman is grating my nerves.

The woman is laughing a little too hard and leaning a little too close to be a friendly. For the whole conversation her hand has found a way to touch Olivia.

I'm at a fancy restaurant, with a woman people would pay to be around. I should be happy she even looked at me. My insecurities rear their ugly heads as I try to focus on the dancing flames.

OLIVIA

I make my way back to the table ending the conversation with Anna. It's good to see her clean. I could feel Natalia staring at us. I also know its still a fragile situation we've created. "What do you know they did have apple juice. There you go superman. And this is for you." I hand Natalia a white rose before sitting. Oh there they are. A full dimpled smile aimed at me, as Natalia takes the rose. The fire creates a glow on her face that makes me want to stay in this moment forever. I want to say something poetic, anything. I knew I should have majored in English or something. My plan in life was never to woo anyone. My plan was to get as much money and power and possible and they would line up to be at my side. It worked until now. Now I want to think of something really romantic something that will make her smile, anything.

"What's in this apple juice?" Rafe wiggle happily next to me.

"Sliced apples."

"Cool." Rafe says around a mouth full of fettuccini.

"Rafe manners." She has to remind him at every meal. She turns to me and I already know what she's going to say. "I'm sorry I couldn't find a baby sitter."

I hate it when she sounds like that, defeated. I really do, I hate it when she apologizes when I've already told her a hundred times it okay. "For the umpteenth time, I love having them with us. This restaurant is boring anyway. Isn't that right?" I reach over tickling Emma's chin. The little girl sat in her carrier which sat in two chairs. She giggles as her legs kick at the attention I give. I can't help but think what her life would be like if Nicky.

"You're going to spoil her."

"That's what I'm here for. You can be the disciplinarian." I'm going to shower these kids with any and everything.

Natalia feigns hurt. "Why do I have to be the bad person?"

"Cause I'm the cool parent." I laugh as Emma reaches for me. I can't resist her. I pick her up settling her back against my chest. I know she just nosy, can't stand not being part of the action. She is already spoiled. And I plan to keep it that way.

"Olivia? Do you like apples?" Rafe asked busy fishing out the apples at the bottom of the glass.

"Green, not red." I answered before taking a sip of water. My mouth stays dry around Natalia. I stumble over words and stutter like a fool.

"I like both, the green taste good with caramel and the red ones with peanut butter." He wiggles happily in his chair as he caught an apple.

"Peanut butter?"

"Yea and crackers."

I give Natalia a questioning look.

"Cravings. What can I say?"

Anna comes over and takes the plates.

I can practically see the daggers being thrown at Anna from Natalia's eyes.

"So, um, how is the job going?" Trying to break the tension.

"Blake has been really flexible and patient. I really like it. It keeps me busy and most of the work I'm able to take home."

I have to bite my tongue from saying what I want to say. I know she wants to work. Maybe it's the provider in me that wants her to be at home. "I still say you should have taken the job I offered."

"As your personal assistant? We both know how that would have ended." She reasons.

I think of a retort, 'in the bedroom with you under me',but I resist cause Rafe is there.I play around it. "Is that such a bad way to work?" I would let you get on top,I think.

She blushes. The two children off in their own world.

"I was actually thinking about starting a nonprofit organization."

"About what?" It's the first time I've heard of this.

"Helping women, who are in unhealthy relationships?"

"Natalia, I don't know." I can't let her torture herself like that.

"I know, but I want to help. I'm sure it will be hard at first, but at the end of the day I want to be able to say I tried to help someone else. You helped me."

"Well, you helped me first." Now if I can just get Rodney where I am. "If you need money I can help get you started." I know she won't take it, too proud for her own good.

"No I want to do this. I just need to do more research on how to get grants and state certification for some services."

"At least let me give you a donation, when you get started."

"When? If."

"You will because you are smart, beautiful, and pretty convincing when you want to be. Did I mention gorgeous. Isn't she?" I tickle Rafe under the table. He squirmed laughing too hard to agree. If I have to remind her every second of everyday how beautiful and smart she is, then I will dedicate my life to coming up with creative ways.

Natalia

We arrive at the front door, Olivia holding a sleeping Rafe.

I've tried several times to unlock the door. The nervousness of having Olivia so close is playing with my hand eye coordination. We promise we'd go slowly, but my body has a different ideal.

I finally get it open. She follows me to the back of the rented two bedroom apartment. It's the best I can do now. Olivia takes Rafe to his room. I gaze at Emma in her crib. It was different this time around. Nicky wasn't there to wake her up in the middle of the night, breaking things.

Olivia stands just outside the bedroom door. I know she's afraid.

I turn to her, a little afraid myself. I can't look in her eye because I will probably jump her, with Emma sleeping a few feet away.

We both stand awkwardly wait for something, anything.

"I guess I better go, let you rest." She doesn't turn to leave and feel like I've just eaten sand.

I struggle to talk. "Maybe you could stay for a little while. If you don't have anything planned. I understand if you…"

"No, no. I would love to keep you company." Olivia smiled stepping all the way in the room.

I almost laugh feeling like she was some kind of vampire I had to invite in. Suddenly my nervousness takes a whole new form. What if this apartment is some hole in the wall to her? "I don't have a television yet."

"That's okay we can talk."

We still stand in the middle of the room like two teenagers on their first date.

This is silly. We've already had sex and fought for our lives together. Still she takes the initiative, before me. She climbs onto my bed pulling me down to her.

I turn away from her. If I didn't she would already have an article of clothing missing. I pull one of Olivia's hands to my chest letting her feel my heart beating wildly. Calm down Emma is right there. Slow. I tell meself."Slow?"

"Right…Slow." She answers; I'm a little disappointed and little relieved.

"Olivia?"

"Yep."

"I don't want you to feel like you have to change or be extra sensitive for me. I know everything with Nicky was…I don't know, but I don't want you to have watch your every move because you're scared I'll run."

"I hear you." She pulls me into her. I stay awake until I feel her steady breathe on my neck. This feels like home, right here, no matter where we are.

I've been awake for almost an hour, but I can't leave the cocoon of Olivia's arms. I can hear Emma make noises and I know she'll be crying in a light peeking through the shade rouse Olivia, I can' help but hate the sun right now. I feel her hug me tighter before Emma starts to really whine. It not time for her feeding I already did that. She's just nosy, can't stand to be way from the attention.

I crack an eye open as Olivia untangles from me walking over to the crib. "Hey little one what's wrong?" God if I loved her anymore.

Emma stops whining when Olivia comes into her view. "Oh, you just want to see someone."

Olivia starts to make face at Emma, who giggles. Then she starts the age old game. I try not to laugh, a grown woman playing peek-a-boo.

"What are you doing to my daughter?"

"Nothing, she just like my face." Olivia teases.

"Then we have something in common." I stretch, being in one position all night as taken its toll on my body. Olivia stares down into the crib and I know what she's thinking. "Ask me."

"Were you sleeping with Nicky, when we…"

"It was once, I swear. I just didn't want to fight that night."

She nods. And I can't help but ask her a similar question. "Did you see anyone while I was gone?"

"No. I was kinda busy trying to track you down and then trying not to relapse."

"I think we really need to talk." It's long overdue. I guess we've both been too scared to approach the subject. Too much heart ache involved.

"Yeah." I know she's still hurt that I left. I wanted to call her, talk to her, but I couldn't.

"I did love you. I just had to be on my own."

"I know that's not the problem."

"What is?" She doesn't answer right away. After a few seconds she starts.

"Would you have shot me?"

The question surprised me. I never though she would ask about that day. "God no. I couldn't, even though I was mad about the bet. I still couldn't pull the trigger, not even with Rafe." I pick at the loose strings on the comforter. "You changed my life. The way I felt about myself. I couldn't kill that. I know I kind of helped you but I will forever be in debt to you."

She sits in the space in front of me.

"No you're not. You know I used to live life like there was no tomorrow. My business and drugs were all I cared about. But then I met you and everything changed. After I quit, everything was just so much better. I could image being happy without being high. I felt like you were sent from heaven."

"You are such a sap." I try to lighten the moment; if she keeps on I'm going to cry. The tears are waiting behind my eyes. Looking down at our intertwined hands, my hair falls creating a shield. I don't want her to see me cry.

Olivia brushes aside my hair running the back of her hand, down my face, "only for you."

"We made a new start, right." I know I've said it before, but we need to get everything on the table before we can.

"Yea, maybe this can work now."

"It's already working, I love you." I pull at the lapels on her wrinkled shirt, pulling her body on top of mine. "Slow?" I ask even though I'm the one pushing.

"Later." I feel her hand run over my ribs. Her lips travel to my ear lobe.

"Ma?"

I let out a frustrated sigh."Yes, Rafe."

"Can I come in?"

She rolls off me sighing herself.

"Yea, join the party." Rafe comes through the door jumping on the bed squeezing between us.

I love him to death, but I swear sometimes I think he listens just to burst in when things are getting good.

OLIVIA

God what time is it? 0603. I guess I'm not going running this morning. I should probably call Wolfe, knowing her she's already in the pent house with k-9 dogs tracking my scent. I thought she would have calmed down by now especially since Rodney hasn't be heard from for over 3 months.

It's a miracle Rafe isn't at the foot of the bed this morning; instead he's where he started with his hand wrapped in my shirt. I hope this isn't going to be a nightly thing. Even though we're taking it slow I would like it to be a possibility without third wheel.

Slowly I extract his hand from me. Even slower I climb off the bed, getting up one inch at a time.
"Where you goin?" Rafe pops up as soon as I stand up.

"Shh, I have to make a phone call." I whisper deciding against putting on my shoes.

"Can I come?"

"I'm just going to the next room."

"Please." Without an answer he slips off the bed holding my hand in his.

I guess that's the signal for I don't have a choice.

I find my jacket on the back of the chair in the tiny dining room that connects the kitchen and living room. 10 missed calls already.

"You want some cereal?"

"No I'll pick some thing up on my way to the hotel." I listen to the phone ring which Rafe eats the dry cereal. "Hey Doris I was just calling to check in."

"Where are you, I have every fucking cop in the city looking for you."

