A/N: This idea has nothing to do with one tree hill storyline at all. How I came about writing this is from the book I am currently writing and figuring I would use it for Peyton/Brooke story. Not sure how or what will happen but its going to deal with a lot. I hope its okay and enjoy! Okay wait so some stuff will be familiar to One tree Hill but I am going to write it the way it should be or at least try too. Sorry if it sucks!
Disclaimer: I do not own these characters they belong to Mark but if I did own them well one tree hill will be different than it is now.
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Part One
In that time we adjust to those changes that's handed to us during the years we weren't ready for.
Do we fear the change because of what it may cause?
Fear of change can be taken to whatever level you need it to go. Which means just how far how you're willing to go defying any kind of change at all.
Against all odds we seek and conquer the fear. The fear that we thought we could never get passed but we did. Change is what we needed all along but it has to be you and you alone to make it happen.
Being who you are isn't as easy for you anymore. You lost yourself over the years now your trying to figure out just exactly who you were before the change. Loosing all hope telling yourself this is the person you have always been, right?
Wrong.
This isn't who you have been all your life. Would you like what you find or would it be the thing you have been looking for? To find who you once were can be a long complicated journey because maybe just maybe there are reasons why your not that person anymore.
Darkness of one's mind bringing out a rebellion against what you fought so hard for. You jump in believing this is the right thing to do. Turning your back against the people that brought you to this 'change' blaming them for everything. Hate and anger thrive in you to do the unthinkable driving away everybody till your just left completely alone sulking in your own mess. Did you mean for this to happen? Probably not intentionally but your filled with all this hurt, pain and anger that your just not caring about who gets hurt in the process. You pray that one day this will all get better. You feel maybe happiness for you can never happen…that the only thing your allowed to feel is that pain you have built over the years. In that very moment as you look in the mirror you see a person you don't recognize anymore. You know that it is you but your different. Looking into your own green eyes all you see is cold and emptiness with no feelings whatsoever. Realizing just how cold you have become with nobody there for you at all knowing that you have to change. Its not for them but its for you something you have ignored because it was always about satisfying what the others want and not what you want.
You try to remember the days where it all made sense. The times where you cared about others instead of just yourself. You always knew what could or would happen next. You also had friends who had your back.
Now your alone. No friends just yourself just like you wanted. Maybe its not exactly what you were going for but now you have to deal with it.
Your former friends watch you from a distance. Even after the realization that you needed to change you slam on the brakes doing a U-turn telling yourself if they can't accept what you've become they weren't friends of yours anyways. Change is further from your mind now and yet you know deep down you need that help from them. Yes you refuse it over and over again. Why? You already know the answer to it as it breaks you even more pulling you more into the darkness you have been smothered in over the years. Have they lost you forever? Your back remains turned and soon the faces of your former friends soon fades away. And soon they will hate you and hope you rot in hell or even worse wish you death.
Frustrated at yourself telling your mind this is your punishment.
Your weak. Misery oh sweet misery oh hail the queen of misery. Be seen or will you stay out of sight so nobody will see the pathetic weak person that is you.
But your strong how the hell did you get so weak? Your so much better than this. Nobody knows you anymore. You don't even know yourself either.
Broken, shattered little you. Poor you its always been about you hasn't it?
Selfish little bitch open up your fucking eyes. Your going to loose at your own game. You've been so wrapped up in trying to push everyone away yet did you ever wonder what you would do if they never come back at all.
You missed them didn't you? Have you totally lost your mind? Some say your just a cold hearted bitch with no feelings.
Standing face to face with yourself. You feel disgusted seeing someone you don't even want to be anymore. Is it finally safe to say your ready to change putting everything behind you where it should stay? Will you let yourself be better than what you have been? Can you forgive yourself?
To fear that change like you have done you will loose a lot more than you expected. Don't be afraid to change because in life as you grow up sometimes you just have too. You just have to let go of the fear. Its time to let go.
People Always Leave.
You live knowing full well someday your going to die. We don't know when, how, why, where, etc. Does that scare you? Who will miss you? What kind of legacy will you leave behind? Who is not going to miss you? Questions after questions just curious as to how, who, where, why you die.
A few people in your life dies. You feel sad knowing you won't ever see them again. You don't let people see the tears because you would feel like a sissy or even a wimp. When nobody is looking that's when you feel its alright to cry. Ashamed to be caught with a tear stricken face you wipe your face off with soap and water. Sadness is a common thing when someone you care about and love dies.
Isolated in a place nobody can find you. You go there everyday to think just to get away from everyday reality. This is your escape from facing the shit you don't want to deal with.
Music.
