A/N: so…funny story. This one-shot sort of happened out of now where. I had been planning for a while to make a one-shot of Harry and Hermione's honey moon after "Journey to the Aisle". Instead, I hear "Six Degrees of Separation" by The Script and somehow found myself reading an angsty and downright depressing one-shot of a break up instead. Now, just a heads up, this is set between "Stop the Question" and "Journey to the Aisle" so I strongly recommend you read it in order so you don't get mad at me or confused. A breakup fic is something I had been wanting to do for a while so when I got the opportunity, I ran with it. I hope you enjoy and just remember happier times do happen after this story ;)
First, you think the worst is a broken heart
Harry Potter woke up in horrible confusion. He was more than aware at how sensitive his eyes were to the light and how heavy his head felt. The reason why he was feeling like he had been run over by the Hogwarts Express however took longer to dawn on him. As he yawned he got a sniff of what had gotten him to his current state. Squinting and stumbling, he made his way to the bathroom to splash some cold water on his face for some clarity. At the side of the sink were his round glasses, broken. Shrugging at the slight inconvenience, Harry placed them back on his face. When he saw his reflection, things started rushing back to him. His heart started to remember the ache it had felt a few hours ago.
Harry walked back into his bedroom and past to his living room which he found in a chaotic state. Frames were broken, scattered pieced of glass littered the floor and of the many pictures, only one was facing him. It couldn't have been more purposely hurtful. Looking back at him was a moving picture of Harry and Hermione on one of their many dates at their old café, taken by Ron. He remembered that day clearly even in his hangover stupor. It had been their first anniversary as a couple. One year. That's how long his happiness had lasted. Now he was standing in his living room as a broken man looking down at the woman who had broken his heart. Her smile, the same smile that had melted his heart so many times before now felt like lemon juice to a paper cut. She was smiling tauntingly, as if enjoying the pain he was in. But he knew better. As much pain as he was currently in, as angry as he was that she was making he fell this way, he knew Hermione was not that sadistic. At this very moment she was probably locked in her bedroom crying. Not that he felt sorry. This was all her fault. Their end was all her fault.
Harry sat down and tried again to research why things had ended. Everything was going so well. At least in his eyes. How could it have been possible that after all they had been through, their relationship both romantically and platonically would dissolve in one night? How was it possible that he could always read her mind and now he was sitting alone, wracking his brains for answers? Where had he failed them?
There was a knock on the door which made his heart flutter violently against his chest. It was her. It had to be. She saw the horrendous mistake she had made. The girl was famous for being brilliant; she had to know it was wrong. Harry and Hermione not being together was wrong.
He sprinted to the door as if his life depended on it. He didn't care if he seemed desperate. At that moment, that's exactly how he felt. Every second away from her was painful. If it was melodramatic to think that way it didn't matter. The fact was that after he had experienced love like Hermione's, everything else seemed frightening at best. He swung open the door and his face felt with disappointment as he saw his other best friend on the other side.
"Don't look so happy!" Ron mused. "I'll feel special.
Harry didn't even bother closing the door behind him as he retreated back into his trashed living room with Ron in tow.
"What on earth happened here?" Ron asked in shock. "Hermione's going to have a fit when she sees this."
There it was. That name. Her name. The mere mention of it was excruciating.
"Harry…mate what's wrong?" Ron inquired concernedly.
"Its over." said Harry harshly.
Ron peered down at his best friend with a look of utmost worry on his face. He had seen Harry through many things but he had never seen him so….broken.
"What's over?" he asked almost in fear of what Harry would reply.
"Hermione…we're done." Harry whispered.
"Harry, what happened?" Ron demanded.
"Wouldn't I like to know?" Harry responded snidely.
"But, last night you …you were supposed to be moving in together and now—"
"It's her fault." Harry spat. "It's all her fault."
::Flashback::
Harry straightened the floating candlesticks for the umpteenth time as he waited for Hermione to arrive. He had requested an early departure from Quidditch practice in order to be home before Hermione arrived. It was precisely on the topic of home that the whole romantic dinner he had planned for her centered on. Tonight he was going to take their relationship to the next level. He was going o ask her to move in. Now, it was not the first time they would be doing so. For about two years after the war, Harry had shared Grimmauld place with both Ron and Hermione. However this was all new. They would be living in the same house as a couple. No more need of having a small drawer of her things in his room, no more apparation of shame in his clothing…she would be there with him permanently. Together.
"What's taking her so long?" he asked himself as he checked his watch.
It was fifteen minutes past the time she usually arrived. It took all his concentration not to worry. It was something that had never gone away. He worried over her as much as she did him. It was something that was never going to change. Still, he convinced himself that there were plenty of justifiable reasons why she would be running late.
The seconds ticked away and the dinner was growing colder and the candles were wearing down. Harry was torn between feeling angry and concerned at the same time. The least she could've done was reach him on the mobile they both kept for emergencies.
He took the mobile from his pocket and phoned her.
"Hello, I'm not available at the moment-"
'Click'
"Damn it!" he swore as he tossed the phone on the table.
One hour later Harry was in the dark. The candles had finally extinguished and he had just put on his cloak when he heard the familiar 'Pop' of apparation. There was a jiggle at the handle as he heard her press her key through and eventually click.
"Harry?" she asked softly.
Nonverbally, Harry cast a lumos spell, illuminating his face hauntingly.
"I'm sorry I'm late." She apologized genuinely. "I lost track of time."
"Seems like that's been happening quite frequently." Harry said bitterly.
"I'm really sorry Harry." She repeated. "But I'm here now. "
With a flick of her wand she turned on all the lights of the living room. It was then she spotted the remains on what was obviously a romantic dinner.
"You made dinner?" she asked trying to lighten the mood. "What's the special occasion?"
"None." Harry said dryly. "We didn't used to need one to see each other."
Hermione looked hurt at Harry's cold tone. She knew he had every right to be angry. She would've been too if she had been in his shoes. However, she was clearly sorry and felt it a bit unfair that he wasn't letting it go.
"Harry, I'm really not in the mood to have an argument right now and I can sense you're heading there." She said as she rubbed her temples wearily. "Why can't we just enjoy the dinner you prepared?"
"Fine." Harry sighed.