"God would you calm down it's been almost a year I think I can handle myself now. I don't need you following me." Sighing loudly I try to stay calm and appreciative. I look at Rafe who has parked himself in front of the television for Saturday morning cartoons. "I love you, you know that and I know you're just trying to help but you can give me a little slack leash. I'm fine now."

"No you're right. Are we still on for lunch?"

"Yea I'll meet you in the lounge at 11."

"Okay, love ya."

"I love you to." I slip the phone back into my pocket, turning around finding Natalia leaning against the wall with Emma. "Hey."

"Hey."

"Um that was Doris just checking in with me." I don't know if it's a flash of jealousy or disbelief but it passes too quickly for me to contemplate. "I have to go home, can I see you later?"

Natalia lays Emma on her blanket beside Rafe. "Of course I'll cook dinner."

"Okay so I'll see you later." She walks up to me pecking my cheek. Still like a teenager I can feel my face heat up.

"I'll see you later."

"Wait, can I go?" Rafe jumps up from his cartoons running to his room, coming back with his shoes. "Can I go."

"Rafe I'm sure Olivia has a lot of work to do."

"Please Olivia, I'll be quiet."

It gets harder every time to deny him. Since they came back he has been at my side most of his free time. I don't know why but it bothers me that he even wants to be with m. I sure its because I don't know why he would rather spend time with me instead playing with his friends or watching t.v. I should get a television in my office for him to watch. "If it's okay with you he can come and I'll drop him off around 2."

"Okay, but go put on some real clothes first."

"Are you going to wait?" He stands there with one shoe on, looking from me to his room.

I don't know why he's so anxious, I've never left him anywhere before. "Of course I'll wait now go."

-8

We've practically moved in together. It's like we have two places, the hotel and the apartment. I like the apartment and she likes the penthouse. I peek over at the crib I bought for Emma. It's big enough for me and Rafe to climb in. Of course when she saw it, she wanted me to take it back. I only want the best for mine. The guest room is filled with video games and toys for Rafe. I want them to have everything I never had, even if she objects, even if they aren't mine, biologically.

I can hear his little feet walking the floor, for some reason he gotten into the habit of waking up in the middle of the night and jumping in bed with us. And he is right on time. I scoot over to let him get in the middle.

"Olivia?"

"Yea, superman."

"If birds didn't have wings how would they get to the south?" I remember Sam's phase of asking off the all questions. Rafe pulls the covers up to his chin waiting for my answer.

"I guess they would have to walk."

"Would they fly faster if they had four wings?"

"I don't know, maybe." I pull him into my body. It seems to be the only way to get him to be quiet. As usual he throws an arm over me, laying his head on my shoulder. I can see us in the mirror above. As much as I hate Nicky I gotta thank him for this.

"Olivia?"

"Mhm."

"Can you be my second Mom?"

I was on my way back to sleep but that impossible now. His question is like a shot of caffeine. The wires in my brain misfire as they try to come up with an answer.

"You can marry Ma, if you want to."

"Um, okay." It's the best answer I can think of at the moment. After a couple of minutes he is gone back to sleep having no idea what his question has done to me.

After an hour I give up on trying to sleep. I make my way to the living room when the phone rings. I quickly answer it, before it wakes anyone up.

"Hello?"

"Olivia Spencer?"

"This is her, how can I help you."

"Did you think you would get away with it? I know what you did."

"Who is this, if this is a prank your phone is being tracked." I play dumb, contemplating my next move.

"Nicholas Aituro Sr. But you already knew that, didn't you."

I did and I've been expecting him. "Well I can see where your son got is ill manners from."

"Don't talk about my son that way, you piece of"

I cut him, "If anyone is a piece of anything it's your son." I can hear his temperature rising at the comeback. His breathe loud in the mouthpiece.

"You know your right he was a piece of shit, but he was my son and they are my grandchildren. Tell Natalia I called." He hangs up before I can reply.

I walk back into the bedroom to make sure everyone is still sleep. Of course Emma is awake. As soon as she sees me her body wiggles till she rolls over reaching for me. I slowly take her out of Natalia's arms. She shifts but doesn't wake up.

I'm not sure if I should worry her with the phone call or handle it myself. "What do you think baby girl?" I bounce her in my arms, spinning her around. She giggles before pulling at my night shirt. "There is nothing in these and you're not helping."

Natalia

I having a sneaky feeling that something is wrong. All week Olivia has been secretive, leaving the room before talking on the phone, closing the computer when I come in the room, things like that. It really has me on edge. Maybe she is cheating on me. I don't thinks that's the problem but it wouldn't be too out there. That's how we start it would only be karma that she cheats on me. The thought of it make me sick. I can't image not having her with me. Maybe it's because we haven't had sex. Maybe she bored with the part time family life.

It just doesn't feel that way when we are together. Her eyes never lose the love she has for me. She never fails to tell me she loves me or how beautiful I am. Maybe it's Rodney or Doris. It's really selfish of me but I can't help but resent the fact that Doris is always there. Sometimes it feels like she doesn't like me. It's just the way she looks at me or doesn't speak. She probably senses my slight contempt for her.

The door to the apartment opens as Olivia walks in. She always looks tired and somehow she still finds the time to play with Rafe and Emma. "Olivia, why don't you go take a hot bath while I finish dinner." I take the folders she's holding, giving her a kiss on the cheek. The heels she wears give her a few inches on me that never stopped me from reaching on my tippy toes.

"That sounds good. Today was horrible."

She walks down the hall, as Rafe runs behind her, with one of his new drawings. "Rafe!" He stops in the hall, facing the closed door.

"Come here baby." He slinks back to me. I bend down to his level. I can see the disappointment in his eyes as the routine has been broken. "Give Olivia a few minutes, she'll be out in a little. Okay?"

"But I wanted to show her my picture." He holds the paper up. It's a picture of the Beacon with a figure standing on the top.

"That's really good Rafe, why don't you finish coloring it before you show her, I bet she'll put it on the refrigerator." He faces brightens at the thought.

"Okay!"

He bunny hops all the way back to the living room. His happiness is all I need to see, to know I did the right thing. Ducking and dodging Nicky is not way for either of us to live.

He still hasn't figured out Olivia's moods and I know it is distressing to him sometimes. Olivia just wants to be left alone to figure things out and like him she won't speak a second before she has everything figured out. A nice hot showers and I'm sure her spirits will be much higher and everything in his world can go back to spinning.

All three of us sit around the table waiting for Olivia to come out.

She trots into the kitchen looking very refreshed. A shiver runs down my body, looking at her damp hair and clean face. She always looks beautiful, even more without her make-up.

"Smells great, Natalia." She says ruffling Rafe hair then sits down.

"Thank you. I'll say grace and we can all eat." I know she's not religious, still she slips her hand into Rafe's and mine.

Olivia

I hate washing dishes. That's why I live at the hotel. I have people that do this for me. I would have even gone with paper plates. But nooo, a little person named Rafe wanted to eat off the plates with the blue flower. I should have worn gloves, my hands are getting pruny.

Taking a plate from the hot water, I move it over to the drying rack, before I can sit it down it slips out of my hand. I watch it in slow motion as it drops to the floor. The loud sound of glass breaking reverberates through the small apartment. Even under my eye lashes I see Natalia flinch. She hugs Emma closer, who is in her lap, hovering over her, protecting the child from a nonexistent threat. Rafe is nothing but a blur when he bolts from his chair and down the hall. The door to his room slams shut after a couple of seconds. I can't do anything but stand in shock at how this all played out. I've never seen them act that way.

"I'm sorry it slipped." The words are meant to help bring Natalia out of her trance. I pick up the broken pieces, still trying to accept the situation. We can't keep avoiding this situation or what happened.

"Baby, it was an accident. Look at me." I throw the pieces of the plate away before slowly walking to her. She's shaking like one of those sick little dogs. "Baby?" She flinches again when I try to touch her. I pull back my hand.

She chuckles lightly, "So much for not being too sensitive, uh." She visibility relaxes. "Can you get Rafe, he's probably under the bed." Still she doesn't look at me or easy her hold on Emma.

I knock on his door before entering. I lay on the floor beside the bed, hearing the quiet sniffling of Rafe. I sliding one hand under the bed, my vision obstructed by the hanging of the sheets.

"Superman it's okay, you can come out. He's not coming back remember." He doesn't respond, but I can hear him breathing.

"Raphael, come here." I don't think I've ever called him by his whole name. It got his attention; he takes my hand crawling from under the bed. He's still shaking when we return to the front room. I sit down beside Natalia with him in my lap.

Emma seems to be the only one not affected by the pass few minutes.

"Why don't we get ready for bed?" I suggest, Natalia only nods and takes Emma into the next room.

"What if he comes back?" Rafe mumbles into my shoulder.

I hug him closer, kissing the top of his head. "He's not, I made sure of that."

"Can I sleep with you tonight?" His arms tighten around my neck. It hits me why his been getting in our bed. He's having nightmares. I know Natalia has them too. Sometimes she fights against my hold on her, whimpering for Nicky to calm down, not to hit her. I feel helpless to help her or Rafe. All I can do is make promises and hold them, but it's not enough.

"It's okay to be scared sometimes Superman, but he's not coming back ever to hurt you or your mom. If you're having bad dreams you have to tell me so I can help you."

He nods his head crinkling his forehead in deep thought.

An hour later Rafe and Emma lay sleeping in between me and Natalia. Natalia has kept a comforting hand on Emma since the plate broke. It's probably more for her than Emma. Rafe finally went to sleep after we answered a hundred questions.

"Natalia?"

"Hmm."

Trying to approach the subject as gracefully as possible I take a deep breath. "I think maybe you need some help."

"With what?" She knows what I'm talking about. Classic avoidance technique. I used it all the time.

"For you and Rafe."

"We just need time to adjust." She continues to stroke Emma's back.

"I know you think it's over and done, it's harder than that. It can't hurt."

"You're right." She sighs. "I just want this all to be behind us, move on."

"I have a therapy appointment tomorrow maybe you two could come and talk to her." I reach over the two children combing my fingers through her hair. "Please."

"Okay. I guess it's hard to start over if we're stuck in the past." After a couple of minutes of my ministrations she falls into an exhausted sleep.

It's become a serious habit for me to stay up half the night watching them sleep. They look so peaceful unaffected by the tense moments of tonight.