You listen to the words usually with the first few notes you can tell if the song will be good or not. It will say how you feel depending on what kind of mood your in. Its important to you to let the other person know just what it is your going through. They might not understand it but in due time they will, maybe. Music is the escape from life as we know it so we lay here by ourselves listening to the music…listening to the words. They really mean something to you as the words flow out so powerful to the ears you embrace them ever so tightly. When things get really bad music is something you can always count on without judging you.
You have this best friend that has been by your side through about everything. This person became someone you can turn too letting out the real you. Sure there are some things about yourself they don't quite understand but they try…still accepting who you are.
Friendship between two people entrusting one another with each other's secrets, desires, bad habits, future plans, etc. It stays between you both not letting anyone else into this little bond you both share so deeply. Nobody really understands this because they can't or they won't understand it. You wonder how lucky you got by having such a great friend. You wonder if it'll always be this way. Will you grow apart and make new best friends pops into your head now.
Surely you will because people do come in and out of your life. You may make new friends but will they ever get to know you like her? She knows you very well and vice versa. Your scared to loose her as a friend because there might be someone better.
As you grow up you will meet so many people. Some may totally hate you or they will totally love you. You hate when they have to go but there are reasons why they can't stay.
Will they ever return?
You hope so.
The ones who stay are meant to be in our lives to guide us in a way or better yet protect us. Your grateful for them because in a way they helped you be a better person. They helped you understand yourself better in ways you never thought possible.
Friends are family especially if your family is never around.
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~New York~
You.
It has always been you. You've been my best friend but somewhere along the way I developed these feelings of more than friendship kind. I guess its always been there but I was too busy with life, boys, clothes to even care what the hell my heart was telling me. Now its too late because she is gone. Okay not dead gone but it feels that way. This is Peyton Sawyer of all people! My best friend for over ten years! Right I am not in love with her I can't be. Sure we have been very close, share inside jokes, we can be touchy feely. That's what best friends do right? Okay so maybe I have thought about kissing her maybe even more. I get butterflies every time we get close and my god when she hugs me her scent is so intoxicating. Who am I kidding I have it bad…I want to do things to her that a friend shouldn't think about doing to her best friend.
Victoria strolls into Brooke's office. It was back to reality…back to dealing with Bitchtoria.
"Snap out of it and get your ass to work. This is no time for daydreaming. This is about work…your clothing line."
Brooke rolls her eyes. "Victoria what the hell? Aren't you supposed to be in a meeting?"
"I am on my way there now. Just came to check on you see how you are doing?"
"Awe how nice Victoria playing nice. I'm just fine just working on the next best thing." Brooke says sarcastically with her infamous grin at her so called mother.
Victoria looked annoyed just smiling at her daughter. "Get your shit together because this is what you wanted remember that?"
This is my life now I have to accept that. She was right this life is what I wanted. After all I am living my dream but why did Victoria even care if I was doing okay. Its none of her business. She has never bothered with me but oh yeah we're in business god forbid I screw it up for her.
~Over in Los Angeles ~
Assistant to the assistant? I know more about music than any of these people. I have to get their coffee, what they want to eat. Seriously what do you think I am? Oh right assistant to the assistant also known as their little bitch. Yeah I can do better but damn it this is LA if they need me to get dirty just to get a higher position well damn it I will. This is my dream and I will do anything to make it happen.
John walks into his nice office where he sees Peyton sitting there in his chair looking out the window. The view was nice except for the fact it was really high looking down. Peyton immediately got up realizing John had been standing there watching her with the look of 'what the hell are you sitting in my chair?'
"Sorry um I'll leave now."
"Before you leave Peyton if you want to sit in this office you might want to unbuttoned a few more buttons." John says with a wink bringing his feet on his desk.
Peyton walks away in disgust. She didn't know why she put up with all this crap. If Brooke knew what she was doing she would say Peyton is better than this. Peyton looked down at her buttoned up white blouse doing as John said walking back into the office with the fakest smile on her face.
"Better?" Peyton asked sarcastically. "I have a few new bands I think you should really listen too."
John glances her up and down. "When you start wearing short skirts we'll talk about those bands."
What an ass really that's what John is. This is my life now but I miss my best friend. Usually this is where I would call her asking what I should do but I can't. I have to do this on my own…I will be just fine. I can do this I don't need Brooke. Sure I miss her maybe more than I should. Wait stop this right now she is Brooke Davis for gods sake. She is your friend…and only your friend.
Peyton sighs walking into the store. She smiled seeing that Brooke's fashion line has made it all the way to the west coast.
*good for you Brooke Davis.* Peyton thought to herself smiling as she purchased her outfit. "I can't believe I'm doing this." She said out loud to nobody.
to be continued...hmm what is going to happen next?