Harry placed a heating spell on the chicken he had prepared. Over the years he had gotten even better at cooking. He usually researched new recipes the rare days he got off from work. The same days he had reserved to be with Hermione but had to spend alone because she was always in her office.
They sat down and ate their late dinner in awkward silence. He could tell that she was waiting on him to start the conversation but he was not going to give in. For weeks now he had been putting in the most effort and he didn't want to continue to do so. While she looked down or took a sip of her drink, Harry took his chance to observe her. It was just then that he noticed the dark shadows under her eyes. His stony expression was starting to break with concern. Just how hard was she working?
"So…" he said lamely as he gave in to his curiosity. "You haven't really told me a lot about this new case you're working on."
"Oh…" said Hermione blushing. "Just getting someone out on parole. It's a unique situation but I reckon I can convince he's done enough time."
"As long as it's not a Death Eater." Harry said as he took a swig of Pumpkin Juice.
"What if it was?" Hermione asked curiously
"Well then they should stay in Azkaban and pay for their crimes." Harry contributed.
"Things are not always that black and white Harry." Hermione advised. "Besides, you better than anyone should be more sympathetic."
"And why is that?" Harry challenged.
"You forgave Draco, you testified for him right after the war so he wouldn't be imprisoned." Hermione reminded him.
"Yeah but that was different." He argued. "Apart from being a coward, he never really did anything big enough for him to be sent to Azkaban."
"His father on the other hand…" he added.
"It's the same thing!" Hermione countered. "Lucius never did anything to us!"
"He stood there while Bellatrix tortured you!" Harry said angrily. "His house was the headquarters for Voldemort!"
"Okay maybe." Hermione shrugged. "But he's old now; Astoria told me his health is failing…he won't last much longer."
"Why are so sympathetic for him all of a sudden?" Harry asked.
Hermione drew a big sigh before she answered Harry's question. She knew he was not going to be happy.
"Wait a minute…"Harry acknowledged. "This case…it's him isn't it? You're representing Malfoy?"
"Yes." Hermione answered.
"And….I wanted to tell you believe me I did!" Hermione exclaimed. "But I knew you would be against it."
"And do you blame me?" Harry asked.
"No, but you have to understand this is my job!" Hermione explained. "I can't go connecting my personal feelings with things! Astoria contacted me and paid me to do what I am supposed to."
"Did Ron know about this?" Harry queried crossly.
"You think I would tell Ron and not you?" Hermione asked reproachfully.
"Well now nothing surprises me to be honest!" Harry claimed. "Never in a million years would I've guessed that a Malfoy would be more important to you than your friends…more important than me."
"Why are you blowing things out of proportion?" Hermione cried. "It's just another case. Like many I've had before and will continue to have."
"I'm 'blowing things out of proportion' because lately your office has seen you a fair share more than I have." Harry said. "You don't have time for anyone outside of that bloody Ministry!"
"You know my job is demanding!" Hermione said defensively.
"So is mine, yet I made the sacrifice to leave early tonight despite the fact that we have a huge match on Saturday." Harry disclosed. "The same match you'll probably end up having to skip for some damned deadline."
"So what, you want me to just drop everything and just be here every hour of the day for you?" Hermione whimpered.
"That's not what I meant!" he grumbled.
"Then what do you want?" Hermione asked.
"I want us." Harry answered. "I want the us who always set apart one day to see each other. I want the us that kissed passionately under the Eiffel tower a year ago. I feel like you're just slipping away from me."
Harry was now directly in front of her, clutching her face in his palms. He brushed his lips to hers, tasting the saltiness of her tears. HE could feel her melting into him. Just like the old days. Maybe she was getting it. Maybe that old Hermione was coming back to him. His eyes darted side to side, taking in all her lovely features. So many days he had passed without properly seeing her beautiful eyes.
"I want you to move in with me." He breathed. "You and me together, one roof."
"Harry, that's not a good idea…" she shook her head against his.
He felt her withdraw from him, feeling horribly cold.
"Look at us!" she urged. "Things are changing and I'm scared that we'll just ruin everything in the end."
Harry stepped away. He had to see her face, have some sign, some illumination to what she was saying. Surely she didn't mean….she couldn' couldn't happen. They were supposed to be infinite.
"What do you mean?" he asked.
For the first time he saw her have trouble finding the right words to say. She wasn't being her usual articulate self and that gave him little comfort.
"I mean… if this is what it's going to be like….I can't go through this with you." She sobbed. "I can't come home after a long shift wondering if you're going to be angry because I missed dinner again. Or that I have to go overseas and you'll have to sleep alone for a week."
"I can handle it!" Harry pleaded. "Better yet, I'll go with you. Anywhere you go."
"I don't want us to become like our past relationships." She added. "We've been fighting too much lately and I can't go through this again. Not with you. I don't want to hurt you."
"I guess your priorities have changed." Harry said darkly. "I should've known. You haven't changed as much as you say you have."
"Harry—"
"You're breaking up with me aren't you?" Harry asked breathlessly. He felt like the room was spinning. How had this happened? He should've just shut his mouth. He drove her to this. He couldn't just welcome her home and give her a massage. He had to attack her. He thought he was better than that. HE though they were better than that.
"I just think we should just take a break to sort this entire thing out." Hermione clarified. "I still love you. I still want to be with you."
"You've got a lousy way of showing it." Harry said bitterly. "I never thought you'd do this to me."
"Harry, please!" Hermione beseeched, holding on to his hand for dear life.
"I think you should go." He whispered, facing away from her.
"I'm so sorry!" She said tearfully.
The fact that Harry was this upset was crushing her. The fact that SHE was the one who was hurting him was physically painful. She felt sick. One half of her wanted to kick herself for being so stupid. She was letting the best thing that had ever happen to her go over a job. The other half was upset that he had put her in such a position. It was not that she had chosen her career over Harry; it was actually the fear of damaging something so beautiful that had forced her to such drastic decision. Still, she was already regretting it. Now it was too late. She had broken him. How could they ever get back together when she had disillusioned him?
She stood in her spot, mentally wrestling between bolting out the door or hugging Harry tightly, begging for forgiveness. Her hand lingered in their air momentarily before it made contact with his shoulder. She flinched at his stiffness but squeezed his shoulder regardless. She had to let him know she was still there. She was still in love. She was just being cautious.