Therapy

Natalia

11 am Saturday morning, I'm supposed to still be in bed sleeping. Instead I'm here at Olivia's therapy section. The pretty doctor insisted on talking to Rafe first and alone. I can't stand the thought of Rafe suffering from my mistake. I thought I had done a better job of protecting him from most of the abuse. I wish he would have said something earlier. He's been suffering and I haven't been able to help him. I should have know, motherly instincts or something.

"Don't worry, Lindsey is the best. And if there is a problem I reserved the whole day." Olivia whispers in my ear. The secretary eyes her computer screen; I can still tell she's listening.

The good Doctor Lindsey Golden steps out of the office again. I really look at her. She's skinny and tall, the high hells only exaggerate her height. Her orange red hair with a hint of gray at the root is tied in a long ponytail that she whipped around with every turn of her neck. I hate her already.

"Olivia. Mrs. Rivera. You can come in now."

We both follow her back into the room. It looks like typical therapy office from the movies. There's a couch, with a chair in front of it. Beside both of those furniture pieces sit a long leather chaise lounge chair. I spot Rafe playing on the floor with some of his action figures he bought.

I sit beside Olivia on the couch. Doctor Golden sits in the chair in front of us.

"Everything is fine. Rafe is a normal little boy. He is having nightmare, but not just about Nicky."

I let out a deep breath of relief. He's off in his own little world clashing the figure together.

"I would like to talk to him again, just to make sure nothing else is bothering him. I think the dreams will subside after awhile. It would help the process if both of you talked to him, to reassure him they're just dreams."

"Doc, I can't thank you enough." Olivia takes my hand, giving it an reassuring squeeze. "We just wanted to be sure."

"That's not all. I am concerned about this growing attachment to you Olivia. He thinks you're a superhero. You should really talk to him about that."

"I will. God knows I'm nowhere close."

"Good. He is fine, just needs a little reassurance about his safety."

"Doctor Golden, thank you for talking to my son." I tell her sincerely even as my jealousy rises at the way she looks at Olivia. I pull our hands into my lap sending a clear message.

"You're welcome. Olivia is one of my most valued customers and I would do anything for her." The way she said it, made the nerve in my eye twitch. It's like she is doing it on purpose.

"Well Doris is waiting downstairs for him. Superman you ready?"

"Yep." Rafe jumps up taking his action figures with him. Olivia gets up to walk him out.

"Olivia stay. Jane can walk him out." Dr. Golden says. Her secretary walks in the room taking Rafe out.

"Love you." I shout out the door after Rafe. "Are you sure she can handle both of them?"

"Yes, don't let her cold exterior fool you." Olivia reassures me. I have a feeling the next couple of hours are not going to be pretty for any of us.

Dr. Lindsey Golden

Oh this is going to be too easy. She's only been here two minutes and I already have her on edge. Olivia was right she seems flighty and unsure of life itself. I decide to kick things off.

"Just so you know Natalia, Olivia has told me a lot. I won't tell you everything she has told me but I have a pretty good background on your relationship."

"Oh, okay." That's all she says. Who says that? Okay? Fi someone I didn't know said I know something about you, you don't say oh, okay.

"I can tell you don't want to be here so let's make this quick. All you two have to do is be honest and things will go smoothly." I grab my pad and pencil off the table. "So let's talk about your first problem. Anyone want to start?" They both sit quietly, avoiding the issues. "No takers. Okay, let's start with why you don't love each other anymore."

"What!" They almost got it in unison.

"I love Natalia with all my heart. She's the first person I've ever cared for, you know that. Natalia knows that, I would do anything to make her happy." Olivia is nearly shouting. Natalia puts a comforting hand on her forearm, which instantly calms her.

I write that down. Point number one, Control.

"So Natalia why don't you trust Olivia?" I try another avenue.

"I do." She says it softly.

"I don't think you do. Remember be honest and we can wrap this up quickly."

"I do…love Olivia. I know we haven't had the easiest time, but that is one thing that has always stayed stagnant." Her hand squeezes Olivia's arm, who smiles like she just receive a seal of approval.

"So you're telling me, from your first date also the first time you had sex, you've loved Olivia?" I raised my eyebrows in question. I also scribble on the pad just to irritate her.

"No not from the first time, but I felt a lot of emotions and a connection to her from the moment I saw her." She's obviously irritated but, she doesn't show it in her action or voice.

"Okay, Olivia tell my why you love Natalia?" I'm used to breaking Olivia down, maybe she will follow suit.

"I don't know. I just do. I love her brown eyes, her body. I love the conversations we have. I remember that time she forgot she was paying for dinner, when she showed up she only had four dollars. We ended up going to McDonalds and sharing a happy meal." Olivia stares at Natalia with all the love in the world. I'm a little jealous, if I were to tell the truth.

"You told me about that." I say to her. Natalia smiles but it quickly disappears. She stares down at their intertwined hands in her lap.

"Natalia?"

She looks at Olivia, talking as if I were not in the room. "Um I don't know. I just do. I like the way you make me feel. The way you look at me when you're across the room." Her voice is still low. Nicky has trained her good. She shows little to no emotion even when she's mad.

I have to get her to show me something, otherwise she'll be in her shell around Olivia. "You know what I'm hungry. Olivia, why don't you go and get me something."

"Subway, right?"

"Mhm, no go to that little deli further down, the one we go to." Natalia tweaks her neck like she has a strain.

"Meatball marina on Italian bread, right?" I see Natalia flinch again at Olivia's knowledge of my food choice.

I lean forward making my voice flirty, laying my hand on her knee. "You know me so well, Olivia. That's why you're my favorite patient."

Olivia gives me a bewildered look, before turning to Natalia. "You what anything?"

"No I'm fine, thank you." She gives Olivia a weak smile, her eyes drop back to her hands delicately folded in her lap.

"Don't be long Spencer you know how I hate to wait." I give a flirty laugh. "Now scram. Go." I swat at Olivia's behind as she leaves.

"Whew, that woman is something else." I laugh. Natalia's already on the verge of tears or screaming. "You really hit the jackpot there."

"What are you talking about?"

"YOU!" I laugh loudly." I mean I've seen some pretty good gold diggers but you take the cake." Come on fight back. Her eyes fill with disbelief. "First you get her to stop drugging, can't have your son around that. Then you get her to kill your husband." I throw my hands in the air. "Talk about a novel based on a true story. No you got a meal ticket for life. I don't know how you did it but you got her wrapped around your little finger." I sum up my best smug smile. Her face turns a bright red. I can tell she's about to burst with anger.

"That's not true I love Olivia. She's wasn't my way out."

"Oh, of course. Riiight." I wink at her. "I hear you. But there's just one little snag in your hustle." I lean forward before continuing. "Me." Fight back.

Her eyebrows shoot up, almost comically. "You?" That kind of sounded like a dare.

"Yes, me. Me and Olivia have a sort of bond. I know all her deepest darkest secrets. And when you were gone we grew some much closer. A shoulder to cry on, you know." She visibly shirks into the couch. Fight back, damn it. "Every day she would come. We would have lunch and talk all day." I laugh whimsically, "There was this one time, I was coming out of the grocery store and there she was, offered me a ride home. She pushed one button on her phone and a slick black limo pulled up." Once again her eyes fill with tears, she wraps her arms around her body. "I was this close to getting in, fucking her right there in the parking lot."

She shakes her head in disbelief. Her husband trained her good. Most people would have told me off and left, not her, she sits there silently taking every hit. I might have to step it up a notch.

"Olivia wouldn't do that." I can hardly hear her even though it's dead silent in the room.

"Oh, no! Isn't that how she got you and so many others."

"No."

"Yes Natalia. She's no good. You were gone for months you think someone like Olivia is going to wait for you. I bet you weren't missing out on the action either." My voice rises in volume with every word. She shrinks further into the couch, trying to blend in.

Lowering my voice I take more digs at her. "We had a good laugh on your behalf. All the times she called MY name not yours. I can still remember being in her room in all my glory. Her hands running all over my body. Pulling my hair." I have to take a breath, I was getting myself hot. Yep and there go the water works. "As I looked in that mirror with her licking my"

"YOU SHUT YOUR GOD DAMN MOUTH RIGHT NOW!" Before I can blink, she out of her seat, leaning over the table in my face. "You don't know me or what I've been through. I would never do anything to hurt Olivia. I DO love her, more that you or she will ever know. I would never do anything to hurt her. Her money or power matters to me, only her. That's all I ever wanted." She deflates flopping back onto the couch. "I never wanted that on her soul. It should have been me who dealt with Nicky. I just didn't know how." She wipes a few stray tears away. "I love everything about her. And yes I was kind of a hypocrite when we were together. I asked a lot of her when I couldn't give a lot, but I wanted to. I wanted to give her everything I had, I couldn't."

"And now?"

"And now I'm trying. I AM. I WOULD GIVE ANYTHING THIS TO WORK AND IT IS. So you can keep your lies and observations because I don't need them or believe them." She stares defiantly at me, like she's won.

"Good now I know where to start." Her smug look turns to a bewildered amazement. I walk to my desk pulling out a cigarette and lighting it. Getting people to explode is like sex for me, and that was a good one. For a second I didn't think I was going to break her. Letting out the thick smoke I walk back to my chair.

"Do you get off on this?"

"Sometimes." I shrug my shoulders. "Now that we have a foundation let's build from there. No more silent Natalia. You're a woman, not a dog."

"A dog?"

"Yes a dog. Obviously Nicky missed his calling as a trainer. He trained you very well."

Natalia gasp at my statement. "It's true. He trained you to be quiet and take whatever you get without question or fighting it." She deflates knowing the truth in my words. "If Olivia wanted a dog she'd go to the pound. She wants a girlfriend so, how about you straighten that weak spine of yours and step to the plate."

She nods her head.

"Like I said earlier honesty, it will be quicker and painless. What's the problem?" I sit back in my chair, waiting for her to collect her thoughts.

"I don't know why she wants me. She could have you and every other woman in this town."

The door opens as Olivia rushes in. "I know you said you didn't want anything, but I got you something just in case." She must have noticed the change in the air; Olivia looks at me like I grew a second head. "What did you do?"

"Nothing and you have the best timing."

"Why?"

"Why don't we break for lunch, be back in one hour." I take the sandwich from Olivia.

