So, this is my first Mass Effect fan fiction. I've been planning on writing this for a very long time but only recently found the incentive to start. I'm not entirely sure where this will go, and the summary is tentative right now, but I hope I'll gather some more ideas and that this story will turn out well. Mass Effect has become such a huge part of my life and I hope I can do it justice. If you've read my Tomb Raider stories before, you know how much these games mean to me. And thank you very much for supporting my writing over the years!

Now just to help with some details:

Valera Shepard. Vanguard. Colonist. Sole Survivor. Mostly paragon. Fully romanced Garrus Vakarian. Destroy ending.
You can find her appearance at the link at the top of my profile.

*Disclaimer: I do not own Mass Effect or any of the characters. They fully belong to the incredible BioWare Corp.*


1: Awakening


Ashes.

That was the first thing I saw when my eyes burst open, and I gasped for purchase of breath. Ashes and red flecks of burnt embers fell through the black sky above me. The smell of dirt and smoke overwhelmed me, waves of dull pain pulsating through my body. Faintly, I could hear gunshots and the cries of soldiers in battle slowly subsiding. I couldn't tell if they truly were fading or if I were still incapacitated from whatever it had been that had knocked me out cold.

I coughed hoarsely and felt as though my head were throbbing, being pounded on from the inside. There was a high pitched ringing in my ears. I couldn't clearly remember anything. I remembered the Reapers – and the beam – that's the last thing I saw. No, it wasn't. The Crucible. The Catalyst. Anderson. So many panicked thoughts were running through my mind, yet all at the same time I felt an air of calmness fall over me. I felt – free. As if someone had been pressing down on my head, inflaming it with doubts and distorted visions. It was all gone.

I tried to sit up, ever so gently, in the pile of rubble and debris I found myself laying in. And with my sight slowly coming back into focus, another realization dawned upon me; the gunfire had stopped. I heard cries in the distance as before, but now they were not of pain or fear. They were screams – cheers – of utter relief. My eyes watered, from both overpowering emotion and physical pain, as I scanned my surroundings, and saw in the distance, a Reaper falling to the ground to join the dozens more that had fallen before it. It was over. We had won.

I wanted to scream and laugh and celebrate the victory right then and there. But I realized there was nobody around me. No soldiers. No crew. Nothing but rubble and dead bodies sprawled across the ghostly battlefield. For all I knew, nobody thought I was alive. And as I slowly tried to somehow stand on my feet, that idea sent another heart wrenching thought through my mind: Garrus.

The last I saw of him was after he and Tali had almost gotten crushed at the final push to the beam. He was hurt, badly, so I sent the two of them away to the Normandy. I couldn't shake the image of the look he had given me. The look encompassing not only pure anger and frustration, but the true, haunting fear in those piercing blue eyes of his, the fear of not knowing if he would ever see me again.

As I picked myself up, still shaking and disoriented from the blood loss, he and the crew were the only things on my mind. I didn't know where anyone was. All I could do was pray that they were all still alive and safe. At that point, I didn't even try to fully remember or comprehend what had just happened. I wasn't even sure if half of it had even been real. All that I was focused on was making my way back, to find even one familiar, living face.

It felt like hours, limping and stumbling through the devastating and still smoking remains of London, before I finally reached a hill of debris overlooking a vast, open area where small troops of soldiers were still bursting with glee and trying to process the victory that had just occurred. I stood there for a moment, barely balancing, and scanned the broken patches of crowds for anyone I knew.

"Shepard?" I heard a low, gruff voice to the far left of me.

"Shepard, that you?"

With half-closed eyes, I turned and smiled weakly at the large, hulking krogan marching triumphantly towards me with arms outstretched.

"Wrex," I staggered towards him, losing balance as he approached. He caught my fall and threw an arm over his neck.

"Shepard! You look like hell!" He exclaimed with that slow, throaty laugh of his I came to know so well.

I sighed with a very faint laugh in reply, barely managing an exasperated "Yeah". I kept my gaze at my feet in the effort to make my eyes focus, but it still didn't do much help. We made our way, very slowly, towards the tents some of the human and asari troops had set up, and already everyone was busy helping one another. Every step I took sent shockwaves of sharp pain running through my legs and abdomen. I bit down hard on my lip to keep from tears falling, but even then I couldn't help if a few slipped because there was already so much grime and sweat crusted around my eyes. While I knew it was in a krogan's nature to have so much adrenaline and exhilaration coursing through them after a victory, I understood how bad my condition was and I knew I had to speak up. I wasn't sure how many more times I could cheat death, and I wasn't about to take that chance.

"Wrex, I need-" I coughed roughly, and the rusty and bitter taste of blood suddenly became aware to me. "-I need medical attention."

As if on cue, we came within ten feet of their reach and a few soldiers that weren't already occupied came rushing towards us. Two men relieved Wrex of carrying my weight and they threw both my arms over their shoulders.