With one last glance, Hermione grabbed her cloak from the counter and walked out the door. She dissapparated before she could hear the breaking furniture in the apartment. She did not get to hear the strangled cry of anger Harry let out as he fell to the floor. Completely broken.
::END FLASHBACK::
What's gonna kill you is the second part
'Harry Potter and his girlfriend split up! Latest story on how The Boy Who loved got his heart torn by The Brightest Witch of Her Age'
"That's it." said Luna firmly as she wrenched the Daily Prophet from Hermione's hands. "I forbid you from reading this rubbish."
"That's what everyone thinks of me isn't it?" Hermione asked wretchedly. "I'm this horrible heart breaker…maybe they are right."
"Hermione…look at you!" Luna exclaimed. "You're suffering. How on earth could you be the heartbreaker?"
It had been a week since Harry and Hermione had split up. The longest and most painful week of Hermione's life. When she was not at work, she was locked in her bedroom with no one but Ron or Luna for company. She felt guilty that she had Luna so concerned for her. Luna had her own problems to deal with; she had a baby to take care of. Her daughter Skyelar. Skyelar was the only person who achieved in distracting Hermione from her pain momentarily.
"How is he doing?" Hermione asked for the umpteenth time.
That was the routine. Check the Daily Prophet and ask Ron or Luna about Harry.
"He is as wretched as you." said Luna bluntly. "Honestly Hermione just go and talk to him!"
"You think I don't want to?!" Hermione asked accusatorially.
"Then do it!" Luna exclaimed.
"I can't…he hates me." She said tearfully. "I can't just break his heart and expect forgiveness so easily Luna. I mean what good reason did I have to get us in this mess in the first place?"
"You don't have one." Luna agreed. "Still, I'm sure Harry could care less at this point. I've never seen him this depressed Hermione. As much as he tried to act unaffected to Ron and me, we know the truth."
"All I know is that you're both miserable." Luna added. "Things aren't as hard as you both make it seem."
Hermione felt tears forming her eyes once again. It was amazing she still could. How on earth could she still produce tears after such a long week? She couldn't hold it in any longer. It was too painful.
"I miss him so much!" Hermione sobbed.
Luna rushed to her miserable friend, embracing her with one arm. She could feel the hurt emanating from her. She had seen Hermione cry many times before, just like she had experienced her after a breakup. This time hover it was different. Hermione was a strong woman and it scared Luna to see her so fragile and lost. Hermione was a shadow of her former self. There were only two extremes with her lately, either detached or robotic whenever she went off to work, or a complete mess like she was now.
"He's never going to forgive me." She whispered wretchedly.
"Yes he will." Luna said soothingly as she stroked Hermione's wavy mane. "He loves you too much. Just give it time."
She hugged Luna fiercely as she sobbed into her sweater for the seventh day in a row.
"All the time I promised him things would be different…" Hermione whispered. "I never thought this could happen to us."
Later that evening, Luna departed, leaving Hermione alone again with her misery.
Robotically, she got up and walked to the kitchen. Walking past it, she barely acknowledged the newly bare walls. All the pictures that had once adorned her walls and mantelpiece were gone, exclusively all the ones of Harry. It was bad enough that every corner of her apartment brought back a painful memory, the last thing she needed was photographical proof of the couple that was. She had enough of that with the media. Everyone at work had heard the news through the Daily Prophet one day later. It was a hard day to say the least. Hermione was treated either with sympathy as if she had just become a widow, or with contempt from people who still believed Rita Skeeter's fictitious anecdotes.
She stared absent mindedly at her refrigerator, already knowing she wouldn't find anything to eat. Harry was no longer around to cook for her and that was one thing Hermione did not excel at. Still, it was not as if she was hungry. Merlin knew the last thing on her mind was food. When your heart broke, there was no hunger, no sleep, there was nothing but ache. Every part of her being was concentrated on one thing, or rather the lack of it.
She grabbed the box of chocolates Luna had brought along. She had been one of the many people to send her food when they heard the news. It was funny how people outside of the relationship reacted to a break up, flooding in with food to fill the void. Mrs. Weasley had sent a batch of brownies along with Ron who had eaten half the tray by the time he arrived at Hermione's flat. Luna had brought her a box of chocolates every day of the week. Her reasoning behind it was to keep the wreshpaths or whatever random creature she believed in at bay. Still, Hermione did not see the harm in eating it. If chocolate was recommended after a run in with a Dementor; it would work well enough on heart break.
Dragging her feet beneath her, she walked back to her room to watch the same muggle movie she had seen every day of the week. The movie that had started the shift in their relationship, the same movie that they dressed up after for Halloween just one year prior. Grease.
Tucking herself in with her box of chocolates, Hermione pressed the play button on her television remote and continued her monotonous cycle of self-torture until she drifted off to sleep.
And the third, Is when your world splits down the middle
Three months, that was all that had passed and Harry still felt as inadequate as he did prior to that time span. Things were finally starting to revert back to normal. People were losing interest. No longer did he have to lie through his teeth whenever someone asked how he was doing. He finally could go a week without drinking himself into a stupor on his free Saturdays. Slowly, his mind was focusing back into his Quidditch training. He was paying rapt attention again in his practices, actually participating. Ironically he didn't find this encouraging at all. He didn't want to feel okay again. How could he?
He stuffed all his belongings into his knapsack roughly as he walked out of his changing room. He had just one his first match in weeks. Ron and Luna had come for support, as they usually did. As much as he convinced everyone else he was over it all, he still felt his stomach drop every time he saw the empty seat next to theirs. No one dared to replace it. They knew, everyone knew it was reserved exclusively for her.
Harry had not told anyone, not even Ron and Luna that he had actually been keeping all the articles on Hermione; at least all the ones about her career or personal life. The second week of the breakup had been the last one he had asked for updates on her life. Not because he didn't care. That was the unfortunate part, he did. Rather because it later became important to show everyone he was past it. It was ironic that the same case that had caused them to split was the one who had caused Harry to swell with pride. She was finally getting recognition for her hard work and not for her personal life. It took all his strength to not go to her apartment and congratulate her. He hated that. Hated that even despite his heartache, he was happy for her achievements. He was happy that she was happy and that bothered him to no end.