Natalia

The elevator reaches the first floor in record slow time. I push the glass door so hard it bangs against the outside brick wall. For a second I was scared it would shatter.

"Natalia!" Olivia calls my name. She must have took the three flights, four steps at a time. Still I keep walking. I don't want to fight her just the stupid woman upstairs.

"Natalia, what happened?" She catches up with me in the alley way.

"Nothing." My voice hard with anger. I can't even look at her right now, even though in my heart I know she was lying.

"Did she say something to you?"

"Yes…no." I deflate feeling Olivia's concerned touch on my shoulder.

"Was it the sandwich, cause I got your favorite."

"No, god, I don't know. She just made me so mad. I've never talked to anyone that way…She was saying all these things about you and her and me. I just snapped. I couldn't take it anymore." I take a deep breath gathering the courage to ask my question. "Olivia why are you with me?"

"What?"

"Why are"

"I heard you." She cuts me off, the hurt shining bright in her eyes.

"Would you let me go?"

"Not without a fight," she sighs audibly "but I won't fight you. If you don't want to be here than tell me now." Olivia leans against the brick wall, staring at her shoes.

"But I don't want to leave. I want you. I just need to know."

"So go through the list." Olivia leans against the wall beside me.

"You have money." I say the first thing that pops into my head, it's ridiculous.

"I have money more than I know what to do with." She replies.

"You have cars."

"Got seven of them and a chauffeur. And I have a private jet and a yacht." That's the first I've ever heard of a private jet. "I have clothes, two walk-in closets full, lined with shoes and accessories. I got friends, although since I stop drugging there are less of them. I have a chosen family that's just as annoying as a real family. I have women lined up to get in my bed. So what other reason would I be with you if I didn't love you?"

"Pity?" Its the real reason I asked. I don't want her pity. I don't want her to think she has to be with me because of what happened.

"I've never offered anyone pity and I don't want yours. Pity will only get you so far. "

"So you love me and I love you." It's that simple when I think about it, so why am I making it so complicated.

"I guess that's what it comes to."

"I think I'm making this harder than it has to be."

"It understandable. You don't want to risk going through what you just came out of, but you have to trust me when I say I love you and I want to be with you and only you. I don't know how to prove that to you besides time." The sincerity in her voice breaks the last bit of restraint in my will. I pull her into a mouth crushing kiss.

"You don't have to prove anything, Olivia. I just let Dr. Golden put doubt in my mind." I pull her back into the building. It's time the Doctor met Natalia Rivera.

"You just have to get to know Lindsey; otherwise she can come off as a bitch."

I think we made out the whole way up the in the elevator and in the hallway. Something in me had to claim Olivia before going back in. I pull Olivia back into the room and Doctor Golden is sitting on the couch eating my sandwich.

"Oh your back I wasn't expecting." A slick smile spreads across her face. "Olivia why don't you sit beside me." She pats the couch cushion beside her.

I don't know if Olivia would have or not but I don't give her the choice. I push her into the chair formerly occupied by the doctor and sit in her lap, wrapping her arms around my waist. "She's fine right here." Your turn. I challenge the other woman with my eyes. Olivia must be in shock, she's hasn't said a thing.

"I really hadn't expected you to come back." Her eyes squint holding my stare.

"Where else would I be?"

"Oh I don't know the kitchen…floor or a nice little corner." Her voice is annoying, now.

"What would a kitchen floor be without a naked Olivia…squirming on it." Olivia gasps behind me and Doctor Golden breaks out in a loud laugh.

"Did I miss something while I was gone?"

"Oh you are good…that was good. Why don't you two take this seat and we'll start again. No more provoking." She raises her hands in surrender. We switch places settling in for the long ride.

"I don't like you." It slips out of my mouth before I can stop it.

"My patients usually don't. So let's start from the beginning." She picks up the pad and pencil off the small table. "How do you remember that night, Olivia, when you first met and when you first had sex."

"Oh that's simple. The first night was all me. I looked pretty good but Natalia was gorgeous. Even though all she had on these blues jean and a shirt. It was kinda like in the movies where everything stops and music plays. I saw her walk in and was mesmerized." A dreamy look forms in her green eyes.

"Were you high?" Lindsey asks the question I was thinking of.

"Yes. So any way I approached her but she kind of blew me off. I was ready that night, but I backed off when she seems hesitant. The night we had sex it was all her. I gave her a tour of the hotel. Then she didn't want to leave. She was all over me, begging to stay."

"Oh MY GOD OLIVIA that is not true!" I almost yelled in amusement, slapping her shoulder playfully. "It was all you BOTH nights. I went up to your hotel room and you showed me around. When I tried to leave you pushed me up against the door. You were the one begging."

"ME?"

"Yes, YOU!" I shoot back at her. I can't believe we are even having this conversation. "What fantasy land were you in?"

"I guess the one where you wanted me. I wasn't altered that night so I think I know what happened?" She smiles at me.

"You must have been high that is not what happened." She shakes her head. I decide to fight dirty. Leaning in as close as possible, my chest placed against her shoulder, I whisper loud enough for the doctor to hear. "So you're saying that if I was to walk out that night you would have let me." I feel her shiver under my assault.

"Yes, no. Maybe I did…uh…say that."

"Say what?"

"I…forgot what we" her eyes drop from my face to the opening of the top of my shirt. "Maybe it was me."
"That's what I thought." I sit back against the couch. I hear Dr. Golden snicker behind her note pad she's holding over her face. She clears her throat before continuing.

"Natalia, what are your goals in life. Is Olivia in the future?"

"Of course she is." I wrap my arms around Olivia's arm, laying my head on her shoulder.

2 hours later, I don't know when but all three of us are sitting on the floor. I'm sitting between Olivia's leg and Dr, Golden is sitting across from us. They're teaching me how to play Gin.

"Put this one down, keep this one." Olivia instructs me.

"It is normal to feel that way Natalia. You don't want anyone to have more power than the other. Coming from a place where you had no power." Lindsey says focusing on her cards.

I lay the card down on the stack. "I know but I don't what it to be everything. Constantly balancing power. Sometime one person should have most the power."

"Like in the bedroom?" She picked the card up laying another down.

"Why is it always about the bedroom with you?"

"Because people that come out of abuse relationships such as your self have intimacy problems."

I pick up the card she laid down. "We didn't have a problem before."

"Why do you think you went along with the affair?" I was waiting for her or Olivia to ask that question.

Why did I do anything I did? Why did I agree to marry him, why did I go back for more every night? "I don't know maybe because I wanted Olivia and a part of me wishes Nicky would find out and leave or put me out of my misery." Olivia squeezes my midsection and kisses my neck.

"So you didn't have a problem then, so what changed?" She draws from the deck, grimacing at her pick.

"I don't know. I want to, but I think it's too early. We're still getting to know each other."

"That's true. Both of you have power issues. With Olivia suffer from a sexual assault and you from an abusive husband. You still want each other, but now that the barriers are gone it would be too easy for the other to see the part you don't want them to see." Doctor Golden lays down the card I been waiting on. "Let me tell you something I once heard. Everyone has a space inside of them. That's just them, unspoiled by others. Sex and relationship cloud that space, opens up a door for others to get in."

"OH, Goldfish, I mean Gin!" I lay my hand down as she throws hers down. "I guess you're right. Everything just seems so raw now. I don't want to be damaged; I want it to be perfect when it happens."

"Me too." Olivia whispers in my ear.

"Neither of you are damaged and it will be. Just don't rush it. Let everything flow at a slow pace and things will fall into place." Doctor golden gets up from the floor, stretching. "I'm going to suggest a game for you two. It's called the truth game. Someone asks a question and you have to answer it truthfully. If you don't answer both of you write it down so we can discuss is when you come back. You can't ask two questioning row and no more question until the first is answered. It's simple. Olivia why don't you start, asks a question."

"Okay. Natalia how many people have you been intimate with?"

"Three." That was a simple question almost too easy.

"Three!" They both say at the same time.

"Yes three." I get a little defensive.

"God, I've sleep with more than three people at one time."

"Doc, that is way too much information." I didn't want to know that now I have a mental image forming.

"What about you Olivia?" I ask.

"Truthfully I lost count in college. Most of the time I was so high I had forgotten I had had sex until someone told me later that night." It's a little unsettling thinking about all the people that know Olivia like I do.

"Olivia you might want to elaborate." Lindsey suggests.

"Oh, but I was always on top, sometimes I never even took my clothes off." I crane my neck to see Olivia behind me.

"Olivia has a problem with letting others control sex as you might have noticed. She doesn't like people to touch her." Lindsey pipes in.

"God Lindsey what happen to patient doctor confidentially?" Olivia almost shouts in my ear.

"You said don't let you hold anything back. She needs to know." She retorted back.

"Know what?" I hate to be left out of the loop when I'm in the room.

"Olivia, tell her." Lindsey tells Olivia. I still don't like her; she knows too much that I don't.

"I haven't let anyone inside me."

"Wait I…" I try to think back to all the times we had sex.

"Maybe with your tongue but not anything else." I know I've turn beet red. Lindsey is just sitting there looking rather bored.

"Because of him." I go for the obvious answer.

"No." Olivia gets up from behind me, walking over to the other side of the room. "Because one time I thought I was over it and I agreed to have sex with this woman. But I froze when she tried to…" she clears her throat, "inside me…She got mad and held me down…Finally she left, called me a tease."

I look at the Doctor who scolds a little.

"Olivia why didn't you say anything?" I ask and she just shrugs her shoulders. I hate it when she does that, because I know she wants to tell me.

"It doesn't matter." Olivia stands up watching out the window.

"No, Olivia come back here." I stand waiting for her to move. When she doesn't I walk over to her. "I don't care what happen, when, how or where, no means no. I wouldn't force you to do anything you don't want to, you know that. Don't you?"

"Yes."

"Good." I drag her over to the chaise and push her down onto it. "You want to know what my dreams are about, right. It's about you, your safety. And I can't do anything but stand there while Nicky shoots you or worst. I didn't do anything then, but I am now. So don't expect me to stand here and watch you suffer." I sit beside her. "Tell me."

An hour later I've hear about everything I can stand. I never knew one person could hold so much shame and guilt. At least it's all in the open, I know.

