Title: Have a Little Faith in Me
Author: Steph
Rating: PG
Pairing: Noah/Patrick, Robin/Patrick
Category: Drama/Romance
Disclaimer: I do this out of a love for this couple. No infringement is intended.
Spoilers: Nope
Summary: Patrick spends the anniversary of his mother's death having an enlightening conversation with Noah, then shares a moment with Robin.
Note: I'll have more of The List out soon. These one-shots keep popping into my head though and I need to write them before they disappear! This takes place sometime during this rough period of Robin and Patrick's. I don't think they've ever mentioned when Patrick's mom died, so let's just say it's around now. I've heard speculation that this might be addressed somewhere down the road and I've had this in mind for some time, so I figured I should just write it. This is what I would like to see if we lived in a perfect GH world. Hope you enjoy it and please let me know what you thought! -Steph
--- Have a Little Faith in Me: Part 1/1 ---
Patrick let out a sigh, as he pulled the door open to Jake's. He'd had a rough day and wanted nothing more than to let his mind go blank and relax.
First, he nearly lost a 10 year old girl who had been hit by a car while riding her bike and wasn't wearing a helmet. Then, he and Robin had gotten into an argument about the treatment of a patient. She had asked him to consult on her patient, Mr. Jefferies. He was suffering from an aneurysm that was currently being treated with medication. When Patrick said that his condition could no longer be managed by medication, that surgery was necessary, Robin had disagreed. He wondered why she wanted his opinion at all if she wasn't going to listen to his diagnosis. He wondered if she was simply disagreeing with him out of spite. Mr. Jefferies wanted the surgery, but his wife was against it. Patrick and Robin found themselves facing off and taking sides. And, soon, the argument that began about the treatment of a patient, morphed into their own relationship issues.
Patrick shook his head, as he walked down the dingy, dim hallway. He should have known the moment he woke up and realized what day it was that he was better off just staying in bed.
He crossed the threshold, his eyes landing on the bar and a lone figure sitting at it. Patrick dropped his head at the sight and squeezed his eyes closed, as he let out a breath. Then he walked to stand behind the man.
"I guess I shouldn't be surprised, given the day it is."
His father turned and looked up at him. "Hi, son."
Patrick pursed his lips. "You're unbelievable, you know that? What? You figured the only way to honor the anniversary of mom's death was to do what you did more than a decade ago? Drown yourself in alcohol again. I guess that sober thing didn't pan out."
Noah ran his finger through the ring of water that his glass of scotch had made on the counter.
Patrick's jaw tightened and his eyes grew dark. "I should probably just let you drink yourself into oblivion again. But you've got more than half of my liver now. I guess I'm just a little protective of what used to be in my body. You know, since I so selflessly chose to make such a sacrifice in order to save your life."
"I didn't ask you to do that," Noah muttered, eyes staring down into the dark liquid.
Patrick sat down and stared at his father. "Yes, I know. We've been over and over that. I don't need to revisit it. Seriously, Dad, what are you doing? You've revived your career and you have a second chance at life, whether you like it or not. Are you just going to throw that all away again? You weren't satisfied with trashing your liver, now you're going to trash the one I gave you, too."
Noah turned to him, his eyes glassy with tears. He waved a shaking finger at him. "I told you I didn't deserve it. I warned you this could happen."
Patrick's hand darted out and he pulled the glass out of his grip. "I watched you destroy your life once, I won't do it again."
"Then leave," Noah said through gritted teeth.
Patrick held the glass up and waved at Coleman. "He's done."
Coleman walked over and looked at the glass, then at Noah. "That was his first. Doesn't look like he touched it."
Patrick turned back to Noah. "What? I got here before you could start the downward spiral?"
Noah shook his head and lowered his eyes. "I've been staring at it for an hour. I had every intention of drinking it. I figured I would just drink until I couldn't feel anymore. It's always been so much easier than remembering."
"What stopped you?" Patrick asked softly.
Noah turned to him. "You. I thought of you."
Patrick stared into his father's broken eyes. He could hardly believe this was the same man who's eyes were so warm and full of light when he was a child.
"I ruined my relationship with you all of those years ago. I have a second chance now and I knew taking that first drink would destroy that. I didn't want that. For the first time, something was stronger than my craving, my need, to have a drink. My desire to have another shot with you won out."