"Harry!" came Luna's dreamy voice. "Congrats!"
"Finally can show my face at work without embarrassment mate!" said Ron giving Harry a brotherly hug.
Ron and Luna had come to meet him in the changing room as usual. They were alone today; the baby had been left with Arthur and Molly. She was still too young for the noisy crowd.
The happy couple were sporting Blue and orange in honor of Harry's team; The London Landers.
For a while Harry had begun to begrudge them. The fact that they were so happy, so in love…so perfect. It also didn't help that they were responsible for getting him with Hermione. They were partly responsible for his suffering. He could never to tell them that. He felt horrible for even feeling it, but sense always lacked in situations such as his. Sense had failed him when he fell in love with her and sense had obviously failed Hermione when she felt the need to pry them apart.
It was a sick cycle carousel. A never ending one.
"Yeah sure blame that on me." Harry mused, shaking his head from his toxic thoughts.
"Seriously though Harry you keep impressing me with your dives every time." Ron admitted.
"And you two keep surprising me showing up to every game." Harry said genuinely. "I can't tell you how much I appreciate it."
"It's no problem!" said Luna dismissively.
"Yeah the office knows I'm off schedule every time you play." Ron nodded.
"I can't wait until little Skyelar can join you." Harry confessed.
"Oh we can't wait either." Luna agreed excitedly. "Molly made her the cutest Landers uniform to wear today. You've got to see!"
"Yeah speaking of Skyelar…we never got your answer about Saturday Harry." Ron remembered. "Are you coming?"
Harry felt his face falter.
Saturday was the day he had been dreading for a week. It was Skyelar's first birthday and the whole family were going to get together to celebrate. As Godparents, that included Harry and Hermione. Together, under one roof. For the first time in three months. He wasn't ready. Nor did he think he ever could be. Still, it was Skyelar's birthday and that was the main thing. It would be immature to skip out on it just because Hermione was going to be there. He couldn't hide forever.
"Yes." He sighed. "Count on it."
And fourth, you're gonna think that you fixed yourself
It was a sunny, summer Saturday and she was heading to her God daughter's first birthday. Hermione looked at her reflection one last time. She was not usually one for frivolity and usually wore the first thing she saw in her wardrobe, but today was different. She was going to see Harry for the first time and everything had to be perfect. This was her opportunity to set everything right again. This was her chance to right something beautiful she had wronged.
She had gathered her hair up in a fishtail braid and worn her lightest summer dress. It was casual enough for a summer day but still fancy enough for a birthday. With some more last minute primping, she was content with her look and picked up all of Skyelar's presents. After a flick of Floo Powder, she stepped into the fireplace and disappeared into the green flames.
Within seconds, Hermione was standing before Ron and Luna's green door. There was already quite a commotion inside and she could distinctively hear a familiar voice. It was him. She could feel her heart beat at a million beats per second. She felt lightheaded and was already regretting showing up. If this was how she was reacting to his voice, what could possibly happen once she saw him again?
She raised a feeble hand to the door and knocked. Hermione heard a shift in noise and watched anxiously as the door handle turned.
"Hermione!" Luna exclaimed happily. "You're here!"
It was while she was hugging Luna that she spotted him. In his bright green sweater, it was difficult not to notice him. He loved that sweater on him. She had bought it for him for his birthday. The color of it had reminded her of his brilliant green eyes, it made them shine brighter.
Her heart felt like a trapped hummingbird, fluttering away carelessly.
"Where's the birthday girl?" Hermione asked as she pulled away from Luna.
"Here she is!" said Ron beaming proudly, walking into view with the small blonde baby held proudly in his arms. "Auntie Hermy is here Skye!"
"Give her here!" said Hermione extending her arms in anticipation.
Ron handed Skyelar over gently to Hermione who took her with ease. She was heavy, as was expected with a Weasley baby. Still Hermione carried her naturally. It had taken her a while to do so. Skyelar was the first baby she had ever really encountered and she worried horribly at the beginning that she would drop her. It was Harry who had actually shown her how. She remembered how heartwarming it had been to see Harry carrying her with such expertise. Harry and a baby was a beautiful sight.
Hermione smoothed her hand over the baby's blonde ringlets. She looked so much like Luna.
"Oh you look so cute in your little blue dress!" Hermione cooed as Skyelar squealed with delight.
She was so involved with the baby, that Hermione had not noticed everyone but Luna's obvious attempt to give her and Harry space.
"Hey Hermione." said Harry roughly.
"Hi Harry how are you?" she asked nervously.
"Oh just swell." He replied. His voice oozed with sarcasm.
Hermione felt her smile shrink as she looked back at Skyelar.
"I'm going to hand you over to your mummy okay?" she told her.
Luna took her cue and took Skyelar back.
Harry walked back to the window near back of the living room. Hermione could tell that he was gathering the strength to look at her again. In contrast to herself, she couldn't pry her eyes away from him. He looked more handsome than she remembered.
"How are you, really?" Hermione asked genuinely.
"Not as great as I hear you are." Harry grunted.
"Can't imagine you'd be referring to whatever Ron and Luna have told you." Hermione argued. "Don't tell me you've started believing those tabloids now."
"Maybe I have." Harry said crossing his arms defensively.
"Is this how it's going to be?" Hermione asked sadly. "After everything we've been through…you just want to let it all crumble down?"
"Let's not forget who started this. Let's not forget who gave up." Harry said through gritted teeth.
"I didn't give up!" Hermione exclaimed. "I wanted us to take a step back and let things sort out for themselves. I still love you and I still want to be with you Harry."
"I've never regretted anything more than I did making that Stupid decision." She added.
"You hurt me Hermione." Harry said, for the first time his stony face being replaced by that of pure pain. "You were the only person who I thought would never give up on me and you let me down. I don't think I'll ever be able to forget that."
Hermione felt a hot tear slide down her face as she bit her lips hard. Everything he had said was true. She had failed him.
"Harry….Hermione….it's time to blow out the candles!" came Luna's bright voice from the kitchen.
Harry walked up to her and surprised her as he wiped the tears from her eyes.
"Let's go show Skyelar a good time." He said before he walked out and left her alone in the dimly lit room.