"Let stop for a second and take a breath." Lindsey jumps in after Olivia and I fall silent. "Let's talk about boys." She lays out on the couch. "Have you seen the new cop, he's gorgeous. If I were straight I would have been hit that."

The weeks pass, we are almost where I want us to be. Olivia seems distracted sometimes. She hesitates before picking up the phone. She constantly looks around, like she is hiding from someone. I can't take it anymore. We're supposed to be a team and she's hiding something. She's standing on the other side of the hotel living room. Adjusting the papers on the desk. She done it three times now. "Olivia, what's wrong?"

"Huh, what?" I know she heard me. I look her up and down. She shrinks into herself, knowing I know something is wrong.

"Nothings wrong, why would you say that?" She's lying and we both know it.

"I thought we were a team."

"We are!"

"I thought you trusted me." I just need to know its not something I did.

"I do!" She walks over to me, taking my hands in hers.

"If you don't want me anymore…" And that the thought that hurt more than any bruise Nicky produced.

"What! NO! God, no. I love you."

"Then why won't you tell me what's going on? If I did something…" I hate being this way, paranoid.

"No, I just…I just don't want you to worry."

"Let me make that decision. Stop trying to control everything." The tears blur my vision as I look into her eyes. She catches one with her fingers as it rolls down my cheek. I lean into the contact, wanting nothing more but to believe her.

"It's Nicolas's dad." She sighs and I almost wish I hadn't asked. "He called me one day saying he was going to have me arrested for killing Nicky."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't want you to leave me, again." The pain in her eyes makes me flinch, it also has me curious about who left her first or if was all me. "I have Doris looking into it."

"Okay, okay. We'll figure something out." I say to me and her. The panic starts to rise as I think about what he could do. How he always helped Nicky out of near impossible situations. The clout he holds in Chicago far exceeds the clout Doris or anyone else has.

"You got something in mind cause I'm all out of ideals."

"I told you Olivia I don't want you to protect me. It's both of our jobs to protect each other. Don't keep things from me." I know it's a moot point. When Olivia wants to do something she does it.

"We just have to keep Rafe and Emma close. Tell the school not to let anyone get him except us. And stay on alert in case he tries something. If all else fails, we'll figure something else out." I say it to her, reminding myself not to run.

Olivia

Right now I can't let the threatening phones calls bother me. The worries of the day fade away when Natalia is near. It's been such a great day. After Natalia got back from church we all went to the park and got a hog dog. I see various people on the street looking our way. I know what they are thinking cause I think the same thing sometimes. Who would have ever thought Olivia Spencer would be walking down the street pushing a stroller. Not me. Natalia and Rafe walk beside me eating away. My cheeks hurt from smiling all day.

"Olivia?" She looks at me with so much love sometimes, I still don't believe it.

"Yea, babe."

"Nothing it just looked like you took a trip without us." Rafe laughs at her joke. He skips faster ahead of us.

"Rafe slow down!" I know she worries about his safety. Since he was taken by Nicholas started to make threats I do too.

I look down the street to see the new cop Remy Boudreaux sitting on his squad car, always looking serious. He's always sitting on Main street. or somewhere around the Beacon.

Rafe gets to the alley way, almost crossing it, until a car traveling down the street suddenly turns into it, nearly clipping Rafe. Natalia runs pulling Rafe into her arms checking him over. I catch up with them ready to give the driver a good piece of my mind. I think twice when I see the side of the car. Chicago police department. My heart drops as the man steps out of the car.

He's short, no more that 5'5. Almost identical to Nicky except he's overweight with a receding hair line. He walks around the car pulling his pants over his hanging belly.

I pull Natalia behind me, stepping in front of the stroller.

"Can I help you?" Addressing him in a non to friendly tone.

He doesn't answer as he leans on the car looking over my shoulder.

"Maybe." It sounds like an exhausted huff. "I came to see my grandchildren."

I can feel the fear coming off Natalia in waves. I step in his line of vision taking his eyes off her.

"It's not nice to keep children from their grandparents." He tries and fails to intimidate me with his hard stare. I give him one back ready for a throw down.

"It's not hard to see who's the man in this relationship." That stupid smirk Nicky used wear appears.

"I'll show you what a man is." I can already see where Nicky gets his hate from strong women from.

"Olivia Spencer. I know all about you. Your sheet is a long as the day. Drug possession, public nuisance, creating a disturbance, public intoxication, possession an illegal substance, contempt of court, failure to appear in court, indecent exposure, possession of a handgun and let's not forget alleged rape victim."

I know what his trying to do and it's working. I'm one second away from decking him.

"Let me add one more crime…murderer." He pulls out his handcuffs. "Olivia Spencer you're under arrest for the murder of Nicholas Aituro Jr." He reaches for my arm, but I quickly step back out of reach.

"I want to see a warrant."

"I am the warrant," I'm ready to knock the smug look off his face. "Don't add resisting." He steps forward. I ball my fist looking for his temple to lay him out.

"Hey, what going on?" Remy steps between us.

"None of your business, boy." The older man's eye squint, daring one of us to defy him.

Remy's face contorts in angry. "Did you just call me boy?…You got two second to get back in that car before I put this size 13 up your old ass." The taller man steps closer to Nicholas. Nicholas looks like a child next to the man. "You're out of your jurisdiction. I suggest you crawl back into the shit hole you crawl out of. And if I ever hear those words come out of your mouth direct at anyone, I'll fucking slap that shit eating grin off your face so hard your mother will feel it."

I like him.

Nicky Sr. slides from under Remy's shadow. "This ain't over. Next time you won't have this monkey protecting you." He runs to the other side of the car, pulling off, leaving rubber in the street.

"You okay Miss. Spencer?"

"Yea, I'm fine."

"Where did your friend go?" I look behind me to find an empty spot. Shit

"Remy, can you give me a ride?"

"Sure Miss Spencer."

"Call me Olivia."

Natalia

As soon as I saw the car, I knew who it was and why he was there. The blood rushed through my ears so loud I couldn't hear what he said to Olivia. As soon as I saw Remy coming our way I ran. I've only ran that fast once, when Nicky was after Rafe.

We get home in record timing, breaking every driving law in the books.

At the moment I can barely think, my thoughts are running to fast to catch one. I already packed Emma's bag and mine, just Rafe left. With Emma in my arms I walk through the apartment frantic. "Rafe! Are you ready?" He doesn't answer me and a chill runs down my back. I run the short distance to his room only to find it empty. "Rafe! Rafe!" The sound of the front door opening sends my heart into a tail spin. I sprint to the door calling Rafe's name.

The sprint comes to a halt when I see Olivia holding Rafe. I can see the panic in her eyes, knowing it's for a totally different reason than mine.

"Rafe go get your stuff." He clings tighter to Olivia's neck in defiance. I know he doesn't want to leave; I don't have time to explain things to him.

"But Ma." Rafe whines and I hate that we're in this position again.

"Superman why don't you go to the back so we can talk." Olivia puts him on his feet. He is slow to remove himself from the room.

"Natalia, what are you doing?"

"Leaving."I can feel her panic raises another notch at my answer.

"No you can't. You just got back." I can see the wheels turning her trying to find the right thing to say, but there is none. There never will be.

"I have to, Nicholas wants Rafe and I can't let him take my son."

"No one is going anywhere. Not Rafe, Emma, or you."

"What if he does, what if we can't stop him, what if…" All of a sudden the room is too small and I can't catch my breath. I feel the world shifting as me and Emma fall, only to be caught by Olivia. Somehow we get to the couch; I sit still struggling to breathe. She's taking Emma out of my arms. I want to struggle but the darkness takes holds me like a and body cast.

I wake up to music then Pop. The giggles of Rafe and Emma fill the room bring me to consciousness. Rolling over on the couch, I take in the vision of Rafe sitting on the floor between Olivia's leg. Emma is sitting in her walker watching intently as Rafe turns the lever. The music relaxing her for the expected surprise. Pop. Her head jerks back at the clown that popped up. She quickly recovers with a deep laugh, jumping up and down in the walker.

"How you feeling?" Olivia asks. I'm not sure if she talking to me or not, because she hasn't looked my way. She looks up at me, both her eyebrows up waiting for an answer.

"Better." Keeping my answer short for the fear she will know I'm lying.

"Ma, are we still leaving?" Rafe asks. Looking into his eyes, I know he's going to put up a fight to stay with Olivia.

"No one is going anywhere." Olivia answers for me. I can't second that opinion yet.

If Olivia though Nicky was bad, she hasn't seen anything. His father has connections that run deep in the underworld and the political world. I'm surprised it took him this long to surface.

They continue with their musical game as if nothing was threatening our little family we're trying to build. Pop.

The next two weeks, the phone calls become more frequent. I try to stay strong for Rafe and Emma, they don't need to live in fear.

My hands incase Olivia's hand in my lap. Doris sits across from me and Olivia, flipping through the stack of papers.

"Nicholas Aituro, married three times. He definitely has a extensive history, you name it and he's been investigated on it. Been investigated for corruption at least ten time. Has ties with the Hammond Family. I hear they run the drug trade in Chicago and some other illegal activities. He's just as about corrupt and connected as you can get." She pushes the folder in front of us. "I'll see if I can round anything else up for you."

"What about an restraining order?" Olivia asks before Doris can get up.

"That's a start but its just a piece of paper. You need proof he's stalking you. Recording of the phone calls."

I hate to beg, but this is for Rafe's safety. "I know it is a lot to ask… Can you have someone look after Rafe. Like a police officer. Just to make sure he does try to take Rafe from school."

"No problem. I'll get Remy on the case. He seems to like you two for some reason. Like I said I'll keep looking and call you later." She gets up and leaves the coffee shop.

I flip through the pages. "She's right it's just paper, we need something to make him stop." I flip through more page until something catches my eye. "Olivia, look!"

"What." She scans the pages.

"Nicky never said anything about having a sister…Renee Walker"

"Maybe it was from a different marriage."

"Look…she works for the FBI. Maybe she can help." A spark of hope enter my soul.

It shows in her eyes too. "Won't hurt to call."

"Hopefully." She could be helping Nicholas.

"Don't worry about it. Nothing is going to happen." Olivia's arms slides around my shoulders, hugging me closer. "We just stick to the plan. No running." I'm sure its more for her peace of mind than mine.