Patrick licked at his lips and patted his father's arm. "I'm glad to hear that. That's progress."
Noah lowered his eyes to the bar and whispered, "I can't believe it's been eleven years."
Patrick nodded. "Neither can I."
Noah swallowed hard. "People always say it gets easier. That time heals all wounds. But I miss your mother just as much today as I did then."
"So do I, Dad."
Noah raised his eyes to his son, a sad smile appearing on his lips. "She would have been so proud of you...of the doctor you've become."
Patrick put his hand over his mouth, as Noah shook his head. "She had such dreams for you, Patrick. We both did. When you were a baby, we would hold you and look at you and talk about the future we hoped you would have. Your mother's eyes would light up when she talked about you falling in love, getting married, and having children of your own." Patrick dropped his eyes as his father went on. "So many dreams she had for you."
Patrick ran his hand across his lips, then lowered it. "That's why they're called dreams, Dad. Sometimes they don't come true."
"Your mother won't be there to witness them, physically at least, but they can still come true," Noah replied, his eyes scanning his son's face.
Patrick shook his head slowly. "Those aren't my dreams."
Noah ran a hand down his face, then blew out a breath. "I don't believe that. I think you're scared of letting yourself dream of that life. I think you're scared because you saw how I was living my dream and then it all slipped away...it turned into a nightmare. You're afraid of letting yourself love because of the possibility of losing like I did."
"You just have me all figured out, don't you?" Patrick replied quietly.
Noah smiled gently. "Well, it doesn't take a brain surgeon."
That got a soft laugh out of Patrick, as he shook his head.
Noah went on. "It's not difficult to see how you've let the past affect your life, shape you. Why else would you let an incredible woman like Robin Scorpio walk out of your life?"
Patrick clenched his jaw. "Don't, Dad."
Noah shook his head sharply and shrugged his shoulders. "Don't what, son? Don't tell you you're making the biggest mistake of your life if you don't do everything in your power to find a way to be with her? Well, I'm sorry, I can't do that. I wouldn't be doing my job as your father if I did. I already spent more than a decade shirking my fatherly duties. I won't do it anymore."
Patrick sighed heavily. "That's very noble of you, Dad. And you can say or do whatever you want, but it won't change things. I don't want a commitment and, even if I did, I'm not the man Robin wants. I'm not the man she deserves."
"Bullshit," Noah stated matter-of-factly.
Patrick raised his eyes to his father. "Excuse me?"
"That's a load of crap and you know it."
Patrick smiled bitterly and waved his hand at him. "Please, go on. I'm anxious to hear your uninformed, unsolicited opinion."
"Unsolicited, yes. Uninformed, no. I was you, Patrick. Forget about the past for a moment and just think about the man you are or, at least, the one you pretend be. The man you hide behind. I was cocky and arrogant, too. I didn't think I had anything to give anyone else. I had time for my career and that was it. I didn't think I had it in me to be anything else to anyone. Not a husband and certainly not a father. But then I met your mother and she changed all of that." He paused and swallowed hard. "You see, I may not have thought much of the man I was, but I was smart enough not to let the woman who did get away."
Patrick shook his head. "Well, Dad, that's a nice story, but it doesn't apply to me and Robin. She sees me for exactly the man I am. She's told me so a couple hundred times."
Noah nodded. "Let me guess. Every time this occurs, you're acting like a giant jackass."
Patrick couldn't help the tiny smile that crossed his lips. "That's generally how it goes."
"Push her away, push the feelings down," his father stated. "Don't show her the man you really are, because if she still rejects you, then where does that leave you? There would be no place left to hide." He paused and said, "Stop me if I'm getting any of this wrong."
Patrick pressed at an invisible wrinkle on his pants but didn't respond.
Noah let out a sigh. "Jesus, Patrick, that's a great plan. You're going to die a lonely man that way." Noah put his elbow on the counter and leaned forward. "I don't know Robin Scorpio well, but I've noticed some things about her. She is strong, maybe too strong for her own good. I don't think she lets people in easily or gives her heart away carelessly. If she didn't truly believe in the man you are capable of being, then she would have walked away a long time ago."
Patrick shook his head. "We all make mistakes, Dad. At some point, we all put our faith in people we shouldn't."
Noah dropped his head and said softly, "I guess I deserved that."
"I didn't mean it that way," Patrick said quietly.