Fifth, you see them out with someone else
It had now been nine months since the break up and it appeared that everyone had finally accepted that Harry and Hermione were no more. Slowly, Harry found himself getting back to normal. The days pressed on and Hermione was starting to disappear from his mind. He had traveled a lot in the past months, and for once Harry was grateful to have his grueling training keep him from his social life. He saw very little of Ron and Luna because of it. The Brightside was that it also included no time for Hermione. No more asking how she was doing, no more reading up on her adventures in law through the Daily Prophet. Nothing. At times, that was the only thing that still depressed him. It seemed time did have a way of healing things and he was still not entirely sure he liked it. Sure he was happy that the sinking feeling in his stomach whenever he heard her name was gone. He was ecstatic that he no longer woke up in his bed finding the empty space such a foreign experience. What he didn't like was the fact that he had let too much time slip away from mending his friendship with Hermione.
They had seen each other only when it was required. Christmas and birthdays were the only occasions they saw each other now a days. These infrequent meetings would depress him like no other because he saw just how far part he had drifted from her. Even through the resentment he still felt towards her, the last thing he ever wanted was to lose her friendship. It was better to have her in his life as a friend than not have her at all. He had finally reached the point where he could be her friend and only have distant nostalgia of the couple they had been.
Now that he was back home and on break for the Quidditch season, he took it upon himself to gain his best friend status back.
Harry paced back and forth with a mobile in his hands. He hadn't used it in months. His mobile was his and Hermione's communication tool. Being muggle-raised and muggle born, they had found it a fitting way to contact each other and still keep their muggle upbringing alive. He had missed using it and he especially missed hearing her voice through it. Flipping it open with shaking hands, he dialed her number by heart and waited eagerly for her to pick up.
"Hello, you've reached Hermione Granger. I am not available at the moment so leave a message after the tone and I will get back to you as soon as I can." said Hermione's voice mail.
Harry took a deep breath before the tone.
"Hey Hermione it's me…Harry. " He said lamely. "Listen, I'd love it if we could get together for coffee like old times. I'm back from tour and…I really want to see you. Give me a ring when you can."
He closed the phone breathed out heavily. He felt like a school boy all over again. Never in a million years would he have imagined that he would feel nervous to talk to Hermione. It just came to show just how much things had changed.
Harry picked up his coat from the hanger and made his way to the fireplace. He would visit the Ministry to see either Ron or Hermione. Either way, he would not seem as desperate as he felt. There was a sudden sense of urgency to talk to Hermione and it was then he realized just how much he missed her. Sure, he had done nothing but miss her for the past few months; he missed her sexy morning voice, and he missed the sight of seeing her next to him. Now what he missed was all the other stuff he had experienced for years. Nowadays he missed the way she would tell him about her day all in one breath. He missed their weekly muggle movie nights. He just missed who they used to be, before the worst happened.
::Flashbacks::
Harry sat at a café all alone. The place was due to close in a few minutes and the waiter had done him the favor of phoning Hermione. He was drunk. That was the usual way he dealt with the end of relationships. Drinking himself stupid. The problem wasn't that he was heartbroken; he had yet to meet a woman he actually loved. The problem was that he had still not found the one. After the war he felt a certain rush to settle down and start the family he had longed for his entire life. Life however had an unpleasant way of showing him that that search wasn't as easy as he had hoped. For a while he had given up, and settled for lust. All his ex-girlfriends were beautiful. With the enormous flaw having nothing else going for them. Now it seemed that all of that was finally catching up to him. He was losing faith in ever being in love.
"AGAIN Harry?" came a stern voice that could only be Hermione's.
Harry swiveled around in his chair clumsily, unable to control limbs correctly.
"Hermione!" he said loudly. "Care for a drink?"
"No!" she replied angrily. "And you should not be having any more."
"You're quite lucky the daily prophet hasn't discovered this place yet!" she added.
She grabbed the cup from the table and threw its contents in the bushes nearby.
"Harry…I'm getting worried." She said genuinely kneeling down to meet his averted eyes. "This is the second time this week."
"I'm sorry Hermione." He said lazily. "I know I'm a huge disappointment."
"No you're not!" Hermione argued. "You're just going through a rough patch. Here, let's get you home."
Hermione pulled Harry to his feet with slight difficulty. She opted to take him to her place instead of his own as it was the closest. It was also so she could look after him. Something wasn't right with him and she was determined to get it out of him tonight. She also had a handy pot of sobering potion which would set him straight once again.
The walk to her apartment seemed like a long one. Hermione had to use all her strength to pull him along. Harry was stumbling clumsily and stopping abruptly. It was exactly the reason why Hermione had gone against apparation. If he couldn't even walk properly, surely apparation was out of the question.
Soon enough, Hermione walked up the stairs and to her door. After a couple of minutes of wrestling for her keys that were jammed deep in her bag, she opened the door and pushed Harry gently inside.
"Stay here." She said firmly as she sat him down on her couch.
"I'll go get some sobering potion."
Harry leaned back unceremoniously on the couch with a groan. The full effects of the alcohol was just setting in. he was thankful for the steadiness of the furniture, for he felt like the entire room was spinning.
"Up!" Hermione demanded sternly.
Harry did as he was told despite the fact that every part of him felt like lead. He let Hermione tilt his head back and his throat was soon filled with the sparkling liquid of the sobering potion. It was so potent that he felt himself go back to normal almost instantaneously. Soon the feeling of confusion was replaced with that of shame and he felt his cheeks burn as soon as he met Hermione's eyes.
"Better?" she asked.
"Somewhat." Harry shrugged.
"I'm so sorry I keep doing this." He sighed. "I've got to learn to get pissed in the comfort of my own home."
"Or you can stop resorting to alcohol to solve whatever's bothering you." Hermione suggested. "That would be a wise move."
"Perhaps."
"Harry what is the matter with you?" Hermione asked bluntly. "You've never been this way and you're really starting to worry me."
"I just…" Harry attempted. "I don't know what I'm doing any more. I feel so lost. So…misguided."
"Is this about the Ministry?" Hermione inquired curiously.
"Yes…and no." Harry answered uncertainly. "It's just…I feel like there's just no purpose in being an Auror anymore. And even if there was… I am tired of being the favorite just because I killed Voldemort."
Harry got up and ran his hand through his raven hair in frustration.