"No running." I say in agreement.

Rafe sits in front of Emma walkers, showing her his action figure.

I've been on pins and needles all week. Rafe knows something is wrong, I just don't have the heart to tell him. He used to love seeing Nicholas. He clings to Olivia more that usual. At that thought I realize, Olivia's is late. She was supposed to be home 30 minutes ago.

The insistent ringing of the phone startles. I rush to pick it up.

"Hello?"

"Natalia, its nice to talk to you when that god-awful woman is not beside you." I freeze in terror. He's has been calling, sometime 3 time a day. Every time its more chilling, the information he has.

"She is here."

"No she's not. I can see her now. And I must say you got taste. That green shirt really brings out her eyes." He laughs, it only serves to anger me.

"You better not touch her…"

"Or what Natalia? Exactly nothing, you never were a fighter."

"Why are you doing this?" I'm on the verge of panic. He could hurt Olivia or worse.

"She ruined my son's life its only fair I repay her the favor. Don't worry about her, just answer the door." The line goes dead, and there is a loud bang on the door.

"Rafe get Emma go to the back." I hold the phone wielding it like a weapon. Rafe pushes Emma's walker to the master bedroom closing the door.

When there no other noise I dial Olivia's number. The voicemail picks up. I try two more times with the same result.

I dial another number.

"Wolfe."

"Hello, Doris? Is Olivia there?" Trying to calm myself is proving unsuccessful.

"No she went to get us something to eat. Is something wrong?"

"Nicholas is here. I think is going to hurt her… Please can you go check on her."

"Yea, I'll call you from my cell." She hangs up before I can answer.

I go to the bedroom with Rafe and Emma, after calling 911. The seconds seem like minutes which seem like hours.

Finally the phone rings. "Hello?"

"She's not here." She breathes hard into the phone. "I tried to call her but nothing."

"Please keep looking. We're on the way."

"NO, stay there I'll send someone over. Just close the blinds and lock everything, the windows and doors." Doris hangs up. I already did that.

I try again to calm myself while reassuring Rafe and Emma.

I hear the door open and footstep start toward the bedroom. "Get under the bed Rafe." Rafe crawls under the bed, I take Emma out of her walker laying her on the floor beside the bed.

I hold the phone ready to use it as a weapon. The bed room door opens slowly.

I throw the phone down to the ground and run full speed throwing myself at Olivia.

"Oomph."

"Thank god you're okay!" My arm tighten around her neck, on the verge of tears.

"What's going on?" She pries my arms from around her. "What happened?"

"He was…here and you were…your shirt…your eyes and…" It can't make sense to her. I can barely make out what I'm saying.

"Wait! Baby calm down. Nicholas was here in the apartment." She walks out of the room to Rafe's room. "Where's Rafe and Emma? Did he take them?"

I catch up with her. "No, we're fine. He called and was watching you. And someone knocked on the door. He said they would." I catch my breathe.

"Shit, okay. Everyone is okay."

I nod, she still checks both the children over in the bedroom.

"Olivia we can't stay here."

"You're not leaving Natalia."

"I was thinking maybe we should go to the hotel. No one can get to the top floor without a key."

"Yea, that's a great ideal. Pack some clothes for you and Emma, I'll help superman." She picks Rafe up, he looks at me over her shoulder. I never wanted to see that kind of fear in his eyes. Nicky was gone, he shouldn't have anything to fear.

The knock on the door stops both of us from packing.

"I'll get it, stay here."

I stand in the hallway as she opens the door, blocking my view of the guest.

"It's the cops." She lets him pass. "He's going to escort us to the hotel."

I buckle Emma into her car seat then put our bags in the trunk of the car. Olivia and Rafe come out walking towards the car. He must have been really scared, he's changed into his Superman Halloween costume. It's almost too small. Olivia stops suddenly, while Rafe looks around suspiciously.

"See anything with your x-ray vision?" She winks at me.

"Nope, its clear." Rafe runs and gets in the car, while Olivia puts his bag in.

"X-ray vision?"

"Yep X-ray vision. If it helps him cope?"

I shrug my shoulders before getting in the car. I don't want him to cope, I want everyone to leave us alone.

When we arrive at the hotel, Rafe and Emma are already sleeping. Remy waits outside in his car.

"Go head and take Emma upstairs, I'll be there in a second."

"No, we have to stay together." She looks like she's about to protest then decides against it.

"Okay." We walk up to the front desk, greeting the young man who works it, Greg.

A type of de'ja vu hits me. I look around expecting to see Nicky at the high table. But there is no high table anymore. Olivia had the whole place redecorated. The lobby is bigger, with a daycare and a movie room on the first floor and glass gym on the very top of the hotel. Even he suite is bigger she got rid of the hallway.

"Oh god, Miss Spencer. I tried to call you, but your phone went to voice mail and I didn't know what to do." He talked so fast it was the only part I could understand.

"Greg slow down and tell me what happened." She juggles Rafe on one shoulder and his bag on the other.

Greg takes a deep breathe. "The policeman from Chicago came. They said they wanted to search your room."

"What!"

Emma jumps in my arms at Olivia's suddenly high pitch.

"Did you let them up?"

"Of not, but they kept threatening me. I told they needed a warrant, they kept pushing and pushing." His mood changed to something I couldn't put my finger on. "Until that talk glass of chocolate milk walked in and made them leave." He points outside at Remy.

It wasn't until then I realized he had very feminine ways.

"Okay, good. If they come back call me or Wolfe. Don't let anyone up except me or Natalia. I don't care if they do have a warrant." I love it when she gets protective a bossy. I probably would have already jumped her if it were not for the seriousness of the situation.

"Yes, ma'am."

We continue to the top of the building, settling in for the night.

We are all in the bed Emma and Rafe sleep in between us. Olivia laid him in the guess room, short afterwards he woke up.

"What cha thinking?" She asks. The moon light coming through the curtains is the only light in the room, still it bathe her face. Her eyes glowing.

Rafe's clinging to her even in his sleep. She rolls over to face me, running her free hand through his short curly hair.

"Rafe." I wonder if she knows some how I used to do that when he was little. It was the only things that got him back to sleep when one of Nicky' rage woke him.

"Don't worry, he's a tough little guy." She reaches out stroking my face, then Emma.

"I don't want him to be. I want him to be a child." I catch her hand before she retracts it, letting them fall in the space between Emma and Rafe

"We'll get through this." I believe her. It's the only thing I can do. "On the flip side we get an excuse to stay cooped up together."

"Which is always a good thing."

"Always."

OLIVIA

The next day Doris and I are still going through the pages.

"Did you ever get in contact with his daughter?"

"Nah, Natalia has tried a couple of times." I look across the room at Natalia. She is sitting on the floor playing with Rafe and Emma. Remy is sitting beside her. They both laugh at something and his hand brushes across hers. A tingle of jealous sparks in my heart. All I can think of is kicking him.

"Are you listening to me?"

"What, um, yea." I shake my head focusing on the papers.

"What did I say?" Doris cocks her head to the side her dark brown hair falling to on side.

"You said…Do you think Remy is after Natalia?" The words burst out before I can stop them.

"I didn't say…oh…oh… I don't think so. Plus Natalia wouldn't cheat on you."

"What do you know about him?"

"Nothing much. He's a good guy. Even volunteered to stand guard for as long as he is needed."

"Doesn't that seem weird to you. He's always there. He doesn't know us, so why is he so eager to help?" I don't know if this is motivated by jealously or my gut feeling.

"Can we concentrate on investigating one person at a time?" She opens her phone.

"Yea." I keep an eye on the man and MY family. He seems to be getting too close and I don't like it.

"Hey, I got her" She taps my shoulder. "Mrs. Walker, I'm District Attorney Wolfe of Springfield, Chicago. I need a word with you." I watch her talk to the illusive F. B. I agent. "No thank you so much. Anything you have will be most appreciated." Doris hangs up smiling.

"Well, what did she say?"

"She's coming tomorrow."

"I knew you were my friend for a reason." Too excited I hug her with the strength of a bear. I pull back a little embarrassed. She straightens her shirt, clearing her throat.

"Next time you do that, be prepared for me to get to second." I laugh at her attempt at playing it off.

NATALIA

Me and Olivia sit across the table from Renee. She's pretty, light skinned with long black hair and brown eyes, reflective of Nicky's with less anger.

"So your Nicky's sister." I can't believe I never knew anything about her.

"Yes, my mother was married to Nicholas's Father. Mr. Aituro."

"How?"

"When she was married to Nicholas they had Nicky. She said she couldn't take the abuse. She said when he saw I wasn't his, the abuse got worst. After about three year my father came back, from the army and took all of us away. When I was four he found us. We went back to Chicago with him. I saw him hit my mother every night for 4 years and" The anger in her voice chokes out the rest of her though. She takes a sip of water to calm herself. "One night we just left, while he was at work. I was 8 and Nicky was 10."

"Did he find you?"

"He did but my father protected us. He refused to let my mother leave."

"So you grew up with Nicky?"

"After a couple of years everyone could see Nicky was just like his father. He torture little kids and animals. He was constantly fighting in school and he jumped on me and my mother one night. After that my mother, refused to let him back in the house. He went home to live with his father. Every once in a while he would come back and stay with us for the summer. When he was 14, he was diagnosed as antisocial."

"No, when I met Nicky he was popular and always did nice things for people. He picked on some of the smart kids but everyone did." I don't know why I'm arguing with her. Nicky was crazy.

"Natalia he was crazy. He was a liar, a cheat, and a con artist. He used people until he didn't need them anymore. That's when he got violent." She gives me a folder. "He and Nicholas have no place in society. I, for one, am glad someone killed him." Out the corner of my eye I see Olivia flinch.

I flip through the pages. "What is all this?"

"We've been investigating Nicholas's connection with the Hammond Mafia family, ran by brothers Rich and Rick Hammond. If you read through, he has been giving them protection from the law in exchange for money and favors." She pulls the page out for the stack. "These are the money interaction that we have caught. Thousands of dollars going to and from his account. We think he is helping launder money."

"If we stop the money we can stop him." It was the first thing Olivia said since we got here.

"My thoughts exactly." She smiles.

"Why haven't you guys moved in?" I ask her. I don't want to get involved with the Mafia, nor do I want Olivia.