"Get her fixed up, I'm going back out to find my men." He ordered. He then looked me in the eye with a serious and almost concerned look. "Stay alive, Shepard. We need you."

I clenched my jaw and nodded as best as I could in reply, trying to look as strong as I possibly could for him. As soon as he walked away I couldn't do it anymore. I cried out in agony as they two men hastily sat me down underneath a tent, and three field doctors joined, trying to locate the worst of my injuries as fast as they could. One of them grasped my arm, holding the cap end of a needle inbetween her teeth as she pulled it out. I heard a soldier calling for help over a comm, but I didn't know who he was talking to. My eyelids were getting heavy, and I could feel my head slowly bobbing back and forth. At least, I thought it was. Everything was spinning very steadily. Instead of intense pain now all I was beginning to feel was a numb drowsiness as I tried to understand what one of the asari doctors was saying to me.

"Commander Shepard? Can you…do you feel…can you tell me…"

The longer she went on the less I could hear. The noises all around me were stifled. Her face became nothing but a blue blur, the dark edges slowly moving in, and finally, everything was black.


~x~


"Heartbeat stable…vitals are perfect…"

I awoke to calm, muffled voices, but it was much quieter than before. There was no ringing in my ears. No sounds of distant cries or fires burning. I couldn't yet open my eyes.

"I think she'll be good to go in a day or two, sir."

"Good. I'm glad to hear it."

I heard the shuffling of footsteps around me, and that of a figure sitting down on a cushion. I groaned almost inaudibly as I tried to turn my head to see who it was. My eyelids still felt as though they were stuck together, but I managed to open them just enough to make sense of what was in front of me.

"Admiral Hackett. It's good to see you." I finally said after a minute or two of regaining control of my voice.

"Shepard," he began, removing the cap from his head. "You did good." He laughed. "You did great. The Reapers didn't have a chance after you activated the Catalyst. I don't know how the hell you did it. But you did."

I swallowed hard, wincing at the dryness in my throat. "I don't know, either. I don't remember anything." I coughed and swallowed a few times more to clear my voice. "How long has it been?"

"Eight days. They weren't sure if you were gonna make it. Then they had you stabilized the night after you came in."

With that said, I took a moment to look at my surroundings, only then fully realizing I was lying in a hospital bed- a hospital on Earth.

"Are…are we still in London? How is this building still here? Why isn't it destroyed?" I asked in confusion. The window showed rather different scenery than the ruins London had been left in.

Hackett leaned back in his chair, gravely shaking his head. "London's gone, Shepard. There's nothing left but rubble." He gazed out the window at the early morning sun gleaming into the room. "We're in a small city about three hours away from there. It was the closest medical center that was still intact. We haven't been able to send any wounded to the Citadel yet, but we have men and women up there trying to fix things as fast as possible. The Sol Relay was severely damaged, and our priority is fixing that before all else- without it fixed, nobody can go in or out, and the Citadel is stuck orbiting Earth until it is. So far most other systems have reported no difficulties traveling between one another. Our system got hit the hardest by the explosion from the Catalyst."

"And the Normandy? Has anybody received contact?"

He turned his gaze from the window to meet my eyes with a saddened look. "I'm sorry, Shepard. Nobody has received any communications from the Normandy as of yet. She left through the Sol Relay before it was hit."

I shut my eyes tightly in disappointment, and in fear of what other answers I would receive. "And what about Anderson?"

"MIA. Nobody has heard from him since before the final push."

I shook my head slowly, still staring out the window, as if I were to search the sky and by some miracle I would see my ship, and everything would be alright. But it wasn't. Not by a long shot. People were missing. Billions were injured or dead. We may have defeated the Reapers, but the whole galaxy was in shambles.

Without looking back at him, I quietly and painfully asked, "So they don't even know I'm alive?"

Hackett let out a long sigh. "I don't know, Shepard. But I think they're alright. I can't say the same for Anderson. But we're hoping he'll turn up somewhere, and soon." I finally turned back to him as he stood up from his seat. "We're lucky to have had the majority of the fleets here. Not only to win this war, but now that there's so much damage to be repaired, we have much more support than we would have had on our own. It would have taken us months to fix the relay, but now they're estimating two to three weeks before ships can travel back, and the Citadel can be transported back to the Widow system."

"I want you to try to set up communications with the Normandy." I declared solemnly as he motioned to leave. "You seem to have everything else under control, so I need you to get someone devoted to the job, working day and night until they reach them. I need to know that my crew made it out alive."

He stood there for a moment, nodding at me and processing the request. "Very well. I understand that. I'll get someone on it right away, Commander." He proceeded to put his hat back on, then tugged on the hem of his uniform to straighten it out. "In the meantime, get some rest. You've sure as hell earned it."

He turned and headed towards the door. He stopped on his way out, and added "That's an order."