"No, I failed you, Patrick. I know that. And I am trying to make up for it by making sure you don't throw your life away like I did mine. Don't you see? If you continue on like this, if you sentence yourself to a life of isolation and loneliness, then you are continuing a tragedy that began eleven years ago. Your mother wouldn't want that. She wouldn't want this life for you."
Patrick could feel his chest begin to tighten and the tears well up in his eyes. He took a deep breath and then slowly let it out. "You know what she said to me during our last conversation?" Noah stared at his son, aching to reach out to him, but resisting. "She said, 'No matter what happens, find a way to be happy. Find someone who makes you as happy as your father has made me. I can go into that surgery today knowing I have no regrets'."
Noah smiled, as a tear slipped down his cheek. "Your mother was a very wise woman."
"Yeah, she was," Patrick replied softly, his eyes rooted to the wood grain of the bar.
"What do you think she would say to you if she were here right now?" Noah asked.
Patrick slowly raised his eyes and met his father's. His tongue moistened his dry lips, as his words slipped from his mouth in a whisper. "Don't let her be a regret."
Noah nodded, a tiny smile curling his lips. "I know those words coming out of my mouth won't have the same effect, so I won't waste my energy. You always did listen to your mother more than me anyway. Don't stop now, son."
Noah then stood up and placed his hand on his son's shoulder, before turning to walk away. Patrick's eyes followed his father until he disappeared.
---
Patrick walked along the docks, his mind clouded by a million thoughts and emotions. He couldn't stop thinking about his mother, the conversation he'd just had with his father, or the woman that had taken up permanent residence in his mind.
He breathed in the humid night's air, then stopped to sit down on a bench and look up at the stars. His mother always loved looking at the stars. When he was little, they would take a blanket outside at night, lie down and look up at the stars. It was something for just the two of them. His mother would point out constellations, telling him the names of them and the stories behind them. It wasn't until he got older and studied constellations in school one year that he realized she had completely fabricated every name and story. He smiled at the memory. He remembered when he learned the truth and told her that he knew her secret. She had only smiled and said that her names and stories were better.
Patrick was so captivated by the sight in front of him and memories of the past, that he didn't hear her approach. Robin stopped abruptly, her eyes falling on his face, as he stared up at the sky. She looked at him for a long moment, realizing something was off.
"Patrick?" she called out softly.
His head jerked in the direction of her voice, his expression indicating his surprise. "Oh, hi."
She took a few hesitant steps forward, then sat down next to him on the bench. He looked at her for a long moment, before returning his eyes to the sky.
"Are you okay?" she asked.
He nodded, but remained focused. "Yeah, sure. Why wouldn't I be?"
"I don't know. You just seem different." She paused for a long moment. "I...I think I know you well enough to know when something's wrong."
He moved his eyes to hers. "Do you? Because I thought we established that you don't really know me at all."
Robin sighed. "Look, I know thing's have been rough between us lately. I've said some things to you that I didn't really mean."
Patrick looked down at his hands, his voice low. "If you're going to give me the speech about seeing the man I can be, only to flip-flop thirty seconds later, save it. I can't handle it tonight."
Robin's gaze trailed down his face. "I'm not going to flip-flop. You're a good man. Better than you think you are, better than you'll let yourself believe you can be, better than you let the world see. If I didn't truly believe that then I wouldn't be sitting here right now and I certainly wouldn't have let things go as far as they did between us."
He tilted his head. "What about 'Patrick's Rules'? I just manipulate women to get them in bed, remember? I guess you want to believe that's not true because then what would that say about you."
Patrick watched as her face reddened and her eyes narrowed. His father's observations and advice had shaken him. So he was doing what he did best. He was pushing his feelings down and her away.
Robin could feel her anger begin to rise up in her. She was trying to reach out to him, to admit she was wrong, but he was just lashing out again.
She shook her head. "Forget it. I guess I should have just kept on walking."
She stood up quickly and made a move to walk away, when his hand darted up and encircled her wrist. She stopped and looked down, meeting his dark eyes, noticing the tears glistening in them for the first time.
"Don't go," he whispered.
Robin slowly sat back down, her eyes never leaving his. She could see the hurt in his eyes and the pain he was trying so desperately to hide was twisting the handsome features of his face.
"Tell me what's wrong," she said.