"We need more time. The evidence won't stand in court and we want the big fish not just him." She leans back in her chair. Something catches her eyes and she does a double take.

I look over my shoulder; Remy is standing at the door of the shop.

I lean across the table. "He's single, you know?"

I feel Olivia tense beside me. I lean towards her, whispering in her ear. "I'm not. I love you and only you." I squeeze her hand, reassuring her insecurities.

"I'm married." She shows us her finger with the rings. The look in her eyes tells me she is interested.

"Thank you Mrs. Walker. Is your mother still around?" Nicky never talked about his mother. I would like Rafe and Emma to meet their grandmother. Show them someone in the Aituro family is sane.

"Call me Renee. We're family after all. And no she passed away about 3 years ago." Renee's eye well up. "I even contacted Nicky. She wanted to see him. He didn't come to her funeral, said she wasn't his mother."

"I'm sorry to hear that. He never said anything to me." Why would he not tell me about his mother dying?

"He never even told us he was married. She always wanted grandchildren." She starts to gather her things.

"She sounds like a remarkable woman." I say, my mind a million miles away.

"She would have loved to meet your children. I'm going to stick around for the next day or so don't hesitate to ask me anything."

"Where are you staying?"

"The Beacon. Its just that way, I can walk." She stands up, waving us off.

"Olivia owns that hotel. Maybe later we can bring Rafe and Emma by. I'm sure they would love to meet you." I hope they take after her instead of their father.

"That would be great. Just call me later we can get together." She quickly walks away. It's a little rude to me. She is F. B. I, maybe she busy.

Olivia

I walk down the hall to Agent Walker's room to invite her to dinner. I stop short of my destination when I hear loud voices coming from the room.

"What the hell do you think you are doing?" That's sounded like Renee.

"What am I doing, what are you doing? They could have already been dead. You're moving so slow." I should have trusted my gut feeling about him.

"We had to gather all the information we could before coming in here. You disobeyed a direct order, Remy. Do you think he's going to be happy?"

"I don't care if he's happy or not. You've been here two days, you don't know."

"Well I care. Stay out of the way."

"Do they know you're here?"

"No, I came to help."

"No, I'll do this myself."

"Remy, you think you can do it all by yourself. That's always been your problem."

"It's what I've been trained to do."

Remy walks out the door and down the hall, away from me. I'm stiff with anger. Renee walks out coming face to face with me. The expression on her face is priceless; she knows she's been caught.

"Olivia it's not what you think."

I waited in the empty parking lot down the street from the Beacon. It was the middle of the day just in case Nicolas tried anything. Someone might be able to help me. I should have brought Olivia with me, but she might have only made it worst. I don't want her to get hurt either. The police car swings into the parking lot. He stops in front of me jumping of the car.

"Its good to see you Natalia. We can get this over with, without that woman influencing you." He held a piece of paper in his hand. "This is the contract, all you have to do is sign it and I'll be out of your hair."

He lays the contract on the hood of the car. I skim over the words and two thing pop out. The policy is for a million dollars and Rafe is an beneficiary. Nicky never did anything for Rafe, this was the only things he had to give his son. "No."

"What?"

"This money is for Rafe, he deserves it."

"Are you crazy, you're going to sign this paper?" He grabs my upper arm, with bruising force.

"HEY." We both turn as Remy runs across the street, sliding his phone into his pocket. Nicholas lets my arm go stepping to the front of the car. "I thought I told you not to come back."

"Calm down, she called me." Nicholas smirks.

"Natalia?"

"I did but I changed my mind, this money is for Rafe." I grab the paper stepping beside Remy.

"You heard her."

"Who do you think you are? I could have both of you killed."

Olivia and Renee run up beside me. I didn't even hear them coming. Olivia pulls me to the back of the car. I give her a questioning look. "Remy called her. Said you were in trouble."

Remy walks pass me standing in front of Nicholas.

"What do you want monkey?"

"You really don't remember me?"

"I'm supposed to?" Nicolas tired to stand tall. Remy still towered over him.

"Remy and Renee." The piece click in my head as it does Nicholas's. That's why she was looking at Remy in the coffee shop. He knew who I was the whole time.

"Your slut of a mother tried to take my son but he came back, didn't he?" That stupid smirk appears.

Remy stayed calm, as Renee pulled out her badge. "FBI Agent Walker. You got two options Nicholas. You can leave and never ever contact Natalia and her children or I'll make sure to tell the others inmates you're a child molester."

"What? I never touch you?"

Remy shrugs his shoulders. "You touched my mother. It's only fair that they touch you. I hope you like to scrub other men's backs."

"I can't leave without that money. They'll kill me." Its the first time I've ever seen a flicker of fear in Nicholas.

"You come with me and I'll make sure you stay alive." Renee offers him. I have an conflicting feeling. One hand he should be scared for his life. On the other hand I feel sorry for him. At the end his life was meaningless, cause he based it all on controlling others.

Nicholas thinks about it for a minute, probably weighing his options. "I'll take my chances."

"Leave and don't come back." Remy steps aside. Nicholas gives us a hard look before getting back in his car and driving away.

"I need a tail on a white vehicle heading to Chicago. Labeled Chicago Police. License plate CP 2234." Renee snaps her phone shut. "I have to fly out, explain this to the bosses. Remy?"

"I'm going to stay. I kind of like it here." Remy looks at me with apologetic eyes. They both walk away leaving us alone.

"Baby what were you thinking?" The worry in her eyes makes me love her that much more.

"I just wanted him to leave us alone. I thought if I gave him what he wanted he would."
"And?"

"And I think Rafe just inherited a half a million dollars." I smiled and reflect my happiness.

"I see now I can't let you out of my sight."

"Is that right?" I say, plenty of thought run through my mind.

"That's right. First thing in the morning I'm chaining us together." She hugs me around my waist.

"Can't imagine a sexier person to be chained to."

Natalia

The next two weeks pass without incident or a phone call. I'm relieved. I'm still a little miffed about me and Olivia's relationship. We've settled into pattern that works. It's not the day to day things, it's the times when I want her to be aggressive and she backs down. I know we said we'd take it slow and I meant it. I just want that old Olivia back. The one that made love to me and wasn't scared to touch me.

She stutters to ask me for kisses, she asks before touching me anywhere. In six months we haven't even made it past second base. All the tension is building inside me, threatening to burst out at any moment. I decide to take us to the next level.

After Rafe is sleep, I push Emma's crib into his room. She's gotten better at sleeping through the night, so has he?

I lay in bed in one of her oversized t-shirts, not bothering to where underwear. I didn't plan on wearing them for long anyway. She walks in the room in her pajamas, coming from the bathroom. "Where's Emma?" She sits on the side of the bed spying the spot where Emma's crib was."

"She's in Rafe's room. You seemed a little tense and I thought we could talk without interrupting her."

"Okay." She slides under the cover next to me. I wrap myself around her, trying to find the confidence to put my plan into motion.

"Tell me, how far do you think a long-neck can see?"

"What?" The question disturbs my courage gathering.

"Rafe asked me that today and I don't know the answer. I even tried to look it up. Nothing." Her hand rubs my back, slipping under my make shift night gown. The skin to skin contact has my mind reeling, sending a shiver down my back settling between my legs.

"I mean where does he get this stuff? Everyday it's a different question and I hate not having the answer." She is oblivious to the reaction of my body to her ministrations.

I move my leg resting it between hers, still talking, she opens up giving me space. God I can't take this anymore. I roll on top of her, pinning her body to the mattress, the cover dropping to our waist. I can feel every nerve standing at attention waiting for the next order. It's been way to long.

"Uh, baby what are you doing?"

I show her by kissing her softly then hard as I grind onto the thigh I'm straddling. I hear a hiss come from her mouth and I know she wants this too. I kiss down he jaw and neck, sucking random places. I want to mark her, show everyone she belongs to someone, me. Her head turns giving me more access. I haven't forgotten where her spots are and I hit everyone, paying close attention to her reaction, moving to the next just to backtrack. One of her hands grab at the shirt only to quickly let it go, disappearing under the covers. We promised not to push, I need her tonight.

"Don't do that." I tell her before, hitting that spot below her ear. 'Bingo' Her whole body arches off the bed lifting me with it.

"Do what?" She pants.

"Hold back." I unbutton her pajama top on button at a time, following the path with my tongue, until I've undone the last one, just above the elastic of her pants.

"I don't…ah, god right there…want to…to push." I raise my head looking into her glazed over eyes. The fire in them consumes me, strengthening my resolve.

"Trust me, I want you to push." It sound so dirty, that's the way I wanted it.

"Are you sure?"

"I've never been surer of anything in my life." As soon as the words leave my mouth I find myself on my back, Olivia sliding her body between my legs. Her hands burn my skin as they run up and down.

"You feel so good." She mumbles into my collar bone. Her voice drops an octave and it does something to me I couldn't describe if I wanted to. I arch up as her hand gets closer and closer to where I want her, where I need her.

"You remember that time on the couch?" Her breathe hot in my ear assaulting my senses.

I remember that, the part of my brain in charge of language is shutting down. The only thing that comes out is a primitive sound, somewhere between a murmur and a moaned yes.

"I couldn't believe how sexy you looked in that sun dress." She kisses neck trailing to my collarbone. Her hand runs up and down my leg.

"You know how much I love it when you where my clothes." I arch harder into her stomach, my wetness leaving a river. She pushes the t-shirt up and off before kissing my stomach. I arch my chest trying to get her attention. She doesn't take the bait as she continues to kiss the flat area. I grab the pillow under my head holding on for dear life.

"I can still remember how you taste." A wet tongue swirls around my bellybutton nipping at the skin under it, and I lose it.

My hand twist in her hair holding her lips against my skin. Before I can stop or tame it, the fire runs through my veins, preventing my lungs from fully expanding. I try to catch my breath as my heart beats uncontrollably. The weight of the world disappears leaving me feeling like a feather caught in a wind stream. Its times like this, I hold on to her as if my life depended on feeling her. Times when I feel if she weren't anchoring me I would float away never to be seen again. Then I come back to my senses.

The embarrassment takes over as, I realize what just happened. I cover my face with my hands, trying to roll away. "That has never happened to me before." I offer up an excuse, sounding like a man making excuse for his less than satisfactory performance.