"All I ever wanted was to just be me." He continued. "I thought that after the war I could just be like everyone else. Instead it just got worse. It never ends. Outside of Ron, there's no one on the squad who actually tries. I am constantly the example the other members have to achieve to be and I am sick of it."
"I constantly feel like if I was some freak in a circus." Harry vented. "And it's not like it even ends there. All women are interested in is 'The-boy- who- lived'…they don't give a damn about Harry."
"But I do." Hermione interrupted. "Harry, you've gone through too much to just settle. If you're not feeling the Auror thing anymore then do something else!"
"You've earned the right to take a break and figure yourself out." She added. "You're twenty-one, you're still young. As for those women, well they're stupid."
Hermione grabbed Harry's hand and pulled him gently down next to her.
"If all they care about is 'the boy-who lived'…then they aren't worth your time." She breathed genuinely. "You deserve better. You deserve someone who will love you for you. Don't settle for less."
"If only they could see me like you do." Harry said as he leaned his head on her shoulder. "I love you, you know that right?"
Harry felt Hermione stiffen underneath him.
"I love you too." She whispered as she smoothed her hand through his hair.
"Promise me I won't get any more calls from the café?" she urged him.
"I promise."
::End Flashback::
Within seconds, Harry came out of the fireplace in the atrium at the Ministry. People were walking briskly back and forth and a man could be heard shouting out amongst the crowd:
"Daily Prophet! Get your Daily Prophet!" he yelled.
"I'll have one." said Harry giving the wizard six Knuts.
"Thank you Mr. Potter." The wizard said before he started yelling again. "Daily prophet!"
The Daily Prophet was still not a reliable source for accurate information. In fact, the Quibbler was quickly replacing it in sales and he felt unimaginable pride in Luna since she had become the editor in chief. Still, he knew he was bound to find something on Hermione in there since she was as much a tabloid fodder as he was. Ripping through the paper as he walked, he soon found what he was looking for.
Hermione Granger, home wrecker?
It has been known for a while now that the famous and successful magical lawyer has been looking for her newest prey since breaking Harry Potter's heart. My reliable sources tell me that it appears she now has her eyes on a new target. There have been reports that Ms. Granger has been seen visiting the Malfoy residence quite frequently in the past few days. Could she be having an affair with Draco Malfoy who is, may I remind you all, a married man? Of course those who have been following the notorious heart-breaker since her Hogwarts days wouldn't put this past her. Having famous exes like Viktor Krum, Ron Weasley, Barnaby Giles, and Harry potter; it comes to no surprise she would indeed be dating Draco Malfoy who is still pretty wealthy despite his family's unfortunate fall from grace. There is still no word from Harry Potter but we can feel confident that he will not take the news lightly.
Harry crumbled up the paper immediately, regretting he had ever purchased it. He was not angry over the story, for he knew everything he had read was just a pile of rubbish. What he was angry about however was the fact that he had not been there to defend Hermione. The Daily Prophet had never been kind to her, but in his absence it seemed they had gone on a slanderous rampage. He had to see if she was okay.
He walked briskly in the direction of her office where he found an intern standing idly by Hermione's door.
"Hi. Is Hermione in?" he asked the young wizard.
"No, Miss Granger left about an hour ago." The wizard replied. "She had some last minute meeting to go to. I was just about to place a note on her door actually."
"Any idea where she went?" Harry inquired knowing he was pushing his luck.
"Even if I knew I'm not sure I could tell you Mr. Potter." The wizard said nervously. "She's very strict when it comes to that."
"It's okay." Harry reasoned. "I understand. You're just doing your job. Thank you anyway."
Harry hoped he would have better luck finding Ron who was only one floor above. He made his way quickly to Ron's office. To his relief, Ron was still in his office working on some files.
"Harry! What a lovely surprise." Ron exclaimed, coming over to hug his best friend.
"Yeah the season is over." Harry panted.
"Were you running?" Ron observed.
"Sort of… I was just worried I might miss you." Harry lied.
"Yeah…cause you couldn't just visit me at my place?" Ron asked suspiciously. "What is this really about?"
"Is it hard to believe I want to see my best friend?" Harry asked in mock defense.
Ron cocked his right eyebrow as he surveyed Harry.
"You read the 'Daily Prophet' haven't you?" he asked.
"What?-
"Oh come on Harry!" Ron exclaimed. "I know you! You're almost as bad a liar as Hermione."
"Has this been going on the whole time I've been gone?" Harry requested.
"You know how the Prophet is; Hermione is an expert by now." Ron assured. "Nothing they say fazes her anymore."
That did very little to reassure Harry and Ron could tell.
"You…don't believe that article right?" he questioned.
"Of course not!" Harry insisted. "I was just worried it had affected her in some way."
"Despite everything that's happened in the last months, she's still my friend." Harry informed. "And I feel horrible that I've seem to have forgotten that lately."
"Then tell her." Ron advised. "I know she'd be glad to have her friend back. She's missed that."
"I did…well I tried to anyway." said Harry turning away from Ron. "I tried to call her but her answer machine picks up. Then I come down here and some intern tells me she had a sudden meeting."
"Oh…yeah…" said Ron sheepishly.
Harry didn't like the tone one bit. It seemed Ron knew more than he was letting on and it was Harry's turn to put him on the spot.
"Do you happen to know what this meeting is about?" Harry asked casually.
"Perhaps." Ron shrugged. "Are you sure you want to know?"
Harry looked at Ron questionably.
"What is all this secrecy?" Harry chuckled. "What she's on a date?"
Harry's small smile vanished instantly when he saw Ron look away from him. That was enough of an answer.
"Harry…it's been a long time." Ron explained. "She's finally moving on."
"That's fine." Harry lied. "That's great. I'm for happy for her."
"If it makes you feel any better, she only started two weeks ago." Ron said consolingly. "There's nothing serious."
"Like I said, that's fine." Harry claimed. "It was bound to happen eventually. Listen, I've probably kept you long enough. I'll see you tomorrow okay?"