He tore his eyes away from hers and returned them to the sky. "It was eleven years ago today."
Robin's brow furrowed in confusion for a moment, before realization dawned on her. "Since your mother's death."
He nodded. "Yeah. I just saw my father at Jake's."
"Jake's?" she repeated in concern.
"He didn't have anything to drink, but he wanted to. He was going to. He said that his desire to repair our relationship stopped him."
"That's good, Patrick. That means it doesn't have the same hold on him anymore."
"I guess. That's not to say tomorrow he won't go through with it though."
"No, but I'm sure today was very difficult for him and it would have been easy to fall back on his old solution. But his relationship with you is so important that it stopped him. I think you should be proud of him."
Patrick nodded and whispered, "I am." He suddenly got a faraway look in his eyes, as he moved his gaze to the still water. "I remember everything about that day."
Robin's eyes focused on his face, as his voice emerged softly and choked with emotion. "It's funny how a day that starts out as ordinary can suddenly turn into one you remember forever. My mom was sick, but her condition worsened so quickly that she had to have emergency surgery. None of us woke up that day realizing it would be one that would be forever a part of our memories." He swallowed around the lump in his throat. "There are these random things I remember, like snapshots in my memory. Most of which are of no consequence, except they were a part of that fateful day. I remember it was really hot. The hottest day of the summer so far. The grass needed cutting and my dad had asked me to do it three days earlier. I wanted to have Raisin Bran for breakfast, but when I went to pour it only two flakes fell out. I needed to get gas because a few of my friends and I had made plans to go to the beach that afternoon. On the way to get gas, this old song came on the radio. 'Have a Little Faith in Me'. It was my mother's favorite song. I got the call from my father just as it was finishing."
Robin watched as a tear strolled down his cheek. She waited for him to swat it away, but he paid it no attention. She hesitantly reached out and placed her hand over his. He moved his eyes to meet her gaze.
"I'm sorry for everything you went through," she said softly.
His eyes roamed over her face, a small smile playing across his lips. "She would have liked you." Robin's eyes widened at the unexpected comment. He finished quietly, "I wish she had gotten the chance to meet you."
A shiver went down Robin's spine at the tone in his voice. There was something different in it. There was something different about him.
He moved his eyes back to the sky and raised his finger up, pointing. "See those stars over there?" Robin's eyes followed where he was pointing. "My mom and I used to lie outside and look up at the stars when I was a kid. She would make up names and stories for the constellations. That was her favorite. She called it Cupid because she thought it looked like a bow and arrow hitting a heart."
"What story did she tell you?"
He lowered his eyes back to hers. "She said that Cupid was banished to the sky because he broke up existing relationships by helping those who were truly meant to be together, but had let circumstances get in the way, find their way to each other. She said that's where the term star-crossed lovers came from." Patrick smiled and shook his head. "I was so young, I believed everything she said. I realized later she made it all up for her and my entertainment."
Robin's smile matched his. "I think that's nice."
His brow furrowed as he moved his eyes back to the stars. "I could never see Cupid as a kid. She tried over and over again to show it to me, but I just couldn't see it. That didn't sit well with her, so she had to come up with an explanation. She finally decided that it was only visible to someone who had given their heart away to someone else. She said that's why she could see it. After she died, I would think of her sometimes and try to see it, to feel closer to her I guess. But I never could. This is the first time I've ever been able to see-..."
His voice trailed off, as realization crossed his features and it unnerved him. Robin stared at him for a long moment, her heart pounding at the meaning behind his words...a meaning he had unwittingly conveyed.
He dropped his eyes to his hands and licked at his lips, as he shook his head. "Anyway, that was just something we used to do together."
Robin nodded and smiled gently. "Thank you for sharing it with me." She then leaned in close to his ear and whispered, "By the way, I can see it, too."
His eyes flitted nervously over her face, as she moved away. He expected her to stand and continue on her way, but instead she settled back into the bench.
She then looked back up at the stars. "Tell me more."
A smile appeared on his lips and he tore his eyes away from her face to return them to the sky.
"Okay," he whispered.
And they stayed like that for hours, as he retold his mother's stories and revived a treasured time with the only woman since his mother who had found a place in his heart. The only other woman who had ever had any faith in him.
-------------------------------------------------THE END------------------------------------------------
Thanks for reading! Hope you enjoyed it and please let me know what you thought. -Steph