"Good." She slides up my body pulling my hands away from my face. "I want to be the only one who can and will make you do that." Her voice is so deep and rich, striking a cord deep in me, reigniting the fire.

"I'm so sorry." I still can't believe that happened.

"Don't worry. You wouldn't believe how many times I've cum just thinking about you. Your lips," She kisses me. I feel her hand running up the inside of my thigh. "Your eyes." She kisses each one. "You nose." Another kiss. "That noise you make when I'm inside of you. I want you so much, it hurts sometimes." She discards her open shirt and pajama pants. Crawling down my body she start a trail of kisses up each leg, skipping over my sex, and up my trembling body until she reaches my lips again.

I'm afraid I won't last again.

"You don't know how long I've been waiting for this." She whispers against my lips.

Probably as long as I have, I want to say but she's kissing me again. Her tongue pushes in and out of my mouth. I try to catch it but she's too fast, it's just a taste of what's to come. I slide against her stomach as she pushes back.

"God that feels good, baby." Her knees come up under my thighs until she has me wide open. "Relax." That's when I realize I'm struggling beneath her, unsuccessfully trying to ease the ache. I hate it when she says that, relax. How can a person truly relax? To truly relax there has to be nothing on one's mind. I can't not think about us, this. I can't relax but I can pretend to please her.

I stay still as possible, which is not still at all. Her hand slides between our bodies. I feel two fingers teasing my entrance. I rise up again, giving them the go ahead.

"I love you so much." She says as she slides them easily into me.

"Oh, god." My eyes close as the pleasure takes over, the fire\work are already there.

She slides them out adding another, pumping inside me. My arms wrap around her neck, bringing her close as possible. I bend my head into her shoulder muffling the scream as she enters me over and over.

"You feel so good." Her hand speeds up, my body frantically trying to keep up with the pace.

Her hips drive down onto her hand, pushing her fingers deeper into me.

No one could ever go deep enough for me, not even myself. My body is like a void that has never been filled until now. "Please." I beg.

I know she's avoiding all the spots that make me turn to putty. She grinds onto to the back on her hand, bring her closer.

"Cum with me." She says as she curls and straightens her fingers inside me, grazing my spot, never staying long enough for me to enjoy. Her thumb caresses my bundle of nerve, again and again, until it's too much. I drag my nails down her back as everything else comes to a complete stop. The fireworks aren't behind eyes anymore instead they're in my head making me dizzy.

I feel her tense on top on me as we fall together. I want to be her anchor too. I want to whisper sweet nothings in her ear, tell her to never stop, to never move.

All I can do is feel; her on top of me, inside of me, her breathing in my ear, her love flowing through every fiber of my body. I turn to jello as I come down. I can feel the shadows calling. The more I fight it, the faster it consumes me. Even as it takes me under I hear her, "I love you, Natalia Rivera."

I wake up to Olivia's hand sliding through my hair. Somehow, no matter how we go to sleep I wake up with my head on her shoulder. My strong, yet fragile pillow. I don't know what draws me to this place. Maybe it's because I caused the small scar that decorates it. Or maybe it just it one of the best vies of her chest. "What time is it?"

"5:30"

I open my eyes, one rigid rose colored nipple rested in my line of vision. It's so tempting. I try to make a mental video in my head of the rise and fall of the twin peaks. How one rises higher than the other as if it were vying for my attention. "Why are you up so early?" My mouth waters as the peak taunts me.

"Cause I love watching you sleep." Her hand never stops running through my hair. I think she knows exactly what she's doing.

I move my mouth taking the hard bud between my lips.

"Natalia." She moans my name, raveling her hands in my hair, it spurs me on. I move between her legs settling as they wrap around me. I switch to the other rose bud. My hand covers the newly neglected nipple; I don't want it to watch me cheating. I keep up my ministration switching ever so often until I'm satisfied they both know my touch.

She rocks into me, leaving a saturated trail of her distinct nectar. I've always loved the smell of her. It's a dizzying smell. My head swims even at the thought of it.

I watch as she arches, her head back dig into the feather filled pillow; her fingers dig into my ribs, trying to bring me closer.

I pry her hands loose, pinning them above her head. For a second I can see the panic. I think about all the time we've had sex, how never let me inside of her and most of the time she's on top. Sometimes I forget what happened and why she is always in control. Then I remember all the pain she has been through, but that doesn't deter me.

I loosen my hold on her wrist. "Trust me. I would never hurt you." Those simple words are something I've always wanted to believe. I would never hurt you. I've heard them a lot throughout my marriage but I never believed them. Now I want nothing more that for her to believe them, hear the truth in my voice. I want her to hear and feel how unwavering I am in my devotion to her and only her.

Her eyes are closed, they open shining bright with love and desire. Her lips slightly parted, her breathe coming in short, quick spurs. Her hips momentarily stop their motion only to start again with more passion. The movement makes her breast sway almost hypnotic like.

"Please." And that's the one word I want to hear from her.

I kiss down her neck, between the valley of her breast, down her stomach knowing I will find the mixture of sweat and sex. I stop at the neatly trimmed brown coarse patch. Pausing I let her scent wash over me, filling my senses. I hear another whimper and a long drawn out moan. I listen to it like it's a musical note that has hit the perfect pitch. She arches up. With another perfect note. I smile wanting to tease her, I just can't find it in my heart to torture her.

Her bundle of nerves standing at attention waiting for me, only me. I don't know a person on this earth who could resist her. Lazily my tongue swirls around the pleading peak, only giving it the slightest bit of relief. I peek up to see her arm thrown across her mouth muffling the moans we both know is building waiting for me to release it. I take her between my lips, connecting the tip of my tongue to the nerve. I let her do all the work as she rides my mouth trying to find relief. Her legs wrap around my head, her hand pushing and pulling in my hair. There are so many things I want to do at once. I want to be inside her, kiss her, whisper in her ear; I have to settle for feeling. My hands slide up her sides and under her arms, finding the twin peaks. I twist and roll them between my fingers. Even with her thighs covering my ear I can her pleas for release. I take mercy, sucking her clit, my stiff tongue lashing across it. Her legs and hand hold tighter as the world starts to fall away. Stopping was never in my plans. I want to push her into a world she might have forgotten. I want her to see her riding the wave of pleasure only me being inside her can bring. I shake her legs loose still milking her with my mouth.

I bring one hand down, placing a finger at her opening. It doesn't move to go any further; still she stiffens at the feeling.

"You trust me." I raise to me elbows, looking up at her, fear and panic cloud her green eyes as she looks down at me.

A heart beat feels like my whole life until she say, "I trust you." She repeats until she relaxes under me.

Slowly I move a finger inside her. Centimeter by centimeter, I push inside of her. We stay that way until I feel her body relax more. My finger snug in her velvet glove.

I take her clit back in my mouth slowly coaxed more of her natural lubricant. I retract my finger gradually adding a second. Her body arches off the bed. She takes in a slow hissing breath.

I stay where I am lets her get used to the feeling.

Her hip wiggle and I move in and out. We keep the slow pace for what feels like eternity.

Finally her moans and plea get closer and her hips follow swiftly.

I wiggle my fingers inside, she almost but no quite squeals, the air leaves her lungs, and is slow to return.

She groans with every slow long tortuous lick of my tongue. All my efforts speed up, as she races towards release again. Her whole body arches till she bridged on her shoulders and heels, which dig deep and painfully into the small of my back. Despite my discomfort I keep at her stoking the fire ravaging her body.

For a second I'm concerned she'll pass out, and then I want her to. I want it to be too much, like it was for me. I want her to feel how I feel every time she touches me or looks at me with those smoldering emerald eyes.

I know I've achieved my goal when her body falls like dead weight and her legs fall effortlessly away from my shoulders. Her hands fall to her side, lifeless.

My hand on her chest stops, as her chest rises and falls deeply. I still can't stop. I remove my fingers, burying my tongue inside her, letting her nectar flow into my mouth. It's far too precious to me to let be washed away.

In her blackout she whimpers my name. Somewhere in the back of my mind, the primitive creature in me howls in joy, knowing I'm the only name she calls, the only thing her body knows.

I stretch out beside her, wrapping my arms around her. Gazing at Olivia's unguarded features, I'm still in awe that she chose me. It's got to be a sin to be this pleased and proud of myself. Maybe this is what being happy is, truly happy and relaxed.

I peek at the clock. I don't want to get up, but I haven't been to church in two weeks.

I wonder if everyone will know what I just did. They'll have to, the bounce in my step or the smile on my face will give it away.

I stand in the bathroom really looking at myself in the mirror. It must be my imagination, the frown lies a gone. It used to be when I looked in the mirror I saw worry and pain. It has all seemed to disappear. I can't say I see anything. Maybe I am relaxed. I think can relax. I take a deep breath until I turn purple in the face. I blow it out, envisioning it's the entire world's pain leaving me alone even if just for one moment in the bathroom of my dingy apartment alone. Not alone, with my beautiful girlfriend that I just knocked out. I like the sound of that; my girlfriend, my partner, my protector, my lover; mine.

After getting Rafe and Emma ready for church, Olivia still isn't conscious although she has rolled over seemingly reaching. Pride is a sin, I tell myself.

Rafe had been sleep ten minutes into the sermon. I bounce Emma on my knee keeping her happy enough to be quiet. Father Ray keeps it short, for which I am happy. I'm itching to get home to Olivia. He wraps up his preaching with a prayer. I stay seated as everyone else files out of the building.

"Natalia, I'm glad you stayed."

"You did ask nicely." It sounds cocky, why? Like I'm happy someone finally asked me to do something instead of telling me.

Father Ray sits beside me, taking a second to play with Emma. I can tell she is going to be trouble, too friendly.

"I just wanted to know how you were doing. I haven't seen you in a while."

"I'm fine, actually better than fine." I can't keep the smile from my face.

"That's good…I heard you wanted to start an organization for women. If you're still interested I can give you some contacts to help you get started."

"That would be great."

The look on his face says that's not all. He knows something I don't. "How's Olivia?"

"She's fine. We're both doing very well."

"That's good. Just let me know when you want those contacts." He gets up after shaking Emma's fist. "Oh and pride is a good thing, sometimes." He knows.