"Harry-"
But Harry did not wait for Ron to attempt to comfort him any longer. It took all he had not to break down right in front of him. He made his way out of the floor and eventually out of the ministry, determined not to look anywhere else but the floor. The news had been a horrible slap into reality. There was no more gasping at straws. She was moving on. That was all there was too it. This time he had no one to blame but himself. He had let his ego get to his head. So many wasted opportunities kept replaying themselves tauntingly in his mind. Everything could have been solved months ago. They could've fixed things in Skyelar's birthday; instead he had continued milking his pain. He had another chance during Ron's birthday; instead he showed up late and avoided her for the entire evening. Christmas had come and gone with a glorious opportunity, instead he gave her simple replies whenever she had asked him about his life. This was his fault. She had finally gotten tired of is cold exterior and he could not blame her.
He walked around the winding pavement until a sound caught his attention. It was a sound that had months ago hurt like physical pain. It was a sound that just one year ago had been music to his ears. A laugh. Her laugh.
He peeked around the fence carefully trying to be discrete. It was then that he saw it.
It was Hermione. She was bundled up in a grey scarf and long black coat. The biggest thing that caught Harry's attention however was not her clothing, but the smile she was sporting. Most importantly, he was interested in the person who was making it happen
The man was the typical pale Englishman. He had soft brown hair and an overall friendly disposition. The fact that he was making her laugh sent Harry over the edge. He felt that horrible overwhelming surge of jealously as he watched the man brush his hands against hers. It was wrong, it was horrible.
"You're so funny." He heard Hermione say.
"And you are beautiful." The man complimented.
Harry had enough. It was just too unbearable. The turned on his heel and hailed the nearest taxi. He was in no state to apparated and he needed the time to think. He needed the let the new misery sink in. it was one thing to hear Hermione was dating. It was a completely different experience to see it happening. How delusional had he been in thinking it was all over? This was his biggest realization that time had not managed to fix things the way he had fooled himself thinking that it had. He still loved her and it was not over.
Once he was in his flat once again, He had turned off the volume from his mobile he didn't want to talk to anyone. Not even Ron or Luna. He resented them for letting her move on. They were supposed to be on his side. They were supposed to be pushing them back together. Not helping Hermione get over him by dating some random guy who was probably an idiot. Harry knew it was selfish to think that way but he didn't care. He was angry, he was broken, he was jealous.
Eventually, after a few action muggle movies and some sips of wine, Harry fell into blissful sleep. A daunting feat considering the horrendous thing he had just witnessed .However, it was while he slept that the call he had been waiting for and missed played on his answer machine.
"Oh Harry, I am so glad to hear this! I hate that you can pick up right now." said Hermione excitedly. "I would love to go get coffee with you. You have no idea how much I've missed you. I'm free tomorrow, I can't wait till then."
And the sixth, is when you admit that you may have fucked up a little
::Flashback::
Hermione walked down the pavement with her right arm linked with Harry's. They had both gotten the day off and were in desperate need of food. She led Harry in the direction of the quaint little café she had found during her breaks from her N.E.W.T's studies. There was something relaxing about the place. Whether it was the friendly atmosphere of the staff or the security of knowing they were safe from Rita Skeeter's lenses; Hermione knew Harry would soon come to like the place as much as she did.
"So what's the big deal about this place?" Harry asked as they rounded the corner to the café.
"It's small and very friendly." Hermione explained. "The food isn't that bad either."
"So this is where you come to relax?" Harry questioned as he looked around at the establishment.
"Yeah, come see!"
Hermione pulled harry off into her favorite corner, the one that was parallel to the street. They sat down and were soon approached by a friendly blonde waitress and a couple of menus.
"Would you like anything to drink while you wait?" said the waitress kindly.
"Uhm two tea's please?" Hermione ordered.
"Sure, let me know when you're ready to order." The woman said before she retreated.
"So…any recommendations?" Harry asked as he pulled up the menu.
"Well I loved their fish and chips, they are to die for." Hermione insisted. "Of course, their burgers aren't that bad."
"I never pegged you for a junk food person." Harry mused.
"Well as a girl who grew up with dentists, this is my time to eat all those daring foods I was deprived of." Hermione replied.
"Oh what a rebel!" Harry joked.
"Ha Ha." said Hermione sarcastically.
"So how are you feeling about the N.E.W.T's?" Harry inquired curiously.
"Oh horrified!" Hermione exclaimed. "There's so much I had to make up for! Basically everything on the test is supposed to be taught in Seventh year and you know where we were."
"I'm Sorry." Harry apologized. "You wouldn't have missed it if it wasn't for me."
"No, I think being a muggle-born would have been quite a drawback for that." Hermione answered. "Besides, I've already told you, it's NOT your fault. It was my choice to go with you and I'd do it all over again in a heartbeat."
The blonde waitress came back and got Harry and Hermione's orders. Harry had gone with her suggestion and ordered the fish and chips. Hermione on the other had ordered an Italian sausage and some fries.
"You know…now that I take it in, this place is quite nice." Harry admitted. "It's nice to sit around without people ogling at you like if you were some zoo animal."
"I know." Hermione agreed. "Ever since the war ended, it's like the media has turned into a circus."
"I can handle them writing about me." Harry said. "I just hate it when they start talking about you or Ron."
"Oh I can handle it." Hermione brushed him off. "I'm used to Rita's venomous pen now. I just wish Ron would take it better."
"Is everything all right?" Harry asked genuinely.
"I don't even know anymore." Hermione shrugged. "With his training and my studying…we just don't have the time for each other anymore. You know he isn't good with handling gossip. He's naturally suspicious of everything."
"I can talk to him if you want." Harry suggested. "Knock some sense into him."
"As sweet as that sounds, No thanks." Hermione smiled. "I'm sure it'll pass."
"What about you?" Hermione asked. "Who's the lucky girl now?"
"Oh there's no one." Harry replied. "Taking a break for a while."
"Well that's good!" Hermione cried.
"I'm glad that makes you happy!" He chuckled.
"Oh Harry, it's nothing personal." She added immediately. "I just honestly have a hard time liking most of the girls you date."
"And why is that?" he demanded.
"Well they're such…Lavenders!" she disclosed. "All they ever talk about are designers and makeup and they just make me want to hit myself in the head with the heaviest book I own."
"Well thanks for sharing that." Harry laughed. "I'm sorry, I can't help it. I'm a bloke, I see a pretty girl and I'm smitten. You should know that by now."
"Is that all you ever go for?" Hermione asked sadly. "Looks alone?"
"No not always." Harry said honestly. "It's just…I think I earned the right to casually date haven't i? Hell I never thought I would live this long! I'm finally getting the chance to live like everyone else."
"I guess so." Hermione muttered.
"I've got plenty of time to figure out the right girl for me." Harry reassured. "And I hope to count on your approval when that day comes."
"She'd have to be a hell of a woman for me to approve." She admitted.
"I'm sure she will be." Harry said confidently.
::End Flashback::
Hermione walked routinely through the path to her favorite café. She was finally done with some paperwork she had been stressing over for the past three days. It had been a long time since she had been there. She had avoided so long because the place was filled with painful memories that she was just now able to tolerate. It was ironic to see that despite the way everything else had changed, the old café had not. It would probably be the only thing in her life that wouldn't.
She took her usual seat in her usual spot. The waitress greeted her with a friendly smile, recognizing her instantly and asking why she hadn't dropped by in so long. Hermione gave her a wishy washy reply which was enough to send her on her way with her order. With a heavy sigh, she retrieved a book from her bag and began to read.
"Hey." said a familiar voice.
Hermione looked up and was startled to see Harry standing before her.
"Harry." Hermione breathed.
"Can I have a seat?" he asked.
"Sure." Hermione nodded.
Harry took the seat in front of her and fidgeted with his hands. Hermione kept quiet and continued to read the book. She had no desire to begin conversation. Not after the last thing he had done to her.
"I was just on my way to the park for a run and…I just wanted to pass by here." Harry started. "I haven't been here in a while."
"Me neither." Hermione shared. "Not since that day that we made plans and you decided to not show up."
"I know, and I'm so sorry about that." Harry said genuinely.
"What do you want Harry?" Hermione commanded setting down her book. "Honestly, because I am sick of these games. One minute you make this drastic change and want to be friends again, and then you go back to being this cold stranger I don't know."
"I just…can we talk about this somewhere more private?"
"Can you let me finish my lunch at least?" Hermione retorted.
"Of course!"
Hermione ate her lunch awkwardly as she avoided Harry's gaze. To say she was mad was an understatement. It had been a month since they had last talked. Hermione had been all too eager to see Harry again and attempt to go back to the friends they used to be. Instead, she had been heartbroken once again as Harry failed to meet up with her for coffee like he had asked. She had been stupid to think anything had changed. Harry still resented her and she was positive that it was something neither of them would ever be able to get over.
After a few minutes, Hermione finished her meal. Harry had somehow managed to convince the waitress to accept his money after Hermione's numerous denials. If that was his way to apologize, she was not going to make it that easy for him.
They walked through the iron gates of the park and up along the cobbled stones. They walked in silence as they both waited for the other to begin the conversation. Hermione glanced up at him realized his glasses were broken at the bridge. She sighed in frustration.
"What happened to your glasses?" She muttered as she gave in to curiosity.
"I broke them a while ago." He answered. "Haven't found the time to fix them."
That was a lie. She knew fairly well Harry had had plenty of time to fix his glasses. The real reason was the SHE had not been there to mend them. She felt a flutter in her stomach as she fought the desire to smile. There was something genuinely romantic that he had left his glasses untended for ten months. She then instantly hated herself for feeling that way. After the letdown she had been put through just a month ago, it seemed that she still refused to learn her lesson.
"Okay, we're somewhere private." She said roughly as she changed the conversation. "So where's the explanation for your bipolar behavior?"
They were standing in front of an empty bench. The park was deserted, which was unusual for the time of day. All that surrounded them was the faint chirps of the birds looking for the perfect tree to sleep in. It was deafeningly silent.
"Ron told me you've started dating." Harry said bluntly.
"Well yes…I have." Hermione admitted. "What does that have to do with anything?"
"It has to do with everything." Harry answered. "Hermione…it's been ten months…ten horribly painful months without you. I thought nothing could compare to the pain I felt that night but…that was nothing compared to every day since."
"When I saw you with that guy…I felt like I was suffocating." Harry continued. "I couldn't bear to see it and I couldn't bear to talk to you after that. I'm not ready yet to see you move on…not when it's something I lead you to do"
"You didn't lead me to do anything." Hermione said tearfully. "This was my choice because you made it more than obvious that you closed the door on us. Do you know how painful it was to see you for birthdays and Christmas and only greeting you?
"Do you know how much it hurt to see that every day that passed I was also losing my best friend?"
She cried. "I know I hurt you and that's something I'll never be able to forgive myself for. But you let me down too. You promised me that above it all, our friendship would be more important than anything."
"It still is! and I am sorry that I ever for a second let myself forget." Harry beseeched. "You don't understand how sorry I am. For everything."
"At least you could forget. I tried… I tried so hard and no matter how much I did; I've been unable to move on." Hermione confessed. "Everything a guy did or didn't do reminds me of you. I'm constantly comparing every last one of them to you and they always fall short."
"No one compares to you Harry." She sobbed. "Nothing compares to what I still feel for you."
"You...you still love me?" Harry asked shakingly, in utter disbelief.
"Of course I do!" Hermione cried. "It's the one thing that hasn't and will never change."
Harry took his chance and raised his hand to cup her cheek, wiping her tears away the way he had done back in Skyelar's birthday. In her eyes, he no longer saw the pain he had become accustomed to for so long. Instead he saw the raw vulnerability, a hope that maybe things weren't as dim as they had once thought it was.
He was so lost in her eyes that he was taken aback when he saw her raise her wand to his face.
"Oculus Reparo" she chanted.
Harry watched the tape vanish from the bridge of his glasses. They were whole once again. No longer two lonely halves.
"I cannot promise you a fix as easy as that spell." She whispered. "But I am willing to start over again…if you can forgive the mess that I made."
"I forgave you long ago." Harry said softly.
His hands slipped from her face down to her hand. Harry squeezed it gently and felt overwhelmingly happy to feel her return the pressure. To any other person, holding hands seemed elementary. For them however, it was perhaps the most intimate gesture they had ever shared. After all they had gone through and all the time that had passed, it was holding hands that filled both of them with the confidence that words never could. Things would go back to the way they were. Whether they went back to a relationship or platonic friendship, It was a signal of comfort and reassurance that everything would be okay.
